Our hopes of seeing a vampire use his fangs to perform a Caesarean section have just gone down in flames. Screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg has informed the LA Times that Breaking Dawn's gory birthing scene will happen off-screen. Seltzer and Friedberg wouldn't pussy out like that.On the fan site, on Facebook, all the comments are "It has to be R rated! You have to show the childbirth! Gore and guts and sex!" For me it's actually more interesting to not see it. You know, you can do childbirth without seeing childbirth … it doesn't mean it's any less evocative of an experience.Yes, you can do childbirth without seeing childbirth. But when that childbirth features an accelerated pregnancy that kills the host from the inside out, causing a f*cking vampire to eat his way through the mother's stomach in order to deliver the baby, which can run around and has complete awareness, you'd better show the childbirth. But whatever. I'm not a screenwriter. If you're not going to show the delivery, don't even THINK of making us sit through the boring lamaze class scene. Those are always the same.
"Is that boy's head on fire?"Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, the two directors behind the tweeked-out Crank films, are negotiating to stab their hypodermic needle of creativity into the heart of the Ghost Rider sequel, entitled Ghost Rider: The Spirit of Vengeance. Nic Cage will return as Johnny Blaze, the stuntman with a serious dry scalp problem.The film needs to go into production before November or Columbia loses the rights, so who better to take a chokehold on the project than the guys who directed two movies where speed is a major component. I can't imagine the sequel to Ghost Rider could turn out any worse than the original. Neveldine and Taylor are basically getting permission to play with fire, and I fear not even the craft services table would be safe from their wrath. When Neveldine spots crafty serving up bananas foster across the stage, you know he's gonna want to bathe in those flames. (THR)
The Internet used to suck. The Internet is good for a few things besides revitalizing Betty White's career, and Middle Men is here to remind us of that. The new film is inspired by the brave heros who brought porn to the Internet, and molded it into the universe it has become. Luke Wilson stars as a businessman who helps guide the first online billing company that deals exclusively with adult entertainment. Judging from their unkempt look and sparring habits, Giovanni Ribisi and Gabriel Macht co-star as the staff of ScreenJunkies.com. Oh, I've just been told that they play the programmers who invent the billing method. I was close. Soon the trio are caught in the middle between porn stars, fabulous riches, Russian mobsters, the FBI, and Luke Wilson once again has to tangle with Mr. Henry. It's weird to see him without Rowboat. PAY SOME RESPECT TO THE INTERNET'S HERITAGE AFTER THE JUMP…
UPDATE: HBO, Starz, and FX are also interested in this project. Everyone wants Kool-Aid!!!Kevin Spacey wants you to drink his Kool-Aid. The actor, who doesn't do a half-bad job of portraying psychos, is in talks with Showtime to star in a series called 'The Crux', in which he would play the leader of a high-profile cult. Rod Lurie, the writer-director of the underrated jailhouse flick The Last Castle, would pen the pilot script and most likely exec-produce the series.Spacey would have to wedge the show into his already full schedule of movie roles and being the artistic director for London's Old Vic Theatre. See, this is why you never take a job at some artsy-fartsy live stageshow joint. It restricts you from doing things people care about. Oh sure, educated people adoooooore the theater, but really, who talks that much in one room? (Vulture)
I'm still not sure which is more annoying, the vuvuzela or Shelley Duvall. (FYeahDementia)
Director: Zack SnyderCast: Emilie de Ravin,Jim Sturgess, Geoffrey Rush, Abbie Cornish, Rachel TalylorSynopsis: Soren, a young barn owl, is kidnapped by owls of St. Aggie's, ostensibly an orphanage, where owlets are brainwashed into becoming soldiers. He and his new friends escape to the island of Ga'Hoole, to assist its noble, wise owls who fight the army being created by the wicked rulers of St. Aggie's. The film is based on the first three books in the series.Release Date: September 24, 2010
We avoided posting the teaser trailer for Zack Snyder's Legends of the Guardians because our managing editor Col. Hans Longshanks wasn't into it. But now he is, so here's the full-length trailer. I'm not sure what experience he had with owls in the interim that changed his mind, but he has been acting weird since he went to that sweat lodge. Or more accurately, the day he didn't notice the gas leak in his apartment. All in all, Guardians looks great. But be careful while watching. You may find yourself enjoying the soundtrack before you realize it's Thirty Seconds to Mars. Not this time, Leto! CHECK OUT THE TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP. IT HAS OWLS.
