What’s On TV Tonight: Monday, October 12th, 2009
Monday, October 12 by

Tonight's episode of Heroes morphs into a Girls Gone Wild video and MTV airs the reality series starring real-life Final Destination victim, DJ AM. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC

Yes, It’s A Dexter Porn Parody
Monday, October 12 by

We're surprised it took the Adult Entertainment wizards this long to come up with this, but after having headed into its fourth season, Showtime's "Dexter" has been honored with its own porn spoof. Sort of ironic that a show whose marketing campaign has been so reliant on clever puns has had to wait that long for an industry founded on puns (and intercourse) to do a sexy sendup. For those of us not counting back end points, this is way cooler than syndication…   The official press release, courtesy of the very NSFW news publication Porn Valley News (which we can't even link to because it's so dirty), reads:

“The Cabin In The Woods” Delayed Until 2011
Monday, October 12 by

(The hands that won the Superbowl.) Would you like to see a trailer for Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard's subversive horror flick The Cabin In The Woods? Well, friend, look no further than right here… about a year from now. MGM has announced that they are pushing the film's release date to early 2011(!) so that they may convert the film to 3D and capitalize on the hot, new trend. Sounds like a risky plan to me. Anything could happen between now and 2011. The financially-shakey MGM could go under; 3D could be yesterday's news; Whedon's fans may get girlfriends who won't let them watch horror films; or we could all fall victim to the dreaded Y2K10 Bug which will wipe out all technology as we know it. (Shock Til You Drop) Here's some more junk that pertains to the screen… Rampage rocks the 'Hawk (Latino Review)Neil Marshall to Burst the 3D Horror bubble (Empire)Anvil are blowing up too (Superhero Hype)Tara Reid succumbs to the inevitable (WENN)The Georgous Ladies of Dr. Who (Gunaxin)

TOY STORY 3
Sunday, October 11 by

Director: Lee UnkrichCast: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Michael Keaton, Joan Cusack, John RatzenbergerSynopsis: Woody, Buzz and the rest of their toy friends are dumped in a day care center when Andy departs for college.

Photobomb Fridays: Rear Window + Fat Spider-Man
Friday, October 9 by

"You know, sometimes I think I'd rather have my old wife-murdering neighbor back." Sorry, Jimmy. You'll have to settle for the fat nerd and these links:How To Convince Your GF That The House Is Haunted (HolyTaco)Matt Holiday Blows It For The Cardinals (TotalProSports)Caught Red Handed Lookin' At Boobies (TheChive)Terry Gilliam's Favorite Animated Films (FilmDrunk)The 10 Greatest Books Adapted Into Movies (SuperTremendous)The Boogieman Project Round II (Pajiba)Miley's Boyfriend Forced Her To Quit Twitter (CelebJihad)14 Coolest Guitar Hero Guitar Mods (Unreality)World's Larget Pumpkin Cannon In Action (Asylum)Why We Love College Football: A Gallery (BustedCoverage)Backyard Wrestling Ends Badly (RegretfulMorning)How To Make A Perfect First Impression (MadeMan)Audrina Patridge Thinks She Loves NASCAR (AllLeftTurns)Soccer Player Brutally Kicked In The Head (NothingToxic)Where Does Chocolate Milk Come From? (Atom)

Photobomb Fridays: Rear Window + Fat Spider-Man
Friday, October 9 by
What’s On TV This Weekend: Friday, October 9th thru Sunday, October 11th
Friday, October 9 by

Rosie O'Donnell, Dr. Dre, Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, and the Parasaurolophus. All of your favorite retards are in this Weekend TV Preview.   CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP   NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

7 Movies Not To Watch If You’re Married
Friday, October 9 by

Couples Retreat is sponsoring Break Media this week, so I’m going to go ahead and describe the film as a hilarious look at real world problems faced by married couples.But when it comes to looking at the real world problems of married couples, not all films are so friggin' hilarious.  In fact, some movies might just ruin your crappy marriage!If you ever want to get married, or you‘re already married and want to stay that way, I recommend you avoid these seven films like Bryan Singer avoids vagina.(Click on the posters to watch each movie's trailer.)Private Parts

