Don't worry, when there's no more heathens these saved survivors will take care of your pets. I just hope it's a single animal to a cage. Fraternizing gives my dog the runs. (Videogum)These links guarantee access to heaven. Hollywood's 10 Most Eeeeevil Actors (Moviefone)Traveling at Light Speed Will Kill You (Asylum)Epic Beard Man's Doodles (HolyTaco)Kevin Smith Won't Shut Up About Southwest (FilmDrunk)Shaq Turned Down by Shakira (TotalProSports)Most Random Superwoman Picture Ever (Unreality)Interview: Ben Rothwell Talks Cro Cop (CagePotato)California NASCAR Babes (Maxim)Justin Bieber Torments 3 Year Old Girl (CelebJihad)The Best Snow Movies (Pajiba)It's Really Hard to Tell a Girl You Love Her (Atom)How to Decode a Restaurant Menu (MadeMan)Auto Club 500 Odds (AllLeftTurns)
Today we get a second look at Oliver Stone's Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps via the international trailer. Even though we didn't ask for it. Thanks, I guess. This time around we learn a bit more about the plot. Michael Douglas is out of jail and lecturing a new generation about how to rob people blind. Shia LaBeouf stars as his idealistic ward who incidentally plans to marry his estranged son daughter. A bunch of cliché stuff happens and there are motorcylces and the Rolling Stones. Then Shia must choose between millions of dollars and dating a girl who looks like Justin Bieber. The End. Hey, remember 9/11? Seriously, what's up with Carey's hair? Try to figure it out after the jump…
The rights to The Terminator franchise have been something of a hot potato lately. Not the kind with rich, buttery goodness inside rather the kind with boring, underwhelming stories inside. MTV caught up with James Cameron yesterday to discuss the state of the series he created and whether or not he would return for a sequel. Now Cameron is a well-spring of awesome quotes and yesterday was no exception. From the HMFIC: "From my perspective, it's run its course… the soup's kind of been pissed in a little bit by other filmmakers, so I don't have any personal desire to go back to it." Well said, you loveable curmudgeon. Now please publish a phrasebook. Stay tuned for more Terminator news and whether or not more McG whizz bisque will ever grace the silverscreen. (MTV)
I'm only writing this up because I wanted to search for pictures of Salma Hayek and Carla Gugino. Let's just take a moment to look at the above side-by-side.Don't rush me!Alright. Gugino is replacing Hayek in the role she bailed on back in January in the revenge thriller Faster. Dwayne "I'm Still Calling Him The Rock" Johnson plays an ex-con on a mission to avenge his brother's murder. A DEADLY mission. Conflict abound! Gugino will play the detective hot on his trail, looking to pin a decade-old case on the people's eyebrow. Hopefully The Rock will pin Carla to a decade-old headboard. Right before they do it sexually on a slightly vintage bedframe. Musty smells turn me on. (Variety)
Joss Whedon is looking for a few big nerds. The Buffy/Dollhouse/Dr. Horrible creator is currently searching for three fanboys or fangirls for an upcoming documentary about San Diego Comic-Con and nerd culture. He and Super-Size Me director/star Morgan Spurlock want to follow their subjects around for the three months leading up to this year's convention. Why they want three months worth of masturbating to anime footage is well beyond me.Filming is sure to be hectic on convention day when the crew loses Whedon due to his instantaneous blending in with the crowd. He's like a nerd chameleon. In all earnestness, this seems like a unique look at a growing counter-culture. I am a little bummed though that Spurlock will not be upping the ante of his previous works by remaining a virgin and living in his parent's basement for 30 years. (E!)
