Beer and TV go together like hookers and blow. And since both of those are illegal AND expensive, why don't you just crack open a cold one and stroll through 8 of TV's best screen-licking brews.

PAWTUCKET PATRIOT ALE

In March of 2008, The History Channel shortened its name to History. It would have made more sense if it had shortened its name to The Channel. Over the past few years, the network has stopped pretending to give a damn about history and now traffics mainly in crappy reality television. Sure, it can be entertaining, but history it ain’t!

Remember when The History Channel used to enlighten its viewers with quality historical documentaries and relevant original programming? Yeah, neither do we. The network has always been a sad mix of poor-quality World War II stock footage and shoddy battle reenactments. But for all its faults, at least it used to take its name somewhat seriously. Sure, “UFO Hunters: Nazi UFOs” wasn’t the most historically accurate documentary, but at least it had Hitler as opposed to some hillbilly running around in a swamp.

With those simpler times in mind, here are eight History Channel shows that have nothing to do with history.

Films only have a limited time to get their whole story across.  If a crazy dragon thing is introduced on Pandora early in a film, you can bet your bottom dollar that the main Na’vi hero will be riding that dragon thing by forcing his sexual ponytail into it by the end.  But sometimes, threads are introduced in films that really don’t add up to anything.  Whether it’s laziness or stupidity no one can say for sure.  Except me.  And I say it is laziness and stupidity.  Here are 9 movie plot threads that don’t really go anywhere.

Batman Returns - Max Shreck’s Reverse Power Plant

It was probably close to three in the morning in your living room. You were six sodas and three gorditas deep with the volume turned way down on the set, anxiously awaiting some practical knowledge regarding the mysterious act of sex. From the scenes that put wisdom in your brain and a strain in your shorts, these were the moments that taught you more about getting laid than anything else. Here are some of the lessons you learned.

Porky's

Everyone always talks about date movies, but what about the dates in movies? Sure, you can pick Hollywood’s latest (laaaaame) offerings of Dear John or Valentine’s Day and hope to impress the girl you tricked into going out with you. Or, you could take a cue from some movies that nailed the perfect date and really knock their socks/panties off.

10) Superman: The Movie

Blindfolds, bickering, shackles, mounds of snow, and serious daddy issues. All things you might find in Pamela Anderson's bedroom. Your TV preview begins now!

CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

The '09 summer movies have already begun to arrive, but still to come are  some of the biggest, baddest, FX-iest movies around. For robot fans, you can look no further than three of the biggest releases this summer: Terminator Salvation, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and (if it sticks to the cartoon’s use of robot drones to satisfy the ratings board) G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra.

[No, colons are not movie code for “Robot Plot.”]

Robots are on the A-List now, but they didn't always have it so good.  Here are five cinematic robots that just didn’t work (as they were intended):
 

T-800 from Terminator

Program: Kill Sarah Connor, period.