I would let her interview me.
Chloe Sevigny Joins ‘Lovelace’ As An “Exhausted” Demi Moore Bails
Wednesday, January 25 by

When God shuts a Demi Moore, he opens a Chloe Sevigny.

Jay, you have made an enemy of Randeep Dhillon of Bakersfield, CA. Prepare to face his wrath.
Jay Leno’s Jokes Are So Unfunny People Are Suing Him
Wednesday, January 25 by

The plaintiff here is so misguided that it compels me to side with Leno. This is shaping up to be a weird day.

"Set phasers to 'homeless'"
Divorce Causes Nerd To Lose His ‘Star Trek’ Dream Home
Wednesday, January 25 by

That’s why you never improve property you don’t own. A cold lesson here, folks.

That's the focused look of a man who isn't distracted by temptations of the flesh.
‘Project Runway’ Star Tim Gunn Hasn’t Had Sex In 29 Years. Think About THAT!
Tuesday, January 24 by

That glow that you get after sex? I guess you can get that from cosmetics, too.

The most desired man in Hollywood, after Ryan Gosling.
Get to Know The 2012 Oscar Nominees, You Rube
Tuesday, January 24 by

Let’s go ahead and judge these films the best way we know how – on appearances.

Take a note, sorority girls. THIS is the walk of shame.
8 Cinematic Choke Jobs That Billy Cundiff Would Appreciate
Tuesday, January 24 by

Ironically enough, the Sam Rockwell film ‘Choke’ doesn’t make the list.

Why do you hate your readers so much, Variety?
Frank Darabont And ‘Variety’ May Have Just Dropped A Big Spoiler For ‘The Walking Dead’
Monday, January 23 by

‘Variety’ did its job, but at what price. AT WHAT PRICE, VARIETY????

Whips and chains and fists excite her.
8 Movie And TV Characters Who, Like Chris Brown, Don’t Deserve A Second Chance
Monday, January 23 by

And probably not a first one, either.

"What did I do last night? Oh, I won the Super Bowl, then ducked out early to go home and play with my wife Gisele's breasts all night. What did you get up to?"
6 Movie Characters Who Have A Better Life Than Tom Brady
Monday, January 23 by

Yup, there are only six.

That's not the shocker, Dane. That's just fingering someone!!!
Dane Cook Bombs Again While Defending His Act
Friday, January 20 by

This may not have been a Michael Richards-level incident, but it wasn’t good.

Mutant!!!!!!
In Honor Of Double-Vagina-ed Hazel, Here Are Our 7 Favorite Film Mutants
Friday, January 20 by

A mutation is defined as a genetic change or abnormality that makes a person really gross.

How is 'Big Bang' #1? They don't even have an odd-looking guy in a floppy purple hat!
A Shitty Torch Is Passed: ‘Big Bang Theory’ Outperforms ‘Idol’
Friday, January 20 by

If anyone wants to come to my “‘Big Bang Theory’ is better than ‘Idol’” party this weekend, it will be held Sunday at a Golden Corral somewhere in Arkansas.

Mourn ya, till I join ya, TJ Hooker.
Priceline Is Going To Kill Off William Shatner
Friday, January 20 by

I always thought I would be the one to kill William Shatner.

"Haters gonna hate." *stab*
9 Celebrity Dads Who Would Be Worse Fathers Than OJ Simpson
Thursday, January 19 by

Don’t get me wrong, finding out your dad was O.J. would still be completely and totally horrible…

I hope it wasn't an aspiring actor. Hollywood is running low on those.
Good News For The Guy Who Got His Head Cut Off In Hollywood: They Found His Hands And Feet!
Thursday, January 19 by

If it’s anything like my experience with puzzles, the authorities will assemble the body only to discover they’re missing one tiny piece. Frustrating!

Even this picture makes me feel safer from terrorists.
Mark Wahlberg Would Have Stopped The 9/11 Hijackers Because He’s So Awesome
Wednesday, January 18 by

Donnie would have been in the corner, cowering like a little bitch.

It's an "I'm sorry you have Type II Diabetes" cake.
7 Paula Deen Recipes That Would Give Superman Diabetes
Wednesday, January 18 by

This collection of recipes is how they turned Eddie Murphy into The Klumps.

This is not an actual crime-scene photo, FYI.
Hooray For Hollywood: Severed Head Found Near Iconic Hollywood Sign
Wednesday, January 18 by

It’s too early to tell if the victim deserved it, so let’s stop the speculation right now, guys.

Honestly, I'd throw my support behind kicking toddlers if it meant I got the day off.
The 9 Highest-Grossing Movies Of All Time (Written Without Help From Wikipedia)
Wednesday, January 18 by

This list will prove just how capable we writers are without our precious “Wikipedia.”

The nation has been looking for a target for its collective loathing since Bin Laden was killed. Here she is.
The 7 Worst ‘SNL’ Musical Performances Of All Time
Tuesday, January 17 by

Welcome To The Club, Lana Del Rey…

You should see what the chicks at Whole Foods will do for flaxseed oil.
Hooray For Hollywood: Los Angeles Woman Arrested After Offering Sex For McNuggets
Tuesday, January 17 by

I wonder if she’s Super-sized?

All Kardashian bashing aside, they do have a really f*cking tasteful foyer.
Anderson Cooper Bans Kardashians From His New Talk Show
Friday, January 13 by

He should ban the real villain here, himself. Read on to figure out what the hell I’m talking about.

In Harlan, even the good guys aren't that great.
The Big Bads Of ‘Justified’
Friday, January 13 by

It’s a close-knit and folksy town full of violent felons.

"Who Wants To Breath Heavily While Watching TV?"
Paula Deen Has Type II Diabetes. Can You Pass The Butter?
Friday, January 13 by

It turns out that loading every meal with cream and salt might have negative health effects.

You hear that? That's the sound of 50,000 hipsters getting an erection because they just found the theme for their next barbecue.
CW Has A Clever Name For Its Dumb Musical Chairs Game Show
Friday, January 13 by

“Get ON your ass!” CW now owes me $10,000 because I just wrote this show’s tagline.

In the face of this allegation, I would just like to reiterate that I think the Kardashians all suck.
8 Movie And TV Children Who Are Bastards, Just Like Khloe Kardashian (Allegedly)
Thursday, January 12 by

This article would be in poor taste if it wasn’t a Kardashian we were talking about.

If anyone has a more recent photo, please email it to us.
Hulk Hogan To Shave His Mustache, But Not At All In Response To Those Gay Rumors
Thursday, January 12 by

If you eat his mustache trimmings, I’m assuming you become him?

Why hello there. Will Smith didn't hear you come in.
Will Smith To Host Kids’ Choice Awards. Also, News Is Really Slow Today.
Wednesday, January 11 by

Try to flex on him? Don’t be silly.

Hello, old friend.
‘Police Academy’ Reboot Will Be Helmed By A ‘Tosh.0′ Director
Tuesday, January 10 by

Now that this has been resolved, a nation can exhale and turn its focus to the presidential election.

There's not enough Dramamine in the world...
Kate Gosselin And 9 Other Gratuitous Celebrity Cruises
Tuesday, January 10 by

Tom Cruise is missing out on a very obvious and lucrative opportunity here.