Jeremy Renner is undoubtedly on many a casting wishlist thanks to his Oscar-nominated performance in The Hurt Locker. But that doesn't mean you have to take every role Jeremy.The actor has confirmed he will take a role in James McTiegue's The Raven, a movie that centers on the final days of Edgar Allan Poe as he hunts for a serial killer inspired by his stories. I don't remember that from high school English. Appears that Ms. Fitzgerald was asleep at the wheel.But the really distressing news is that he's considering the lead role in Peter Berg's Milton Bradley-adaptation Battleship. He's interested in the role but needs to decide if he would rather take a super-secret role for which he's had five meetings. Trust me, Jeremy. Whatever the other role is, you want to take it over board game sailors fighting aliens. Don't throw away your Oscar goodwill before you even win it. And make sure to use hand sanitizer after contact with Mickey Rourke. It's the only way to prevent the spread of career suicide. (NY Times)
Never has CSI made me feel so cultured. VERILYYYYYY!!!!!Hereth be your linkeths. Where Do Oscar Winners Keep Their Oscars? (Moviefone)Top 10 Snowboarding Wipeout Videos (Asylum)25 Animals With Glasses (HolyTaco)More Fun With Avatard Forums (FilmDrunk)The Bacon Lombardi Trophy (TotalProSports)This Airline LOVES The Simpsons (Unreality)Video: Countdown to UFC 110 (CagePotato)The Bruce Willis Justice League (Maxim)Lady Gaga Definitely Doesn't Have a Penis (CelebJihad)Best/Worst Movies with ?s in Their Titles (Pajiba)Have You Ever Had a Really Good Friend? (Atom)8 Alternative Uses for Beer (MadeMan)Dale Earnhardt Jr. Contest (AllLeftTurns)
"Lucy, you can no play in da show tonight."Hugh Jackman has proven himself once again the manliest man who ever manned by signing on for the comedy Avon Man. The movie tells the tale of an out-of-work car salesman who begrudgingly accepts work as an Avon rep. He finds it emasculating at first but takes a shine to it when he discovers that shimmers really highlight his cheekbones. That and he charms women to buy his assorted creams and paints.The film will begin shooting in April with Enchanted's Kevin Lima behind the camera. No word yet who will be behind Jackman. (**rimshot! gets glared at by effeminent barista**) (Coming Soon)
We've reported previously about the Farrelly Brothers upcoming Hall Pass. It's the comedy that stars Owen Wilson as a man given a pass by his wife, Jenna Fischer, to pursue extra-marital ass-tappings for one week. Now there's word that child actor turned tappable-ass Amanda Bynes has joined the cast. Possibly as a young ass that will be granted tapping amnesty.That could be good but I've got an axe to grind with Bynes. She's one of those girls (Kaley Cuoco is another offender) who made goofy faces during their recent Maxim shoots. It's confusing for the penis. I hope she doesn't do that in bed. Like, all of a sudden she's winking at you while you're in the throws. She's definitely on my list and had better clean her act up if she wants to be on my other list. (Variety)
Freaks and Geeks producers Judd Apatow and Paul Feig are finally joining forces again to grant Kristen Wiig her first starring role in a feature film. Feig will direct, Apatow will produce, and Wiig will almost certainly act awkward. Universal Pictures is keeping the logline under wraps, those sneaky devils, but it is described as revolving around women competing to plan a friend's wedding party.Really? Are we going to do THAT movie again? Weddings, competitions, and cake icing in various cracks has been up on the silver screen more than Sharon Stone's whispering eye. I, like everyone else in the all the land, was a big fan of Freeks and Geeks, so I have faith that Apatow and Feig will bring a much needed not-eye-gaugingly-painful spin to the trite concept. Then again, we could just be looking at another Bride Wars with Wiig making digs under her breath and pulling something sexual/dead out of her pocket at the most inappropriate moment. (Variety)
