Emmerich Ends the World
Tuesday, November 10 by

Looks like Roland Emmerich is at it again. Of course, if you watch cable news like I do, the end of the world certainly looks inevitable. Perhaps Mr. Emmerich will be taken more seriously when he's called a Documentarian.  At least that seems like a better title than "Prophet of Doom." Either way, he loves coming up with ways to destroy crap. But, in the interest of science, let's take a closer look at the potential ends of the world, as described by Nostradamus Roland Emmerich:   Today's Marquee Links"I'm On A Boat" Celebration (Video)

CBS Picks Up ‘Sh*t My Dad Says’
Tuesday, November 10 by

(Photo credit: Patrick Schumacker)The Twitter phenom Sh*t My Dad Says is making the leap from the very small screen to the slightly larger screen. The uproarious tweets that relay the musings of a 73 year-old San Diego man have spawned a book deal and now a script commitment with CBS in the four months since its creation by ex-Holy Taco writer Justin Halpern. Halpern will be handling the writing duties along with former Screen Junkies writer Patrick Schumacker as they are supervised by Will & Grace creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick.Today is a happy day here at Screen Junkies as two of our own leave the nest to enter a career where pants-wearing is an expectation. Patrick and Justin, keep an eye on the mail as I have sent each of you a copy of Dr. Seuss's "Oh, The Places You'll Go!"With my headshot tucked between the pages of course. (THR)

George Clooney Makes Like a Looney Toons Character
Monday, November 9 by

It's so great when celebrities act silly overseas for money. In the above commercial for Nespresso, George Clooney walks out of a shop and gets a piano dropped on his head by an off-screen Road Runner. He then travels to heaven and–wait, John Malkovich is dead?!Enjoy these links with a nice cup of coffee.  Best Football Celebration Dances Ever (HolyTaco) Fight Breaks Out During High School Girls Soccer (TotalProSports) Ship Made from World Trade Center Steel (TheChive) Coolio Replaces DMX in MMA Fight (FilmDrunk) 15 Worst Bootleg DVD Covers of All Time (SuperTremendous) Top 8 Werewolf Movies of the Last 30 Years (Pajiba) Jessica Alba Gets a Spankin' (CelebJihad) There's a Calvin in All of Us (Unreality) Guys Don't Find Skinny Women Attractive (Asylum) Will Jenn Sterger eBay Her Breast Implants? (BustedCoverage) What Does Your Bar Tab Say About You? (RegretfulMorning) You're Dating a Gold Digger (MadeMan) Earnhardt Losing Streak Reaches 55 (AllLeftTurns) Women Freaks Out On Live TV (NothingToxic) Intercourse with a Vampire (Atom)

Broken Lizard Promotes Fish Abuse With ‘Slammin’ Salmon’ Trailer
Monday, November 9 by

***Sigh*** When will Hollywood stop playing host to such vicious, celebratory depictions of retired-boxer-on-fish violence? The trailer for Broken Lizard's Slammin' Salmon easily sets the movement back at least 11 days. Maybe 12.Check it out after the jump and start picketing. Fish hooks aren't for fish! Fish hooks aren't for fish!

Broken Lizard’s SLAMMIN’ SALMON
Monday, November 9 by

A restaurant staff must cater to the whims of an insane pugilist.

What’s On TV Tonight: Monday, November 9th, 2009
Monday, November 9 by

Tonight on television we get a double-shot of Thicke.  CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Hot Twins Catfight at ‘Transylmania’ Audition
Monday, November 9 by

No man can resist a good catfight. It usually occurs when two, or God willing, multiple women desire the same thing, and a viscerale settlement of the dispute erupts through clawing and vicious tickling. In the case of the Garza Twins, the sisters both wanted a role in the comedy Transylmania, and when the director left the room at the audition they vied for it. And oh is the vieing sweet.  Check out the blonde-on-blonde action after the jump. You can watch the trailer for Transylmania here, and even enter a contest where the winner gets to go out on a date with the Garza Twins. If you're lucky, at the end of night they'll be throwin' down over you. You can thank me with a video of the brawl.    Transylmania opens December 4th. 

