This, ladies and gentlemen, is my 'Twilight'.
‘Rampage’ Video Game To Become A Real Thinkpiece Film
Friday, November 18 by

They get their strength from eating people. Just like I do.

When those three men looked at it me, that was the most scared I had ever been in my entire life.
A Tale Of Two Cubes: Family-Friendly vs. N.W.A. Ice Cube
Thursday, November 17 by

“Do I look like a muthaf*ckin’ role model?” Yeah, Ice Cube. You kinda do now.

I felt sorry for them until I saw that he got married in that hat.
Ashton Kutcher And Demi Moore To Div…ZZZZZZ
Thursday, November 17 by

Ashton will retain sole custody of his spotty facial hair.

This film will be made right after Lifetime's 'Bad Medicine: The Conrad Murray Story'
The Odds On Who Will Play Michael Jackson In His Inevitable Biopic
Thursday, November 17 by

I think there is a better chance of reanimating Michael to play himself than getting any of these guys hired.

Oh, man! They're gonna remake 'The Munsters'? This is gonna be so classic!!!!
NBC Now Thinks People Will Like ‘The Munsters’ More Than ‘Community’
Thursday, November 17 by

They’re hoping it lasts at least as long as the ‘Charlie’s Angels’ remake does.

Rob Schneider has plenty of booze back at his place if you girls wanna join him.
Rob Schneider To Address Exclamation Point-Inversion Epidemic With ‘¡Rob!’
Wednesday, November 16 by

Let this be the news that signified Rob Schneider’s career had superseded Adam Sandler’s, never to be overtaken again.

If these guys weren't six underground...I tell you what...
Screen Junkies’ 1st Annual ‘Sexiest Man Not Alive’ Awards
Wednesday, November 16 by

Just ’cause they’re dead doesn’t mean we’re not wildly attracted to them.

Ironically, I bet these superhero kids probably really turn pedophiles on.
Fake Canadian Superheroes Targeting Pedophiles Via YouTube (No, Really)
Wednesday, November 16 by

This is just really awesome. The costumes, the deception…everything.

Here's to three more years of celebrating diversity!
Comedy Central’s President Saw His Shadow, We Get Three More Years Of ‘South Park’
Wednesday, November 16 by

I heard in two years they were thinking about doing an Elian Gonzalez episode. Is nothing sacred with these guys?

It won't be on during the day, because that's when Americans should be working. With their jobs.
5 Possible Premises For Glenn Beck’s New Animated Series
Tuesday, November 15 by

No one makes me laugh like Glenn Beck does.

Bob Costas, in an interview that's about as far removed from sports as possible.
8 Awkward Interviews That Make The Jerry Sandusky Q&A Look Comfortable
Tuesday, November 15 by

If your day has been filled with pleasant and comfortable interactions, you better watch these to restore some balance.

Who would have thought this ham-fisted toddler comedy would have ever played outside the Borscht Belt? Not me.
Armond White Thought ‘Jack And Jill’ Was Just Great, Thank You
Tuesday, November 15 by

He also thought the war in Iraq was our nation’s finest hour and P.F. Chang’s has pretty authentic Chinese food.

Black magic.
What Is A ‘Magical Negro’ And Why Are They In So Many Films?
Tuesday, November 15 by

If these guys were actually around, maybe I wouldn’t keep screwing up my life.

We meant a computer virus, but I wouldn't rule out the regular kind.
Nude ‘Twilight’ Stars Taylor Lautner, Kristen Stewart Will Give You A Virus
Monday, November 14 by

We meant a computer virus, but I wouldn’t rule out the regular kind.

The president might want his new girlfriend to get tested.
The President Is Going To Steal Russell Brand’s Girlfriend!
Monday, November 14 by

This would likely hurt the president’s approval ratings.

Holy crap. That made money?
You Won’t Believe These 9 Awful Films Made Over $100 Million
Monday, November 14 by

‘Jack and Jill’ may soon join them.

I found him. Can you please not make the movie now?
Six Ways Hollywood Is Planning To Rape Your Childhood
Monday, November 14 by

We’re waiting for news of a gritty re-telling of Connect Four.

"Django's wife...she's BOH-ring!" Shit. That's not gonna read at all in print.
Sacha Baron Cohen Also Joining Tarantino’s ‘Django’?
Friday, November 11 by

He’s going to buy Django’s wife wIth no repercussions at all, I presume.

Patton
7 Awesome War Films Based On Real Veterans
Friday, November 11 by

Good, bad, or otherwise, these films serve as true representations of the American military experience.

He's scary, but not in a conventional way.
David Schwimmer Will Be Playing A Mob Hitman In ‘The Iceman’… Seriously.
Friday, November 11 by

He bores his victims to death.

That can't be kosher...
Here’s Why The Muppets Should Be Hosting The Oscars Instead Of Billy Crystal
Thursday, November 10 by

That can’t be kosher…

Frieida Pinto Isn't Topless, uses a body double
Bad News: Freida Pinto Isn’t Really Nude In ‘Immortals’
Thursday, November 10 by

But SOMEONE is!

Whatever you do, don't tell them that Twilight won't fill the hole in their lives - they hear that enough.
8 Things To Do While Waiting In Line For The Twilight Premiere
Thursday, November 10 by

Tell everyone you’re there for the premiere of the new pornographic film ‘Breaking Dawn’.

They get worse from here, folks.
In Honor Of Heavy D: An Examination Of 7 Hip-Hop TV Themes
Thursday, November 10 by

It turns out, there aren’t as many rap TV themes as one would think.

This guy would put together an Oscars no one would forget. Or understand.
The 9 Directors Who Should Replace Brett Ratner At The Oscars
Wednesday, November 9 by

“The most disturbing Oscars ever” is still better than a boring Oscar ceremony, right?

It would appear that the Academy just fell for the old "banana in the tailpipe."
Eddie Murphy Bolts From Oscars Due To Bizarre Allegiance To Brett Ratner
Wednesday, November 9 by

In a further show of solidarity with Ratner, the heavy gal from ‘Bridesmaids’ asked that her name be removed from consideration.

If you look very carefully, you will notice that this is NOT Kiefer Sutherland.
‘Slumdog Millionaire’ Star Goes From Playing ’24′ Character To Indian Jack Bauer
Wednesday, November 9 by

How do you say, “Dammit, Chloe!” in Standard Hindi?

This character doesn't even deserve a Kangol hat, let alone the mighty coonskin cap.
The 9 Most Iconic Hats In Hollywood’s History
Wednesday, November 9 by

We couldn’t include all the hats we wanted to, on account of my laziness.

With a state this big, why did the show need three cities?
5 Great Locations For Top Chef And A Few For Masters And Desserts
Wednesday, November 9 by

Not to mess with Texas, but they probably could have dug deeper than San Antonio.

Bizarro Waldo was found in Portugal.
If You Want To See A Photo Of Anthony Bourdain Naked On A Pool Raft, You Came To The Right Place
Tuesday, November 8 by

His wife was photographing him naked with another man. (Technically, that’s true.)