Screen Junkies http://www.screenjunkies.com Movie Reviews & TV Show Reviews Wed, 17 Dec 2014 20:49:34 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.3 Barack Obama’s Best Picture Award Goes To ‘Boyhood’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/barack-obamas-best-picture-award-goes-to-boyhood/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/barack-obamas-best-picture-award-goes-to-boyhood/#comments Wed, 17 Dec 2014 20:41:38 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268327 As of press time, we don't know if he saw or considered 'Ninja Turtles'.

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Boyhood has topped several year end lists of film critics and committees, and now it’s got an enthusiastic nod from the most prominent non-film critic in America: Barack Obama. Rather than lose something in translation, let’s give you the actual quote from the man in charge to Politico:

Boyhood was a great movie. That, I think, was my favorite movie this year.”

There, I think, you have it. HE’S FLIP-FLOPPING!

When his wife, Michelle, was asked, the article says she preferred to talk about books. UGH.

Unfortunately, no reason was given as to why Obama picked Boyhood over, say, Fury, which has the benefits of featuring tanks and gore. Maybe, he saw a lot of himself in the early Ethan Hawke character. Or maybe he liked that muscle car.

Anyway, good choice.

Thanks, Obama.

(THR)

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America’s Largest Theater Chains Have Dropped ‘The Interview’ Altogether. Terrorists Win This Round. http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/americas-largest-theater-chains-have-dropped-the-interview-altogether-terrorists-win-this-round/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/americas-largest-theater-chains-have-dropped-the-interview-altogether-terrorists-win-this-round/#comments Wed, 17 Dec 2014 20:25:01 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268321 This likely won't dissuade the next assholes from making an idle threat and getting their way.

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More bad news for everyone involved with or looking forward to The Interview: Major theater chains Regal, AMC, Cinemark, and Cineplex have all dropped The Interview from its upcoming roster after the hacking group behind the Sony breach promised a 9/11-type event at indvidual screenings of the film.

The NSA claims that these aren’t a credible threat, but the looming liability of exhibiting these films in the face of such a statement means that in this instance, the terrorists definitely win and get their way by threatening violence.

Likely, the threat wasn’t contained to the screenings of The Interview, but also moviegoers seeing other fare would be turned off from attending theaters also showing The Interview for fear of collateral damage.

This is all so stupid.

No other news is available, but maybe terrorists won’t scare us from watching the film in our homes someday.

(Deadline)

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Terry Crews Will Be Our Host As We Explore ‘America Funniest Fails’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/terry-crews-will-be-our-host-as-we-explore-america-funniest-fails/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/terry-crews-will-be-our-host-as-we-explore-america-funniest-fails/#comments Wed, 17 Dec 2014 17:21:23 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268301 Failure IS funny.

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The search for decently-performing, affordable programming continues, and this time that search party has recruited Brooklyn Nine-Nine‘s Terry Crews and a bunch of user-submitted content. All you really need to know about America’s Funniest Fails is in the title. It’s basically a cleaner, less-terrible Tosh.0 for the middle America set.

Did you know that Terry Crews is currently the host of the syndicated Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? as well. Seriously. So he probably knows how to deal with hilariously dumb behavior already.

The show will present a selection of “fails” to “celebrity” judges, of which, one will be selected as the “fail of the week.” One of those quotes was snarky. It was “celebrity.”

If this sounds like something you can’t wait to see, the good news is that it will air January 16th, so you don’t have to wait much longer. Try not to fail between now and then.

(Deadline)

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“The Sony” Bows To Terror Threats And Cancels ‘The Interview’ Premiere http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/the-sony-bows-to-terror-threats-and-cancels-the-interview-premiere/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/the-sony-bows-to-terror-threats-and-cancels-the-interview-premiere/#comments Wed, 17 Dec 2014 17:12:30 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268295 Pussies.

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The Guardians of Peace, those hackers who’ve been giving us delightful Sony leaks these past few weeks, have revealed they are not peaceful after all. The name is ironic, you guys.

With the premiere of The Interview right around the corner, the formerly fun and plucky hackers are now acting like total dicks by threatening to 9/11 any theater that shows the film. In a statement published by Variety, the Guardians have explicitly threatened anyone who decides to screen, view, or live near a place where this film is screened or viewed. I think we should so break up with them.

Warning

We will clearly show it to you at the very time and places “The Interview” be shown, including the premiere, how bitter fate those who seek fun in terror should be doomed to.

Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made.

The world will be full of fear.

Remember the 11th of September 2001.

We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time.

(If your house is nearby, you’d better leave.)

Whatever comes in the coming days is called by the greed of Sony Pictures Entertainment.

All the world will denounce the SONY.

The result of this warning has lead to cancellations of the film.

The majority of the busiest theaters are in shopping malls, and the landlords of those sites put pressure on the theaters to drop the film, according to insiders familiar with the discussions. [TheWrap]

And Sony has cancelled the premiere. Which means our need for dick, butt, and weed jokes will not be met and that’s not an America I want to live in. The terrorists have already won.

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Robin Williams Voices A Dog Opposite Simon Pegg In This First ‘Absolutely Anything’ Clip http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/robin-williams-voices-a-dog-opposite-simon-pegg-in-this-first-absolutely-anything-clip/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/robin-williams-voices-a-dog-opposite-simon-pegg-in-this-first-absolutely-anything-clip/#comments Wed, 17 Dec 2014 17:10:37 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=268298 Simon Pegg has been on a bit of a sci-fi tear recently. With mixed results.

