Doesn't the above image make you want to watch a porno? Apparently the Batman XXX Porno Parody succeeds by frightening the arousal into you. I bet you like that, don't you, sicko? We've seen adult entertainment parodies of The Big Lebowski, "Curb Your Enthusiasm," and "Dexter," and out of all of them I'd say Batman is at the bottom of my list of porns I have a mild curiosity in stealing from my dad. The "film" is directed by Alex Braun and distributed by Vivid. Take a gander at the second trailer for the Batman Porn Parody below. **Spinning dildo flies at screen, transitioning us to the next scene**
Swallow your peas, Dolph! This one's for all the fellas out there that love bulging muscles up in their grill. Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren will once again reignite their centuries old rivalry for Universal Soldier 4: 3D. John Hyams, who directed the previous film in the series, will return to show these guys which angles to punch one another at are best for camera.I would assume the project would go straight to DVD, but if that's the case why spend the money on 3D? Are they going to inflate DVD costs next? Or tax our eyeballs when this inevitably ends up on Spike TV?? Well, we won't stand for that. ATTICA! ATTICA!!! (Deadline)
Timothy Olyphant ("Justified," The Crazies, "Deadwood") has hopped on I Am Number Four after Sharlto Copley had to drop out to promote The A-Team. Which makes sense. You don't want to leave "Rampage" Jackson alone in a room full of reporters.Olyphant will be stepping into the role of "guardian and mentor" to Alex Pettyfer's alien refugee Number Four. I see no mention of this guardian being a kick-ass Southern lawman, but the casting of Timothy Olyphant would suggest that's the case. Must be a typo. (Variety)
When I heard that Jennifer Aniston had signed on to star in Horrible Bosses, I assumed that the film was going to be a real hunk of crap. But when I heard that Charlie Day from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" is in talks to sign on, I was forced to reconsider. Throw Jason Bateman into the mix, and this film about three friends who plot to kill their bosses seems a lot more interesting. Jason Bateman will play a man who believes his hard work will be rewarded but when he gets passed over for a promotion, he hits rock bottom. Charlie Day plays a hapless guy, always in the wrong place at the wrong time. A part still to be cast is a ladies’ man who is good at his job, but gets a rude awakening when his boss passes away and gets replaced. Word on "the street" is that Colin Farrell will be playing said ladies' man. I guess "the street" must read Collider.
I don't want to beat a dead horse by making a "beating an undead horse" joke about Geroge Romero, but Jesus H. Christ! He's making it very hard not to.Although Romero's sixth zombie film, Survival of the Dead, hasn't even hit theaters yet, the legendary director is already talking about two more installments.In a recent interview, Romero said he would like to shoot the films back to back and that "returning for two more entries would feel like home to him."I'd like to point out that to experience something that "feels like home" you would actually have to leave home first. But at any rate, shooting the films back to back is probably a good idea, considering Romero is 70. If this goes on much longer, the undead films are going to need an undead director…because he'll be dead. Get it? Yeah you do. (First Showing)
Shocking news! Jennifer Aniston has decided to break the mold and step out of her comfort zone by taking on a role in a romantic comedy. Wanderlust, which was acquired by Universal Pictures, will be produced by Judd Apatow and will costar Apatow regular Paul Rudd. Aniston and Rudd will play a married couple trying to escape the trappings of the city life for a counterculture existence. Sounds amazing! As if one groundbreaking role wasn't enough, Aniston has also signed on to star in New Line Cinema's Horrible Bosses, which is no doubt a dark psychological thriller. Either that, or another sh*tty comedy. (Deadline)
Quaid's woes are set to music in this rendition of Total Recall that surprisingly makes the film less weird. Though I can't imagine Paul Verhoeven being okay with this version. There aren't a pair of bare breasts in sight. (JonandAl)Cohaagen, give these people some links!Star Summer Comebacks (Moviefone)Is Miss USA Too Sexy? (Asylum)Six-Grade Gaga-Bieber Hybrid (PopEater)25 Sexy Hockey Fans (HolyTaco)Seacrest Wannabe Caught Plagiarizing (FilmDrunk)The Healing Power of Coke and Soft Pretzels (Unreality)15 Hot Volleyball Chicks (TotalProSports)6 Best and Worst Captains of All Time (Maxim)The Reem? (CagePotato)Lady Gaga Shows Off His Lady Bits (CelebJihad)25 Items Made of Legos (Smosh)5 Best Robert Downey Jr. Roles (Pajiba)Pube Rap (Atom)Drambuie Pursuit Scottish Adventure Race (MadeMan)NASCAR Hall of Fame Open for Business (AllLeftTurns)How You Feel After Fapping (RegretfulMorning)
The decision to split Twilight: Breaking Dawn into two movies is causing some money woes for Summit Entertainment. Or for the supporting cast, depending on your perspective. Professional erection and herection causers, Ashley Greene and Kellen Lutz are looking for bigger paydays now that their careers are beginnng to break out. They're all like, "F*ck you! Pay me!!" And Summit's all like, "No. YOU, f*ck you!!" Or something along those lines:"We may have a situation where one of them is thrown out on the street to make a point," says a source close to the dealmaking. There is precedent. After the success of the first film, Summit axed Rachelle Lefevre, who played Victoria, in part because her reps played hardball on money. (Bryce Dallas Howard got the job instead.) But sources say the offers from Summit — which are said to be at least 10 times what the actors made on the first movie — were deemed "offensive" given the mega-money the franchise has generated.This is a tough call. One the one hand, yeah f*ck those guys. But on the other, they DO have abdominal muscles and I'm pretty sure that's what matters nowadays. That's why the American Gladiators are so well off and most artists die penniless. Honestly though, just replace him with Paul Walker. Same diff. (Yahoo)
When an actor knocks their first role out of the park, they then have a lot to live up to. They usually start getting loads of offers to star in other films and with that comes piles ‘o cash. What I’ve been noticing is that some of these actors just start punching the time clock and go to sleep on the job. For like, decades, even. Here are 10 actors who have phoned in their roles for the better part of their career. And some are still doing it.SYLVESTER STALLONE
If you print this out and tape it to your t-shirt, you will get so laid.Pete Travis is ready to fill the 3D Judge Dredd-shaped hole in our lives. Deadline reports that the Vantage Point director has signed on with DNA Films to bring Judge Joe Dredd back to the big screen, and they'll be looking to secure distribution at Cannes.This is good news for two reasons. A) It can't be worse than the confusing mish-mash that was Sylvester Stallone's version. 2) There's no studio involved to muck up the story. There's no word how faithful the film will stay to the comic series but Alex Garland (Sunshine) is attached to script. I'd like to see a scene where Dredd has his own syndicated courtroom show, and punishes deadbeat roommates to the harshest extremes of the law. Please get on this "Robot Chicken." If you haven't already.
Back in 1940, all it took to turn a Frenchman into a Nazi was a few dozen Panzers and the promise of an adequate wine ration. In 2010, all it takes to turn a Nazi into a Frenchman is a few million dollars and director Paul W.S. Anderson.Christoph Waltz, who won an Oscar for his portrayal of Colonel Hans Landa (a.k.a. The Jew Hunter) in Inglourious Basterds, has signed on to play Cardinal Richelieu in the upcoming Three Musketeers film. Waltz joins a heavily European cast including Mads Mikkelsen and Milla Jovovich.According to FirstShowing.net, the film will be presented in 3-D. Anderson's version of the classic tale is also "going for a contemporary feel without moving the story from the traditional period setting." I'm assuming that means that the characters will say words like "s**t" and "sexting" while still wearing pantaloons.
