We can only imagine that it’s a great deal of pressure to deliver the news to the masses, all while dressed like your clothing and make-up came out of some time capsule that was put together by the wardrobe people on Designing Women. We can imagine that’s rough, for sure. It’s really no wonder that typing the words "embarrassed news anchor" in to the internet provides you with hours of entertainment, all at the expense of the loyal, tireless, University of Phoenix broadcasting majors who jockey the news desks at your local station. It’s not that we like to watch them fail, no. Rather, it makes us feel better about ourselves for not being on top of things in our own lives. It’s similar to flicking the ear of the class curve-breaker in 10th grade bio. You know, the one who’s Mercedes you parked last night outside Maestros? For your enjoyment we’ve complied our list of the Top 11 Local News Bloopers on the web. Enjoy.
11. DID SHE SAY ASS CREAM? Yeah. Yeah. She said it. She said "ass cream" when she meant "ice cream". Man. That’s awesome. Additionally? She kinda looks like Katie Holmes post-Tom Audit, but she’s also freakin’ hot and says "ass cream". (Amazing editing work on this clip too) Let’s watch it again!
10. NICE MELONS! We love this clip because it combines two of our total faves: woman-on-woman crime and sexual harassment. OK, so maybe that’s a little bit dramatic, but let this be a lesson to you, news anchors: you’re too tapped out to be "off the cuff." Do yourself a favor and reel it in.
9.LOUIS:THE MOST AWKWARD WEATHER MAN EVERThis Joaquin Phoenix look-a-like (or is it actually him?) is usually as cool as cucumber, but when the cameras start rolling, it’s as if he’s regressed twenty years to some 4th grade science presentation. He has a hell of a time lining himself up with the map behind him, and seemingly forgets the English language. Extra painful points earned when he looks over to his colleagues like a lost child. Internet Classic.
8. STREAKING: SO HOT RIGHT NOW AND FOREVERGod bless you, Naked College Student and the hundreds more just like you who have seen an opportunity to ruin a local news cast by parading your naked body in front of the camera and seized it. Screw firemen. You are an American Hero.
7. WE’VE HEARD OF STRIKING THE SET, BUT WHAT ABOUT A SET BEING ON STRIKE!? (WHOMP, WHOMP)
Turns out the news is just as bad in other parts of the world as well. While most of the news sets in the states are made up of what appears to be leftovers from Murphy Brown, the set in this video isn’t even holding together and may, in fact, kill the host. Good thing it’s made out of foamcore.
6. EQUAL EVEREST-CLIMBING RIGHTS FOR ALL
What would this list be without one of the all time classics? The anchor means to say "blind," but instead she says "gay." We can see how she’d get confused because being blind and being gay are basically the same thing. Wait, I’m told that I can’t write that.
5. LOSING IT
Long before Bill O’Reilly stole this chick’s bit and ran with it, Jessica Savitch was politely tearing her negligent staff a new a-hole on air unknowingly on air. It’s hard enough having to read words off a teleprompter without them blazing by. After all, this is PRIME TIME TELEVISON, folks.
4. I HAVE SEEN YOUR DOPPLER
A true classic in the dick-joke Local News canon. And the babe female co-anchor looks like she puts up with this stuff on a daily basis, and is just way too professional to deal with these pervs.
3. WHERE BORING MEETS SLIGHTLY EXCITING, BUT NOT REALLY
As we’ve mentioned earlier, nothing is more painful than trying to watch a news anchor crack a joke on the fly. We should also note that these two lovebirds totally need to get a room. For serious. The way she giggles when he says "I’ve got gas" and the look in her eye when she realizes that the man of her dreams has just humiliated himself in front of her and the entire local area? That’s love, you guys. That’s what being in love with someone looks like.
2. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THE HALF OF IT
So, you’re a hard working news anchor. You wake up every morning and hustle to get the day’s stories out to the public. You do two or three broadcasts wearing an uncomfortable blazer and layers of television-ready make up. And to top it off your husbands an asshole. And you just told everyone by mistake. It’s rough out there.
1. GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK
Uhhh, we’re going to have to defer to leetspeak on this one: PWND, BITCH. PWND.