Because you’re really ignorant about which films have been set in Iowa.

All these movies are super gay. Get it?

This film is widely regarded as a Greco-Roman clusterfuck of class.

If you find yourself about to quote one of these films, catch yourself and quote the works of Virgil instead.

I feel like I just spent the last year chronicling the things James Franco did last year.

We didn’t include ‘New Year’s Eve’ because we delight in subtlety here at Screen Junkies.

20% more people are watching crap like ’16 and Pregnant’.

Let’s hope he does better than Eddie Murphy.

It’s been a bad year for Qwikster Netflix.

By clicking on this article, you are admitting you have alien-whore fantasies.

It’s a guilty pleasure in the vein of ‘True Blood’ but instead of sex and violence, ‘Dexter’ derives its guilt and pleasure from really shitty writing and logical leaps.

Hi, I’m Abe. Wanna party?

A great snack to enjoy while watching these films is Ambien.

And the guy that played Jeffrey the Butler was constantly drunk and handsy. (My theory)

Only now do I feel that Affleck really EARNED the title of “Sexiest Man Alive.”

Ryan Murphy is trying to set the record for “shortest duration from an original to a reboot.”

All these explosions are ruining Christmas.

I hope this is the first role that let’s him wear that tiny little earring in character.

Twenty years later, Marv looks back at what once was, what could have been, and what now is.

Sure there were unanswered questions at the end of the first series, but they were mostly, “Why is R. Kelly doing this to us?”

Unless they were going to create a new day of the week, this was bound to happen.

The real monster here doesn’t have claws.

“No one wants to pay money to see fat, old men chasing ghosts!”

Remember that awful three-year stretch when the receptionist at your office would always tell people they were getting “punk’d?” It’s going to happen again.

Anyone want to see the “dark and brooding” Bond for 15 more years? Yeah, me neither.

Only satires are fitting to document their styles of leadership.

Insert fart sound here… just because.

The lesson here? Only read when you absolutely have to.

Hint: neither is Michael Clarke Duncan.

The fact that Whoopi doesn’t deny it or play it off is the real crime here. She’s a lady (sort of)! She should be all, “these corduroy pants make the darndest…