I guess being married to Guy Ritchie gave her more than a faux English accent. Because the Queen of Pop has a new movie coming out called Fith and Wisdom. It’s her directorial debut and focuses on the sexy life of a Gypsy Punker and his cohorts. So in honor of her foray into helming a moving picture show, we thought we would make Madonna the centerpiece of this week’s Craziest Moments

1. Having Some Sort Of Epileptic Dance Fit Woah, those are some MOVES! When you watch this you realize that there may just be a reason for all those gay dudes that choreograph everything. What is she doing? As long as she’s doing her best Jim Morrison impersonation, she might as well pull her dick out.

2. Giving A Bottle A BJ
She totally swallows at the end.

3. Singing Like A Virgin
I think being married to Guy Ritchie has given her a British accent

4. Making Out With Britney…In SLOW MO There times when Madonna is genuinely hot. There are more times when she is genuinely annoying. This one falls in the hot category.

5. Telling The Fans To Shut Up I just fucking love it when pop stars act like they are doing concert-goers a huge favor by performing their act. It makes me want point a Colt-45 at her feet and say LISTEN BITCH, NOW YOU START DANCING OR I START SHOOTING, UNDERSTAND?

6. Reminding Motherfuckers Not To Throw Stuff On Her Stage Yeah, it’s annoying to have people splash you with water. But it’s part of the job. If this were a hardcore club some time in the late 80’s water would be the last fluid you would be worrying about.

7. Being A Diva-esque Bitch I guess you have to act like this when you get the chance. If you’re a diva it’s in your job description. If you don’t do it people will get confused. Poor interviewer though.

8. Just Not Understanding The Question Apparently there are some pretty strange ground rules that the Madonna requires of journalists. At Live Earth in 2007, “…interviewers were instructed by minions: Eye contact must be maintained at all times; Never look down to check notes - all questions must be memorized or the interview will be terminated.” Personally, as a fake journalist, if I was ever given access to Madonna I would try to violate every possible rule within the first 17 seconds of the interview because that would be WAY more interesting.

9. Security Sacking A Fan That is a totally awesome interception of crazy. At first you think that the person running up the middle of the stage is the fan. But it’s the bodyguard going after the fan, and dragging them off the stage by their face.

10. Telling Perez Hilton She Can Get On All Fours Who doesn’t love Perez Hilton? Oh wait, straight dudes and normal women. Right.

11. Taking A Flyer This one is fucking awesome. It looks like the dude that would hang up pizza delivery flyers on the door of my apartment just decided to walk onto the stage like he’s just doing the job they pay him for. He puts a shirt on Madonna and passes out some menus, and that’s the end of the show. Radical.

Madonna, though you may be 75 years old and have more sinew and gristle than a cow in Malawi, we’d still try to bang you. Keep those moments coming, you minx you.

More Crazy Moments:

Ann Coulter

William Shatner

Tyra Banks

Quentin Tarantino

Kelsey Grammer