Johnny Depp

^{Let's thank the Internet for this nightmare image.}

Disney has given Ian McShane the executive order to stop shaving. Deadwood's pimp and murderer has been selected to portray the notorious pirate Blackbeard in Rob Marshall's Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides. It's time to celebrate. Open the f*ckin' canned peaches!

If McShane signs on, he'll be squaring off against Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow as he slurs and mumbles and gets slapped by women while trying to find the Fountain of Youth. Penelope Cruz has also joined the cast recently as Depp's atractivo sexualmente foil (translation: corset boobs). With these two casting additions, this could be a film to look forward to. Richardson has given it his seal of approval.

 (THR)

Good God, Johnny Depp, what is wrong with you? Looks like Mama took a bottle of her happy pills and put on some makeup for her rendez-vous with Death. Aces, Tim Burton! You've officially put your stamp on one of the most beloved stories of all time and turned it into a Disney film that's sure to have kids pissing all over their Mickey Mouse bedsheets.

Spike TV hit us with the good stuff last on the Scream Awards, and no I'm not talking about the captivating evening of the award show itself. We get another look at basically the first trailer for Alice in Wonderland, except this time the producers threw in some extra tiny morsels to place on tip of your tongue and let melt into your bloodstream.

All the classic Tim Burton elements are present, except of course for Johnny Depp who, wait a minute, is that Depp in creepy contact lenses?! Well this changes everything. Whether or not you think Alice is going to be awesome it's probably going to be awesome, and if you bet against it you will surely suffer the consequences of your friends' ridicule and swift punches to your vital organs. Hey, I don't know the content of your friends' characters.

Never bet against Burton.

Director: Tim Burton

Cast: Johnny Depp, Mia Wasikowska, Alan Rickman, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Sheen, Stephen Fry, Crispin Glover, Ann Hathaway

Synopsis: Live action, 3D update of the classic story by Lewis Caroll, about the adventures of a young girl, Alice, who falls into a magical world full of strange characters and darkness behind every corner.

Though he’s played a wide variety of roles over the course of his career, and is set to play the hardboiled John Dillinger in the upcoming Public Enemies, Johnny Depp has shown himself to be an actor of idiosyncratic but undeniably odd taste in roles.  Oh sure, he can do the Oscar-winning drama just as well as anybody (Finding Neverland, Donnie Brasco), but he just can’t seem to stay away from roles that send shivers down people’s spine or cause audiences to say, “WTF?” (Or for that matter make movies these days that don’t have Tim Burton’s name attached to them.)