Daniel Tosh is back as master curator of viral videos. He chooses, pokes fun at, and even parodies some of the distractions you wait for your co-workers to IM you on a daily basis. One such video that I'm sure you helped infect the internet with is the Worst Wedding DJ Ever. The guy basically plays the bongos on a woman's floppy boobies. So why wouldn't Tosh get Motley Crue drummer and known lothario Tommy Lee to reenact that? Check out Lee beating away on some "cymbals" after the jump. "Tosh.0" premieres tonight at 10:30PM/9:30c on Comedy Central.
Hopefully this chair was burned after the shoot. Russell Crowe is sorry and trying to atone for his violent, dangerous past by putting his skills to use helping those who need protection and/or the use of a phone. Not in real life though. Never in real life. Despite The A-Team's belly-flop onto hard concrete this past weekend, Crowe has been attached to a remake of the vengeance-for-hire series "The Equalizer." Crowe will play Robert McCall (originated by Edward Woodward), a former secret agent determined to help those in need via a newspaper ad. I imagine this will be modernized to a Craigslist ad. Because those in need certainly always have a $2,000 laptop and a costly Verizon FiOS connection. (LA Times)
I remember it looking a lot cooler when I was eight.The much anticipated (by me) remake of The Monster Squad has come one step closer to completion with the addition of two new screenwriters. Mark and Brian Gunn (cousins, not husbands) have signed on to pen the reboot of Fred Dekker's 1987 classic.Assuming they don't totally ruin the film by going the Twilight route, it will be nice to see a vampire that wants to kill teenagers, not fall in love with them. Unless, of course, they base the Dracula character on my creepy Uncle Mike, who liked to do both. (Hollywood Reporter via Dead Central)
The oil spill destroys yet another beach.In today's economy, job security is almost non-existent. This is even true for those of us who get paid to be a raging douche bag and/or herpes spreading skank.TMZ is reporting that at least half the cast of "Jersey Shore" is facing the chopping block after MTV executives were "underwhelmed" by their performances this season. Obviously, this means there's been an overall decline in the number of teenage viewers renouncing Jesus Christ as their lord and savior, and someone at the network needs to be held accountable.The cast members in question are Lenny, Squiggy, Amerigo and "The C-Word." (TMZ)
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Turtle takes a hit while covered in gasoline, the dummy. Uuuuuggghhhhh. "Entourage" is coming back and it looks like "Entourage." Vince is having complications with a movie he's starring in (wank), Drama can't get work (wank, wank), Turtle's trying to be an entrepreneur (wankity wank), E's trying to find grown men's suits that fit him and getting all gaga over Sloan (wankity doo), and Ari is yelling at people about agency expansion, growth, and erections (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank). These are what we at SJ like to call "rich man problems." Not having enough water to fill your cup of Ramen Noodles up to the indented line, that's a poor man problem. Unless your Turtle. I guess for him that could be a considered a rich man problem. The kid's gotta eat. "Entourage" premieres on HBO Sunday June 27th at 10:30PM EST. Check out the trailer after the jump…
Back in college, we played so much Goldeneye that my friend instinctively ran off the basketball court during a big game because he noticed a blue backpack that resembled the game's body armor in the bleachers. Now, a new version of the game is making its way to the Wii and it looks amazing, and Daniel Craig-y. My college friends have all scattered, so I'll need to round up three willing competitors. I think I'll ask my building's security guard. I bet he's good with a gun, and at spying on people in the bathroom. There will definitely be a "No Oddjob" rule in effect. He always aims for the kneecaps and that's just bullsh*t. CHECK OUT THE MOVIE-RELATED GAME TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP…
Can't get enough of vampires, even the sparkly kind? Does high-fructose corn syrup mixed with red food coloring really get you amped? Feverishly writing your own script for Troll 3? Then you might want to check out Break's newly-risen Horror Channel, the internet's latest resting place for all things creepy, scary and at least partially undead.Not only will you find trailers for all of the latest horror flicks, you'll find the best in short videos, extras for films & TV shows and web-based horror series. Or, if you just want to browse by your particular horror fetish — er, genre — you can do that, as well. Think of the Horror Channel as Screen Junkies's ugly, disfigured cousin we keep in the cellar and feed fish heads. He's too disturbing to play in our sandbox, so we made him one of his very own. God only knows what it's filled with though.Stalk on over to the Horror Channel HERE.
