12 Art House Babes

Monday, January 26 by

It’s a rare thing when a woman can appeal to both your brain and your boner. But through a blend of sexiness, quirk, smarts, and style, the following women have ingratiated themselves to our best and worst intentions. Keep up the good work, ladies.

Scarlett Johansson

Yes, she was in Michael Bay’s The Island, a career move that should automatically wipe every indie point off your record. But before that she was in the patently awkward Ghost World alongside Thora Birch.  Some  actresses do indie movies as a way to launch their careers, and once they get a proper role they never look back. Others do them because of a love of their craft and a need to be challenged. Johansson is the poster girl for the first category. She also has a great rack. 

Natalie Portman

While this could be seen as somewhat of a poor choice due to Portman’s participation in a slew of way mainstream films, she’s done her fair share of the hipster-esque. Most recently it was her (somewhat unfortunate) portrayal of Jason Schwartzman’s love interest in the short film attached to the beginning of The Darjeeling Limited. Extra points given for her brain. She all went to Harvard and shit.

Michelle Williams

The United States of Leland, The Station Agent, Synecdoche New York:  all movies you probably have not seen. Williams was in them. She’s Heath Ledger’s widow and Baby Momma and can currently be seen in the well received ‘slow film’ piece Wendy and Lucy, another movie that you and I will probably never see.

Christina Ricci

Like a lot of these girls, Ricci has done her mix of big-money studio flicks and lower budge indie classics. And nothing is more indie classic than Buffalo 66, with the ever-sullen Vincent Gallo bitching and complaining his way through the film. Add John Waters’ Pecker to her resume and she deserves a spot on the list. Let me clarify. John Water’s penis is not on her resume. Pecker is the name of a movie.

Jena Malone

Jena had two lesbian mom’s. ‘Had’, because the actual mom ‘mismanaged’ some of the money that Jena stacked from making a slew of movies while still young. In 2000 she won legal emancipation to keep mother’s hands off her loot. She starred in the somewhat-indie Saved! which she also co-produced. In her spare time she makes "experimental bedroom electric" music that has been reviewed favorably by the website that knows more about music than you, Pitchfork.com. 

Kirsten Dunst

Before Sam Rami was making Spider Man, he was making Evil Dead. And before Dunst was staring in Spider Man, she was in The Virgin Suicides, one of hipster-icon/trust fund extraordinaire Sophia Coppola’s first films. Extra points for her role in Michele Gondry’s Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, where she played a ditzy assistant who boned Mark Ruffalo.

Audrey Tautou

Audrey Tautou is a work of art. I can not ever write about her without mentioning how I think she is the most beautiful woman on the planet. Jesus she turns me into a blubbering schoolboy. Her big hit was Amelie, a movie that a girl has probably made you watch at some point. After receiving critical acclaim for the film, Audrey took the logical next step: she travelled to the jungles of Indonesia to help with the preservation of a monkey sanctuary. Man I want to marry her.  She will be playing the lead role of Coco Channel in the forthcoming biopic about the designer’s life.

Eva Green

If you are anything like me and you saw The Dreamers, then you still have at least half a boner. The film– by the legendary Italian master Bertolucci– follows three youths during the 1968 student rebellions in France as they screw each other, discuss movies, and screw each other some more. The kicker? Two of the three are siblings. Not to worry– you don’t have to be into that sort of stuff to enjoy the movie. And it’s the main reason that Eva Green gets her art house cred. 

Julia Stiles

Stiles went to Columbia University and does lots of Shakespeare. She was considered the darling of the 1998 Sundance Film Festival for her role as a mom-murdering teen in the film Wicked. In the ‘dark arthouse film The Business of Strangers, Stiles was said to have an "almost feral quality that can make people very uneasy." She is currently working on an adaptation of The Bell Jar. She is the kind of girl that makes me feel like I have thrown my life away.

Chloe Sevigny

Like Gruyere cheese and Pinot Noir, Chloe is an acquired taste.  She requires a refined palate. You are more apt to like her if you are around people who like her. You will be able to identify these people by their tight pants, white Ray Bans, and parental-supported unemployment. She jumped on the indie scene with the gritty film Kids as an HIV positive rape victim. In real live she is HIV-Free, and has been very successful as a hipster fashion designer making clothes that look like they are for crazy old people, but that are purchased by unemployed hipsters.

Zooey Deschanel

Zooey Deschanel. Even her name is quirky. In a way she has become the frontrunner in the world of quirky female leads that have now been turned very mainstream as low budget successes have taught Hollywood that branching away form the Angelina look can prove successful. She was in David Gordon Green’s All The Real Girls, and can be seen in the soon to be released Sundance Hit 500 Days Of Summer.  She recently launched her singing career and has released a duo album with the raspy voiced M. Ward. I’ve seen her perfom live. She’s cute.

Ellen Page

The success of the uber-cutsey Juno launched Ellen Page onto mainstream America’s radar. Before that she played the part of a pedophile vigilante in the film Hard Candy who lured a sex offender into a trap that involved convincing him that she’d cut off his balls. Today, she is totally legal.

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