Tracy Morgan Is On Twitter
Friday, October 9 by

 The online campaign to convince comedian/cuckoo bird Tracy Morgan to join Twitter has bore fruit. The 30 Rock star joined the micro-blogging site yesterday in order to give his eager fans an inside view of his mind. In that time we have learned, "my d*ckhead is shaped liked a darth vadar helmet. my d*ck is so fat it looks like r2d2."  And, "I'm on the street turning good girls bad and getting them pregnant!!!" When asked for comment Sh*t My Zombie Sez, tweeted: "BBRAAIINNSS"!!! Well said. Well said. (Tracy Morgan's Twitter) These links are pregnant with information… Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans trailer (/Film)Dexter: The Animated Series (Dread Central)Andy Serkis's mo-cap of Ian Dury is uncanny (The Playlist)The Lovely Bones poster is lovely as expected (First Showing)The Saw guys buy Chainsaw (Empire)

Los Angeles Destroyed in ’2012′ Trailer #2
Thursday, October 8 by

The Mayan calendar was right. John Cusack's acting credibility will end in 2009. Make the mourning period easier with these links: 25 Bachelor Frog Memes (HolyTaco) 20 Hot Women In Painted-On Jerseys (TotalProSports) Asians Are Totally Normal, Not Weird At All (TheChive) Nick Nolte's Son Popped For DUI (FilmDrunk) Top Ten Bone Crushing Hits In Youth Football History (SuperTremendous) 50 Greatest Animated Films Of All Time (Pajiba) Miley Cyrus And Three Brown Chickens (CelebJihad) 15 Funny Signs With Changed Lines (Unreality) Birth Contol Can Make You Look More Attractive (Asylum) Why Going To Ole Miss Alabama Game Is Fun (BustedCoverage) 7 Drinking Games From Around The World (RegretfulMorning) Google Maps Just Got A Whole Lot Sexier (MadeMan) 5 Reasons Why Kasey Kahne Is Doomed (AllLeftTurns)

What’s On TV Tonight: Thursday, October 8th, 2009
Thursday, October 8 by

A drunk dwarf, potty humor, and speculation about Paris Hilton being a demon. Tonight's TV Preview mirrors the Howard Stern Show. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

UGLY BETTY
Thursday, October 8 by

Network: ABCCast: America Ferrera, Eric Mabius, Becki Newton, Vanessa WilliamsSynopsis: Betty Suarez is smart, sweet and hard working. The only problem is that she's not thin and beautiful like all her coworkers at Mode, the high-fashion magazine where she works. The only reason the publisher hired her to be his son's secretary, is that he thought Betty was someone who Daniel would never sleep with. Betty's hard work and determination earns Daniel's respect, as she helps him find his way through the shark infested waters of the fashion industry.

Tom Cruise Goes to College: A Comic
Thursday, October 8 by

This week, the paparazzi caught Tom Cruise on his trip to Harvard to watch his entertainment lawyer lecture a class of future legal eagles. This is what might have transpired had Cruise decided to stay in school. Today's Marquee Links20 Women with Painted-on Sports JerseysFemale Fans of the Chive [A Photo Gallery]

“The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus” Trailer
Thursday, October 8 by

 The latest trailer for "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" is up over at Yahoo and it's more mind-bending than you would expect from Gilliam. The movie looks incredible and could be the one that allows Terry Gilliam to reclaim his place on the A-list. Tom Waits as the Devil and Jude Law as Heath Ledger? Insane. The trippy visuals look like what you would see if you played Candyland while smoking Salvia. Which, incidentally, I have a ton of if you're interested in buying. Just come find me in my van. I'll be parked near the food court at the mall. Trip the link fantastic…   Is Gary Ross being strongarmed into directing Venom? (The Playlist) Don't take the freeway. New 2012 trailer (Cinema Blend) Big Show wrestles to save the orphanage (Empire) Peewee angers an army of nerds (Vulture) Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman talk Couple's Retreat (Latino Review)