Behold the awesome power of the laugh track. When added to the dark drama "Breaking Bad" it magically turns it into a sitcom about a zany father who won't leave his house. My favorite part of the video is the title sequence. They did a great job of cutting together the wackier character moments of the show. After that, the laugh track works in some parts, but I wouldn't exactly say there's a whole lot of set-up/punchline riffing. Let's not forget, the show is about a guy who sells meth and whose lung cancer is in remission. Cue the chuckles! Check out the "Breaking Bad" sitcom after the jump…
It's like the fish is his boner.The Incredible Mr. Limpet is a movie that was made nearly 50 years ago about a cartoon fish that fights Nazis. No wait, don't stop me. Seriously, Don Knotts played a man who transformed into a fish and left his old life behind to take on German U-boats in the ocean. Don't look at me like that, it's a real thing! Anyway, now Warner Bros. wants Zack Galifianakis to star as Mr. Limpet in the remake to be directed by Kevin Lima (Enchanted).The LA Times points out that "The Incredible Mr. Limpet has always seemed like one of those Hollywood remake projects that actually makes sense." Really, Steven Zeitchik of the LA Times? The movie didn't make sense back when it was originally conceived, and now you think in this post-post-post WWII era audiences are hungry for a Nazi fighting flounder? Granted, Inglourious Basterds did well, but that concept was easier to go along with, even if they did killer Hitler in the end **Retroactive Spoiler Alert!** But okay, let's make Galifianakis a fish. Whatever. I give up.
Sofia Coppola is up to her old tricks again, pointing a camera at people bored by hotel stays. Somewhere stars Stephen Dorff as a lazy bones actor laying around all the time at Hollywood's Chateau Marmont Hotel who's life is reinvigorated by the unexpected presence of his daughter. I guess I should point out that she's played by Elle Fanning, but I won't because I hate when children are more successful than I am. So unread that last sentence. Coppola wants you to think she's making a point with the plaster mold drying shot (aren't we all just waiting around for our own soul plaster to harden?), but I see the bigger picture. The laying around. The kitty-cat awards show. Stephen Dorff is obviously channeling Garfield. This will become obvious once you see the scene where he kicks Robert Schwartzman off a table. Check out Stephen Dorff's rich man problems after the jump…
It turns out that along with David Yates (Harry Potter films) and David Dobkin (Fred Claus), Brett Ratner has also been considered to direct The Hobbit. I don't want to tell a studio on the brink of bankruptcy how to run their business, but bitch is you crazy? I thought MGM needed a hit. Is this some kind of Brewster's Millions situation where they need to intentionally lose all their money in order to win a larger fortune?? Does Robocop have something to do with this???? Luckily Peter Jackson won't let that happen.He's gone on record before to say, "If [directing the films is] what I have to do to protect Warner Bros’ investment, then obviously that’s one angle which I’ll explore…The other studios may not let me out of the contracts." Thank you, Peter Jackson. You're the only one preventing us from having to endure Miley Cyrus speaking Elvish. Or worse, singing auto-tuned Elvish. (Deadline)
Director: Paul W.S. AndersonCast: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Wentworth MillerSynopsis: In a world ravaged by a virus infection, turning its victims into the Undead, Alice (Jovovich), continues on her journey to find survivors and lead them to safety.
It's tough being a movie star. When actors find success or make it big they tend to stick to the same projects and stories that have made them a houshold name. Yes, I'm shooting you the stink-eye, Eddie Murphy, with all your Nutty Professors, Doctor Doolittles, and Daddy Day Cares. But then an actor will go and do something out of nowhere. Murphy in Harlem Nights and Dreamgirls showed his dramatic range even if the movies were not complete successes. So here are a few suggestions on meatier roles certain actors should consider before diving into that next dashing lead or crusading hero part. Mel Gibson – SS Nazi Officer
It's official: Sam Raimi is on board to direct Disney's Wizard of Oz prequel. Robert Downey Jr. has also been confirmed, and will play the titular Wizard. The film will explore the character's rise from a circus wrangler in Kansas to a great and powerful sorcerer in the land of Oz.Based on the success of Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland, Disney has high hopes for the prequel. Like Alice, Oz is a new spin on a classic children's tale and will be shot in 3D. But unlike Alice, Oz will not be eerily similar to every other film Tim Burton has ever made. (Deadline)
Danny McBride is back as Kenny Powers in September on HBO, but this teaser for the second season of "Eastbound & Down" isn't going to give you one lick of a look at him. If you like skulls though, it's pretty tight.Spend the rest of your time cuddled up with these links.Breaking Bad Is The Best Show On TV (TVSquad)World Naked Bike Riders Boycott BP (Asylum)Old Spice Actor Scores Big TV Deal (PopEater)WB To Do Don Quixote, Drink Terry Gilliam's Milkshake (FilmDrunk)How To Threaten a Coworker (HolyTaco)Christopher Walken: The Early Years (Unreality)Bro Getting Iced While Skateboarding (BroBible)Sit-Ups Have Never Looked So Good (TotalProSports)Canadian Cuties (Maxim)UFC 115 Fight Was At Risk Of Being Cancelled (CagePotato)10 DC Comic Characters That Should Of Been Adapted Before Jonah Hex (EgoTV)Two Sentence Movie Reviews (Smosh)Boobs And Superheroes (Pajiba)The Worst Stay-At-Home Dad (Atom)Most Expensive Soccer Ball Ever (MadeMan)
Chuck Norris always has the right of way.