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Simon Pegg stars in Absolutely Anything, a sci-fi comedy that also features a talking dog voiced by Robin Williams. Hmmm. Could be interesting. This clip doesn’t shed much light on the film’s plot, soooooooo…

Pegg plays Neil Clarke, a schoolteacher who gets magical powers bestowed upon him by aliens. And those aliens are voiced by the guys from Monty Python. And the dog is voiced, as I mentioned, by Robin Williams. Lots of voices.

Beyond that, not a whole lot has been divulged, and while I’m sure the full trailer will give us a little more plot and tone, this is just a clip, so do with it what you will. It doesn’t look bad, but nothing with Simon Pegg ever does.

(Deadline)

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Justin Timberlake Returns To Jimmy Fallon To Sing Some Third Eye Blind http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/justin-timberlake-returns-to-jimmy-fallon-to-sing-some-third-eye-blind/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/justin-timberlake-returns-to-jimmy-fallon-to-sing-some-third-eye-blind/#comments Wed, 17 Dec 2014 16:57:09 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=268294 Do Smashmouth next!

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Justin Timberlake swung by Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show (as he so often does) for a largely unfunny, congratulatory skit about two dumb kids in summer camp in 1997. They talk like they have retainers in their mouths, and that’s pretty much the alpha and the omega of the humor aside from, “Hey! Justin Timberlake’s here!”

BUT, there is salvation in all this. In the form of a sing-along to the seemingly forgotten Third Eye Blind song, “Jumper.” If you fast forward about 2/3 of the way through, you get to the better part…the song.

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Try to Remain Strong And Brave During The Trailer For The Final Season Of ‘Parks And Recreation’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/try-to-remain-strong-and-brave-during-the-trailer-for-the-final-season-of-parks-and-recreation/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/try-to-remain-strong-and-brave-during-the-trailer-for-the-final-season-of-parks-and-recreation/#comments Wed, 17 Dec 2014 16:48:55 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=268284 The future is weird, and a little gimmick-y.

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At the end of last season of Parks and Rec, we saw the gang fast forward about three years into the future. We caught the life of Leslie and Ben, now the parents of toddlers, but most of the rest of the cast was unaccounted for. That got fixed in a hurry with the show’s trailer for its final season.

In this future Pawnee, we see that Tom Haverford has become a mogul of some sort, Andy has a TV show about ninjas (?), and Jerry is now Terry. We could have predicted that last one. And here’s what likely happens to Ben.

Other than that, there’s still no sign of April or Ron, but we’re betting they’re up to something fun as well. Maybe they’ve just been sitting silently in a room for the past three years.

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Five Cult Movies That Should Receive the Netflix Series Treatment, ala ‘Wet Hot American Summer’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/five-cult-movies-that-should-receive-the-netflix-treatment-ala-wet-hot-american-summer/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/five-cult-movies-that-should-receive-the-netflix-treatment-ala-wet-hot-american-summer/#comments Wed, 17 Dec 2014 16:38:40 +0000 Jared Jones http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268261 With the (unofficial) announcement that a Wet Hot American Summer series is coming to Netflix, it's become clear that yesterday's cult films are becoming today's television shows. Here are a few more options Netflix should consider.

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By Jared Jones

Fondle your sweaters and smear some mud on your ass, because a Wet Hot American Summer series is coming to Netflix! HYEAH!!!

While rumors of a potential Wet Hot American Summer prequel film have been floating around for ages (and were actually confirmed by director David Wain back in June), it appears that the cult hit will instead be stretched into a miniseries set to begin production in January, according to E! News. There have been no details as to whether or not the original cast will be returning, but an unnamed source told Screen Junkies in an exclusive interview that we should all “Shut the f*ck up and eat our corn.”

I’m sorry, not a day goes by where I don’t quote Gene. But with the (unofficial) announcement of a Wet Hot American Summer series coming less than a month after it was revealed that Starz would move forward with an Evil Dead TV show, it’s become clear that yesterday’s cult films are becoming today’s television shows. That being the case, I’ve chosen a few more cult masterpieces that Netflix should consider reviving on the small screen.

The Room

Now this might be considered cheating a bit, as Tommy Wiseau already premiered the pilot of his own sitcom, Neighbors, back in July. But anyone who knows anything knows that the story of the *original* Johnny Football is where Wiseau’s novelty begins and ends. The Room is Wiseau’s opus, his endlessly quotable crowning achievement, and as long as it avoided winking at its own success, a revival of The Room as a series could make for some brilliantly surreal television.

“But Jared, Johnny dies at the end of the movie, you dum-dum.”

Right, except MAYBE HE DIDN’T. Maybe Johnny survived his suicide attempt but is now missing the parts of his brain that allow him to emote or even react correctly to everyday human interactions. Not only does this twist allow the ongoing trials and tribulations of Johnny America to continue indefinitely, but it solves the riddle that is Tommy Wiseau’s acting “technique.” Where once was an alienlike, borderline incomprehensible leading man now stands a sympathetic character trying to piece his life back together after nearly losing everything.

