What’s On TV Tonight: Thursday, September 10th, 2009
Thursday, September 10 by

Tonight on television, be sure to check out Satan, a blatant teen genre rip-off, clean comedy, and tig o' bitties.   CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP   NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

‘District 9′ Star To Be Cast As Howling Mad?
Thursday, September 10 by

 Joe Carnahan's big screen A-Team adaptation is gaining a lot of steam lately and it now looks like the final castmember is about to fall into place. Latino Review tipped us off to a report that Sharlto Copley has been tapped for the role of "Howling Mad" Murdock. Though he's pretty much a non-actor, Copley wowed audiences with his performance as Wikus in this summer's District 9. The end result will be interesting to see. Of course, a lot is riding on the character's on-screen chemistry with Quintin "Rampage" Jackson's B.A. Baracus. The danger here being that if they get along too well, Baracus will dry hump him. I strongly recommend that the producers implement the use of a safe word on set.

10 Signs of the Post-Apocalypse
Wednesday, September 9 by

There's a lot of fancy talk going on about the new Tim Burton-produced 9, and why not? I haven't been this giddy to see a doll walk a dystopian Earth since I watched Pinocchio listening to Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" – but I am pretty sure Pete Langham steered me wrong on that combo. There have been a lot of movies featuring a post-apocalyptic world, but none of them, and I mean none of them, are headlined by a 3-D rendering of a sock monkey (save for Kurt Russell in Soldier). But, this got us to thinking – what else should we be expecting in the years to come? And how do we know we're living it?     Other Junk You Might Like: Nichole Jackson is Dressed to Impress

Charo fails at Rihanna cover on Jerry Lewis Telethon
Wednesday, September 9 by

Charo Covers Rihanna… Poorly. – Watch more Funny Videos The above video, from a recent Jerry Lewis telethon, features fifty-something pop icon Charo covering Rihanna's "Please Don't Stop The Music." I recommend watching it en todo, but if you want to get to the best part, fast forward to about 3:05 in the clip. There you'll find a mortified Jerry Lewis making a face he probably hasn't made since the lights went up after the first screening of his directorial debut, The Day the Clown Cried.  That's the one about the circus clown working Auschwitz. ¡Ay dios miiiiioooo!  Here are today's top links: 25 Most Dangerous Squirrels On Earth (HolyTaco) Breaking News: Brett Ratner Is Lazy (FilmDrunk) 10 Funniest Moments In Muppet Show History (SuperTremendous) Disney Finally Recognizes African Americans (Pajiba) Miley Cyrus Sideboob Is Pedorific (CelebJihad) 10 Most Memorable Torture Scenes In Movies (Unreality) New NERF Tommy Gun Looks Like The Bee's Knees (Asylum) Show Me State's Hooters Bikini Car Wash (BustedCoverage) Paraglider Vs. Crowd Of Retards (RegretfulMorning) Monster Trucks Can Perform Backflips (TotalProSports) The USA's Ultimate Sandwiches (MadeMan) Best NASCAR Victory Celebrations (AllLeftTurns) Student Gets A Shovel To The Face (NothingToxic) The Shaman Takes A Trip To Burning Man (Atom)

What’s On TV Tonight: Wednesday, September 9th, 2009
Wednesday, September 9 by

Universal health care, awkward white people dancing, and French cooking. Tonight's TV Preview is practically Canadian.   CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP   NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

The future of superhero movies? Outsourcing.
Wednesday, September 9 by

Indian Superman & Spider-Woman – Watch more Funny Videos So Disney merges with Marvel. Warner Bros. forms DC Entertainment. It's just a matter of time before Dreamworks' Indian partners buy them all out and creates something like the above. But with slightly better green screen.  Though, to the above film's credit, warts and all, it still looks better than The Spirit.

GALLERY: THE LADIES OF ‘TRUE BLOOD’
Wednesday, September 9 by

This season of True Blood has been some bizarre television. It has had moments of melodrama, moments of awesome, and many moments of hokiness. Despite the recent inconsistencies, we just can't peel our eyes away. That probably has a lot to do with the comely female cast. We'd watch a thousand shakey, black-eyed pagan old people orgies if only to catch a glimpse of any of the beauties below. In honor of this Sunday's second season finale, we present to you the lovely ladies of True Blood.

GROWL
Wednesday, September 9 by

"A traveling underground fight club called 'The Brawlers' arrive at a derelict ghost town tucked away in the Colorado Rockies. They meet the town's only residents, the Maxilla family who want to buy on to the fight card. But the Maxilla family's true intentions for the Brawler crew is soon revealed in teeth and claws. Some will be hunted, some will be feed, and some will become part of the family…whether they like it or not."

