Men Farting, Women Queefing
Wednesday, April 1 by

A new fad engulfs the town of South Park – queefing. All the men are disgusted and outraged and say that queefing is not the same at all as farting, which of course they do all the time. The new fad is prompted by a TV show called "The Queef Sisters" that gets Terrance and Phillip off the air.  T&P aren't too pleased about this, and vow to do something about, but they end up finding the Queef Sisters much more charming than they had anticipated. It's a funny if a bit sub-par South Park this week, and it's after the jump.

Mommy Kate
Wednesday, April 1 by

Ben is in critical condition from the gunshot wound as everybody in the village runs in circles trying to figure out how to save him, save for one very stubborn doctor.  We also get some Kate flashbacks in this episode, where we find out exactly what happened with her and Aaron.  It’s all in this week’s Lost, after the jump.

THIS TRAILER WILL ROCK YOUR FACE OFF AND THEN APOLOGIZE BECAUSE IT’S CANADIAN
Wednesday, April 1 by

ANVIL! The Story of Anvil! rocked the crowds at Sundance, and now is making its way to a theater near you on April 10th.  Check out the trailer after the jump.  You will laugh.  You will cry.  You will rock.  And then you will cry harder at the end of the trailer when the string orchestra music comes in and you realize how much these dudes got a raw deal.  These guys could have had only the finest European prostitutes snorting cocaine off their boners, and now… they're riding coach. Also, there's a shot of this dude from Anvil biting his guitar during a set and it looks kind of dangerous, so you should watch it.

ZACK SNYDER’S APRIL LINK DUMP FOR FOOLS
Wednesday, April 1 by

Snyder To Direct Next Star Wars Project? (Filmofilia)Awesome Bad Movie: Biohazard (FilmDrunk)Love N' Licks Are Terrifying (Manofest)Watch Wolverine Free Of Charge If You're a Douchebag (Pajiba)Debra A Is for Ass (GorillaMask)Chewbacca On Guitar? (IAmBored)Dangerous Child Prodigies (Cracked)More On Clash Of The Titans (DreadCentral)Pornography: A Timeline (Holytaco)Maria Swan's Rack (BustedCoverage)Denise Milani Goes Topless! (Uncoached)Legend Of Zelda Movie Trailer: April Fools? (Unreality)Ring Ring Phone Call! (TomOatmeal)How NOT To Transport An Air Conditioner (NothingToxic)The Hottest Women In The World (Chickipedia)

DANGER: HIGH TRAVOLTAGE! “TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3″ TRAILER
Wednesday, April 1 by

The new Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 trailer went up today on Myspace, and it's got enough Travolta-on-Denzel action to make Oprah's live audience collectively explode from a freak mass orgasm.  The film is slated for a June 12th, 2009.  Gentlemen, lock up your wives and girlfriends lest they stampede children on the way to the theater. Check out the clip after the jump to see what we're up against. 

CELEBRITY TWEETS STRIP MAGIC FROM MOVIES & TV
Wednesday, April 1 by

The Hollywood reporter posted an article about Twitter going Hollywood, with stars and behind-the-scenes talent starting to constantly update their Twitter accounts, giving us movie fans unprecedented access into the inner workings of filmmaking – no matter how mundane the details.  Ashton Kutcher was reported to have tweeted about the pitfalls of his stunt double showing up to set with a shaved chest.  Iron Man 2 director Jon Favreau posted the following last month: "Directing is about waking up every night at 4 a.m., exhausted, and not being able to fall back asleep because your brain is screaming at you."  Directing sounds a lot like editing a blog.  The brain part sounds a lot like my self-loathing, which, incidentally looks a lot like Danny Devito, for whatever reason.  But I would argue all this tweeting strips away the artifice that makes movies fun in the first place. 

OBAMA “TRANSFORMS” WAR IN AFGHANISTAN
Wednesday, April 1 by

WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama on Wednesday, April 1st backed down from his initial order of 4,000 more military troops in Afghanistan, vowing instead to “still disrupt, dismantle and defeat”…

GUESS WHICH APRIL FOOLS NEWS IS FAKE. OR NOT.
Wednesday, April 1 by

April Fool's Day is a boon for movie sites, since we thrive so much on rumors anyway.  To me, a great April Fool's joke is one where no one gets hurt, and you don't have to say "April Fools!" at any point in the execution, because it's obvious by the end of it.  Sort of like the entire run of Saved By the Bell: The College Years, which was so good, it debuted in September or something (don't quote me on that).  Nonetheless, movie sites try their darnedest to find a great setup for a rug pull.  Here are a couple noble efforts, followed by some real news, done by real, hard hitting journalists who ask the tough questions rather than just make up answers willy-nilly.  You know who I'm talking about, Variety.  Iron Man 2 Title Worse Than Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark (Cinematical) Matrix Series Gets Fourth Film (/Film)Okay enough of the fakery… everything else is REAL. Del Toro's Mimic Gets Special Edition DVD (Twitch)Myspace launches first game show with "BFF" (Variety)60 Robots in Transformers 2 (AICN)Will Arnett & Michael Shannon join cast of Jonah Hex (ComingSoon)Kevin Spacey is the Father of Invention (Empire)