If Netflix isn’t interested, I’m sure Adult Swim will snatch it up.

This Is Spinal Tap 

Parody music experienced a revival of its own this year. Weird Al Yankovic released the only #1 album of his career, Lonely Island locked in a television *and* movie deal, and Taylor Swift continued to delude the masses into thinking she was a talented, interesting person. Whether you’re on board or not, American culture is devolving into little more than an oversized glasses-wearing, nostalgia-grasping “meta” hipster with a crippling addiction to irony.

That being the case, there has never been a better time for the parody band that started them all, Spinal Tap, to grace the stage once again. Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, and Harry Shearer might all be pushing 70, but the album they released in 2009 — Back From the Dead, which reached No. 52 on the American Billboard charts – and successive “One Night Only World Tour” proved that they still have it in them to tear the roof down.

Not to mention, the premise of a potential Spinal Tap TV series practically writes itself. Have it focus on the aging group of former legends as they struggle to deal with the ever-changing music scene, being “passed over” by the public, and of course, the dementia resulting from years of hard drug abuse. Shoot the whole thing found-footage style, and make sure to include a Depends joke or two. Bing. Bang. Theory.

Office Space

With all the mundane workplace comedies being pushed upon us each pilot season, isn’t it about time that one of them was actually good?

To be clear, I’m not proposing that Netflix should revive Office Space as a sitcom, because that would make it almost impossible to interject as many Geto Boys-backed montages as possible. What I am suggesting, however, is that Netflix goes the “Better Call Saul“ route with Office Space, bringing us a series that takes place before the events of the film. Basically, the series would just be 30 minutes of Peter Gibbons and Lawrence discussing/yelling through a wall about basic cable porn and kung fu every week, but tell me you wouldn’t watch that shit.

Galaxy Quest

Like I said, ‘Murica loves it some meta these days, and what’s more meta than a show about a movie that was itself about a show? And better yet, you shoot the Netflix series in the style of Galaxy Quest, the fake space-drama series from the movie! It’s Questception!

Tremors

Be honest, you knew I was going to find a way to talk about this movie, right?

The fact is, Tremors is one of the greatest, nay, THE GREATEST artistic achievement of all time — a flawless (FLAWLESS!) masterpiece that both paid tribute to the classic monster movies which inspired it and (quite literally) broke new ground in the genre. The demise of Old Fred? A prime Reba Mcentire? THE WALL OF GUNS? God, I’m getting a halfy just thinking about two of the three things I just listed.

“But Jared, they already tried a Tremors show back in 2003 and it sucked.”

GOD, you just have to ruin everything with your “facts,” don’t you? Sure, Tremors: The Series was a goddamn disaster, but that’s because it only included one piece of the puzzle. Burt Gummer may be a great character, but enough to carry the entire series on his own? Clearly not.

Just as you cannot enjoy Kiviak without first hollowing out the body of a seal and stuffing it with 500 or so Auks, you cannot adapt a Tremors series without one of two key ingredients (or preferably both). I’m talking about two guys with the know-how, the show-how, and the bro-how to battle mankind’s oldest foe: The Graboid. I’m talking about Val & Earl.

With the announcement that a fifth Tremors movie had already begun filming in South Africa last month, it’s pretty clear that a graboid renaissance is nearly upon us. So pull Kevin Bacon off that nonsense serial killer show for a minute, pull Fred Ward and Michael Gross off their couches, and let’s do this thing.

And you know what? I say bring Grady Hoover back into the mix for good measure. The man single-handedly raised Tremors 2 up to it 5.9 IMDB rating, in my opinion. And if you disagree with my opinion, then I only got one thing to say.

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TBS Orders Pilot From The ‘Super Troopers’ And ‘Beerfest’ Guys http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/tbs-orders-pilot-from-the-super-troopers-and-beerfest-guys/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/tbs-orders-pilot-from-the-super-troopers-and-beerfest-guys/#comments Tue, 16 Dec 2014 20:03:39 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268258 TBS has weird taste in shows.

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TBS, for a network that professed to be serious about comedy, sure is lacking a lot of comedy on their site. However that may change in the near future, beginning with the order of a pilot from the Broken Lizard comedy guys who brought us the uber-quotable Super Troopers and the less-seen Beerfest.

The pilot follows four dudes who refuse to grow up, then get thrust into fatherhood.

Hmm. Not exactly groundbreaking territory here. What else?

Well, it’s called Quality Time. Each week, the audience will be tossed into some zany situation featuring the four fathers with little explanation or setup. Ok. That’s a little more interesting than the whole “manchild has to grow up” logline. The stars will be Broken Lizard‘s Paul Soter, Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme and Erik Stolhanske. STARPOWER! No date was given, but should the pilot get picked up, I would look for it in the fall at the earliest.

(THR)

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This New Trailer For ‘Terminator: Genisys’ Should Clear Up Any Confusion http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/this-new-trailer-for-terminator-genisys-should-clear-up-any-confusion/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/this-new-trailer-for-terminator-genisys-should-clear-up-any-confusion/#comments Tue, 16 Dec 2014 18:46:12 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=268255 I'm more confused than ever.

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It’s hard to tell just exactly what’s going on in the first trailer for Terminator: Genisys. Essentially, a paradox has been created as a result of Skynet and John Connor’s time-traveling chess match. This trailer finally faces those issues head-on and leaves us with a better explanation of what we’ll see. Still doesn’t explain why pants can’t time-travel though.

