Whatever.
You’ve Never Heard Of The New Recruit To Play Christian Grey
Thursday, October 24 by

Well, maybe if you’re James Dornan, or his mom or agent, you’ve heard of him.

There's an alligator...RIGHT BEHIND HIM.
Henry Winkler Getting A TV Show That Is Sadly Not A Barry Zuckerkorn Spin-off
Thursday, October 24 by

Go against expectations with a gritty mob series!

I wish Jimmy Carter was alive to see this.
Paul Feig To Stop Directing Raunchy Women For A Second To Produce A ‘Peanuts’ Movie
Thursday, October 24 by

As Charlie Brown would say, “F*ck yeah, b*ll l*ckers!”

If spies were this attractive, I would welcome them into our country.
‘Homeland’: Gettin’ Renewed!
Wednesday, October 23 by

Our government will continue to rot from the inside out for another year.

"They look down to clown," the vicar said remorsefully as he entered his Prius.
For A Timeless Book, ‘Little Women’ Sure Is Getting Remade Frequently
Tuesday, October 22 by

Maybe they could make Laurie a girl so I’m less confused this time.

It's pretty much already covered in sand.
The ‘Star Wars’ Tattoine Set In Tunisia Will Soon Be Buried Under Sand
Tuesday, October 22 by

Let’s move Jake Lloyd in there before it happens.

We're all pretty excited, Beetlejuice.
Tim Burton To GIve Us A Beetlejuice Sequel
Tuesday, October 22 by

Both Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp will play Beetlejuice. Just kidding. Hopefully.

See below for the reunion pic.
The Big Takeaway From This ‘Friday Night Lights’ Reunion? Jason Street Wears Crocs
Monday, October 21 by

I hope you’re comfortable, sir.

Those are tears of crazy.
Paula Abdul Is Now A Judge On The Australian ‘So You Think You Can Dance’
Monday, October 21 by

No one reading cares about this show, but this is still a funny story.

Furloughed.
NBC Will Air The Halloween ‘Parks And Rec’ Episode In Mid-November
Monday, October 21 by

They don’t want to the episode to be eclipsed by actual Halloween.

I keep them on retainer...FOR LAUGHS!!!
‘FRANKLIN AND BASH’ MARCHES ON!!!!!!
Friday, October 18 by

It’s the new ‘Breaking Bad’.

Oh no. He can open doors now.
Josh Brolin Interested In ‘Jurassic World’, Possibly As A Gruff Dinosaur
Friday, October 18 by

He doesn’t want to be fed. He wants to hunt.

Hope ya like blue.
Gravity Writer Going Under The Water Next Time To Mix Things Up
Friday, October 18 by

In water, no one can hear you scream. Well, they can, but they confuse it for dolphins talking.

The real crime here is that footwear.
A Film Will Be Made About Silk Road, Which May Be A Thing You’ve Heard Of
Thursday, October 17 by

The story is currently writing itself in the legal system.

I found my new desktop wallpaper.
Michael Bay Was Attacked With An Air Conditioner By An Extortionist On The Set Of ‘Transformers’ In Hong Kong
Thursday, October 17 by

If you wanna make an omelette, you’re gonna have to get hit with some air conditioners.

Butters has take this news the hardest.
South Park Missed Its First Deadline On Wednesday, Aired A Rerun
Thursday, October 17 by

Honestly, that’s an amazing run, and they should take the extra few days and just watch TV or go hiking or something.

I bet this guy is like the Jay-Z of the arm wrestling world.
AMC Confuses Itself With TLC For A Minute, Picks Up A Reality Show About Arm Wrestling
Thursday, October 17 by

This article (somehow) contains no ‘Over the Top’ reference or masturbation innuendo.

Not very ant-like, Paul.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt Just Denied Any Involvement In ‘Ant-Man’
Wednesday, October 16 by

It’s a shame, because he looks much more like an ant than Paul Rudd.

And God said unto thee, "Use thy staff to smite paparazzi that may lie between Spago's front door and the valet stand."
Test Audiences Aren’t Loving Darren Aronofsky’s ‘Noah’, Which Is Probably A Good Thing
Wednesday, October 16 by

This marks the first time in history that people have objected to a work of religious-based art.

They're all so attractive!
Marvel Rolling Out Five New TV Shows For Us
Wednesday, October 16 by

You WILL enjoy comic-book based entertainment.

If they made the 8-year old a sex addict, that would certainly turn convention on its head.
Might Warner Bros. Be Developing A ‘Gritty’ Encyclopedia Brown Series?
Tuesday, October 15 by

The definitive answer is “perhaps.”

I'm objectifying them in my mind because they're very attractive.
Golden Globes Don’t Mess With Success, Keep Tina Fey And Amy Poehler As Hosts For Two More Years
Tuesday, October 15 by

I guess they’re not even going to give Hathaway and Franco a chance.

Hey, a user-friendly interface! Neat!
Netflix Talking With Smaller Cable Operators To Align Forces And Screw Over The Big Cable Companies That Have Screwed Us Over
Monday, October 14 by

My Netflix just streamed all over the carpet.

Who does she think she is, Kristie Alley?
Meg Ryan Will Save NBC
Monday, October 14 by

I’m really looking forward to avoiding this program.

I would visit.
‘Fargo’ TV Show Brings On Even More Familiar Names
Friday, October 11 by

It appears that the city of Fargo has telephones capable of calling Saul.

Well hello there, Mr. Hanks.
Tom Hanks Can No Longer Change His Weight For Roles, Still Can Befriend Volleyballs If Script Calls For It
Friday, October 11 by

It’s a good thing Tom Hanks is pretty much perfect, because we don’t want him to change.

The man, the myth, the slacker.
Judd Apatow’s ‘Simpsons’ Episode Will Be In True Apatow Fashion
Friday, October 11 by

Judd Apatow, like many other film creatives recently, will be getting a Simpsons episode all his own. And in case you weren’t sure on whether or not the episode will…

THE DINK!
Peter Dinklage Will Cash In All His Professional Currency To Play A Naughty Leprechaun
Thursday, October 10 by

Womanize, drink, learn a lesson…got it.

Attractive private investigators? They're the first people to think of such a concept.
Whatever Weirdo Requested A ‘Remington Steele’ Reboot Is Getting Their Wish
Thursday, October 10 by

NBC’s favorite word must be “reboot.”

Looks like a robot to me.
NBC Understands The Public Wants A Show About A Robot Fugitive, Meets That Need
Wednesday, October 9 by

In case you think the title matters, it’s called ‘Tin Man’.