This is easily the worst thing to happen to America in the past ten minutes or so.

Those kids at Davis seem a lot tougher than these movie characters.

I would disbar them all if I had some political power and wasn’t just a guy that writes about movies.

It apparently takes eight years for the Dark Knight to rise. In the interim, he was catching up on ‘Mad Men’ and watching the food network while doing CrossFit.

If you like being reminded of annoying things, this list is for you.

I smell an Al Swearengen crossover opportunity. Wait. No. I’m smelling lavender. Close.

Please have their assistant arrange for a box of Kleenex to be placed on their private jets.

“Would…anyone like some more turkey? No, Cody and Madison, you may NOT be excused.”

Was he drunk? He must have been drunk.

Sure, they can dance the Lindy Hop, but how do they sob?

I hope law enforcement puts Walken’s new witness interview on Pay-Per-View.

By the time we reach season eight, it will just be Dexter sitting in a room having a dinner party with six ghosts.

They get their strength from eating people. Just like I do.

“Do I look like a muthaf*ckin’ role model?” Yeah, Ice Cube. You kinda do now.

Ashton will retain sole custody of his spotty facial hair.

I think there is a better chance of reanimating Michael to play himself than getting any of these guys hired.

They’re hoping it lasts at least as long as the ‘Charlie’s Angels’ remake does.

Let this be the news that signified Rob Schneider’s career had superseded Adam Sandler’s, never to be overtaken again.

Just ’cause they’re dead doesn’t mean we’re not wildly attracted to them.

This is just really awesome. The costumes, the deception…everything.

I heard in two years they were thinking about doing an Elian Gonzalez episode. Is nothing sacred with these guys?

No one makes me laugh like Glenn Beck does.

If your day has been filled with pleasant and comfortable interactions, you better watch these to restore some balance.

He also thought the war in Iraq was our nation’s finest hour and P.F. Chang’s has pretty authentic Chinese food.

If these guys were actually around, maybe I wouldn’t keep screwing up my life.

We meant a computer virus, but I wouldn’t rule out the regular kind.

This would likely hurt the president’s approval ratings.

‘Jack and Jill’ may soon join them.

We’re waiting for news of a gritty re-telling of Connect Four.

He’s going to buy Django’s wife wIth no repercussions at all, I presume.