"If you come on my show, I'll pay you twice what Conan did to masturbate half as much."The most recent Late Night Wars have taken another casualty. Kevin Eubanks, The Tonight Show's snickering sweater-enthusiast and band leader, is reportedly leaving the show after the March 1st debut of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: The Squeakquel. According to Extra, Kevin "wanted a change" which is Hollywood-speak for "f*ck this sh*t." There's no word yet on what other opportunities Eubanks plans to pursue or how Leno will move forward without his only fan. Hootie and the Blowfish's Hootie Darius Rucker is rumored to be replacing. He'd better work on his Hibbert. Good move Jay. Now how are we supposed to know when you've told a joke? (Extra)
Last week we threw our Best Actress contenders into the Thunderdome where they battled with claw hammers and whaling harpoons for the honor of taking home a Shiny Gold Dude. …
The days of making toys based off popular films are in the distant past due to the success of Transformers and GI Joe. Currently we have movies in production based upon Legos, Stretch Armstrong, View-Master, Battleship, Candyland, Barbie, Risk, Max Steele, Monopoly, and Bazooka Joe inexplicably. Feel free to lump another hastily decided upon toy-to-film adaptation onto that pile as it was announced that old timey plaything Erector Set will now be given the big screen treatment. Is it in 3D, you ask? Of course it is and I chide you for asking. As punishment, you have to buy stock in this movie. An independent film company has teamed up with Meccano Toy Company to build a franchise out of the antiquated toy. No plot details have been released because 'how?' Apparently Meccano has a CEO and his name is Michael Ingberg. He says, "It's perfect for a film franchise as it is certain to entertain but also stimulate creativity and imagination as the Erector toy system has done around the world for nearly a hundred years." There's no word which supermarket Inberg's office/vista cruiser is normally parked behind. (Coming Soon)
No… No. NO. NO! NO!!!!!!! They've created half-man, half-pillow hybrid beasts called manllows! Even if you do want to rub your privates against Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, these THINGS are just freakish versions of them. But I guess a freakish, stroke-victim-faced version is all some disillusioned girls need. (FilmDrunk)Hilarious The Bachelor Recap For Fans/Non-Fans (NotZombies)Oscar Producers Tell Nominees to Shut Up (Moviefone)Improper Condom Fit is a Major Problem (Asylum)25 Awesome Guitars (HolyTaco)Team China Sexual Stretches at the Olympics (TotalProSports)Conquest MMA Model Cali-Luv (CagePotato)Live Avatar Role-Playing (Unreality)Video Game Vixens (Maxim)Selena Gomez Causes Lesbian Mob at the Mall (CelebJihad)The Best Female Action Heroes (Pajiba)One Nerd's Obsession with Megan Fox (Atom)The Daytona 500 In Pictures (AllLeftTurns)How to Party for Free in NYC (MadeMan)
Last month we reported that Fake Lenny Kravitz had won the role of the titular barbarian in Marcus Nispel's remake of Conan. Today comes word that the role of young Conan will be played by Fake Joey Lawrence. Child actor Leo Howard, who was seen on screens as a little ninja in G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, will portray the miniature barbarian for the first reel of the movie. Congratulations to Leo. And I'm not just saying that because he harnesses the ability to kick me in the face. In fact, I'll give him my unlimited approval if he takes out Jaden Smith at the All Valley Karate Tournament. (Latino Review)
Empire has some behind-the-scenes footage from their Kick-Ass set visit. It's equal parts corny intro, needless information, British humor, tea with Kit-Kats in it, Christopher Mintz-Plasse talking about his genitals, and an awesome on-set blow-up between director and star. MATTHEW VAUGHN (in regards to Mintz-Plasse): Do you think this boy will ever not be known as McLovin? CHRISTOPHER MINTZ-PLASSE: Do I? Yeah. MATTHEW VAUGHN (laughing him off): Good answer. CHRISTOPHER MINTZ-PLASSE: You're a dick! Oh, McLovin. Looks like we've got another Gary Coleman on our hands. (via Empire) CHECK OUT THE PISS-TAKING AFTER THE JUMP…
Terrorists! The whole lot of 'em! I like how the one woman takes shelter behind the kid with the corn dog. Their young, soft flesh absorbs bullets well.Created by fearcondom from ytmnd.com.