“THE HANGOVER” TRAILER IS STILL FUNNY
Tuesday, March 31 by

Zach Galifianakis is still the funniest comedian I've ever seen live.  Ed Helms is still the funniest part about NBC's The Office.  And Bradley Cooper is still the funniest actor to make out with Michael Ian Black in Wet Hot American Summer.  All three guys star in The Hangover, the trailer for which has been out a little while, but we hadn't posted it yet.  I'm hoping this movie gives both Mike Tyson and Phil Collins' "No Jacket Required" album the comeback both parties deserve.  The fact that they're working together toward that cause is what Sting was singing about on "Synchronicity."  Or is that serendipity?  Or synergy?  Just watch the trailer after the jump and laugh.

YOU COULD CHOKE AN EWOK WITH THESE LINKS
Tuesday, March 31 by

 101 Hot Slave Princess Leia Photos (Manofest) You will respect Miley Cyrus as an actress, dammit (Pajiba)Exotic Cars At Redmond Town Center (CarDomain)Diora Baird Is A Hot Slave Girl (FilmDrunk)Sindi Bertheron's Spank Bank (GorillaMask)Man Drunk Drives On Barstool (IAmBored)7 Badass Cartoon Villains Who Lost To Retarded Heroes (Cracked)New Terminator: Salvation Pics! (Filmofilia)Eve Is Such A Tease (DreadCentral)The Worst Homemade Star Wars Costumes (Holytaco)Playboy Decorates For Virginia Girls (BustedCoverage)Sexy Natalia Solloum Gallery (Uncoached)If Pac-Man Obeyed The Laws Of Physics (Unreality)Groundhog Day – A Musical? (ThePlaylist)

MUTANT CHRONICLES SWEEPSTAKES!
Tuesday, March 31 by

MUTANT CHRONICLES starring Thomas Jane, Ron Perlman and MALKOVICH (!!!) is now available on HDNet Ultra VOD and opens in theaters on Friday, April 24. To celebrate, Magnet Releasing and Pressman Films is offering the Ultimate Mutant Chronicles Prize Giveaway! One lucky grand prize winner will receive: – An invitation (plus guest) to the LA premiere and after-party (transportation/hotel/expenses not included) – Autographed MUTANT CHRONICLES poster – MUTANT CHRONICLES Miniature Game Starter Set – MUTANT CHRONICLES Personalized Collectible Dog Tag – Your name to appear within end card on the MUTANT CHRONICLES DVD as a grand prize (subject to manufacturing schedule)    25 additional winners will receive: – Official MUTANT CHRONICLES Poster – MUTANT CHRONICLES Miniature – MUTANT CHRONICLES Personalized Collectible Dog Tag – Your name to appear within end card on the MUTANT CHRONICLES DVD (subject to manufacturing schedule) See how to enter – and some other MC goodies -  after the jump!

STAR TREK GETS LEGO TREATMENT
Tuesday, March 31 by

Yesterday evening, Wired posted some pretty Trek-tacular recreations of famous Stark Trek scenes.  The artist?  Frank Elchesen.  The medium?  Legos.  I'd really like to see the Tribbles episode done up, and I challenge Mr. Elchesen to somehow recreate the furry and adorable, yet pesky little buggers with Legos.  I say it can't be done.  Prove me wrong, Elchesen and I have a Star Trek T-Shirt for you!!!See more of his photos after the jump!

“DRAG ME TO HELL” POSTER UNLEASHED!
Tuesday, March 31 by

The new poster for Sam Raimi's Drag Me to Hell has been unleashed from the depths (and ShockTilYouDrop.com).  Click to enlarge poster, and if you haven't seen the trailer, check it out here.