TRANSYLMANIA
Monday, November 9 by

Directors: David & Scott HillenbrandCast: Patrick Cavanaugh, James DeBello, Jennifer Lyons Synopsis: Spoof horror in which a group of college kids do a semester abroad in Romania and realise that if the partying doesn't kill them, the vampires just might!

Did Cameron Shatter FOX’s Piggy Bank for ‘Avatar’?
Monday, November 9 by

"That's a huuuge bitch!!!!"There are conflicting reports about Avatar's final pricetag. Cameron and crew insist that the film cost $230 million but the New York Times guesses that it will top out around $500 million after marketing costs. At any rate, that's a lot of scratch. Is it even possible for the film to make back its money? Even if you factor in die-hard Cameron fans, the Christmas crowd, and Michelle Rodriguez's relatives, it still seems like kind of a stretch.But don't worry. FOX has a plan. The studio is going to release Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeekquel (because chipmunks squeek?) one week after Avatar's release. Sound plan FOX. If at first you don't succeed, show them your sh*t-eating chipmunks. (io9)

Parade of 1000 Rockys!
Monday, November 9 by

This past Sunday, a “Parade of 1000 Rockys” kicked off at Love Park in Philadelphia with a march of 1000 Rockys – all wearing striking gold and black Rocky Balboa – “The Italian Stallion” Robes – en route to the Philadelphia Museum of Art, and capped off with Celebration of Rocky Block-Style party at the popular “Rocky Statue” situated at the base of the “Rocky Steps”.  The Celebration was to promote “ROCKY – THE UNDISPUTED COLLECTION”, featuring all six ROCKY films FINALLY together on Blu-ray. The festivities included a Rocky look-a-like contest, Snapple giveaways, hot, melty cheesesteaks, and Danny Bonaduce's gravely voice. With so many Italian Stallions working up a sweat in the heart of the Philly, a thick cloud of Drakkar Noir loomed over the city until early this morning.

Lawrence and Foxx Get They Hair Did For ‘Sheneneh and Wanda’
Monday, November 9 by

H-h-heeyyyyy!! Move over 1980's nostalgia because here comes an unexpected dose of 1990's "oh yeah, hey, I remember that vaguely." In further Jamie-Foxx-doesn't-want-another-Oscar news, it has been announced that he will star alongside Martin Lawrence in Sheneneh and Wanda. The title characters are the ghetto-fabulous pigeon-heads, Sheneneh Jenkins and Wanda Reid, made popular on the TV programs Martin and In Living Color. Based upon a parody trailer made for the BET Awards, the movie has the winndixie chicks robbing banks to get by. Check out the trailer after the jump. It's what Set It Off would have been like if Queen Latifah had played all the roles. (Variety)

Photobomb Fridays: Reservoir Dogs + Lost Toddler
Friday, November 6 by

Distracted by his colorful toy, little Jason wondered right into a Mexican standoff.Here are today's links:Dive Bar Bingo (HolyTaco) Soccer Bully Elizabeth Lambert Suspended Indefinitely (TotalProSports) Kristy, the Hottest Girl on Facebook? (TheChive) Jessica Alba Gettin' Belted (FilmDrunk) The Rain Storm Choir (SuperTremendous) One-Flick Wonders (Pajiba) Pictures of Marisa Miller From Her Blog (CelebJihad) Top 10 Superhero Movies of All Time (Unreality) Robot Hands Are the Wave of the Future (Asylum) Where in the World is Jenn Brown? (BustedCoverage) Flowchart: Should I Buy Her a Drink? (RegretfulMorning) How to Make Perfect Playlists (MadeMan) Townley Gets Childress Nationwide Ride (AllLeftTurns) Brutal Punch Combo Ends High School Fight (NothingToxic) Milk Men – Mad Men Parody (Atom)

