Jim Gaffigan when someone brings up affirmative actions. Just kidding. Probably Hot Pockets.
Jim Gaffigan, The Anti-Louie C.K., To Adopt C.K.’s Distribution Model
Friday, February 17 by

It will be Gaffigan’s crassest material yet, earning him a PG rating.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you (possibly) Israel Thornstein.
British Spy Group MI5 Reveals Charlie Chaplin MAY HAVE BEEN A FRENCHMAN!
Friday, February 17 by

Whatever his name is, he’s no Alex Pettyfer.

It's hard to believe that this show has kept plugging along longer than 'Joe Millionaire' did.
244 FOX Shows That Have Come And Gone During ‘The Simpsons’ 500-Episode Run
Friday, February 17 by

One look at this list, and you’ll think, “Huh. FOX sure has aired a lot of crap.”

"Mr. Quaid, if you don't stop telling the committee what you'd like to do with our nipples, I will ask you to leave."
Jennifer Aniston And Dennis Quaid Are Going To Star In A ‘Jackie Brown’ Prequel Whether You Think It’s A Good Idea Or Not
Friday, February 17 by

Rob Schneider had a prior commitment.

OH MY GOD! SHE'S GOT A GUN!
America Treated To Two New Jenny McCarthy Shows In Development
Thursday, February 16 by

Let’s see…She’s less hot and louder since America last cared about her. Yeah, these shows are good ideas.

"...and that's why it was the best surprise party I'd ever attended."
‘Transformers 4′ Is Going To Have An Entirely New Cast, Says Josh Duhamel
Thursday, February 16 by

Why? Why not?

He poisons them all.
Gus Fring From ‘Breaking Bad’ Has Found His Way To ‘Community’
Thursday, February 16 by

He should have been in the episode about Abed and the chicken fingers.

Yeah...back in the toilet.
6 Recent Instances Of NBC Screwing The Metaphorical Pooch
Thursday, February 16 by

They’re also ball-droppers for those keeping score at home.

You son of a bitch, Tintin.
7 Instances Of Good Directors Choosing Very Bad Sequels And Remakes
Thursday, February 16 by

I wanted to put Gus Van Sant’s remake of ‘Psycho’ on here seven times, but my editor wouldn’t let me.

If his PR rep had their way, he'd be staring at the 'Big Book of GAY Butts'
Brett Ratner’s New GLAAD PSAs Will Require Lots Of Rehearsing
Wednesday, February 15 by

Get it? Ugh.

Ironically, picking up this show in 2012 is exactly the type of thing that Hannibal would eat you for.
NBC Picking Up ‘Hannibal’ In What Is Clearly A Cry For Help
Wednesday, February 15 by

I hope you like your violence watered-down and insinuated!

He'll continue to dance in my dreams.
Sadly, Herman Cain Won’t Be On ‘Dancing With The Stars’ Next Season
Wednesday, February 15 by

We’d rather see him in a ‘Temptation Island’ reboot, anyway.

...and here we go.
8 Famous Dildo Scenes For Those Without A Date On Valentine’s Day
Tuesday, February 14 by

This is as romantic as this website gets, unfortunately.

Both these cards together get my message across
Say ‘Winter Is Coming’, I Mean, ‘I Love You’ With ‘Game Of Thrones’ Valentines
Tuesday, February 14 by

Great for whores, bastards, and dwarves, also!

Uh?
7 Movie Romances That Will Make You Glad To Be Alone On Valentine’s Day
Tuesday, February 14 by

Unless you’re married to a sack of door knobs or something, your relationship is less odd than the entries on this list.

She then later sent a Tweet asking fans to maybe give her a ride to O'Hare at 6:30 AM, then maybe help her move this weekend.
Last Night Oprah Begged For Ratings In A Very Un-Orpah-Like Fashion
Monday, February 13 by

My prayers have been answered.

This is like our fifteenth article about Han shooting first in the past week. No mas.
8 Things From ‘Star Wars’ More Unethical Than Han Shooting First
Monday, February 13 by

George Lucas leads us to believe that space is mostly a vast moral grey area.

My two most desired items in the world - those shoes and that board.
Mattel Will Be Manufacturing The “Hoverboard” In Time For Christmas
Monday, February 13 by

I’ll hold out for the powered Pit Bull model.

Spank bank.
Roseanne Uses Her Siren Call To Lure Back John Goodman For NBC Pilot
Friday, February 10 by

It’s crazy enough to work.

This man is a liar.
George Lucas Insists Greedo Always Shot First In ‘Star Wars’, You Just Didn’t Notice It
Friday, February 10 by

This whole time you thought that Han Solo shot first at bounty hunter Greedo at the cantina, but really, it was your only bloodlust that led you to that conclusion,…

The BAFTA's actual awards have the distinction of being the most terrifying.
Why Do We (Or Don’t We) Care About The BAFTAs?
Friday, February 10 by

Everything you wanted to know about the BAFTAs but were too smart to ask.

Dabney Coleman
‘At Water’s Edge’ (Dabney Coleman Erotic Fan Fiction – Chapter 19)
Friday, February 10 by

My adventure with Dabney comes to an end. Or does it?

I'll be the first one to admit, Colonel Sanders has a pretty good track record. He doesn't make this list easy.
Worst Of The Best: The 5 Worst Films Scored By John Williams
Thursday, February 9 by

Wow. John Williams doesn’t have many missteps.

He would start by tripling his bandana budget line item.
If He Was Gay, Hulk Hogan Would “Celebrate It,” Just So You Know
Thursday, February 9 by

And I would like to witness that celebration.

They might want to reconsider their organizational structure.
7 Surprisingly Insensitive Political Ads
Thursday, February 9 by

Because you don’t want to spend all day being sensitive to people, do you?

Teach 'em how to Dougie, Gene.
Get Your Hopes Up, A ‘Wet Hot American Summer’ Sequel Is ‘Yes, Absolutely 100%’ Getting Made
Thursday, February 9 by

Chris Meloni returns as Gene, the shell-shocked Vietnam vet or GTFO.

Jaden Smith is probably the most exciting new actor in Hollywood.
7 Sequels Of Remakes Hollywood Felt Were Necessary
Wednesday, February 8 by

An unnecessary article discussing unnecessary films. Perfect.

Does this look like a man who watches 'Jersey Shore'? No. No it doesn't.
Even Carson Daly Doesn’t Watch MTV
Wednesday, February 8 by

The first-ever Carson Daly interview that won’t lull you to sleep.

A lot of people are watching this show. But why?
Why In The Hell Are These 5 TV Shows So Popular?
Wednesday, February 8 by

Who’s watching these shows? Please come forward. I’m not going to get angry, I just want to know.

Apparently, some soulless movie exec screaming, "Remember Stretch Armstrong?" doesn't mean it will be a viable movie.
Universal Just Paid Millions Of Dollars To Not Make Movies Based On Hasbro Toys
Tuesday, February 7 by

I’m sitting at my desk, not making a Hasbro toy-based film, and it’s not costing me shit.