‘GROWL’ GIVES US MMA WEREWOLVES
Wednesday, September 9 by

Though it was bound to happen, I didn't think it would happen to MY generation. I thought, "Yes, it is eventual that a film combining mixed martial arts and werewolves together will be created some day but that's my children's problem. It surely won't occur in my lifetime." I was woefully wrong.  Music video director Sxv'leithan Essex (?) is teaming up with the producer of Rise of the Silver Surfer to bring us Growl, a story about an underground fight club hunted by a family of werewolves. This movie is going to need a heavy soundtrack. Slipknot, warm up your amps. (First Showing) Wait a minute? Boxing? Werewolves?? I've seen this before…. but where? Step into the Octagon of Death with these links… Resident Evil hits the reset button. (Moviehole)Lord of the Rings lawsuit is settled. (Pajiba)Nic Cage craps out on Green Hornet. (Cinema Blend)LOST Art: Eric Tan's "The Crash" (/Film)Ne-Yo to battle aliens on behalf of Los Angeles. (Empire)Megan Fox: Evolution (MTV)

FIRST CLIP FROM ‘UP IN THE AIR’ FEATURES GEORGE CLOONEY & VERA FARMIGA’S ‘FAUXM’ PARTY
Tuesday, September 8 by

CLOONEY & VERA FARMIGAS FAUXM PARTY – Watch more Funny VideosIn this, the first teaser clip from Jason Reitman's upcoming UP IN THE AIR, traveling businessman Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) has a casual encounter in a hotel bar with Alex (Vera Farmiga) and it turns into a battle of hotel discount card one-upmanship. Then Clooney wins the war, flashing his credentials by pulling out a term he calls "fauxmy" – a cross between "faux" and "homey" to describe the behavior of hotel waitstaff. It's an impressive move to win Farmiga's character over, and one that Clooney would only have to pull in the movies, where he's seemingly always playing an "everyman." Which means that if I were to ever act in a movie, I would be playing a "talking butthole."   And on that note, check out today's links:  How To Enjoy A Strip Club On $30 (HolyTaco) Between Two Ferns With Zach And Charlize (FilmDrunk) 30 Ladies You'd Like To Serve You A Drink (Manofest) 5 Most Seriously Effed Up Movie Premises Of All Time (Pajiba) Lindsay Lohan Has DSLs She Won't Use (CelebJihad) Best Danny DeVito Clip Of All Time? (Unreality) Robot On The Loose In Florida (Asylum) Matisyahu's New Album Comes To Light (Heeb) Hot GILF Sucks Sidney Crosby's Sweet Nectar (BustedCoverage) 8 Awesome Activities That Became Illegal (RegretfulMorning) The Wardrobe Malfunction Pitfalls Of Lingerie Football (TotalProSports) Beat Someone Down With 5 Rare Martial Arts (MadeMan) Danica Patrick And Jen Aniston Have Something In Common (AllLeftTurns)

WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 8th, 2009
Tuesday, September 8 by

Social awareness revolving around the importance of education and a Melrose Place reboot. Tonight's TV preview takes one step forward, two steps back.   CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP   NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

VIDEO INTERVIEW: ‘SORORITY ROW’ GIRLS
Tuesday, September 8 by

SORORITY ROW opens this Friday and Screen Junkies' beat reporter Mike Capes had a chance to sit down four of the film's Theta Pi sorority sisters: Jamie Chung, Rumer Willis, Briana Evigan and Leah Pipes. Here's what they had to say about the film: First up are Briana and Leah, who play good girl Cassidy and über-bitch Jessica, respectively. Fast-forward to the :30 mark if you just want to see Mike ask them to make out… sorta.   

‘HALLOWEEN 3-D’ HAS A DIRECTOR
Tuesday, September 8 by

 Rumors flew last week that Steve Miner would be sitting in the director's chair for next summer's Halloween 3-D. Not so much, it turns out. Patrick Lussier has been confirmed as the writer/director who will be spraying CGI blood at audiences. This is a bad move but not an unexpected one. His last film, My Bloody Valentine made big money at the box office due to its 3-D presentation despite the fact that the storytelling was terrible in every way, shape, and form. You should also note that H3 doesn't have a script or cast in place and is expected on screens in less than a year. Might be wise to avoid this one and play outside instead. You know, where everything is in 3-D. (First Showing) Get back to goofing off at work with these morning links… "Rampage" Jackson WILL play B.A. Baracus but will he get his own cereal?. (Latino Review)David Gordon Green to remake Suspiria. Will Danny McBride battle witches? (Empire)Interesting tweets from Kevin Smith's Labor Day Q&A. (/Film)Spike Jonze almost directed Ace Ventura 2. (NY Mag)Lorne Michaels issues pink slips. (Comic's Comic)

