The Grammys are really not worth watching, especially if you are a straight male. But there have been some awesome moments in live TV which would have never happened without them. Here’s are a few of those little gems.
11. Milli Vanilli Lip Synch Their Way To Immortality
If I woke up one morning with the early to mid 90’s next to me, it’s permed hair and jam shorts wrapped up in the sheets and laying on my hand, I would chew my arm off at the elbow to get away. That’s how bad those years were. So bad that one of the Vanillis didn’t even make it out alive. After the very public revelation that the pair was lip-syncing their performances AND not actually singing on their own albums, their Best New Artist Grammy was revoked. Everything went downhill from there. In 1998, ten years after Milli Vanilli’s debut, one of them was found dead in a Frankfurt hotel of a drug overdose. These days nobody sings on their own albums.
10. Jennifer Lopez’s Boobs
Hey, isn’t that the guy from X-Fi…WOAH! HEY LADY, YOUR DRESS IS FALLING APART! Do you remember when Jennifer Lopez was a sex symbol? Yeah, me neither.
9. Michael Jackson is Sunglasses Famous
When you are so famous that you can get an entire auditorium to scream just by taking off your sunglasses, then there is nowhere else to go but directly down. The best thing you can possibly do is buy yourself a pet monkey, build a ‘Play Land,’ and try not to shell out too much cash in legal fees when you get caught exploring your horribly stunted sexuality.
8. Eddie Vedder Doesn’t Give A Crap About The Grammys
Do you remember when being rock n roll was about acting like you didn’t give a damn about anything and playing really good music? These days it’s about having your own line of shoes and a Monster Energy Drink sponsorship. And consistently producing mediocre songs that everyone will forget 15 minutes later. What? Radiohead won a Grammy last night? Yeah, they’re cool. Whatever.
In 1984 it was still shocking for a woman to dress up like a man and sing on stage in a public place. Doesn’t that make the 80’s look so cute and naive? Honestly, this is a better Elvis impersonation than most professionals, who are usually dudes.
6. John Stewart Gets All Nekid
It takes a pair to stand in front of millions of people in your boxers. This was awesome. And actually funny.
5. Tupac and Kiss Are Not Shocking
Hey Tupac, you know what’s better than having a Versace Suit? Not being dead, that’s what. The only thing shocking about this moment is how old Kiss is, even back then.
4. Amy Winehouse is a Deer In Headlights
I would like to think that somehow, a glitch in the Space Time Continuum was projected via satellite to Amy Winehouse’s secure, undisclosed Grammy location (London). She glimpses 10 seconds of what her life would become in the following years. It’s basically a scene from Requiem For A Dream, but with way more drugs and terrible tattoos. Seriously, a Grammy can be a curse.
3. 50 Cent Crashes The Evanescence Speech
You know what I hate? People with canes that don’t really need them. It’s about as cool as having orthopedic shoes or a wheelchair. Pair that cane with a neck beard and an Onch necklace and you deserve it when 50 cent crashes your Grammy speech.
2. ODB Does Things His Way
“I went and bought me an outfit today that costed a lot of money today. “ How do you beat that? You don’t. Thank god for people like ODB to make pretentious white musicians so nervous that they just stand there, paralyzed by their social phobias. This is about as classic as it gets, and clearly 50’s inspiration. Ps, Wu Tang is for the children, son, the children.
1. Soy Bomb Dances His Chest Off
The only thing that makes less sense than Bob Dylan’s incoherent vocals is this act of pseudo-performance art by a little-known comedian/batshit crazy guy named Michael Potnoy. Portnoy was hired by the Grammys to stand in the background with other dancers and sway his head to the music to "give Bob a good vibe." Little did they know. It was really one of the epic moments of FAIL in casting as Portnoy ripped off his shirt and danced around the stage for a full 40 seconds before the suits realized it was not a part of the performance. Watch Dylan’s face. It says “Wow, this is weird. But I’m Bob Dylan and have seen much, much weirder.” In describing his choice of words, Portnoy told reporters "Soy… represents dense nutritional life. Bomb is, obviously, an explosive destructive force. So, soy bomb is what I think art should be: dense, transformational, explosive life." You can find more of his…um…art? HERE .