10 Greatest George W. Bush Moments

Wednesday, November 5 by
Someday we’re going to look back at this and laugh. It’s a phrase uttered in times following tragedy and pain. But there’s a certain truthiness in it. If you were anything like me, you’re taking the whole Obama elected thing with the same type of guarded optimism that has come along with living in a world that’s seemed hell bent on destruction. But I’d like to think that in short time, optimism is something we can embrace without caution and reluctance. That we can get naked in front of Hope with the lights on. That we can send Our Bright Future As A Nation a text message in the middle of the day just telling it that we love it. That we will all look back on the past 8 years and just laugh. It’s all part of the healing process. So to get the ball rolling, here are the 10 greatest moments of soon-to-be ex-President George W. Bush.

1. Fooling Me Once I know, I know. We’ve all seen this one like elevendy billon times. But the other great thing is that this is the LAST TIME you will ever have to watch it. And you can now watch in knowing that he’s on his way OUT.

2. Offering A One Fingered Victory Salute Just FYI, that’s exactly what the democratic party said to Bush in this election.

3. Protecting Us From Zombies We all may have political differences. But this is one area where I totally agree with Bush, and I’m worried that I have not heard a straight answer from Obama regarding his Zombie policy.

4. Protecting Us From Mexicans This one is just awesome. It’s totally CGI, but still awesome.

5. Using The Google I add the word “the” to basically everything that has to do with technology ever since this interview happened. “Hey, did you see that thing on The Youtubes?” Or, “Hey, I’m going to post this on The Interwebs.” Or, “Sure is fun letting people know what I’m doing right now on The Facebooks.”

6. Hitting The Bottle AGAIN I drink on most days, particularly the ones where I feel like I might have screwed something up, or not gotten enough done. If I had done stuff like invaded foreign countries and not tried hard enough to kee the American economy competitive, I’d basically be wasted all the time.

7. Before Rehab This is basically how we talk to everyone at parties in Texas. We stink of whisky and we wear boots.

8. Insulting A Reporter There are countless videos of Bush being antagonistic with the press. It’s actually one of the few things I liked about him. The only problem was that he never answered a question in eight years.

9. Blind Sided I wonder if at night when he’s laying in bed he puts his knuckles in his mouth and bites down and thinks “SHIT. I HAD TO MAKE FUN OF FRIGGIN BLIND GUY. WAY TO GO, GEORGIE.” And then he passes out because the Ambien kicks in and he dreams of playing catch with his father.

10. Dancing I’d imagine on the day that they finally have their beige Suburban packed with Laura riding shotgun with that dog in her lap, George will tap dance his way right into the driver seat. He will put the car in gear, give one last glance to the white marble of the front steps, feel that tinge of regret like a spider bite on his pancreas, and drive off into the brutal, judging lens of history.

Thanks for the memories. Love, Screenjunkies.com

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