HALO 3: ODST LIVE-ACTION COMMERCIAL
Sunday, September 6 by

Halo 3:ODST Live Action Commercial – Watch more Movie Trailers No, it's not a trailer for some super secretive Halo film they've had in the works all this time. But darned if it shouldn't be received like one.   Microsoft has just released a new trailer for the Halo 3: ODST game for the Xbox 360, directed by Rupert Sanders, a commercial director who's won a bunch of awards and accolades, all of which you can read about in SlashFilm's piece. All we care about is seeing things get barbecued to a crisp. Outdoor grill or Fuel Rod Gun; it don't matter!  Hell, it's Labor Day Weekend here in the States!

‘UNCLE BUCK’ REMAKE THANKFULLY A DIRTY, DIRTY LIE
Saturday, September 5 by

When not listening to Bon Jovi albums, our buddy Dustin at Pajiba runs a pretty kick-ass movie site. One day last May he was feeling a little impulsive and announced to his readership that he would fabricate a news story within the coming days. He successfully created the rumor that "funny" man Dan Fogler would try to fill John Candy's size 13's with a remake of the John Hughes classic, Uncle Buck. The lie went by unnoticed and Dustin, distracted by a TBS airing of Son-in-Law, forgot to lift the veil on his prank. Hilariously, the rumor made it to the Fogler camp. Here's video of Dan denying any involvement in the fictional project:Thankfully, this remake was only a rumor but this was a risky deceit. Like Gods of the Nasuverse, the retread could have been accidentally willed into existence thus killing many a childhood. That's why we as writers should not start rumors, like the one I started above about John Candy's shoe-size. (Pajiba)

ANGRY CAT CHASES SOCK (A.K.A. THIS NEW CLIP FROM ’9′)
Friday, September 4 by

I wonder if this angry feline is all that remains of Brownie the Cat in the future? I wouldn't be surprised. If I were a cat and got an arrow through the head, I'd run around all day chasing sentient socks, especially if they sound like Elijah Wood. In read in this month's "Cat Fancy" that "Elijah Wood's voice" is second only to the sound of a tuna can opening in terms of What Turns Your Cat On.  [Clip from 9 courtesy of Coming Soon.]Bat these weekend links around a bit and then sleep for 18 hours: Celebrity Couples With Their Heads Switched (HolyTaco) Busey Time: Bird Season's Over, Butthorn (FilmDrunk) 20 Sexy Catholic Schoolgirl Photos (Manofest) Check In The Pockets Of Your Rented Tuxedo (Pajiba) Jessica Simpson's Breasts Are Unfortunate (CelebJihad) The 10 Best Ghosts In Movies (Unreality) Drive-Thru Church Open 24/7 (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: Photo Gallery (BustedCoverage) Girl Keeps Her Boobs And Her Polish In Her Bra (RegretfulMorning) Blount Punches Boise Player Right In The Kisser (TotalProSports) The First Things Woman Notice About You (MadeMan) Darrell Waltrip Keeps Canada Down (AllLeftTurns) Cop Punches Fat Guy During Massive Brawl (NothingToxic) When Pottery Gets Really Sexual (Atom)

WHAT’S ON TV THIS WEEKEND: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 4th – SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 6th, 2009
Friday, September 4 by

Debauchery, corpses, zombies, monstrosities, and key parties. This weekend's TV Preview is a real monster mash if ya catch my drift. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

INAPPROPRIATE MOVIE LAUGH TRACKS
Friday, September 4 by

The "laugh track" has a long and storied history of letting morons know when to laugh. But when paired with the wrong footage, the use of a laugh track becomes highly inappropriate. To prove this asinine point, we here at Screen Junkies went ahead and added laugh tracks to five inappropriate films. We hope you like it, because it's the first of 47 installments.  Enjoy. Crash Racism + Laugh Track = Inappropriate     The Deer Hunter Russian Roulette can be funny, but not when the players are coerced. Inappropriate!