+-

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Honest Trailer — The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/honest-trailer-the-hobbit-the-desolation-of-smaug/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/honest-trailer-the-hobbit-the-desolation-of-smaug/#comments Tue, 16 Dec 2014 18:19:12 +0000 bgoldstein http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=268251 Before you say goodbye to Middle Earth with The Battle of the Five Armies, relive The Desolation of Smaug, the bloated second chapter in Peter Jackson's mercilessly long Hobbit trilogy.

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Before you say goodbye to Middle Earth with The Battle of the Five Armies, relive The Desolation of Smaug, the bloated second chapter in Peter Jackson’s mercilessly long Hobbit trilogy.

Become a Screen Junkie! ►► http://bit.ly/sjsubscr

Watch more Honest Trailers ►► http://bit.ly/HonestTrailerPlaylist

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The ‘Walking Dead’ Sister Show Will Take Place In Los Angeles http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/the-walking-dead-sister-show-will-take-place-in-los-angeles/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/the-walking-dead-sister-show-will-take-place-in-los-angeles/#comments Tue, 16 Dec 2014 17:41:15 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268248 It's about a zombie just trying to make ends meet while shopping a screenplay.

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The Walking Dead companion series, known (for now) as Cobalt, has found a setting in Los Angeles. It’s about time the entertainment industry acknowledged LA’s existence! The show, which will star Cliff Curtis as a divorced teacher, sounds like it will be more modest in scope than its Atlanta-based counterpart.

Not only will this show be set in a different place, but it’s possible that it will take place at a different point in time. But still during the zombie apocalypse. That would be pretty shitty of the producers to set a Walking Dead spinoff in utopian 1950′s or something. Don’t worry. There will be lots of zombies.

The series will shoot in 2015, presumably in Los Angeles.

(TV Line)

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AMC To Offer All-You-Can-See Movies For $30-$45 A Month With MoviePass http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/amc-to-offer-all-you-can-see-movies-for-30-45-a-month-with-moviepass/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/amc-to-offer-all-you-can-see-movies-for-30-45-a-month-with-moviepass/#comments Tue, 16 Dec 2014 17:27:44 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268245 Finally, an excuse to go into a dark air-conditioned room and sit.

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The Netflix model looks to be successful enough that theaters are willing to get in on the game. MoviePass, an idea that’s been kicking around publicly for several years now has snagged a theater chain to buy into its “All the movies you can see for one monthly fee” model in AMC. AMC was originally one of the most vocal critics of the program, citing a reduced value for single-film tickets stemming from the mechanism. I guess they’ve changed their tune.

Right now, the program is just being unrolled in Boston and Denver.

The service will take the form of a phone app. Why? Because everything’s apps these days. Duh.

The monthly subscription is thought to be between $30 and $45 bucks. The average price of an AMC ticket is $9.50, so you can do some quick math there…

(Variety)

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J.K. Simmons Will Scream At King Kong In Skull Island http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/j-k-simmons-will-scream-at-king-kong-in-skull-island/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/j-k-simmons-will-scream-at-king-kong-in-skull-island/#comments Tue, 16 Dec 2014 16:59:59 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268240 But only because he wants to push Kong to succeed.

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J.K. Simmons may have graduated from “that guy” status a few years back, but after his much-praised turn in Whiplash, the guy’s now making headlines with his role choices. Good for him. He’s a pretty fun actor, with a crazy range. Next up for Simmons is Skull Island, the King Kong prequel of sorts that will also feature Tom Hiddleston, and I’m guessing Andy Serkis, directed by John Vogt-Roberts.

Simmons, who’s certainly in the Oscar discussion this year, will lend some credibility to what may otherwise be seen as a popcorn flick about a CGI monkey. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just that those come out every so often, so this one needs to stand out.

(Deadline)

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Seth Rogen Says He Wants North Koreans To See ‘The Interview’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/seth-rogen-says-he-wants-north-koreans-to-see-the-interview/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/seth-rogen-says-he-wants-north-koreans-to-see-the-interview/#comments Tue, 16 Dec 2014 16:29:26 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268237 But what becomes of their glorious enlightened leader?

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In a pretty clear case of “What’s the worst that could happen?” The Interview star Seth Rogen has said that he wishes that the North Korean people (though not necessarily their president, Kim Jung-Un) could see The Interview. He thinks it would be an eye-opening experience to see the film. But why paraphrase when you have the exact quote from Good Morning America, via Deadline?:

It would be really interesting. I wonder what a north Korean citizen would think of the movie.  And, they are not bad. They are the victims of horrible situations. Part of me thinks they themselves would really enjoy the movie.

To Rogen’s credit, it WOULD be interesting. It would also be interesting how they would probably be sent to work camps for the rest of their lives for having seen it. If we’re going to wish for things that aren’t going to happen, Seth, let’s raise the bar a little higher and too for a free North Korea.

But seeing this film is a good plan B, I guess.

