Cooking shows are boring. But cooking show screw-ups are totally AWESOME. There’s something about the interruption of such a sincere pursuit as teaching people how to make a meal that just gets me. It’s hard to beat Dan Aykroyd’s spoof of Julia Child. But here are some of my favorite moments from cooking shows that demonstrate how weird it can get. Bon Apetit.
1. Poaching Squirrel I almost vommed watching this one. The best part is when she says “looks like you’re going to put some meat in the freezer this year!” Lady, squirrel meat does not count toward your hunter/gather quota. I could go out and collect 1000 pounds of pigeon shit and store it in the fridge, but it does not make me a good caveman.
2. Making A Very Special Meal
Although the topic of the day is how to cook chicken, I think that the result is how to give people Salmonella. So awesome.
3. Passing Out
Sometimes the actually passing out is no where NEAR as funny as the pre-pass out state. People do some weird shit to try to hold it together. This is an example of that.
4. Threading The Corn
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Rachel Ray can thread my cob any day she wants. But seriously, the best part is when the clapping from the studio audience comes in the second the woman on the right starts jerking off the corn. I can just imagine a high-strung dude with a headset and a clipboard waiting for the cue. “Ok, she’s started to jerk off the corn. CLAP PEOPLE, NOW!”
5. Cooking With Penis I want to know how you can tell the difference between snake penis and just snake?
6. Cooking With Nutz Last time I ordered testicle pizza I got in big trouble. Does the talk of cooking genitals give you empathy shudders also? What’s that about?
7. Cooking Beats
I wonder how many takes he had to do to get this one right. I gotta admit, he’s talented.
8. Remembering That Safety is Job #1 This one is a commercial, and meant to be serious. But it’s kinda funny. I recommend freezing the shot of her face. It’s pretty brutal.
9. Making Western Spaghetti Much like Cooking Beats, this one is not funny. It’s just cool.
10. Screwing the Pooch So long subsequent appearances on the Today show. Just watch Kathy Lee Gifford. You know that she is stabbing him in the kidney with a rusty Steak Knife in her head.
11. Admitting That There’s Much Pea-Ness Going On Here The great thing is that she doesn’t seem to notice the slip. She just rolls with it
12. Calling The Man A French Pig I was a guest on the American version of Hell’s Kitchen. They bring people on to eat what the cooks make and give their opinion. It was terrible, and my opinion was that someone needs to feed Gordon Ramsey a steaming plate of fists right in his haggard British face.
13. Being Little Gordon Ramsey This is just awesome. I love it when kids curse.