STAR TREK SEQUEL HITS WARP SPEED… AND OTHER NEWS
Tuesday, March 31 by

Kurtzman, Orci & Lindelof signed onto Trek Sequel (AICN)Apatow Slasher Gets Name (CHUD)Miramax Gets Into Sperm Donations (Variety)Paul Bettany will be a Priest (ComingSoon)Marvel Superheroes What the @%&? Series Takes Flight (MTV)

House Recap: Locked In
Monday, March 30 by
24 Recap: 11pm-12am
Monday, March 30 by

Bauer's been exposed. The CDC all dressed in their HAZMAT suits take Bauer, and tell him to get undressed. The scarred and naked Bauer gets sprayed down and scrubbed by the team while they take some tests.Meanwhile, Almeida and the bioweapon are dropped in StarkWood via helicopter. Jonas tells his bioweapon specialist to hurry up on getting the darn thing activated, 'cause the Feds "are going to be coming with all they got." He then walks inside where Almeida is getting interrogated. He asks him about what the FBI knows about the weapon. Almeida stays strong. Then his top aide tells him that they should probably dispose of the weapon before the Govvies come in and expose them for everything they got. "I think you're just trying to save your ass!" Jonas says.The CDC tells Bauer that he has an airborne virus, and he orders them to deliver him as evidence to FBI.

THE TOP 40 CARS FROM FEATURE FILMS (#5-1)
Monday, March 30 by

5. BATMAN'S TUMBLERMake/Model: Wayne Enterprises Tumbler (Military Grade)In Batman Begins, the Tumbler goes from the back room of Wayne Tech to the streets of Gotham in a matter of scenes, and the only way to describe Batman’s badass ride is in the words of the startled Gotham beat cop: “a tank.”  It’s got everything a costumed vigilante would need, including armor plating, boosters and rocket launchers.  And in The Dark Knight, it’s even got a built in escape vehicle called “The Batpod.”  You don’t get that in your standard Toyota.  When Michael Caine says, “The Lamborghini is much more subtle,” he actually means it.     4. THE ECTOMOBILE (ECTO-1)

THE TOP 40 CARS FROM FEATURE FILMS (#10-6)
Monday, March 30 by

10. THE DEATH MOBILEMake/Model: 1964 Lincoln ContinentalFlounder’s brother’s car is wrecked when Otter, Boon and some of the other Animal House Brothers take it on an ill-planned road trip.  But the enterprising D-Day resurrects it like a fiery phoenix and redubs it, “the Death Mobile.”  Face it, Flounder.  This car is much better off as a nihilistic parade float then it ever was as a chick magnet. 9. THE GENERAL LEE

THE TOP 40 CARS FROM FEATURE FILMS (#15-11)
Monday, March 30 by

15. THE MIRTH MOBILEMake/Model: 1976 AMC PacerAhh… the Mirth Mobile from Wayne’s World.  Never before has such a pedestrian car been given a custom flame paintjob and a tape deck, and been transported into a chariot of the rock gods.  You have not heard Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” until it has marched forth from the Pacer’s speakers and crushed your eardrums.  It will be mine… oh yes… it will be mine.  (It would also be stretched into a limo version in Wayne’s World 2.) 14. CAMERON'S DAD'S FERRARI

THE TOP 40 CARS FROM FEATURE FILMS (#20-16)
Monday, March 30 by

20. BUMBLEBEEMake/Model: 1977 & 2009 Chevy CamaroTransformers Director Michael Bay was accused of “raping our childhoods” when he eschewed Bumblebee’s VW Beetle roots for the Camaro, but in the end, it was a stylistic choice that worked.  Hell, it got Shia Laboeuf to first base with Megan Fox.  Now that’s a car worth the sticker price!  (If you’re into indirectly paying for sex, but aren’t we doing that every time we take a date to Chili’s and order an extra appetizer?) 19. DOMINIC TORETTO'S CHARGER

THE TOP 40 CARS FROM FEATURE FILMS (#25-21)
Monday, March 30 by

25. THE PUSSY WAGONMake/Model: 1997 Chevrolet C-2500 Silverado FleetsideKill Bill Vol. 1’s Buck (Michael Bowen) is one lecherous scum sucker, and his nickname for his ride – painted brazenly all over the body  – is certainly fitting.  It’s Buck’s disregard for decency and driver’s etiquette that puts this truck on the list.  I wonder if it’s ever run into the Wiener Mobile? 24. COBRA'S MERCURYMake/Model: Customized 1950 Mercury MontereyCrime is the disease.  Meet the car that delivers the cure.  Marion “Cobra” Cobretti (Sylvester Stallone) puts this tank of a car through war, destroying the Monterey while he demolishes a psychotic gang bent on world domination… This car is best driven with a match hanging out of the driver’s mouth. 23. LOUISE'S THUNDERBIRD