KEVIN SMITH SPENDING LABOR DAY TWEETING
Friday, September 4 by

According to /Film, Kevin Smith won't be barbecuing this coming Labor Day.  Instead, he's decided to hold a 24 hour Q&A session on Twitter to promote his latest book Shootin' The Sh*t With Kevin Smith.  We commend him for forgoing the deliciousness of baby back ribs and crisp, buttery corn on the cob in favor of a computer screen and tedious fan inquiries.  We'll save a plate for you, Kevin.  Other Morning News Links:Arrow Kitty Makes it to TV (Warming Glow)5 new clips of Viggo Mortensen in THE ROAD (Latino Review)Dan Fogler responds to Pajiba.com with WORDS (Pajiba)

FINALLY, STAR WARS GETS ITS CLONE WARS TECHNOLOGY RIGHT
Thursday, September 3 by

Twenty-two Princess Leias and a guy who kind of looks like Zangief from STREET FIGHTER 2's portlier, less successful brother, Lonny. Yeah that one. The one with the legend for a penis. [via Picture Is Unrelated]  Enjoy this evening's new streamlined links: Jessica Barton's Hair Is The Perfect Length (Gorillamask) Flowchart: What Will Happen At Your Labor Day BBQ (HolyTaco) Megan Fox Lesbian Kiss Doesn't Disappoint (FilmDrunk) 25 Funniest Pwned Videos Of All Time (Manofest) Valuable Lessons From Movies In Office Settings (Pajiba) Wil.I.Am Wants To Be A Gay Fish (CelebJihad) Funny (Non Star Trek) William Shatner Moments (Unreality) The Rules For Being A Gangsta (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: A Photo Gallery (BustedCoverage) The 6 People Who Ruin A UFC PPV Party (RegretfulMorning) Cameraman Inches Away From Car To The Face (TotalProSports) The Perils Of Dating Catholics (Heeb) Gloria Navaro: Most Ferocious Cougar (Mademan) 10 Best NASCAR Commercials (AllLeftTurns)

STAR WARS
Thursday, September 3 by

If it's Star Wars related, it lands on this page smoother than the Millenium Falcon.

WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 3rd, 2009
Thursday, September 3 by

Tonight's TV Preview has prison tatts, monsters, awesome sandwiches, ass kickings, and vagina bombs. That's right vagina bombs. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

GLEE
Thursday, September 3 by

Network: FOXCast: Matthew Morrison, Dianna Agron, Cory Monteith, Jane Lynch, Jayma MaysProducers: Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, Ian BrennanSynopsis: The show follows an optimistic high school teacher as he tries to refuel his own passion while reinventing the high school's glee club and challenging a group of outcasts to realize their star potential.

EXTRACT: MIKE JUDGE’S COMEDY FORMULA
Thursday, September 3 by

This Friday sees the release of Mike Judge's Extract, his third live-action comedy. In 1999, Office Space was a huge success and proved Judge could do things outside of the animation world and do it well. His follow-up, Idiocracy (2006), was greeted with lukewarm feelings and absolute zero box office, but its cult following is rabid, and the film cemented Judge as a comedy writer/director with a damn unique voice. So we got to asking ourselves… Having seen the trailer and some clips from Extract, is there a formula to Judge's acerbic wit and humdrum social satire?  We cooked something up, let it percolate, and then bottled it at the source. And now, faithful shareholders, we give you: "Mike Judge's Comedy Formula."  

‘CAPTAIN EO’ RETURNING TO DISNEYLAND
Thursday, September 3 by

 The Playlist is reporting on a rumor that Michael Jackson's Captain EO may be making its way back to Disneyland. According to Disney insiders, the film will be back in the park this January. Man, 3D and celebrity deaths are soooo hot right now. The line is kind of blurry on this one. What do you think, heartfelt tribute or distasteful money-making ploy? Check out these links in eye-popping 2D!!! Guy Ritchie to direct Lobo movie. But why? (/Film)Mastodon scores Jonah Hex. (First Showing)Penelope Cruz in her underwear. (Latino Review)Sequels that should be in 3-D. (MTV)7 Beloved Celebrities and the Awful Sh*t You Forgot They Did. (Cracked)Cate Blanchett caught lovely. (NY Mag)