Tosh.0
Wednesday, October 7 by

  Synopsis: Comedian Daniel Tosh hosts this variety show focusing on internet viral videos.  Air Date/Time: Thursdays @ 10pm/9 Central Network: Comedy Central  

Wanna See ‘Paranormal Activity?’ DEMAND It Plays in Your City!
Wednesday, October 7 by

Paramount's low-budget scream fest Paranormal Activity is quickly becoming one of the best reviewed films of the year. But to this date, it's only playing in a handful of theaters. They're planning on expanding the film's distribution, but it's up to YOU to make that happen. Yes, for the first time ever, a movie's theatrical run will be democratized. You don't have to take our word as to just how F-ing scary good this movie is. But if you want to, you can read our glowing review here, or just check out the trailer, which gives virtually nothing away. But MOST IMPORTANTLY, you need to visit Eventful's site, where you can click a little "DEMAND IT!" button and essentially sign the petition to give Paranormal Activity a nationwide release. And don't we all love full releases?Be a part of movie history. Hell, click the button even if you don't want to see it. Of course, if you feel like reacquainting your pants with your feces, then we recommend buying a ticket to the flick, too. 

‘The Messenger’ Trailer Has Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad News
Wednesday, October 7 by

The Messenger Trailer – Watch more Funny Videos Are you having a good day today? Maybe you're feeling a little too happy and you want to bring things down a few notches. Well look no further than this, the trailer for The Messenger, with Woody Harrelson and Ben Foster. They play military men who go door to door telling families that their loved ones have been killed in the war. It's like Publisher's Clearing House, only the checks are much, much smaller.  Dry those tears with today's top links:  Diary Of Letterman's Less-Attractive Intern Revealed! (HolyTaco) Another Craaazy High School Football Blunder (TotalProSports) Russian CSKA Cheerleaders Dress Funny (TheChive) The Talking Bluetooth Bear (SuperTremendous) Roman Polanksi On To Catch A Predator (FilmDrunk) Five Best And Worst New Shows Of The Fall (Pajiba) Megan Fox Poses Topless For Magazine (CelebJihad) South Park Kenny Is Made Of Cans (Unreality) 5 TV Show Casts That Need To Reunite (Asylum) Cheerleaders Make Breast Cancer Awareness Sexy (BustedCoverage) Hot Chick Smells Her Butt Crack (RegretfulMorning) How To Throw A Hauntoberfest Party (MadeMan) January Jones At Kansas Speedway (AllLeftTurns) Drag Queen Beats The Shit Out Of Drunk Thugs (NothingToxic) White Gorilla Wants To Party (Atom)

What’s On TV Tonight: Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
Wednesday, October 7 by

Shark attacks, spider bites, drunk girls, and South Park's homage to dead celebrities. Tonight's TV Preview has got teeth! CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

7 Great Clark Griswold Moments
Wednesday, October 7 by

Huge news that, if true, could produce a film that either rejuvenates one of the best comedy franchises in movie history, or could destroy the film industry forever. Yes, I'm talking about the fact that New Line/Warner Bros. have signed Wedding Crashers director David Dobkin to produce and possibly direct a National Lampoon's Vacation sequel.   Now, I'm someone who doesn't even consider Vegas Vacation a part of the franchise. It's why I've enjoyed referring to the Griswold's misadventures over the years as, "The Vacation Trilogy." After all, "Trilogy" has a nice ring to it and aside from Rusty's Mr. Papageorgio subplot and the casting of Marisol Nichols as daughter Audrey Griswold… Vegas Vacation was about as much fun as arriving at Wally World only to find out it's closed for remodeling. 