And the winning caption is…This is a lot different without the wall with the hole in it.I guess we set ourselves up for that one. I thought our audience might take the high road, but I'm so glad they didn't.The winner will receive Law Abiding Citizen on Blu Ray and DVD, as well as a Duxiana travel pillow valued at over $100. You keep that pillow clean, ya hear?Thanks to everyone who posted on the Screen Junkies Facebook wall. You guys came up with some great/sick stuff. We're concerned about most of your mental conditions.Law Abiding Citizen is in stores today. The Blu Ray includes the theatrical cut and the unrated director's cut with 11 minutes of unseen footage.
All my ladies in the house with they real hair, who don't need welfare… Make some noise!!!Looks like the makers of Sony's Spider-Man reboot are taking steps to ensure they don't completely mess it all up. Avatar producer John Landau announced that Marc Webb met with alpha-director James Cameron last week to discuss shooting in 3D. However, talks broke down with an abrupt cold-cock when Webb asked Cameron if he was sad that he never got to make his Spider-Man. Just kidding. The playdate seemed to go well and both Cameron and Webb enjoyed a lolly after the two finished playing trucks.From Landau:"Last [week] we met the director of [the next 'Spider-Man' film]. [Webb] wants to do the next one in 3D, which they've announced that they want to do. So, we want to try to support that as much as possible."He then went on to address the films that don't do 3D correctly:"Clash of The Titans is coming out in 3D; they're converting it very hastily into 3D. I'm not in favor if that. If you want to shoot a 3D movie, shoot it in 3D."Daaaamn, Landau. Dems be fightin' words. Though, I'd have to agree with him on this. Dude knows what he's talking about. Yet I'm torn given his position on pterodactyl rape. (MTV)
As awards season heats up, I want to remind you not to take things so seriously. No matter what wins Best Picture, all the other nominees, and even the snubbed favorites, continue to exist. You’ll always be able to enjoy whatever movies you liked. In fact, years from now people might laugh at the Best Picture winner. I looked back over Oscar’s history and picked out some of the more dubious winners, certainly movies that wouldn’t be on any “Best of Anything” lists today.10) Ordinary People
You can excuse any actor on the set of a Transformers film of phoning it in for a paycheck but in the case of Hugo Weaving, that's exactly what he did. In fact, the voice of Megatron has never met director Michael Bay."Michael Bay talks to me on the phone. I've never met him. We were doing the voice for the second one and I still hadn't seen the first one. I still didn't really know who the characters were and I didn't know what anything was."Well, I saw the movies and I still don't really know who the characters are or what anything is. My hope for the sequel is that everyone (robots included) wear name tags. And speaking of the sequel, from Weaving:"Oh no. They're not making another Transformers, are they?"My sentiments exactly. (from The Age)
Law Abiding Citizen is coming to Blu Ray and DVD next Tuesday, February 16th, and Screen Junkies is giving away a copy of the Blu Ray and DVD, and a Duxiana travel pillow valued at over $100! The Blu Ray includes the theatrical cut and the unrated director's cut with 11 minutes of unseen footage. That's right, you could watch Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler engage in an intense game of cat and mouse while lounging back on your Duxiana pillow and enjoying the snack of your choosing. If the viewing party is on a plane, make sure you tilt the seat waaaaaay back so as to infuriate the passenger directly behind you.All you have to do is post on the SJ Facebook fan page the funniest caption you can muster to accompany the still frame above.If you're not already awesome and a fan of Screen Junkies on Facebook become one, post a caption, and you'll be entered to win. Click here to be whisked away to our Facebook page.Contest ends at 11:59pm on Monday, February 15th, and the winner will be announced on Tuesday, February 16th, via Facebook, Twitter and on the site.You can enter as many times as you like. Do it for yourself, do it for revenge, do it because you've been using a balled up bath towel as a pillow. Just bring the funny.