HAWK JONES… 10-YEAR-OLD COP!
Wednesday, September 2 by

Check out this three-minute sizzle reel from HAWK JONES that the good gents at Everything is Terrible have strung together. Imagine if the cast of SCARFACE & LETHAL WEAPON got the reverse treatment that Tom Hanks got in BIG.  Yes, minds blown and eyeballs effed in the A.  I would warn you about spoilers, but the chances that you'll actually find the film in its entirety are slim to none. (And yes, that is a personal challenge to you all. If you can find it and tell us where to get it, and we can actually get it… then you get a prize. For real. We can negotiate.) According to imdb.com, there's a straight-to-video movie called HAWK JONES that was released in 1986 and directed by one Richard Lowry, who also scored the film. That's all you have to go on. What do you have to say about the links below, stern but lovable police chief?"You may be crazy, but damned if you ain't clickable."  Hillary Fisher Chills In The Woods (Gorillamask) If Money Was Designed Today (Holytaco) Zachary Quinto Is Really Good At Swearing (Filmdrunk) 10 Dirtiest Hand Gestures Of All Time (Manofest) Is It Your iPhone Or Is It A Sleave?! (Walyou) Iron Man's 5 Douchiest Co-Stars (Pajiba) Celebrities And Their Respective Felonies (Cracked) '09 NFL Preview: Cheerleaders Edition (Coed) 7 Sweet Ass Summer Camps (Regretfulmorning) Hottest Tennis Players On The Planet (Maxim) Megan Fox Looks Deep Into Your Eyes (Celebjihad) 9 Best Cities For Bachelors (Mademan) Baroni To Take On Sadollah At UFC 106 (Cagepotato) 10 Louis C.K. Bits You Should Watch Right Now (Unreality) Overage Pics Of Cougar Convention 2009 (Asylum) Favorite Playmate Victoria Silvstedt Holds Up Well (Moondogsports) Russian Kid Beats Fragile Old Man (Nothingtoxic) Kick-Ass And Expendables Get Release Dates (Filmofilia)

WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2nd, 2009
Wednesday, September 2 by

A little song, a little dance, indie darlings and Paul Blart. Tonight's TV Preview features THREE things you might see at an awards show.   CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP   NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

DISNEY-MARVEL MASHUPS GALLERY
Wednesday, September 2 by

The announcement on Monday of the House of Mouse's plans to acquire the Marvel Bullpen sent a ripple thoughout the internet the likes of which has not been seen since Celebricide '09. Within hours there were several illustrations which combined the icons from either camp. Screen Junkies has scoured the corners of the 'Net to put together the most comprehensive gallery of these genius monstrosities. In addition, we sprinkled in a few of our own.   CLICK ON THE THUMBS TO SEE THE ORIGINALS IN THEIR FULL GLORY. EXCELSIOR!  

BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD REVIEW ‘EXTRACT’
Wednesday, September 2 by

Beavis and Butthead have come out of retirement to talk up Mike Judge's latest, Extract. It's great to see these guys again and I love their straight to the point and honest review. Perhaps if Ben and Ben showed this kind of charm they would still be At The Movies.  @ Yahoo! Video Look at these morning links, buttwagon… Iron Man 2 interested in jumping on the 3-D bandwagon. (First Showing) Downey & Favreau hop aboard Cowboys & Aliens. (Empire) Get ready for another 30 Days of Night. (Cinema Blend) MacGruber set photo. (Latino Review) Family Guy shuffles the writer's room. (Reuters)

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO THE MYERS BRIS
Tuesday, September 1 by

I mean, psychotic or no, the man was born to slash foreskin. And it's a good thing, cause after FINAL DESTINATION whooped his ass this past weekend, he'll need steady work for a while.  You and a guest are cordially invited to attend the following:  Nicky Fleites Has Sand All Over Her Areas (Gorillamask) How To Survive When Your City Catches Fire (Holytaco) How Twilight Should Have Ended (Filmdrunk) The 10 (Or 20, Really) Biggest Breasts In The World (Manofest) Tetris Sugar Game Is Sweetest Game Of All Time (Walyou) Nominate Megan Fox And Make Your Awards Irrelevant (Pajiba) 5 Amazing Inventions That Will Doom Humanity (Cracked) I Can't Stop Singing Boyz II Men (Heeb) 7 Douchiest Theme Parties (Coedmagazine) Hottest Israel Women Deserve The Holy Land (Maxim) Miley Cyrus Ass-Sex Pics Leaked (Celebjihad) 10 Of History's Unknown Badasses (Mademan) Either Jerry Millen Is Stupid, Or He Thinks You Are (Cagepotato) 15 Movies That Can Also Be Watched Backwards (Unreality) Mudflat Olympics In Germany Gets Dirty (Asylum) Playboy Really, Really, Really Wants Lohan To Pose Nude (Moondogsports) Mickey Turned To Prostitution After Marvel Joined The Team (Atomfilms)