First Poster for ‘The Wolfman’ Comes Up Short
Friday, November 6 by

The first poster for Joe Johnston's The Wolfman arrived online today. The production has had its fair share of problems and as much as I hate to jump on the hater bandwagon, I've got to say, I'm really just not that impressed with the makeup effects. Seems too low-fi.RELATED JUNK: Middle Aged Wolf

What’s On TV This Weekend: Friday, November 6th – Sunday, November 8th
Friday, November 6 by

This weekend, Mad Men wraps it up and Taylor Swift hosts SNL. Kenan, get to work on your Fat Kanye.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC

J.J. Abrams Directing Pilot ‘Undercovers’
Friday, November 6 by

J.J. Abrams is getting back in the saddle to direct the pilot for his television project Undercovers over at NBC. Not since the jaw dropping pilot for LOST has Abrams taken a seat behind a camera that's in front of a set constructed specifically for a small screen airing.  The top brass is being very ellusive on the plot of the show, only saying that it's a mix between Mr. & Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity. Hmmmm, two spy movies? When you take two things that are pretty much the same thing it's not really a mix. That's like blending katsup and marinara, cutting it with tap water and calling it reimagined buttered noodles topping. Or in my household: dinner.    [THR]

Derrick Comedy Goes Door-to-Door With New ‘Boy Band’ Short
Friday, November 6 by

In the past, we've told you all about Mystery Team. The sketch group that created the indie, Derrick Comedy (Community's Donald Glover, DC Pierson, and Dominic Dierkes), is back with a new short entitled, "Boy Band." Give it a watch. You'll never look at your dad's friends the same way again. Derrick Comedy Boy Band Short – Watch more Funny Videos And if you've yet to see Mystery Team, you need to DEMAND it comes to your town. Find out how after the jump.

10 Best Boxes from Movies and TV
Friday, November 6 by

 
The Box opens in theaters this weekend, much to the delight of horny teenage guys who are eager to put irony into action by snickering loudly from the comfort of their local cinemas. But rather than take the low, sweet, moist road of the double entendre, I decided to keep my mind out of the gutter (for the most part). As a result, I've come up with a list of 10 literal boxes from film and television that have made a lasting impact in my pathetic little life. Enjoy, and let me know if your favorite storage compartment isn't on the list. 
 
Dick in a Box Video 
The Dick Box 
If you had to pick one event that transformed Justin Timberlake from a douche-bag boy bander into a semi-tolerable celebrity, the “Dick in a Box" video would have to be it. He owes a lot to that box, and to Andy Samberg.

‘Twilight’ Star Ashley Greene Sees ‘The Apparition’
Friday, November 6 by

Twilight hottie Ashley Greene has signed on to star in The Apparition. In the supernatural thriller, Greene portrays one half of a young couple who are terrorized by an evil spirit that is unleashed after a college experiment goes awry. Typically college experimentation means turning ordinary household items into bongs and a little girl-on-girl so it should be interesting to see how either of those activities conjures a ghost. The film will be produced under Joel Silver's Dark Castle banner and is said to be based on real events. Now, is this based on true events in the bullpoop way that Milla Jovovich's The Fourth Kind is allegedly a true story? Or is it true like the time I once ate 74 King Crab legs in one sitting? Nobody believed I could do it but I proved the skeptics wrong. The truth is out there. (Empire)

‘Paranormal Goat’ Spoof Leaves Droppings on the Theater Floor
Thursday, November 5 by