THE TOP 40 CARS FROM FEATURE FILMS (#30-26)
Monday, March 30 by

30. POLICE SPINNERMake/Model: Mead VTOL aerodyneBlade Runner’s celebrated production designer, Syd Mead, came up with the concept of the spinner, a flying car with vertical take-off and landing capabilities. Designer Mead has described the spinner as an aerodyne – a vehicle which directs air downward to create lift, though press kits for the film stated that the spinner was propelled by three engines: "conventional internal combustion, jet and anti-gravity".  We recommend test driving one as long as you bring your Vangelis tunes to pump over the stereo. 29. MARCIE'S LAMBORGHINI

THE TOP 40 CARS FROM FEATURE FILMS (#35-31)
Monday, March 30 by

35. WALT'S GRAN TORINOMake/Model: 1972 Ford Gran Torino The car isn’t actually driven all that much in Eastwood's Gran Torino, but it’s the impetus for one of 2008’s best offerings when Walt Kowalski’s Gran Torino becomes the prize in an initiation for a neighborhood gang made up of Hmong kids.  The car is a tough old relic, whose engine growls sound a lot like Eastwood’s character every time he opens his mouth.  The car spits out a lot fewer racial epithets, though.  34. FREDDY'S CADILLAC

THE TOP 40 CARS FROM FEATURE FILMS
Monday, March 30 by

In honor of Fast & Furious, opening this Friday, Screen Junkies wanted to take a joy ride down memory lane and pay homage to what we think are the most memorable automobiles ever put on film.  To make this list, you didn't have to be the fastest; you didn't have to be the coolest.  Hell, you didn't always have to work.  But personality gets the most mileage, and these forty vehicles have enough personality to drive forever.  Screen Junkies presents… The Top 40 Cars From Feature Films! 40. THE VW TRANSPORTER

VIGGO MORTENSEN’S PENIS MUST BE HEARD!
Monday, March 30 by

According to MTV's Movie Blog, David Cronenberg is looking to do a sequel to 2007's Eastern Promises.  In the original, Viggo Mortensen played a Russian gangster who was actually a spy for British Intel, and, as much as some may try to forget, many will vividly recall the now-famous scene in which Viggo's character teamed up with his exposed genitalia to battle a would-be assassin in a sauna.  No reports as to whether or not the pair will link up again in the sequel, but speculation has begun… and Screen Junkies has the exclusive comic book adaptation of the speculation.  Click to enlarge. 

R.I.P. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER’S “LORNE”
Monday, March 30 by

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EMILY BROWNING IS SUCKER PUNCH’S NEW “BABY DOLL”
Monday, March 30 by

According to Entertainment Weekly's Hollywood Insider, "Emily Browning (The Uninvited) will replace Amanda Seyfried in Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch for Warner Bros. You may remember Emily as "Violet" in 2004's Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events.  She'll be playing "Baby Doll," an "insane asylum inmate who loses herself in a fantasy world where she dreams about escaping with her fellow inmates."

ALIEN TRESPASS GIVEAWAY!
Monday, March 30 by

WIN A SET OF SIGNED LOBBY CARDS FROM THE FILM!This Friday, Roadside Attractions' Alien Trespass opens.  It stars Eric McCormack, Jenni Baird and Robert Lauria*, and is a loving homage to classic sci-fi filmmaking. Screen Junkies and Roadside Attractions are extending the love to you by GIVING AWAY TWO SETS OF ALIEN TRESPASS LOBBY CARDS.  Each set comes with 8 cards.  One of the sets is signed by Eric McCormack, Jenni Baird, Dan Lauria and director R.W. Goodwin!

NEW X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE PICS!
Monday, March 30 by

Today, X-Men Films posted eight high-res images from Fox's upcoming X-Men Origins: Wolverine, opening May 1st.  I'm just going to shut up and let you look at the pretty pictures.  See all of the others after the jump.

Breaking Bad Recap: Down
Monday, March 30 by

Another week gone by, another meth addled story of lies and close scrapes for our two favorite kingpins. “Hey Captain America”, says a bum to Jesse as he is walking into a convenience store to meet up with Walt. Walt and Jesse decide they are going to have to put cooking on hold for a little bit while Walt’s family gets less suspicious. So Walt tries to be sweet and get on Skyler’s good side. He cooks them breakfast but Skyler is skeptical, as usual.  Next, Walter reps Boz Skaggs as one of the best musicians of all time, maybe he’s been getting high on his own supply. While cleaning up, Walt attempts to cover up the his second cell phone. Skyler, though, is unimpressed and storms out to Walt’s dismay. Meanwhile Jesse’s parents have wised up to his drug trafficking ways. So they decide to evict him from his house which they have the property rights to. Jesse’s got 72 hours to get out.