The Exorcist is one of those movies that continues to scare nearly forty years after it first horrified audiences.

This can be credited to its use of realism to balance the supernatural within a grounded melodrama. It’s so effective that four decades later I’m still afraid to pee on a carpet.

The commentary featuring director William Friedkin begins interestingly enough, with Friedkin setting the scene by giving us stronger, more tangible evidence for the U.S. to invade Iraq than the Bush administration ever did.

The Exorcist – Father Merrins Iraqi Intro Clip – Watch more Funny Videos

Unfortunately, Friedkin soon forgets that he’s supposed to be talking about the making of his most famous film and instead imagines himself playing the role of Anne Sullivan in The Miracle Worker, offering us endless pallid summarizing of what is being said and heard on screen.

Check out his lurid description of Ellen Burstyn reading a script and opening a door. Be sure to watch with the lights off!

The Exorcist – Chris McNeil Hears Noises Clip – Watch more Funny Videos

He doesn’t miss a beat in this next scene, proving that he either doesn’t own a thesaurus or that he lost a bet with the sound engineer to see how many times he could say a specific word over and over again in the same paragraph. Can you guess which word it is?

The Exorcist – Chris McNeil Goes For A Walk Clip – Watch more Funny Videos

The entire movie is narrated in similar monotone fashion with hardly an insight or tidbit of trivia to be found. By the end, I was left recalling Jeffrey Jones’ thoughts on The Handbook for the Recently Deceased:

“This thing reads like stereo instructions.”

But then a movie comes along with such a pointless commentary that it forces you to ask yourself: Am I wasting my life by listening to this?

A View to a Kill is arguably the cheesiest and most balls-out fun Bond movie of all time: a killer fly fisherman, a plan to submerge Silicon Valley underwater, that scene where 007 bakes a quiche.

So with that, you would suppose octogenarian Roger Moore (who was last seen trying to earn viewers’ respect by playing a rapey passenger on a gay cruise in Boat Trip) would seize the opportunity to discuss the craziness on set, the stunts, and the experience of filming a love scene that is far creepier and disturbing than walking in on your parents.

Instead, you’re greeted by his gravely voice at the start of film with the portent warning that this commentary was not going to be about “what actually happened during the shooting of the film.” And he is a man of his word.

Talking over a particular scene, just moments before busting out a banal anecdote discussing Cubby Broccoli’s license plate number (dead serious), Moore namedrops like a home room teacher doing roll call and then delivers a delicious roundhouse kick to the face with two of the greatest non sequiturs ever recorded.

“Patrick McKnee also was uh, my Watson when I played Sherlock Holmes, uh, which we shot at 20^th Century Fox. With a wonderful all star cast: John Huston playing Moriarty, and Gig Young, David Huddleston, um…Jackie Coogan, an amazing, amazing cast. Produced and directed by Boris Sagal. Whose daughter, Boris’s daughter, was so wonderful in that crass American series that I love, uh, er, The Al Bundy Show. He’s, uh, the lowest form of human life, a woman’s shoe salesman. I don’t know why it should be the lowest form, but they would say it is. But Boris Sagal, he tragically died, uhhhh, directing a film when he stepped back into a helicopter blade. Absolutely awful…To play Sherlock Holmes was sort of as much of a challenge as playing Bond.”

Ed O’Neil and the producers of Married with Children await a formal apology from Sir Roger.