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The 10 Most Confusing Screengrabs From Terrence Malick’s ‘Knight of Cups’ Trailer http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-10-most-confusing-screengrabs-from-terrance-malicks-knight-of-cups-trailer/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-10-most-confusing-screengrabs-from-terrance-malicks-knight-of-cups-trailer/#comments Tue, 16 Dec 2014 01:54:28 +0000 Jared Jones http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=268219 For the average moviegoer seeking a 90-minute escape from reality and maybe a few CGIsplosions, there are few phrases more terrifying than "Written and directed by Terrence Malick."

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By Jared Jones

For the average moviegoer seeking a 90-minute escape from reality and maybe a few CGIsplosions, there are few phrases more terrifying than “Written and directed by Terrence Malick.” It is a phrase that tells the audience, “There will be no explosions, no buddy cop humour, and the 90-minute escape you were seeking will last 3-hours minimum.”

Malick has never been one to shy away from ambiguity for ambiguities sake, and the trailer for his latest feature, Knight of Cups, is no different. Starring Christian Bale as a billionaire playboy suffering from some kind of existential crisis, or maybe a celebrity struggling with the excess of his own success (I honestly don’t know), the recently released trailer is a smorgasbord of ambiguously framed Gopro shots and seemingly random intercut images. Knight of Cups looks as pretty as it does confusing, so let’s go through some of tlhe more WTF? shots from the trailer and try to make sense of this thing, shall we?

First up, we’ve got a woman in black paint covering her eyes while wearing a mask of (presumably) her own, open eyes. This is quite clearly a metaphor for the unrealistic image of perfection that is demanded of Hollywood actresses in an industry where they are to be SEEN but not HEARD.

Or, OR…she’s a ninja.

“Alright Terrence, we need a shot that will really sell this flick. Something that grabs the audience. Something that POPS. What’ve you got?”

“I’ve got B-roll of a random highway underpass, with some sun peeking out.”

“God damn it, Terrence.”

I suppose the idea of a woman leading a man around on a leash at a lavish house party is suppose to shock or at the very least titillate me, but I see more horrific forms of public humiliation than that before I have my morning coffee. The Internet has made it impossible for me to achieve an erection unless something is dying, is what I’m saying.

On a semi-related note, I’m glad to see that the “ass to ass” guy from Requiem for a Dream is still alive and getting his freak on.

Terrence Malick is a smart man whose been around the block a time or two, so he is well aware that the “sorrowful shower scene” has been done to death. His solution? Attach a Gopro to the showerhead and SHOOT. THAT. SINK.

OK, maybe it’s not *impossible* for me to achieve an erection without something dying.

From the moment this trailer started, I was counting down the moments until I saw Christian Bale trapped in a man-sized cage at a strip club or BDSM party. It’s good to know that my suspicions were not unfounded.

WHY? WHY IS THIS HERE?! Tennis balls don’t sink and good God we are only halfway through this trailer.

From the classic “dog chasing ball underwater” shot, we now get the even more classic “lonely guy underwater” shot (a.k.a The Dorff). I really hope this movie just turns out to be one long advertisement for Blu eCigs, a.k.a the Terrence Malick’s Tree of Life of pretentious commercials.

“Could someone call my mom and tell her to come pick me up? I think the ecstasy is starting to turn on me.”

OH SH*T IT’S BATMAN & ROBIN VERSION BANE. THIS WHOLE THING IS A DARK KNIGHT RISES TIE-IN.

Well, I’m glad we got to the bottom of that. Knight of Cups will premiere at the Berlin Film Festival in early 2015 and will likely finish premiering around the third fiscal quarter of 2016.

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Trailer For Terence Malick’s ‘Knight Of Cups’ Is More ‘American Psycho’ Than ‘Days Of Heaven’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/trailer-for-terence-malicks-knight-of-cups-is-more-american-psycho-than-days-of-heaven-2/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/trailer-for-terence-malicks-knight-of-cups-is-more-american-psycho-than-days-of-heaven-2/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2014 22:41:59 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=268221 And not just because it also stars Christian Bale.

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Terence Malick, known best for his pensive films featuring broad landscapes, gives us something else entirely with Knight of Cups, which stars Christian Bale and a host of other names (Cate Blanchett, Natalie Portman, Brian Dennehy, Antonio Banderas, Freida Pinto, Wes Bentley, Isabel Lucas, Teresa Palmer, Imogen Poots, Armin Mueller-Stahl).

The film, which seems to be a frenetic Los Angeles romp, will premiere at the Berlin Film Festival in February.

However, lest you think that Terence Malick has just adopted some music video chops to make his film play with the ADD crowd, we get an official synopsis that seems more in keeping with the auteur:

Once there was a young prince whose father, the king of the East, sent him down into Egypt to find a pearl. But when the prince arrived, the people poured him a cup. Drinking it, he forgot he was the son of a king, forgot about the pearl and fell into a deep sleep. Rick’s father used to read this story to him as a boy. The road to the East stretches out before him. Will he set forth?

Huh. That doesn’t seem to match up with the coke and the lingerie and the cars so much. It’s almost like there’s some deeper meaning behind all the vapidity presented. Bravo, Mr. Malick. Things are not always what they seem.

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Liam Neeson Will Let You Use Him As A Job Reference http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/liam-neeson-will-let-you-use-him-as-a-job-reference/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/liam-neeson-will-let-you-use-him-as-a-job-reference/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2014 21:51:10 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=268211 Who better to endorse your certain set of skills?