Hey gang. I've been tapped by my pals at SJ to cover "True Blood." Not because of my sterling prose or daring wit, but because I have HBO. So you're stuck with me. I'll keep it light and try to hit the key points of each episode. It will not be a shot-for-shot breakdown. Other sites handle that better than I could and if you wanted that, well, you could just watch the show, right?MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
With production slated to begin soon for X-Men: First Class, Matthew Vaughn had better start convincing some attractive people to wear silly costumes. If this rumor is to be believed, he's doing exactly that. The Playlist picked up on a story in Production Weekly that 20th Century Fox has "strong interest" in bringing Amber Heard on to play a younger Mystique and former Bond Girl Rosamund Pike to play Moira MacTaggert. At this point consider this news merely a rumor. But to be certain someone had better check Amber's crevices for residual blue bodypaint. Then and only then, can we be certain she tested for the part. I nominate myself.And speaking of camera tests, the same article reports that Magneto shoe-in Michael Fassbender is not interested in testing for the role. What's his problem? Fear of helmet hair? They have CGI to correct that, Michael.
We got to see a preview of some of the actors in zombie makeup for Frank Darabont's "The Walking Dead," and now AMC has sent over the first official production photo. The pic looks cool enough, but I would have preferred to see one of the walkers, you know, WALKING. This lame-ass zombie is doing a whole lotta crawling, reaching out for brains she sure as hell isn't gonna snag with her decomposing belly scooting along the grass. Perhaps it's cruel that the photographer is teasing her with these delicious cupcakes."The Walking Dead" premieres this October on AMC.
Before the lesbian-haired Scott Pilgrim can live happily ever after with Ramona Flowers, he must pound the crap out of every ridiculously-clothed evildoer who has plowed her fine ass previously. Below the jump, we have a look at the character posters for each evil ex that you'll see while waiting in a snaking, mile-long line at the multiplex before being seated for your second viewing of The Karate Kid. After viewing each of her eclectic exes, I can say with all certainty that Ramona Flowers rrrrrreally hates her dad.CHECK OUT THE EXES AND THE APPROPRIATELY-NUMBERED CHRIS EVANS AFTER THE JUMP…
The Karate Kid raked in 56 million dollars at the domestic box office this weekend, pretty much guaranteeing that Hollywood is about to go apesh*t with family-friendly 80s remakes. No one's certain if it's Jaden Smith's charisma, Jackie Chan's broken English, or the subject matter that attracted audiences, but one thing's for certain: Jackie Chan seriously hates karate kids. You'd assume he'd have more patience with them considering he's a master of the art form they're learning, but no, he just wants to jam his foot in their faces. Don't take my word for it though. Watch the manipulative/cleverly edited video below.
"HIGH-FIIIIIVE!!!"Sam Mendes and Adam Shankman may lay down their gladii and exit the battle arena, Disney has offered Oz, the Great and Powerful to director Sam Raimi. There's no word yet whether Raimi will take the gig, and a few details may need to be worked out before he comes on-board.Robert Downey Jr. was once attached to this project to play the titular Oz, a Kansas carnie who carves a niche for himself in the magical land, but his name hasn't come up in recent reports. Another potential issue is Mitchell Kapner's script. Though it's probably due for revision, early reviews say it is pretty dumb (although it involves flying monkeys). And finally, and this will certainly be a sticking point for Raimi, where does Bruce Campbell fit into this? Can he be a snarky palace guard or can he appear Dorf-style as a rebellious Munchkin with a take-charge attitude? You know, the type that other Munchkins want to be and women want to change. These are the types of questions you need to ask studios before you sign sh*t. (Vulture)