Lightsaber Flashmob – Watch more Funny VideosA lightsaber fight consisting of over 100 Star Wars fans who wish they were Jedis instead of salesmen/students/humans erupted at a shopping mall in Bristol, England this past weekend. No one was injured, but the potent smell of virginity will be thick in the air for weeks. (/Film)
Gru and his yellow, midget cyclops minions strut to The George Baker Selection's "Little Green Bag" in the new international teaser for Despicable Me. Much like the first trailer, it sticks by its name and teases you like some prude high school cheerleader who loves having a slut rep. Only thing is, I'm not saluting, much like I would a sexy president (Got that President's Day mention in there! Boom!) The movie is about diabolical Gru trying to steal the moon, and his mushy-brained slug children helping him in that quest. Their odd appearance and funny dialect is most likely a result of inbreeding. I'm sure if they assimilated themselves in the U.K. they'd blend right in. That's right, I'm an ignorant American today. It's President's Day. These colors don't run! Check out the teaser after the jump. Despicable Me hits theaters July 9, 2010.
Masturbating rap-rock pirate really speaks to the kids.The success of Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes has led Ecosse Films to snatch the rights to another classic. The U.K.-based production company is planning to bring Treasure Island back to the screen with a cooler Long John Silver. From Variety:Silver's character will be hipper, in the style of Robert Downey Jr's interpretation of Sherlock Holmes.Though details are slim, this means we will most likely see Colin Farrell-type kickboxing Somalian pirates and cannonball surfing on theater screens in the next few years. Meanwhile, your confused mom will accidentally rent the Asylum version, Treasures Island. Y'know, the version that will inexplicably have ninjas and Debra Gibson. (Variety)
Total nag-hag.I've got a bit of good news for those of you who hate your eyeballs. Soon you'll be able to point them at a new film directed by crazy momenteer Madonna. The movie, titled W.E., will be the diva/box office poisoner's second directorial gig and of course it's about British people. It tells the true story of the love affair between King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson that led to the British royal abdicating from the throne to marry his divorcee lover. Midget-prostitute-battler and Oscar nominee Vera Farmiga is said to be interested to star.Madonna helming a lavish, period piece sounds like a recipe for disaster. Just like these mustard pancakes I just made. I didn't add nearly enough Clamato. (Variety)
It's no secret that we here at Screen Junkies have an infinity for mustaches. This featurette for Clash of the Titans shows a lot of cool new footage, but it's Liam Neeson's facial hair that really takes the spotlight. Deep down I knew that if Neeson grew a mustache it would be an exemplary one, I just had no idea how exemplary. If acting doesn't work out, the man should sell mustaches at the store I'll be opening soon that will surely be denied a business loan. The featurette also contains new Medusa footage and unicorns, so you're going to want to check it out after the jump.
REAL mad black women prefer sledehammers to diaries. Here are your weekend links.Full Calendar of Movies Named After Holidays (Moviefone)25 Hot Bartenders (HolyTaco)25 Hot Female Winter Olympians (TotalProSports)Porn Stars Name Their Favorite Presidents (Asylum)Laser Kills Mosquito in Slo-Mo (FilmDrunk)Nine-Second Knockout of the Day (CagePotato)Extremely Disturbing Cosplay Photo (Unreality)What Your Valentine's Gift Really Says About You (Maxim)Megan Fox's Body Double (CelebJihad)Best Films Set in the Olympics (Pajiba)Playboy Mansion Red Carpet Footage (Atom)How to Start a Brewery (MadeMan)Daytona 500 Late Odds (AllLeftTurns)
Upskirt!!The Vin Diesel sequel train continues to chugga, chugga. In recent months he's announced xXx: The Return of Xander Cage and Fast Five, both follow-ups to films that somehow made him a star. Now he's adding another Riddick film to the pile. Riddick is the character he played in Pitch Black and its completely unconnected spin-off, The Chronicles of Riddick.Nobody is talking plot yet, but director David Twohy states that the tone of the new movie falls closer to Pitch Black than it does Chronicles. Though I wish it fell more in the laugh-track sitcom realm as the simple title Riddick would imply. All they would have to do is add an exclamation point and have him move in with his nerdlinger brother (played by Jason Biggs) and they'd be good to go. (Variety)
Gimme Back Ma Son – Watch more Funny VideosAngry dad Mel Gibson wants his son back so bad. I can feel it in my face.(Genius remix by Swede Mason)