angelina jolie

Angelina Jolie can't decide which movie-I'll-never-see to do next. First there were reports that she dropped out of Wanted 2 in favor of Alfonso Cuaron's stranded on a spacestation drama Gravity. Word today is that she's not part of Gravity and is circling a project with Darren Aronofsky.

The director and star are both looking to join an adaptation of Serena: A Novel. If the project does come to fruition, Serena: A Movie would star Jolie as the wife of a timber magnate in the woods of 1929 North Carolina. She would use the awesome powers of her vagina to convince him to commit increasingly ruthless acts. Later when she learns that she cannot conceive a child she decides that adoption is sooo 2002 and that murdering her husband's illegitimate son is the new hotness.

Both Jolie and Aronofsky are waiting for a new script and budget before signing on to the evil vagina movie. I just wish that Angelina would learn to use that thing for good. Think of all the wars she could stop. (THR)

Yesterday, we brought you the Salt teaser trailer in Russian, and now we bring it to you in glorious English. I think you'll find it's easier to understand, unless of course you call the Motherland home.

Salt, or as it could be titled, Mission Impossible 4: The Search for Ethan Hunt's Identity (Again), stars Angelina Jolie as Evelyn Salt, a CIA officer who swore an oath to duty, honor, and country. When she is accused by a defector of being a Russian sleeper spy, Salt goes on the run to clear her name and ultimately prove she is a patriot. Seems like a great deal of work to prove you're a patriot, when all you need is one of these:

Angelina Jolie and a conservative, right-wing wiener dog save the country. Talk about a box office smash hit.

Check out the Salt teaser trailer after the jump!

Salt International Trailer - Watch more Funny Videos

A Russian-dubbed trailer for Salt barged onto the Internet today and I can't understand a f&@%ing word of it. But I have seen Mission: Impossible, The Fugitive, and a couple episodes of Alias so I feel better equipped to explain the plot than many Russians would be able to. Angelina Jolie stars as Evelyn Salt, a sexy spy chick who is accused of being a double-spy by this other spy so she dyes her hair and goes on the run. While trying to clear her good name, she causes some sh*tty traffic on the Queensboro Bridge. Then she changes her name to "Coat" or something. Salt opens in theaters July 23rd, 2010.

When you're done pleasuring yourself to the thought of a sexy Russian Angelina Jolie, check out these links... 

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It's Mother's Day on sunday, and Screenjunkies is saluting the top ten movie moms from whom we wouldn't mind receiving a spanking.  Deciding this was difficult.  We pored over days' worth of DVDs...  held focus groups in top secret testing facilities underneath Beverly Hills... and even phoned our Dads to get their opinions.  What resulted is this list - a virtual who's who of cinematic MILFage from the past twenty years.  You may not agree with them as your personal ten, but you can't deny that if any of them were your mother... then you probably have/had a lot of friends ask to spend the night at your place in high school.

Send in the MOMS!!!

HALLE BERRY as Leticia Musgrove in Monster's Ball