Paranormal Goat – Watch more Funny Videos  Here's a new ad for The Men Who Stare At Goats that gets the goat of Paranormal Activity. See what I did there? I feel sorry for the clean up crew in that theater. We see the goats covering their eyes to shield themselves from The Clooney, but chances are they're simultaneously crapping their goat britches. Stare at this links and see if they stare back… 25 Girls Playing Football in Their Underwear (HolyTaco) Greatest Pee Wee Football Trick Play Ever (TotalProSports) Ferrari Theme Park in Dubai (TheChive) 2012 + Raising Arizona = Awesome (FilmDrunk) 15 Tastiest Foods on a Stick (SuperTremendous) Redford Gets His John Wilkes Booth (Pajiba) Kristen Stewart is a Lesbian (CelebJihad) I Miss Gene Hackman (Unreality) 10 Things Not to Say to a Female Poker Player (Asylum) Pedro Martinez Can Go Back to Being Fat (BustedCoverage) I Heart Japan Doing the Splits (RegretfulMorning) Marry a Smart Girl, Love Longer (MadeMan) Texas Crash Videos (AllLeftTurns)

What’s On TV Tonight: Thursday, November 5th, 2009
Thursday, November 5 by

A sexy vampire, racist puppets, the Rise Of The Machines, and the Fall of Buddy Lembeck. Tonight!CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC

‘Risk’ Is Latest Board Game To Never Become A Movie
Thursday, November 5 by

The game of global domination has a new uphill battle: development hell. Sony and Overbrook Entertainment, Big Willy Smith's company, added Risk to the slew of board game big screen adaptations that are in the works. Lately Hollywood has had board game fever, buying up Candyland, Monopoly, and Battleship just to name a few. How many of these will actually become living, breathing movies? All depends on how much play money the execs are willing to deal out… According to Hasbro, Risk was the first board game to offer nonlinear movement as players compete on a map of the world by amassing armies and conquering territory. For the film, I think the nonlinear movement rule should be revoked and characters can only move in rigid, straight lines. It makes obsolutely no sense, and the battle sequences will be severly hampered by it, but damn if it won't be bloody. Personally, my bets are on Ukraine. Ukraine is not weak!  [THR]

Zach Galifianakis May Lend Voice To ‘Puss In Boots’
Thursday, November 5 by

The producers of Puss In Boots have reportedly called Zach Galifianakis fat in the nicest way possible. The comic has been approached to supply the voice of the rotund, apple-cheeked Humpty Dumpty in the upcoming Shrek spin-off. Of course we all remember the story of Humpty Dumpty — after finding success amongst the Chicago improvisational comedy scene, the nursery rhyme egg went on to find greater fame with a thriving television and film career. Alas, he was tragically cut down in his prime by a deadly combination of alcohol, pills, and wall-sitting. If anyone can handle this mix of comedy and drama, it's Galifianakis. (/Film)

‘Despicable Me’ Trailer Ain’t No Pixar
Thursday, November 5 by

The Despicable Me trailer looks despicable meh. It introduces us to #1 Super Villain Gru (Steve Carell) and–OH WAIT he's been bested by a Syndrome-from-The-Incredibles-esque Super Villain named Vector (Jason Segel). The two then battle wits, which seems more like an exercise in futility for Gru considering Vector has saws, sharks, lasers, missiles, and a boxing glove mechanism that targets your crotch.

Steve Guttenberg Is Saying Things
Thursday, November 5 by

Steve Guttenberg (or "The Gute" as he is known in classier circles) broke the news recently that Disney is interested in reuniting he and his Three Men and a Baby co-stars for Fathers Of The Bride My Three Dads Of The Bride Three Men and a Bride."Disney's developing 'Three Men and a Bride.' That's going to be a smash. A smash hit. They're bringing everybody back for that. Nobody knows about it. I'm the first to talk about it.” Yeah sure, Steve. He adds,"It's definitely time for another 'Police Academy.' And I think they could make another 'Cocoon.' They're surefire hits and I think they're good for the world. They make the world a better place and that's what it's all about." But why stop there? Think of all your films that could become successful franchises. For instance, Law & Order: Criminal Intent – The Video Game for which you did voice work deserves a sequel. And what about 2002's P.S. Your Cat Is Dead!? There's plenty of room for another go-around where a different cat is dead. Give the fans what they need, Gute. