Oh, hey. Here's some news that's probably nothing. David Goyer has stepped down as FlashForward showrunner to focus on his career in features. This news has sprouted a multitude of nerd boners due to the speculation that he is writing a third Batman film with Jonathan Nolan. But all those plump dork stiffies may be engorged for naught as there has been no official word that Goyer is involved in the project. Nor is there any confirmation that it is even in the scripting phase. Right now it's all speculation stemming from this quote from Deadline Hollywood:"Of course, Goyer's feature career is really heating up, since he co-wrote Batman Begins, and penned the story for The Dark Knight, and is now writing the third Batman installment with Chris Nolan's brother Jonah." Fact of the matter is that, as of right now, Christopher Nolan is busy with Inception and Goyer has a lot of feature projects in development, including Super Max, Ghost Rider 2, Magneto, Y: The Last Man, Scanners, The Invisible Man, The Unforgettable, and Here, There Be Dragons. So nerds, please resheath your geek-woodies until we have something more substantial to fluff to. Unless, of course, you're turned on by stories where there be dragons. Pervert. (Deadline Hollywood)
Everyone always talks about date movies, but what about the dates in movies? Sure, you can pick Hollywood’s latest (laaaaame) offerings of Dear John or Valentine’s Day and hope to impress the girl you tricked into going out with you. Or, you could take a cue from some movies that nailed the perfect date and really knock their socks/panties off. 10) Superman: The Movie
Last month we posted the casting breakdown for Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.'s prequel to The Thing, and today there's word that the protagonists have been selected. Scream queen Mary Elizabeth Winstead and rugged Kurt Russell-proxy Joel Edgerton have signed on to be drenched in blood and guts. Winstead will play Kate Lloyd, a Ph.D. candidate who travels with Norwegian scientists to Antartica to investigate an alien craft frozen in the ice. The alien escapes and begins systematically ripping the scientists limb-from-limb. Edgerton plays Sam Carter, the badass helicopter pilot who doesn't trust them queefy doctors and trusts his own gut over their rich-boy "science." He eventually teams with Winstead to destroy the Thing.I've got mixed feelings about this prequel. I like this casting and am eager to see who else signs on, but this group of filmmakers has their work cut out for them despite their talents. The original was so good that the bar was set impossibly high. Also impossibly high, anyone who thinks this will measure up to the original. (THR)
Twilight hunkA hunkA hunkA Taylor Lautner is going to be Stretch Armstrong in Universal's latest attempt to turn every board game into a 3D movie. You don't care about this news, I don't care about this news, but I still find the above picture amusing. This thing also (kinda) has a plot. Taylor would play Armstrong "an uptight spy who stumbles across a stretching formula, which he takes and must now adjust to in everyday life and when fighting crime.” Where I come from that's called an erection. And believe me, it takes more than 90 minutes to adjust to it.Steve Oedekerk wrote the screenplay and crazy-haired Brian Grazer is producing. No director is on board yet, but the economy is making a slow comeback so it may take a little longer to find one. Unless Shawn Levy is an avid fan of Screen Junkies and is fervently dialing his agent at the same time he's finishing this post. (THR)
As punishment for not giving "The Situation" the part, the producer woke up to find Snookie under his sheets.Here are your weekend links.25 Greatest Garbage Pail Kids (HolyTaco)Brazilian Comentator Faints on Live TV (TotalProSports)Insider Says Watchmen Sequel Not Happening (Moviefone)If Famous Directors Direct The Super Bowl (FilmDrunk)Does Chaeil Sonnen Have Your Attention Yet? (CagePotato)15 Anti-Climactic Movie Posters (Unreality)80's-Influenced Technology Available Now (Asylum)UFC's Kenda Perez Pics (Maxim)Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift are Dating (CelebJihad)George Lucas:Hero or Heretic (Pajiba)Val Kilmer Unravels The Super Bowl (Atom)6 Easy Steps to Bone-Crushing Tackles (MadeMan)You May Be Infected with Danica Fever (AllLeftTurns)
Blog. Fap. Repeat.HBO is cranking it up to ten with a series about the exciting world of movie blogging. The show, entitled Cheetos For Lunch Tilda, is being developed with hopes of going to pilot by Bill Condon (Dreamgirls, Kinsey) and Cynthia Mort (Tell Me You Love Me). It focuses on a tough female entertainment journalist with a "no-holds-barred style." HBO seems like the perfect home for a project like this. There's no way you could get away with the requisite blogger-pantslessness on regular networks. Also, the Entourage crossovers seem like a given. Here's an excerpt:JOHNNY DRAMA: Oh no! My sex tape leaked and now all of Hollywood knows I have a small donger!TILDA: (adjusts camel toe) TOLDJA!Comparisons were drawn immediately to Deadline Hollywood's Nikki Finke. Yet she hasn't responded to this at all. Weird. I hope that she's okay. Somebody please drive by her place to make sure she's not concussed while I call all the morgues. (THR)
Epix – Samuel Kinisons Mowing the Lawn – Watch more Funny VideosSam Kinison's tantrums and red-faced, eye-bulging screamfests influenced a ton of stand-ups, including famous ranter Denis Leary. On Saturday February 6th, EPIX will be featuring Kinison Back From Hell. Comedians including Chris Rock, Kathy Griffin and Denis Leary gather to pay tribute to the man who turned rage into an art form. Filmed in part at Sam Kinison's familiar Los Angeles stomping ground The Comedy Store, this documentary weaves performance footage and interviews to offer some fresh perspective on a truly original voice in comedy. Bring your earplugs and your grievances to the living room with you. Right now, EPIX is offering invite codes to EpixHD.com from 2/4 through 2/7 that are good for four-days of access.
The King of BurpsDue to my aversion to looking at Peyton Manning's square head, the only reason I was planning to watch this Sunday's Super Bowl was for the commercials. And now I won't have to even do that. Yesterday we had the Shutter Island leak and today we have an epic look at Ridley Scott's Robin Hood. Why pay the kajillion dollars for Super Bowl ad time when you're just going to release the spot beforehand? In spite of that, I gotta say that the movie looks pretty good. It's pretty much Robin Hood: The Fatter Years, which is to say a gritty look at the outlaw marauder before he got Disneyfied. Imagine Braveheart with Russell Crowe as H.A.I.C. (Head Australian In Charge) as well as some scenes with boats (I don't think I have to tell you how popular boats are). Let's hope this one is a hit. Russell Crowe seems like a really humble and appreciative guy. I'd hate to see him fail. Unlike Manning. His head looks like a damn olive oil can. HAVE AN EARLY LOOK AT THE SPOT AFTER THE JUMP…
Back in 1988 James Cameron made a terrible decision to direct a music video for Bill Paxton's band Martini Ranch. I'm sure the final product has been haunting him ever since, a horrible display of mariachis and teased hair that not even his domination at the box office can banish from his mind's eye. Ooooo is that Kathryn Bigelow?! Why in God's name don't they show more of her? And why is she wearing so many articles of clothing? Bustiers abound in this P.O.S. and Cameron doesn't slap one on Kathryn. If I wasn't so terrified of you, James, I'd give you angry fist shake. (Cinematical)
Kelly Brannigan is briefcase number 24 on that gameshow hosted by the germaphobe. She was also voted Biggest Flirt in high school. I guess that's what happens when you strut to class in your bra with a pitbull.A word from Kelly: "I'm briefcase number 24."I don't have documentation of Kelly actually saying the above, but I have to believe she's given that answer when someone asked her directions to the airport.After the jump see why it's unnecessary for Kelly to speak.
Be the hardest geek in yo' hood with these life-size replicas of the burners from best picture nominee District 9. Them heads at Peter Jackson's Weta Workshop is slingin' the Gas Generator and Arc Generator pieces for 5 c-notes each. So, if you beefin' with some Trekkie who needs to get got, now you got the hardware to do so. Aaassa lama lakum, my brotha. (via /Film)
DOUBLE nut shot? BAHhahahaha! Tracy Morgan gets it right in between the legs and then he gives it to a 10-year-old. My vivid description really doesn't do the scene justice. And that is mainly what the Cop Out red band trailer is all about. I'll admit, it's funnier than the first oral-sex-conversationless trailer, but I fear I still can't get behind this movie. Tracy Morgan has grown on me in 30 Rock, I just don't know if I can tolerate his unique line delivery for 90 minutes. It always sounds like his throat is seizing up and he's choking out words seconds before his death. Check out the trailer below. It has a crude drawing in it. (Hint: It's a penis…with balls.)
Chris Sparling attracted a lot of buzz with his script for Buried. After landing on the Black List, the film wooed Ryan Reynolds and was screened at Sundance to rave reviews. Lionsgate quickly bought the film and plan to distribute. Now, the screenwriter has parlayed that success into the sale of another script to the Safran Co. and Gold Circle Films. Newcomer David Brooks will direct.ATM is an action script that doesn't center around licking someone's butt. Actually it's about three co-workers who — on a routine stop at an ATM — unexpectedly end up in a desperate fight for their lives. I'm assuming this means they get held up or car-jacked. But I'm hoping it's a story about a guy's necktie getting caught in a killer, man-eating ATM.Could happen. (Variety)
Arrested Development with a Laugh Track – Watch more Funny VideosIt's amazing to witness how canned laughter can rape and murder genuine laughter. Arrested Development is one of my favorite shows of all time, so watching the above clip stirs an anger deep inside of me usually reserved for fat, ugly people who think they're smokin' hot. Hey, shows that still use a laugh track. Stop leaning on your crutch and write better material! Hey, fat, ugly person. Your massive cleavage doesn't make you less ugly! (Gawker)Here are today's pretty links.Check Out Top Rated Super Bowl Commercials (Break)Flowchart to Determine What You Should On Super Bowl Sunday (HolyTaco) Anna Kournikova Makes a Fan Horny (TotalProSports) Deciding on the Worst Movie Ever (Moviefone) Miley Cyrus's Sister ISN'T Wearing Lingerie (FilmDrunk) UC 109 Participants Make Super Bowl Predictions (CagePotato) 7 Must Have Gadgets from 80s Movies and TV (Unreality) Plus Size Swingers Take Over Jamaica (Asylum) Hooters Girls Explain Football (Maxim) Lock Up Your Whores Tiger Woods Leaving Rehab (CelebJihad) 15 Most Memorable Closing Credit Songs (Pajiba) The Berry/Steve Agee Experiment (Atom) Super Bowl Snacks to Keep You Slim (MadeMan) Behold, Snack Food Stadium! (AllLeftTurns) My Girlfriend is Stinky Down Below, What Now? (RegretfulMorning)
NBC must rrrreeeaaaallllllyyyyyy love the legal process. Not only did they just pay out $44 million to Conan O'Brien, but they also were just sued for stealing the font used in their logo redesign. Now their cafeteria is caught with its racist pants down. Or up. I don't know how racists wear their pants.Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and The Roots drummer Questlove tweeted the above picture today along with the comment "Hmm, HR?"An NBC publicist replied, "The sign in the NBCU cafeteria has been removed. We apologize for anyone who was offended by it."This of course has rightfully drawn a lot of offense. Many black people were bewildered when they laid eyes upon the controversial menu. In fact, most were overheard exclaiming, "$7.50?!!" (THR)
Let me preface this post by saying I disapprove of the Spider-man Reboot in general. With that said, little idiot Logan Lerman told Access Hollywood that he's in early talks to play Peter Parker in Marc Webb's jerktastic reboot of the Spider-Man franchise. Says Lerman: “It’s just, you know, conversations are starting. It’s a long process with the dumbass studio and the jerkball producers and everything. But it’s definitely a project that I’m really interested in, of course. I’d love to focus on the sh*thead element a little bit more. It’d be such a fun experience.” However, the Hollywood Reporter says that the little snot and Percy Jackson star is just one of the dickwads with whom the sh*t-for-brains studio is meeting. Says a spokesman for the studio:“No offers have been made, nor have any business discussions been made with that fartknocker.”When asked for comment, a Spider-Man fan on the street (me) responded with a prolonged fart sound.So there you have it. The first official hat in the ring for the coveted role of Peter Parker. We'll keep you posted as more stupid buttheads are announced. (THR)
Yeeeeeah, Danny McBride likey. The comedic actor who hails from North Carolina is attached to star in L.A.P.I., which will be directed by his good bud Jody Hill. Based on a pitch from writers Michael Diliberti and Matthew Sullivan, the studio won't give it up and tell us what it's about except McBride will play a beaten-down, hardboiled private investigator, or as Hollywood-types call it, a P.I.McBride and Hill most recently teamed on the HBO comedy Eastbound and Down, of which season 2 should be premiering rather soon. They probably also most recently teamed on a basket of blazin' buffalo chicken fingers. Why? Because that's what guys do on Thursdays. (Variety)
"Cranberry leather looks good on you.""I stole it from your closet after the sex we had together."We all knew this day would come, we were just waiting for the title. Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, and director Justin Lin are back for another Fast (fill it in) Furious, and they're naming this one after an instant scratchers lottery ticket. Fast Five, the fourth sequel in the franchise, promises more car chases, car crashes, Diesel and Walker disagreeing then agreeing on a plan of action, and latina cleavage.Fast & Furious made over $500 million at the box office so it's not surprising that Universal is rushing another one into production. I'm sure it didn't take long to get the key players together. An exec had to go over to Vin Diesel's place and get his okay, then stop by the dumpster outside where Paul Walker was eating breakfast. He threw a banana peel and scampered off, solidifying his involvement. (Variety)
Professional big British dude Vinnie Jones is interested in opening a chain of British pubs with fellow Redcoat Jason Statham. In fact, they've been talking about it for some time but their schedules have never let them a lot of time to dig in. Says Jones with rounded vowels:Jay has been working so much and so have I. The pubs will happen. We had a great spot right opposite the pier in Santa Monica. They just wanted too much rent. Me and Jay went to look at it and we had three other investors, all Brits. The mates discussed calling their chain "The Snatch Bar," which would be a decidedly disappointing place to hold a bachelor party. Rather than naked skanks and coeds, the place would be crawling with Australians. **slide whistle sound as erection deflates**This news will undoubtedly be a let down for 50 Cent, who has approached Jones about opening their own chain of English pubs. Jones however, was not interested. Either he felt it would work better in British hands or he and Fitty couldn't see eye-to-eye on the name "In Da Pub." (WENN)
Shutter Island Superbowl Spot – Watch more Funny VideosHere's an early leak of the Superbowl spot for Martin Scorsese's Shutter Island. This spot does away with the slow build we've seen in the others and jumps right into the psyche-bending action. It looks unlike anything Scorsese has done before and seems like it could be an entertaining winter film. It was also announced that there will be no TV spot for Iron Man 2 during this year's Superbowl. With that in mind, I'm not sure why Paramount would release this before the big game. It seems like it will have little competition. I guess their logic is to build a little additional buzz in the hopes that some extra eyes will see it. Either that or they're helping us all plan our pee breaks. If so, thanks!!
Sarah Silverman/Demetri Martin Promo – Watch more Funny VideosYou get Sarah Silverman and Demetri Martin together in a vast empty room with only one stick of furniture to sit on and they're bound to think of something funny. Or you'd think that, but the above promo proves otherwise. At least the footage of the comedians' new seasons got me smiling. Come on, Sarah, you couldn't have at least ripped a juicy one? You KNOW it would have echoed. Or did the suits at the network put the kibosh on that?New Episodes of Important Things with Demetri Martin and The Sarah Silverman Program premiere back-to-back tomorrow at 10/9c on Comedy Central.These links premiere right now.Gallery: Saints Girls vs. Colts Girls (HolyTaco) How to Ruin Your Buddy's Manhood (TotalProSports)Most Razzie-Nominated Stars of All Time (Moviefone)Hurt Locker is a Game Changer Now Too (FilmDrunk)Gambling Enabler: UFC 109 (CagePotato)If the Ninja Turtles Really WERE Artists (Unreality)Christina Hendricks is Good at Fashion (Asylum)Maxim's Hottest Hand Bras (Maxim)Jennifer Aniston Wants Brad Back SO Bad (CelebJihad)Drunken Shenanigans (Pajiba)Conservative Phone Sex vs. Talking with Friends (Atom)Your Personal Guide to Manscaping (MadeMan)Carl Edwards Gets Raaaaw (AllLeftTurns)
The Griswolds are coming back to the screen! Even if it is just the small screen. We reported in October that a new National Lampoon's Vacation sequel is in the works, but a short film featuring the lovably dysfunctional family is a certainty. Below is just a teaser of what will premiere on HomeAway February 7th. I don't even care that Clark & Ellen are hocking vacation rental homes, they're together again and looking rather dapper. No word if interchangable children Rusty and Audrey will be in the short film, but my fingers are crossed that they somehow work Anthony Michael Hall in there. He already played opposite Chevy on NBC's Community, and I'd like to see Clark give him a few incoherent words of wisdom one last time. Check out The Griswolds teaser after the jump.
Renowned Elmo tormentor Ricky Gervais has teamed again with his The Office/Extras co-creator Stephen Merchant to write and direct Cemetery Junction. And… and… honestly, I have no idea what it's about. I watched this trailer four times now and couldn't understand a word of it. Is that a real language that they're speaking? If so, is it called Chimney Sweep?? Here's what the studio claims it is about:Cemetery Junction, set in 1970s England, follows three blue-collar friends who spend their days joking, drinking and chasing girls. Freddie (Christian Cooke) wants to leave their working-class world, but cool, charismatic Bruce (Tom Hughes) and lovable loser Snork (Jack Doolan) are happy with life the way it is.Okay. That's what they claim. But to me this could just as easily be a movie about the formation of The Beatles. Or the Stones. Or Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders. I CAN'T F***ING TELL!! Watch the trailer after the jump, and please provide translation in the comments section.
Directors: Ricky Gervais & Stephen MerchantCast: Ricky Gervais, Ralph Fiennes, Matthew Goode, Emily WatsonSynopsis: A 1970s-set comedy centered on three upstart professional men working at an insurance company.
Network: Comedy CentralCreators: Dan Harmon, Rob Schrab, Sarah SilvermanCast: Sarah Silverman, Laura Silverman, Brian Posehn, Steve Agee, Jay JohnstonSynopsis: Sarah Silverman stars as Sarah Silverman, an unemployed single woman who still behaves like a child.
MacGyver creator Lee Zlotoff is not happy with SNL's big-screen parody of his guy-with-a-mullet-displaying-ingenuity-with-everyday-household-items-in-order-to-get-out-of-life-threatening-scrapes-at-the-last-second action series. Hollywood Reporter reports Hollywoodily, that he is preparing legal action against Relativity Media to block the April 23rd release of the butt and boob filled MacGruber. Some say that parody falls within the realm of fair use while Zlotoff feels like there is a big difference between a short sketch and a 90-minute film, especially while he is developing MacGyver for the big screen himself.Seems like an uphill battle, if only because nobody besides Lee Zlotoff wants to see a MacGyver movie. As he prepares his case, I hope he refers to 1991's controversial Top Gun v. Hot Shots! If you'll remember, the case was dismissed when a confused Lloyd Bridges shuffled around the courtroom while farting a melody eerily similar to "Who Let the Dogs Out." But it was the crap he took in the corner that angered the judge the most. (THR)
It's a true fact that Japan's chief exports are crazy sh*t and tuna. This commercial for Hagoromo Tuna kills two birds with one stone. It's not the first time we've seen a foreign "homage" to Star Wars, but it is the first time we've seen the iconic characters pimp probably-not-dolphin-safe salads and hors d'oeuvres. A large part of our job here at Screen Junkies is to look at pictures of hot actresses (like KRISTEN BELL IN HER UNDERWEAR or SEXY PATRICIA De LEON BEING SEXY for instance), yet I can't take my eyes off C3PO's tight, little rear. Please let it be a chick under that costume. (Buzzfeed)
We have video proof of the racist pot calling the kettle black. In his interview with Dean Richards of Chicago's WGNtv, Mel Gibson doesn't approve of the reporter's probing questions regarding all that dispicable stuff he did. The drinking and swearing was sooooooo five years ago, Richards. At the end of the segment, Gibson throws a tiny dig in right before the feed cuts out. That's like pulling up next to a bicycle cop in your lowered Honda Accord and shouting "Pig!" before peeling out whilst cackling. Total burn, dude.
LOST: Answers Song – Watch more Funny VideosIn honor of LOST premiering tonight, here's a song created by Benny & Rafi Fine laying out all the mysteries the show hasn't answered yet. I watched it and I can't remember half the sh*t it brings up. I've wasted five years of my life on LOST, and I look forward to wasting one more. I demand an answer for the polar bears. That island is simply too hot for them!Get these links in before the brain-wrinkling begins.25 Drunks Passed Out On Benches (HolyTaco) Oscar Nominations Snubs and Surprises (Moviefone) The Rip Torn/Norman Mailer Brawl (FilmDrunk) King Mo Lawal May Do an Elephant Entrance (CagePotato) 5 TV Characters We Should Hate But Love (Unreality) 5 Shows That Lost it in Their Final Season (Asylum) 21 Awesome Butter Sculptures (Maxim) Demi Lovato Lesbian Bikini Vacation (CelebJihad) 20 Worst Oscar Nominations of the Last 20 Years (Pajiba) These Guys Write The Super Bowl (Atom) 14 Things Scaring Off the Ladies (MadeMan) Hitler Reacts to NASCAR Rule Changes (AllLeftTurns) My GF is Banging Another Guy. WTF? (RegretfulMorning)
"Yous is gonna have to bring up dis situation with mys attorneys."Another example of why the rest of the world hates America has been filed at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office today, and wouldn't you know it, it involves The Jersey Shore. Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is so fond of his washboard abs that he's looking to get them trademarked. The application was filed by "The Situation's" older brother Marc "The Enabler" whose Las Vegas firm operates several porn websites. Of course that's what he does. OF COURSE.Another application has been filed by a man named Matthew Hunter who would like permission to stamp the moniker on t-shirts, underwear, track suits, and vagabond children. I'd like to just shout out a big thank you to all who are trying their damndest to proliferate stupidity. It's my only hope that Snooki jumps on the bandwagon and trademarks her amorphous bodytype. There has to be a pasta sauce company out there that's willing to take a chance on pint-sized guido. (SmokingGun)