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In today’s job market, it’s really all about who you know. Liam Neeson understands this and, in a bizarre promotion for Tak3n, he’s offered to imply he’ll break your potential employer’s neck if they don’t hire you as well as any grieving family members thirsty for revenge. They’d be an idiot not to hire you.

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A Perfectly Good Poon Palace Becomes A Murder House In ‘The Loft’ Trailer http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-loft/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-loft/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2014 19:26:30 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=268206 Not cool, bro. There are house rules about this sort of thing.

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Sick and tired of requests from their nagging spouses that they don’t cheat on them, five totally cool dudes become proud owners of The Loft. It’s a clubhouse where they can put their wieners in younger, blonder women without their wives finding out. It’s ironclad! Until, oops, MURDER!

Karl Urban and James Marsden lead the cast of friends who suddenly can’t trust one another when it seems that one of their own has transformed their poon palace into a murder house. Not cool, bro. There are house rules about that sort of thing.

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Jason Statham Kicks, Punches, And Broods In ‘Wild Card’ Trailer http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/jason-statham-kicks-punches-and-broods-in-wild-card-trailer/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/jason-statham-kicks-punches-and-broods-in-wild-card-trailer/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2014 19:14:00 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=268202 All that squinting and mumbling has me thinking he's the next Clint Eastwood.

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Stop us if you’ve heard this one before: Jason Statham is a rogue tough-guy who gets by hustling and dealing with less-than-savory folks, all while wearing a grim face.

That’s right! It’s most every Jason Statham film since Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. But there’s a reason he keeps going back to that well. It works for him. Here in Wild Card, the Statham archetype is dropped in Vegas, hence the clever title.

He runs around Sin City offering fun little nuggets like “I take care of things. That’s all you need to know,” which karate chopping everyone in his path.

We’re not complaining, because the film looks kind of fun, but it’s nothing new, judging from this trailer.

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Your Nerd Loves Combine In ‘The Office: Middle Earth’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-office-middle-earth/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/the-office-middle-earth/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2014 19:11:13 +0000 Wookie Johnson http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=268199 Am I alone in asking we just cancel Saturday Night Live and only have episodes of this on in its place from now on?

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SNL took the opportunity of having The Hobbit and The Office star Martin Freeman as host to make the greatest comedy sketch that anyone could feasibly do with Martin Freeman. I present, The Hobbit: Middle Earth. Am I alone in asking we just cancel Saturday Night Live and only have episodes of this on in its place from now on?

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Christina Hendricks Will Bring A Busty, Ginger-y Presence To Showtime’s ‘Roadies’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/christina-hendricks-will-bring-a-busty-ginger-y-presence-to-showtimes-roadies/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/christina-hendricks-will-bring-a-busty-ginger-y-presence-to-showtimes-roadies/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2014 19:01:56 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268195 She's taking her no-nonsense attitude on the road.

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As Cameron Crowe, J.J. Abrams, and Showtime prepare Roadies for filming the casting announcements have started coming in. First it was Owen Wilson and Imogen Poots, and now we’ve been given word that Mad Men‘s Christina Hendricks will be joining the cast. That’s good because Christina Hendricks is a great actress, but it’s bad because it reminds us that Mad Men has a scant eight episodes left in its life.

She’ll be playing a “tough and ingenious” production manager of the tour crew. I have a feeling this show is going to teach us a lot about what goes into a tour. Perhaps more than we ever wanted to know, but if it’s done in typical Crowe fashion, with equal parts reverence and humor, that’s not so bad.

She already proved she can be tough, if not joyless, on Mad Men, maybe she could smile every once in a while on this show. I mean, if Owen Wilson can’t get you to smile, then you’re dead inside.

(Variety)

 

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This Season 4 Supercut Of Conan Eliminates The Need To Actually Watch The Show! http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/clips-movie/this-season-4-supercut-of-conan-eliminates-the-need-to-actually-watch-the-show/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/clips-movie/this-season-4-supercut-of-conan-eliminates-the-need-to-actually-watch-the-show/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2014 18:20:30 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268192 They may be doing themselves a disservice here!

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Conan O’Brien and his TBS team have been nice enough to give us a season 4 supercut this holiday, which means that we feel no regret about never having watched the show, or completely cutting the cord altogether. Of course, they may know something we don’t about media, because sharing clips like these has resulted in a billion views for his YouTube channel. In case you aren’t familiar with traffic metrics…

That’s a lot of views.

Here’s the clip. It’s pretty damn funny, and pound-for-pound, one of the funniest clips I’ve seen in a while:

Setting it to music with Conan’s tired face totally seals the deal. Enjoy.

We’re regifting this as our present to our readers as well, FYI.

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Sony Hackers Promise Big ‘Christmas Gift’ That Will Arrive Soon http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/sony-hackers-promise-big-christmas-gift-that-will-arrive-soon/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/sony-hackers-promise-big-christmas-gift-that-will-arrive-soon/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2014 16:58:17 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268188 I hope it's an iPhone 6 case!

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While the Sony hacker story hasn’t been as interesting to us as it has been to many other entertainment outlets, we are intrigued by a statement the hackers made over the weekend, saying that we can expect a “Christmas gift” that will “put Sony Pictures into the worst state.”

Yikes. That sounds pretty bad.

