jessica alba

The new Machete trailer has slashed its way onto the Internetz. We last saw an "illegal" trailer released on Cinco de Mayo which got me amped, but this new one makes me want to punch a cinder block just so I can feel like a man. It's like producer Robert Rodriquez and director Ethan Maniquis took all the things that zip through a male's brain on a daily basis and cramed them into one movie with Jeff Fahey. Not that I don't like Jeff Fahey, I just can't say he's on my mind that often. At least you'll never get me to admit it here...

Machete rips theaters a new asshole Labor Day Weekend, September 3rd.

Check out the trailer after the jump.

I chose the most suggestive picture I could snap for Universal's Little Fockers trailer, and it doesn't even get across the actual horror that unfolds in the scene. The Paul Weitz-directed threequel to the Meet the Parents blockbuster stars Ben Stiller, Robert De Niro, Teri Polo, Owen Wilson, Blythe Danner, Jessica Alba, Laura Dern, Harvey Keitel, Barbra Streisand, and Dustin Hoffman. You can practically smell the money wafting off the screen. There's even a turkey carving joke involving someone's thumb. I won't tell you who, but he plays the neurotic klutz in all of these films. And most of the other films he does.

Little Fockers starts raking it in at the holiday box office December 22, 2010.

Director: Paul Weitz

Cast: Ben Stiller, Robert De Niro, Owen Wilson, Jessica Alba, Teri Polo, Harvey Keitel, Barbra Streisand

Synopsis: The Focker and the Byrnes families brace themselves for the arrival of a baby.

Release Date: December 22, 2010

The Killer Inside Me
R, 108min., 2010
Cast: Casey Affleck, Jessica Alba, Kate Hudson, Simon Baker, Elias Koteas, Ned Betty, and Bill Pullman
Directed by Micheal Winterbottom
Screenplay by John Curran based upon the novel by Jim Thompson
 
The Killer Inside Me is a faithfully adapted, dark, and twisted gem of an exercise in B-movie noir.
 
From the faded pop color opening credit sequence, director Michael Winterbottom and his perfectly suited cast takes us back to 1950s West Texas, where Central City, Sheriff Deputy Lou Ford (played by Casey Affleck, giving one of his finest and scariest performances to date) doesn't carry a gun and 'sweet talks' his way out of any bad problems. Well, that's what Lou wants you to believe as behind his earnest smile he is one of the most disturbed and violently psychological complex characters this side of the Rio Grande.

MORE AFTER THE JUMP...

Director: Michael Winterbottom

Cast: Casey Affleck, Jessica Alba, Kate Hudson

Synopsis: A West Texas deputy sheriff is slowly unmasked as a psychotic killer.

For Cinco de Mayo, Robert Rodriguez dropped a package off at the home of his AICN homies, and it turned out to be the "illegal" trailer for Machete hidden underneath a pound of tamales. Alright, I'm not certain about the tamales, but it's how I deliver all of MY packages.

_{Let's get this barbeque f*ckin' started.}

This Labor Day, make room for Machete amongst your ice cold beers and charred hot dogs. The Robert Rodriguez produced film based off the trailer from Grindhouse will hit theaters September 3.

Machete stars Danny Trejo as a blade-wielding Mexican ex-Federale who is double-crossed by a crooked politician. If for some loco reason blade-wielding Mexican's aren't your cup of horchata, keep in mind that Jessica Alba is playing twins in the film. Yes, that's right, Rodriguez DOES listen to your prayers at night, and he has answered them. Who else did you think you were appealing to? (Variety)

Sensory overload. Not enough blood in my brain as I write this post. Has traveled to my...elsewhere. In a recent interview with MTV, Jessica Alba revealed she'll be playing identical twins in Robert Rodriguez's Grindhouse spinoff, Machete. One of them will be bad, one of them will good, and both of them will look like Jessica Alba. I'd suggest that the two Albas kiss in the film but I'm fairly certain such an event would signal the apocalypse. In all honesty, what more would we have to live for? Check out Alba's interview below.