Not pictured: the tater tots I was denied
Screen Junkies, Korean Christians Crash Napoleon Dynamite Day (Video)
Tuesday, January 10 by

Sure, a few things went wrong, but on the bright side, it gave the guy who played Pedro a reason to leave the house.

If she doesn't end up with Peeta when the dust settles, I swear to Christ, someone's gonna get skullf*cked.
Dork Out Hard By Buying Your ‘Hunger Games’ And ‘Dark Knight’ Tickets Months Early
Tuesday, January 10 by

The only downside is that if your pregnant wife gives birth those days, you’ll have a very unpleasant decision to make.

The fact that Kiefer Sutherland can only read digital watches is the worst-kept secret in Hollywood.
Dammit, Chloe: Kiefer Sutherland’s Finally Got That ’24′ Movie
Monday, January 9 by

There should only be time for 35-50 double agents in this abridged version.

If you live outside LA, this is a great opportunity to witness a collective of actors who have given up on their dreams.
Good News For Its 35 Fans: There Will Be A ‘Party Down’ Movie Shooting In 2012
Monday, January 9 by

This is great news to both the handful of people who actually watched the show and the millions of others who inexplicably mourned its cancellation.

He won't be smiling after this news. Wait. Is that a smile? What the hell is that?
Russell Brand Uninvited From People’s Choice Awards. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Monday, January 9 by

Shame on you, People’s Choice Awards, for disinviting Brand. SHAME ON YOUR EYES!

Be-bop-boo-badda-bop.
The 12 Funniest Names In Hollywood
Monday, January 9 by

Whoever bet that “Randolph Mantooth” wouldn’t make the list…it’s time to pay the fiddler.

Unless his newsletter is about facial hair trends, I'm probably going to pass.
6 Of Jesse “The Body” Ventura’s Craziest Moments
Friday, January 6 by

If you bought a ticket on the “Straight Talk Express,” buckle up, because it just went off the rails.

This seemed like the right picture to use for this story.
David O. Russell Is In Trouble For Groping His Transgender Niece “Out Of Curiosity”
Friday, January 6 by

He Hearts Huckabees…And His Tranny Niece’s New Breasts

He looks like a f*cking 'Jetsons' character.
9 Reasons Kanye West Should Be The Creative Director Of The ‘Jetsons’ Movie
Thursday, January 5 by

The universe can’t just offer this, then take it away. This must happen.

I dare you to try to sever his neck tendons. Seriously. Try it.
Jeremy Renner Got In A Thai Bar Fight That Ended With Some Dude Getting Axed
Thursday, January 5 by

He probably snuck out and hid in his hurt locker.

She doesn't seem like that bad of a boss.
‘Horrible Bosses’ To Tie Up All Its Loose Ends With A Sequel
Thursday, January 5 by

Oh man, I bet these bosses are gonna be sooooooo bad! Let’s go get drunk, guys!

When would I eat The Donald? That's none of your damn business. This list is contestants only, weirdo.
The New ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ Cast: Who Would I Eat First To Stay Alive?
Thursday, January 5 by

These are the most succulent contestants yet.

On an unrelated note, China's flight attendants are among the world's best-trained and deadliest.
China Found That 2/3 Of Their Shows Were Low-Brow, Cancelled Them All
Wednesday, January 4 by

I smell a rat… a big commie rat.

See ya at the crossroads, Kathy Griffin.
Screen Junkies’ Celebrity Death Predictions For 2012
Wednesday, January 4 by

We’re really going to miss some of these people if God forbid they die and I’m totally proven right.

This video is like a portal into my dark dreams.
It Was A Matter Of Time: ‘Toddlers And Tiaras’ Mom Dresses Daughter Up Like Lady Gaga
Wednesday, January 4 by

Are Laci’s fans Little Little Monsters?

The Great Leader will NOT be distracted by that guy to his right giving him the finger.
’30 Rock’ Is Doing Its Best In Dealing With This Kim Jong Il Business
Tuesday, January 3 by

What are they doing in response to the recent news of his death? Not much, man. Not much.

I DARE you to look at this map for five seconds and not get excited about Iowa.
Caucus This: 6 Films Set In Iowa
Tuesday, January 3 by

Because you’re really ignorant about which films have been set in Iowa.

Not on Rick's Netflix que...
7 Of Rick Santorum’s Least Favorite Films
Tuesday, January 3 by

All these movies are super gay. Get it?

I thought the whole point of the passage of time was that we didn't have to be subjected to films that look like this anymore.
A Guide To Seeming As Pretentious As Possible When Discussing ‘The Artist’
Monday, January 2 by

This film is widely regarded as a Greco-Roman clusterfuck of class.

Don't argue. Just knock it off.
9 90’s Movies We Need To Stop Quoting In 2012
Monday, January 2 by

If you find yourself about to quote one of these films, catch yourself and quote the works of Virgil instead.

Do you think if James Franco and Renee Zellweger had a child, it would be legally blind?
Timeline: The Year In James Franco
Thursday, December 29 by

I feel like I just spent the last year chronicling the things James Franco did last year.

Even though we aren't discussing this film, I can't stop giggling at how ridiculous this image is.
8 New Year’s Eve Films That Are As Hit-Or-Miss As The Night Itself
Thursday, December 29 by

We didn’t include ‘New Year’s Eve’ because we delight in subtlety here at Screen Junkies.

I wanted to memorialize all the girls I banged this summer with a photograph.
2011 Cable Ratings: More People Watching Good Shows, More People Watching Crap
Thursday, December 29 by

20% more people are watching crap like ’16 and Pregnant’.

Seconds later, his metamorphosis into Richie Belding was complete.
The “Ayk” Is Back: Dan Aykroyd To Try Being Funny Again
Wednesday, December 28 by

Let’s hope he does better than Eddie Murphy.

This year has left the juggernaut broken, battered, and bruised.
Netflix In 2011: How To Build Up, Then Destroy A Company In 12 Months
Wednesday, December 28 by

It’s been a bad year for Qwikster Netflix.

Pictured: A terrifying alien hooker.
Nerd Alert: An Alien-Themed Whorehouse Is Opening In Nevada
Wednesday, December 28 by

By clicking on this article, you are admitting you have alien-whore fantasies.

I don't even feel like examining the plot holes of this season. It feels like picking on a fat kid.
After An Abysmal Season, Can ‘Dexter’ Get Its Groove Back?
Wednesday, December 28 by

It’s a guilty pleasure in the vein of ‘True Blood’ but instead of sex and violence, ‘Dexter’ derives its guilt and pleasure from really shitty writing and logical leaps.

day-lewis-lincoln
Our 9 Most Anticipated Films Of 2012
Wednesday, December 28 by

Hi, I’m Abe. Wanna party?

Shockingly, they were all available.
12 Least Anticipated Films Of 2012
Tuesday, December 27 by

A great snack to enjoy while watching these films is Ambien.

Look at her pretending to love that asshole. That's acting, my friend.
The First Aunt Viv From ‘Fresh Prince’ Still Hates Will Smith
Tuesday, December 27 by

And the guy that played Jeffrey the Butler was constantly drunk and handsy. (My theory)