Despite tons of early reports that last night’s Oscar ceremony was a lackluster affair without any distinguishable moments, I managed to have one haunting image seared into my cortex until the day I die. That image wasn’t Gabourey Sidibe during the testimonials, nor was it that instant when I felt like Nick Nolte was staring directly at me.
It was not five minutes into the telecast, during Billy Crystal‘s inevitable musical number. It was when he was shown on a bike, playing the young Belgian journalist Tintin from Steven Spielberg‘s The Adventures of Tintin. Ick. Yuck. Gross. Since last night’s telecast, I have found that image coming to mind countless times in all sorts of contexts, which is troubling, because normally I only recall terrible images in one specific context, like Kathy Bates‘ breasts in the hot tub from About Schmidt. Now, I’m imagining myriad troubling scenarios like Billy Crystal-Tintin and I walking into a parking garage, only Billy Crystal-Tintin grabs my arm and reminds me to get my parking validated.
Or we go back to his place late-night, and he’s shaking a martini behind the bar, but his gaze remains fixed on me for just a few seconds too long. It’s far more troubling than other image I’ve gleaned from the world of entertainment. Though it’s hardly an exhaustive list, here are a few images that are less troubling than Billy Crystal made up as Tintin.