Yeah, I know, I know. “Don’t do drugs.”

I bet he was dreaming about waffles. I sometimes dream about waffles.

Will Jason Statham help the franchise garner critical success to match its commercial success? Nope.

He doesn’t say it outright, but I get the feeling he’s not a fan of the films due to their overall shittiness.

Taxi drivers don’t count, because they can’t really drive.

Now gay teens will get bullied for being nerds.

Mediocre musicians make mediocre filmmakers. Great musicians make mediocre filmmakers. Crappy musicians never get enough attention to become filmmakers.

I’m hoping they re-imagine the volleyball scene by making it less gay. Or more gay. Either way is great with me.

It’s nice to watch other couples go through the same things we do, like fights with Josh Duhamel and difficulty getting Sarah Jessica Parker pregnant.

The level of preparation that some of Hollywood’s most popular films require might surprise you.

“Put a cork in it, Billy Zane.”

This controversy could cause her to lose her title of “The Next Karate Kid.”

If some dude’s gonna get over a century of jail time, I want Olivia Wilde or higher.

A recent survey shows that 96% of phone calls placed today are coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!

It could have been much worse.

It’s going to be like one of those series where the kids never leave high school, only the kids are bootleggers and the high school is prohibition.

I like war so much it’s hard to pick a favorite.

If you have a better candidate, I’m all ears.

Now all the zombie will be limping and dragging their feet as they walk. Who’s going to believe that?

If someone offered me a wager on whether or not this iteration will contain more or less sass, I would put my money on “more.”

But would they make good mothers? Just kidding. I don’t care.

Apparently, most sitcom characters don’t drink out of boredom the same way my friends and I do.

Gotti deserves better than this. Oh wait, no he doesn’t.

These companies jerked us around so bad that we need some time to think things over. If you need us, we’ll be staying at our sister’s for a few days.

Good news: one site for all services. Bad news: rate hike stays and your streaming selections are still pretty awful. Sooooo…have a nice day?

Just think of all the things Netflix could send to you. No, not “cookies.” Think bigger.

Maybe they’ll all die. That’d be kind of neat!

NEWS FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!

Nancy Grace’s ‘DWTS’ run is quickly turning her into Britney Spears, looks notwithstanding.

At least it was a fake baby.