temp Star Wars Porn Script TEMP
Wednesday, October 7 by

   Today's Marquee Links:AskMen's Top 49 Men http://www.askmen.com/specials/top_49_men/ 

Adrien Brody Cast in “Predators”
Wednesday, October 7 by

 Following in the footsteps of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Glover, Adrien Brody has signed on to battle alien big game hunters in Robert Rodriguez's Predators. Brody will play a badass fighting for survival on an alien planet alongside Alice Braga, Danny Trejo, Walt Goggins, Oleg Taktarov, Mahershalalhashbaz Ali, and Louiz Ozawa. Topher Grace is also rumored to be joining the project. I can't buy Adrien's "GRRR. I'm tough!" routine. Especially next to Danny Trejo, who will probably wear a Predator skin jacket by the end of the film. (Variety) Morning links… The Griswolds extend their Vacation (First Showing)Behind the scenes of 30 Rock season four (TV Squad)Ben Foster in The Messenger trailer (Apple)First look at Zoe Saldana in The Losers (Superhero Hype)A Zombieland sequel is on everyone's brain (The Playlist)A Tribute to Chunk (Gunaxin)

‘Rock-afire Explosion’ movie hits DVD, then hits your face off your skull.
Tuesday, October 6 by

Pizza and maximum wailage!!! This is what suburban childhood in the 1980s is all about, and any of you who have ever crapped your pants from either fear or excitement from an animatronic, anthropomorphic animal rock band (from either Showbiz Pizza or Chuck E. Cheese) can attest to its seductive power. I remember going to Showbiz Pizza back in the mid-1980s and spending countless hours at the skeeball machine, trying to win enough tickets to get a sh*tty frisbee with the likeness of the keyboard playing gorilla on it… then getting said frisbee and finally winding down to watch a set from The Rock-afire Explosion while over-indulging in pizza. It's why my grandmother had to buy me clothes in the "Husky" section of Dillard's department store. Anyway, Rock-afire Explosion: The Movie, which is all about one man's love of the Showbiz Pizza house band – to the point of actually buying a set of them and recreating the experience in his garage – is now available on DVD. Rent it. Buy it. Anything. Just watch it. And if you think this is some joke, check out animatronic maestro Chris Thrash's youtube page. We recommend doing so while huffing mozzarella for the full experience. You will not be disappointed. Rock-afire out to today's Top Links! What Her Underwear Says About Her (HolyTaco) High School Football Fan Attacks Official (TotalProSports) Chuck Norris's Alleged Father Gets Shopped (TheChive) Top 49 Most Influential Men (AskMen) Aw Yeah, A (German) Showgirls Sequel (FilmDrunk) The 30 Coolest Robots In The World (SuperTremendous) It's Freaky Hybrid Baby Time! (Pajiba) Ghost Of Walt Disney Angry Over Jew Studio Head (CelebJihad) Ice Cube: Then and Now (Unreality) Sasha Grey Makes Health Care Sexy (Asylum) Michigan State Chick Gets Into Mud Wrestling (BustedCoverage) 15 Favorite Sports Cars: Then and Now (RegretfulMorning) Jewelry That Is Man-cceptable (MadeMan) Frasier, Meet Cal Naughton Jr. (AllLeftTurns)

What’s On TV Tonight: Tuesday, October 6th, 2009
Tuesday, October 6 by

Little Gordon, giant spiders, and reality television's bottom of the barrel. Tonight's TV Preview is proof that they'll point a camera at anything these days.   CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP   NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!  