These days it seems like every celebrity in Hollywood is trying make a name for themselves via charity. If they're not sending money to Haiti, they're adopting African AIDS babies. Steven Seagal went as far as to bring two Russian girls to the US, and even paid for their room and board once they got here. All these good deeds are enough to make you sick. That's why it's nice to see an actor like Anthony Hopkins who is so down to earth. Despite all the fame and fortune, the Oscar winner still enjoys terrorizing the homeless, just like us regular folk. Back in 2002, when Hopkins was trying to fight his alcoholism, he decided to go and volunteer at a Midnight Mission in Los Angeles. After all, nothing takes your mind off the sauce like hanging out on skid row with a bunch of winos. According to the mission's director, Clancy Imislund, Hopkins really enjoyed scaring the bejesus out of the homeless. It's funny. We have film nights here and one time we showed Silence of the Lambs. So as a surprise I asked Tony to come down and tap a few people on the shoulder at the end and say 'Hello' in that voice he does. You should have seen their faces. They were like, 'Arrggh!' He got a real kick out of that. I bet this little prank was especially popular with some of the schizophrenics in attendance. Normally when they talk to characters from a movie, no one else can see them. But thanks to Hopkins and his rapier wit, now they know that they aren't crazy afterall, and neither are their plans to start mutilating house pets. Kudos to you, Sir Anthony! (CinemaBlend)
Someone put together all of Quentin Tarantino's trunk shots. Okay, the Inglourious Basterds one isn't from a trunk, but that's because they didn't have cars in the '40s. No, you brush up on YOUR history. (BuzzFeed)Get down real low to enjoy these links.Trailer for Adam Sandler's 'Grown-Ups' (Break)Six Sexy Cartoon MILFs (TVSquad)Are Booty Beanbags Porn? (Asylum)E*Trade Slams Lindsay Lohan (PopEater)25 Old People Being Awesome (HolyTaco)MPAA Going Big Brother All Over Your Ass (FilmDrunk)Awesome Star Fox 64 Promo Video (Unreality)Pats Cheerleaders Get Frisky (TotalProSports)2010 Hot 100 (Maxim)Santos vs. Nelson Likely for UFC 117 (CagePotato)Lawrence Taylor's Alleged Victim (CelebJihad)17 Hysterical Singles Ads (Smosh)Five Gayest Straight Actors in Hollywood (Pajiba)Sneak Peak at LOST Finale (Atom)20 Twitter Pick-Up Lines (MadeMan)25 Awesome NASCAR Products (AllLeftTurns)
Today we have further assurance that every comedy will eventually look and sound the same as Deadline reports that funnymen of note, Aziz Ansari and Danny McBride, are teaming up for another "laffer." Mandate Pictures bought the rights, based on a pitch by Ansari and "30 Rock" writer Matt Hubbard. McBride's Rough House will produce, with "Parks and Recreation" writer Harris Wittels handling the script. No details are known about the rib-tickler as of yet but with both Ansari and McBride on board, you can bet it will be a yuckfest. A real orgy of giggles.The knee-slapper isn't expected to go before cameras until the duo wrap their upcoming guffawcalypse, 30 Minutes Or Less. If my gut ain't lying, (and she never does) this is gonna be one uproarious talkie.
Here's a shot of Jason Momoa being man-handled by the wardrobe department in the new Conan flick. "Make the leather peck-strap tighter!" director Marcus Nispel proclaims off-screen. How does it look now, Mr. Nispel?Marcus Nispel evaluates peck-strap tightness. "Tighter!"The man loves restrictive accessories. Check out more pics after the jump, including what I can only imagine is a grip in Nispel's timeout cage.
Daybreakers is available on Blu Ray and DVD tomorrow, and Screen Junkies is giving away 5 copies! In the film, Ethan Hawke plays a vampire scientist working on a substitute for human blood before the last drop is drained from the remaining humans. Sam Neill has glowing amber eyes and Willem Dafoe wields a crossbow. What more do you want?!All you have to do is post on the SJ Facebook fan page the funniest caption you can muster to accompany the still frame above.If you're not already awesome and a fan of Screen Junkies on Facebook then become one, post a caption, and you'll be entered to win. Click HERE to be whisked away to our Facebook page.Contest ends Wednesday at midnight and the winner will be announced via Facebook, Twitter and on the site.You can enter as many times as you like. Captions smeared in blood won't be accepted. Use your keyboards, people.
"Saturday Night Live" is officially a hit again thanks to Betty White and her whore mouth. The Facebook-supported, hood-approved actress officially rocked it and helped the show score its highest ratings since a pre-election November 2008 episode.Many of the episode's sketches coasted by on the "Grandma says naughty words" schtick of which White is clearly a master. In fact, her muffin sketch is all anyone is talking about today as cubicles everywhere tune into "SNL" via Hulu. I hope I don't get caught by the boss but whatever. It wouldn't be the first time I was fired because of an old woman's vagina. (Reuters)
Andy Rooney went on "60 Minutes" last night and basically explained that he’s old as he decomposed in front of us. He doesn’t understand your Lady Gagas and your Ushers….