The Guardians of Peace, the group taking credit for the hack, has really had their way with Sony recently, putting what appears to be everything on their computers online for the (somewhat complicit) media to read and post. Without the media sharing the stolen files, this likely wouldn’t be more than a security breach story. But it’s much more now.

And likely to be far more in the future if these guys deliver on the cryptic threat of a “Christmas gift.” Maybe they’re being meta, and the ominous Christmas gift they’re speaking of is insensitivity to other faiths by not referring to it as a “holiday gift.”

That would be lame.

(THR)

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Marvel’s Not Gonna Cross-Over ‘Guardians’ And ‘Avengers’ Any Time Soon http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/marvels-not-gonna-cross-over-guardians-and-avengers-any-time-soon/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/marvels-not-gonna-cross-over-guardians-and-avengers-any-time-soon/#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2014 16:48:18 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268184 Because they have no idea where they'd put all the money they'd make.

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Afraid that the collective charms of Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Pratt would create some sort of vortex or black hole in the universe, Marvel has decided to keep the franchises separate for the time being. But we all know how this story ends.

Guardians director James Gunn told our very own site in an interview/Q&A:

We really are separate from the Avengers, and I don’t think people should assume too many things about the Guardians play in all this. We have our own galaxy to take care of. We have our own galaxy to save. Earth is the Avengers’ province. Thinking that everything is going to come together in a perfect way is not necessarily the way it’s gonna happen.

 ”We have our own galaxy to save.” True words, Mr. Gunn.
The question was more related to tone than content, but Gunn shifted the answer to something that may actually have been a little newsworthy. Also, I’m sure that everyone is very protective of the universes they’ve helped create, and maybe Gunn doesn’t want his funny successful world all Avenger‘d up by Marvel.
It’s safe…for now.

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Review: ‘The Babadook’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/review-the-babadook/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/review-the-babadook/#comments Sat, 13 Dec 2014 00:01:46 +0000 Jared Jones http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268148 A fresh breath of air into a genre whose most recent financial success centered around a haunted cardboard game.

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By Jared Jones

While standing in line for a screening of Alive Inside earlier this week, I happened to overhear a group of teenagers anxiously discussing another movie that was playing that night — Australian newcomer Jennifer Kent’s The Babadook.

“It’s gonna be the scariest movie since Insidious.” said one of them.

“I just hope it’s better than Ouija,” another one chimed in.

My first thought was, “Since Insidious? FUCK YOU.” This was quickly followed by the blackout rage that I am struck with whenever anyone mentions Ouija, the lamest mainstream success of a horror movie since, well, Insidious. 

My third thought, however, was, “Oh boy, are you about to be disappointed.” Because while Insidious and The Babadook tell somewhat similar stories on a surface level, there could not be a bigger discrepancy in how they choose to tell them. Whereas Insidious opted for the approach that American horror fans have become increasingly familiar with — a paper-thin plot held together by an endless smorgasbord of jump scares which ultimately collapses in on itself in the third act — The Babadook actually spends its runtime exploring relatable, psychologically-rooted fears like social alienation and loss.

What’s this, fully realized characters? Emotional resonance? Babadook’s noticeable lack of cheap gimmicks and cerebral approach to its material can only mean that it will bomb hard at the box office this weekend, although the fact that the screening those teenagers were planning to attend was sold out gives me hope.

The Babadook tells your classic woman-whose-husband-died-in-a-car-wreck-while-driving-her-to-the-hospital-to-deliver-their-baby story, but with a “child from Hell” kicker thrown in for good measure. Six or so years (I suck at guessing children’s ages) after said death of her husband, Amelia is still struggling to move on emotionally, no thanks to the increasingly sadistic actions of her son, Sam. You see, Amelia carries a deep hatred (or at least resentment) for her son deep inside her, and not just because he serves as a constant reminder of her deceased husband, who for all intents and purposes looked like a professional tennis player and smelled like lilacs. Sam’s repeated offenses at school have earned them both something of a social pariah status in town, to the point that not a day can pass without Amelia being called out of work to attend to another one of her son’s increasingly frustrating needs.

In an attempt to get her demon child to go the f*ck to sleep one night, Amelia reads him the tale of “The Babadook”, a menacing, tophat wearing monster who infiltrates the lives of all who read his book. Shortly thereafter, strange goings on begin to occur in their home each night, with Sam blaming them all on the creature that is definitely probably just a figment of his imagination. When Amelia begins to suffer from her own sleep-deprived delusions and lash out at Sam in response, it becomes more and more apparent what the Babadook truly is and what force is driving it.

Oddly enough, one of the most immediate aspects of The Babadook that jumps at you is its attention to set design. The majority of the film takes place in Amelia’s home, a vacant, gloomy Victorian whose monotonic blue-gray walls, stairs, floors, and everything else pull you into a dreamlike state of semi-reality. Babadook is in many ways a modern day take on a gothic fairy tale, and the films use of shadow to cast doubt around every corner of the creaking, claustrophobic house only adds to the heightened sense of isolation and unease that the film’s thematic elements have already established. Babadook might not make the seasoned horror aficionado jump out of his/her seat, but the way it is able to establish a sense of dread and just kind of crescendo it until its climax is arguably more effective.