‘Mythbusters’ Fall Premiere Preview
Tuesday, October 6 by

Hey there, non-believers! It's about that time of year again, time to reject someone else's reality and come up with your own! That is, if you buy into the whole "Mythbusters" tagline (which, we have to admit, is a pretty good one.)  In the upcoming Fall '09 premiere of Discovery's mega-hit "Mythbusters" – airing Wednesday, October 7th at 9pm ET/PT – hosts Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage stir the scientific establishment's pot once again, and if any of the clips below are an indication, they'll cook up quite the batch of chili con carnage.   The first clip challenges the theory that if you take two bullets and drop one from a certain height while shooting the other from a gun at that same height… that they'll hit the ground at the same time. Jamie? Adam? I REJECT YOUR REALITY!!!

“Boondock Saints II” Poster and Photos
Tuesday, October 6 by

 MTV has unveiled new a poster and a pair of stills from the upcoming Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day. The movie tells the tale of twin brothers who have a penchant for filling the criminal underworld with holes (it was either that or bore them to death with scripture). Finally a poster worthy enough to hang near your The Crow: Stairway to Heaven standee. The stills depict irresponsible weapons handling as well as a group shot that I deem The Hungover Matrix.      Check out these links before they get unnecessary sequels… Letterman admits it was his bad (Vulture)MTV will air DJ AM's Gone Too Far (Reuters)A clip of del Toro's Splice (Latino Review)Kevin Smith might cast Wil Wheaton (First Showing)Chris Evans and Sharon Stone to pork on camera (Empire)

The Tantrum Dance Will Make You Shake That Ass Harder Than Advanced Parkinson’s
Monday, October 5 by

Totally Awesome 1960s Tantrum Dance – Watch more Funny Videos BoingBoing posted this video and it was too good to not share with you all. It's a clip from the 1967 film The Cool Ones, a scene which demonstrates the dance that accompanies a song called "The Tantrum," which apparently was designed for white folks with no rhythm. Is it just us, or does that lead guy look a little like Robert Redford? Also, look for the guy trapped in the furnace, forced to look longingly at the outside world, his cries going unheard as the caucasian kids are overcome with the spirit of herky-jerky, arrhythmic body movin'. Jerk rhythmically or arrhythmically to these links:  Flowchart: Should You Go On Vacation With Your Girlfriend (HolyTaco) Jennifer Mueller Is Mark Sanchez's New Target (TotalProSports) Smokin' Hugo Boss Ball Girls (TheChive) Twilight New Moon Hot Topic Collection (FilmDrunk) 10 Greatest Game Show Hosts Of All Time (SuperTremendous) Madonna Vs. Lady Gaga (Pajiba) Jon Minus Kate Plus $200,000 (CelebJihad) Modern Warfare 2 Trailer Is Jaw Dropping (Unreality) The Best Plus-Size Halloween Costumes (Asylum) Bruins Opener Highlighted By Boobs-On-Boobs Action (BustedCoverage) 6 Sexual Records You Shouldn't Be Proud Of (RegretfulMorning) 9 Hottest Mistresses Of All Time (MadeMan) Earnhardt Losing Streak Reaches 50 (AllLeftTurns) How To Get Fat Girls Off Your Truck (NothingToxic) All New Legend Of Neil (Atom)

What’s On TV Tonight: Monday, October 5th, 2009
Monday, October 5 by

Murder and boobies. Tonight's TV Preview doesn't get much more primal than that. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

MELROSE PLACE
Monday, October 5 by

Network: CWCast: Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, Katie Cassidy, Stephanie Jacobsen, Shaun Sipos Synopsis: A new generation of young professionals living at the infamous Melrose complex deal with obtaining their own personal goals, drives, and desires, both amongst themselves and others.

ROBOT CHICKEN
Monday, October 5 by
Roller Fail! A Video Gallery
Monday, October 5 by

(I wonder if she wears that helmet while directing.)Drew Barrymore's directorial debut underwhelmed at the box office this weekend despite critical praise. The people who did head out to the theater only have positive things to say so this may be a movie that finds its audience through strong word of mouth.At any rate, in honor of the roller derby flick's face plant we thought this was the perfect opportunity to present to you these epic skate fails.