"Those mozzarella sticks had better be piping hot when they finally get here, or I'll pitch a real bitch-fit."In order to keep a tight lid on the secret series finale, "Lost" producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse filmed four endings for the puzzling series. Viewers who can't wait for the DVD bonus features, won't have to wait long to see them. In fact, they'll be shown about a half an hour after the credits roll and everyone has had sufficient time to shout, "Aww, what the fuh?!!!"The brass-balled Jimmy Kimmel will air the alternate endings exclusively on his "Jimmy Kimmel Live: Aloha to Lost" after the super-sized episode, with the "Lost" cast joining him in-studio. No need to stay up so late though. I've actually been tipped off to the alternate conclusions. They play out as follows:The first alternate ending has Jack returning to the mainland to find that a statue of Ben now sits in the Lincoln Memorial.Much like "The Sopranos," "Lost" will also end with a song by Journey. In this instance, "Anyway You Want It" blasts over the victory party scene after Lapidus exclaims, "We're all gonna get laid!!!"Finally, it comes to light that Hurley did actually fart that time in the van with Miles and the corpse. With a man his size eating all that undercooked boar's meat, it just makes sense that a few would slip out from time to time.(/Film)
Iron Man 2 has been in theaters for less than a week, but that didn't stop director Jon Favreau from speculating on the villain for Iron Man 3. And if Favreau has his way, Tony Stark will be taking on The Mandarin in the next installment of the popular franchise. "You've got to do The Mandarin", says the director, who has been teasing this in the films already with tiny references to the Ten Ring organization, "but the problem is, the way he's depicted in the comic books… you don't want to see that." The "problem" Favreau is referring to is the fact that the character, an evil descendant of Genghis Khan, has been criticized for being nothing more than a negative Asian stereotype. However, I have no doubt that Hollywood can work around this problem, changing the The Mandarin to a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant businessman hellbent on oppressing minorities and destroying the environment, while still maintaining the essence of the character. However, since Tony Stark is set to appear in the upcoming Avengers film, work on Iron Man 3 will have to wait until at least 2012. And if my sources inside the government are correct, by that time Hollywood will have already been destroyed in a limited nuclear exchange with the Chinese, making concern about The Mandarin a moot point. (Empire)
Do you like "The Office"? Do you like Indians (if you are Indian, please disregard)? Then you're gonna love the new sitcom, "Outsourced," which premieres on NBC this fall.Based on the 2006 romantic comedy by the same name, the show follows the exploits of an American manager, played by Ben Rappaport, who is put in charge of a recently outsourced call center in India. According to Deadline Hollywood, the show is billed as “the Midwest meets the exotic East in a hilarious culture clash.”Wait, someone from the Midwest traveling abroad? Outrageous!I haven't been this psyched about a fish-out-of-water cultural comedy since a certain street-smart jive-talking American teamed up with a lovable Engrish-speaking Asian to bring down an international conspiracy. Of course, I'm taking about Brett Ratner's The Killing Fields.
Thirty-five years ago, this article's headline would have made absolutely no sense. Today, it has the power to send millions of nerds into a frenzy. TomTom has released a Darth Vader voice for their GPS system (a.k.a. nav computer). For just $13, the Sith Lord can guide you anywhere you need to go. Unfortunately, most Star Wars fans already know the way to their parents' basement, so the application is virtually useless. In addition to Vader, the voices of C-3PO, Yoda, and Han Solo are all slated to be released this summer. That's all fine and good, but I long for the day when I can type my address into my TomTom and hear the soothing voice of Jar Jar Binks tell me, "Wessa Goin' Home!" (Collider) Check out Darth Vader's TomTom recording session after the jump.
I don't feel all that comfortable sharing pictures of children on the Internet, but I am only here to serve and people have been eager to get a look at Matt Reeves' Let Me In. Though, for my own piece of mind, I'd like to ask that all perverts direct their lustfull eyeballs elsewhere and not at these first pics from the maligned remake of Let The Right One In. If you're willing to view responsibly, you can get a better look at Kick-Ass's Chloe Moretz as Abby the vampire girl and Kodi Smit-McPhee as her new friend Owen, in the pictures after the jump. And please sign the guestbook.
Iron Man 2 opened in first place on Friday night, earning an estimated $52 million, easily surpassing Alice in Wonderland with the biggest debut of 2010. But when it comes to superhero movies, Batman still reigns supreme at the box office.While weekend projections for IM2 are an impressive $135 million, it's a far cry from the $158.4 million brought in by The Dark Knight, which holds the all-time first weekend record.I guess this shouldn't come as a surprise. Batman could clearly beat Iron Man in a fight. Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne are both geniuses and millionaire playboys, but Bruce Wayne is motivated by an unquenchable thirst for vengeance. And as we all know, vengeance is a powerful motivator. Just ask my old high-school nemesis, Joseph Sinclair. I showed him…him and that wife of his. (Collider)
**Honk honk honk!!!**Here are your weekend links.Terrence Howard to Play Nelson Mandela (Moviefone) Intimate Gymnastics Will Pump You Up (Asylum)Top Celebrity Commencement Speeches of All Time (PopEater)25 Worst Moms Ever (HolyTaco)RPattz & KStew Make It Official (FilmDrunk)When Adult Cartoon Series Collide (Unreality)Wrestling Backflip Fail (TotalProSports)10 Best Movie Cliffhangers (Maxim)BJ Penn Is Still a -365 Favorite (CagePotato)Miss USA Disgraces Her Country (CelebJihad)10 Best Twictures (Smosh)Gwyneth Paltrow Career Assessment (Pajiba)Iron Manly (Atom)13 Ways to Ruin a Date (MadeMan)Showtime Southern 500 Odds (AllLeftTurns)
Inception set up a viral game called Mind Crime that if you beat it you could watch the new trailer for the film. Well guess what? Screw that noise! Someone else played that shiz and now we're all reaping the benefits. The new trailer looks downright awesome. I still have no idea what the F is going on, but I WANT to know, and someone once told me that's a win on the marketing side of things. This film looks like a serious trip, and with Christoper Nolan behind the wheel I have no doubt the destination will be Giddyland. I'll bring the diapers if you bring the Sour Patch Kids. Check out the trailer after the jump. Inception gets inside theaters and your mind July 15.
Okay, new secret to success. If at first you don't succeed, throw out all your ideas and retell someone else's story with the addition of zombies. It worked for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and the new "Melrose Place." ZING!!! (Tired concepts get tired jokes.)The Beatles are Hollywood's latest undead remix with the announcement that Double Feature has optioned Alan Goldsher's novel Paul Is Undead. The book tells the history of the undead band as they invade the world while evading zombie hunter Mick Jagger and Eighth Level Ninja Lord Yoko Ono. Racist much? I mean, just because Mick Jagger is British doesn't automatically make him a monster killing expert. It's stereotypes like that that hold us back as a people. (Deadline)
Inception continually insists on spitting in gravity's face. If Sir Isaac Newton laid eyes upon this new poster his powdered wig would spin round from pure outrage. What's the floor?! What's the ground?! City-dwellers have to spend most of the day just trying to maintain their balance. It's the maintenance workers I feel the most sorry for, though. The high rise window washers must curse their existence with each rising sun. (IMPAwards)
"I found this in Mrs. Lee Jones' sock drawer."Will Smith and Columbia Pictures have officially chosen a date, so you can stop asking all the time, Will Smith's mom. As foretold in the Ancient Scrolls of Fresh Princia, Men in Black 3D will indeed open Memorial Day Weekend 2012. Deadline reports that the sequel has set the film for a May 25th, 2012 release. Known in many circles as "Big Willy Weekend." Note: circles of idiots.Tommy Lee Jones has yet to sign on, nor has Josh Brolin. The production is in the process of finalizing their deals. It's unclear at this point which role Jaden Smith will be shoe-horned into, but I'm sure it will be justly earned. He'll earn it you guys.
This Sunday, May 9th, it's Mother's Day, a holiday that celebrates all the gloriousness that is “Mom.” It’s a day to show love and appreciation for the woman who raised you. But what if she didn’t do all that great of a job? Well, you're in luck, son! Screenjunkies has designed some very special greeting cards for the parentally challenged Mommy Dearests out there, and they can all be yours, right now. Send one with adoration, or send one with contempt, just as long as you send one. It’s really the thought that counts. Click on the TITLE of each video to take you to that card's individual page. Then forward the URL to Mom or Grandma! Or just send her the whole batch!