In short, it’s easy to see why Babadook writer/director Jennifer Kent is receiving a lot of praise for crafting an intelligent and genuinely affecting horror film in a market that not only allowed Ouija to happen, but rewarded it with a $50 million return. Again, I am taken back to the group of teenagers whose conversation I chose to plagiarize for this review. The sad reality is, if Babadook does turn out to be a financial success, we’ll almost certainly have to chalk it up to the way it was marketed to look like another cut-rate haunted house movie. Its 98% approval rating among critics will mean nothing once the word of mouth gets out that the film is “slow” and “boring” (also “fake and gay”), and at the end of the day, Babadook will likely serve as another example of why we can’t have nice things. There very well may be an audience for slow-burning, genuine horror movies like Babadook, but it never seems to be as big as the one for a movie about, say, a haunted cardboard game.

Grade: B+

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DON’T PASS On The Trailer For Kobe Doc ‘Kobe Bryant’s Muse’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/dont-pass-on-the-trailer-for-kobe-doc-kobe-bryants-muse/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/video/dont-pass-on-the-trailer-for-kobe-doc-kobe-bryants-muse/#comments Fri, 12 Dec 2014 23:44:23 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?post_type=video&p=268170 I'd watch it if it was produced by Shaq and Phil Jackson.

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Showtime is still prepping the documentary Kobe Bryant’s Muse, which they assure the public will present “a side of Kobe Bryant that the public has never seen before.” One could only presume that means a decent side, a side aware that other humans exist and deserve respect, a side that honors the institution of marriage, a side that passes the ball when it realizes its broken-down body is not what it used to be. That kind of side.

(I don’t like Kobe Bryant very much.)

And I’m sure the portrayal of the star Laker will be fair and even-handed, since it will be produced by Kobe Bryant himself.

Stephen Espinoza of Showtime offers this cryptic pull quote to Variety:

“Rarely has a superstar athlete afforded this type of access and engaged in this level of self-reflection during his playing career. Throughout his NBA career, Kobe has been an intensely private person, so in many ways this film is the antithesis of the Kobe Bryant that the public has come to know.”

If Kobe is exercising self-reflection during tantrums like this, then I’m Helena Bonham Carter.

Gosh, even the title of this documentary is painfully romantic. If, for any reason, you want to spend more time with this person, you can tune in to the documentary premiere on Showtime in February.

 

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James Corden Gets Reggie Watts As His Band Leader For ‘The Late Late Show’ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/james-corden-gets-reggie-watts-as-his-band-leader-for-the-late-late-show/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/james-corden-gets-reggie-watts-as-his-band-leader-for-the-late-late-show/#comments Fri, 12 Dec 2014 21:48:49 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268165 The stoner crowd's ears just perked up.

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Good news for fans of Reggie Watts, and bad news for Scott Aukerman and Comedy Bang! Bang!: Deadpan comedy presence and musician Reggie Watts will be graduating from cable to network TV as the “band leader” for James Corden‘s turn replacing Craig Ferguson.

The Late Late Show is (ahem) late enough that they can get pretty weird with their talent and content, and Watts is nothing if not weird. He’s also pretty damn funny and talented, but he’s weird first.

Watts as I’ve known him has always been something of a solo musical act using loopers and keyboards to create very unique soundscapes. He did appear at LCD Soundsystem’s final concert to sing on a track, but that’s about it.

It will probably be something new. It will definitely be something weird.

As for his current day job:

 

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These Warner Herzog Inspirational Posters Might Come Up A Little Shrort http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/these-warner-herzog-inspirational-posters-might-come-up-a-little-shrort/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/movies/movie-news/these-warner-herzog-inspirational-posters-might-come-up-a-little-shrort/#comments Fri, 12 Dec 2014 21:14:27 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268161 Warner Herzog is known for being a bleak old man with a funny voice. Also, he’s directed some movies. But for the sake of comedy, we focus on the former....

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Warner Herzog is known for being a bleak old man with a funny voice. Also, he’s directed some movies. But for the sake of comedy, we focus on the former. And so does this tumblr, herzoginspirationals.tumblr.com. They take some of the director’s bleakest, darkest thoughts, and juxtapose them against familiar “HANG IN THERE!!!!!11!!!” settings.

I can’t really sell the humor here, so take a look at a few on the site and see if they’re your cup of tea. If so, you’ll likely enjoy Paul Tompkins’ impression of the man himself. See below:

(A.V. Club)

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Donald Glover Pilot ‘Atlanta’ Finds A Home At FX http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/donald-glover-pilot-atlanta-finds-a-home-at-fx/ http://www.screenjunkies.com/tv/tv-news/donald-glover-pilot-atlanta-finds-a-home-at-fx/#comments Fri, 12 Dec 2014 21:04:22 +0000 Penn Collins http://www.screenjunkies.com/?p=268157 He's gonna player a rapper. What range!

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Donald Glover has been a busy man the past few years with his rapping under the name Childish Gambino, his Community acting (and drama), and his social media meltdowns. Not one to stop, Glover has finally gotten his pilot Atlanta on order from FX, though not yet picked up.

I say finally, because Atlanta, a comedy set in the Atlanta rap world, was considered by FX two yeras ago, and is just now getting its pilot authorized. The show will star Donald Glover as rapper Earnest Marks as he struggles to walk the line between business and art.

Glover will also serve as Executive Producer alongside Paul Simms from Girls.

 

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