Ryan Murphy, you know sex, you tiny, newsboy-capped bastard!
‘American Horror Story’ Picked Up For Second Season…ON HALLOWEEN!
Tuesday, November 1 by

It’s the day after Halloween. I hope people still care about scary stuff.

'Cake Boss' has all the hallmarks of an amazing leader. Like Churchill.
The 7 All-Time Greatest Reality Shows About Cake
Tuesday, November 1 by

I whittle down the field of cake programs to give you my bare-bones, seven favorites. It wasn’t easy.

Smile, Nicholas. You're worth more than Haiti is!
Move Over Madoff: The 6 Most Miserable Billionaires In Film
Monday, October 31 by

Money can’t buy happiness, unless buying things makes you happy, in which case it can.

Even in animated form, Reynolds absolutely OWNS the blazer/turtleneck look.
Sterling Archer’s Hero, Burt Reynolds, To Appear In Season 3
Monday, October 31 by

Burt Reynolds will play a guy trying to sleep with Archer’s mom.

Fox thinks you might like this weird family more than 'Allen Gregory'. For realsies.
‘Allen Gregory’ Did So Poorly Last Night That Fox Bought Some More Eps Of ‘Bob’s Burgers’
Monday, October 31 by

That weird guy that really likes ‘Bob’s Burgers’ will be thrilled.

Oh man, even I Am Legend is crying!
7 Awkward Clips Of Actors Crying
Monday, October 31 by

Strong men also cry…

He's the anti-Sheen. He represents all that is good and pure in this world.
Bill Murray To Be The Yin To Charlie Sheen’s F*cked-Up Yang In ‘Charles Swan’
Friday, October 28 by

Now if they could just get rid of Charlie Sheen.

This is what happens when people stop being polite and start getting raped.
MTV’s ‘Real World’ Star Claims She Was Raped With A Toothbrush
Friday, October 28 by

Who would have thought such a thing would happen on the ‘Real World’? Oh, right. Everyone.

He's gonna need to make a run and buy some more fame juice.
Charlie Sheen And His New TV Show Get Picked Up By FX
Thursday, October 27 by

My research hasn’t turned up any signs of Chuck Lorre’s involvement in the show.

His girlfriend is a vegetarian, which pretty much makes him a vegetarian, too.
Samuel L. Jackson Is Hollywood’s Highest-Grossing Actor
Thursday, October 27 by

And that’s not even considering all the money he makes from wearing Kangol hats and laughing uproariously at the Oscars.

It really doesn't help that this show is on a channel called "USA."
6 American TV Shows That China Could Never Consider ‘Overly Entertaining’
Thursday, October 27 by

There’s one show on this list that will probably piss people off.

At Screen Junkies, we spare no expense in our re-creations.
Our 9 Favorite Scenes Involving People Killing Defenseless Animals
Wednesday, October 26 by

To help get you through the rest of the week, here’s a list (with video) of people killing animals.

F*ck yeah, that's Norbit!
Eddie Murphy To Try Something New With A Family-Oriented ‘Beverly Hills Cop’ TV Show
Wednesday, October 26 by

I could see “Axel F” being redone by Cut Copy or Chromeo.

I went with this image after I went into a Google image search for "Fat Bitch" unprepared.
8 Movies-Within-Movies That Should Be Made
Tuesday, October 25 by

Instead of the Battleship film, why didn’t someone sack up and make ‘Nation’s Pride’?

Mr. Leno will be flying a denim shirt at half-mast for the rest of the week.
Jay Leno’s Joke Kills Two Motorcyclists
Tuesday, October 25 by

This is worse than when the Dancing Ito’s went haywire and took out that orphanage.

As you can see, the cast is very excited about this news.
AMC Renews ‘The Walking Dead’ Since They Already Bought All Those Zombie Costumes
Tuesday, October 25 by

Just imagine how well it would do if it had characters we cared about!

Let's get him the White House AND a five-picture deal at DreamWorks.
Herman Cain And The 9 Craziest Campaign Videos Of Recent Years
Tuesday, October 25 by

I wish I could vote for all these candidates, even the ones whose elections have already taken place.

The film will be markedly worse than this picture.
Tyler Perry’s ‘The Marriage Counselor’ Will Now Feature Two Things Black People Love: Tyler Perry And Kim Kardashian’s Ass
Tuesday, October 25 by

Brought to you by Skechers Shape-Ups and TBS…

Feel free to wash it down with some water.
10 Movie Foods More Disgusting Than The McRib
Monday, October 24 by

I managed to get through this article without grossing myself out, then I came back to write the intro, and that McRib description made my stomach turn.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE WAYANSESES!!!!!
We Got An Early Copy Of The Wayans Family Christmas Card
Monday, October 24 by

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE WAYANSESES!!!!!

If he's not wearing a funny costume, he shouldn't be doing bad things.
Disney Doesn’t Want The World To Know Johnny Depp Acts In Non-’Pirates’ Films
Monday, October 24 by

Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh you f*cking kidding me?

This is the savior of NBC.
Jimmy Fallon Sells Three Scripts To NBC. This Can’t Be Good.
Friday, October 21 by

The shows are called ‘DILFs’, ‘Fat Rob’, and ‘Rick’. Please, keep reading.

The fact that lobbies more often resemble train stations than movie theaters is a big part of the problem.
Will We Keep Going To Theaters To See Movies?
Friday, October 21 by

Movie theaters are scared that they’re losing you to your home theater. Here’s what they’re doing about it.

I'm sure producers are wondering what they can do to bring the show up to Sheen's standards.
Charlie Sheen Is ‘Very Disappointed’ With The New ‘Two And A Half Men’, Chuck Lorre Weeps
Friday, October 21 by

Jon Cryer is doing everything he can, but it just doesn’t seem to be enough.

Theirs was a pure love. And now it's gone.
The New ‘Muppets’ Film Does NOT Have The Frank Oz Seal Of Approval
Friday, October 21 by

So Jason Segel is picking up Frank Oz’s Muppet scraps. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Give this girl her own show. Now.
Sally Draper And 6 Other TV Kids I Don’t Want To Smack
Thursday, October 20 by

I would adopt any of these kids, but I would secretly hope for Michael and Sally.

Make no mistake - this man is selfish and horrible.
George Romero Doesn’t Watch, Turned Down Offers To Direct ‘The Walking Dead’
Thursday, October 20 by

How great would it be if the ‘Night of the Living Dead’ guy directed a ‘Walking Dead’ episode? Eh. Not that great, really.

Don't feel bad. Even Uma Thurman fell for it.
12 Proto-Hipsters Who Were In Movies Before It Was Cool
Thursday, October 20 by

What did one hipster say to the other? Nothing, he was just mumbling because I kicked all his teeth out with my steel-toed boot.

Make no mistake, this man is a soldier.
Right Away, Sir: The 7 Best Assistants And Butlers From TV And Film
Thursday, October 20 by

Of course Alfred made the list. Don’t ask stupid questions.

I would be more intrigued to know what The Rock couldn't use as a weapon.
The 9 Greatest Makeshift Movie Weapons
Wednesday, October 19 by

Did you know that a baseball bat can be used as a weapon? You did? Shit. Well, so can these other weird things.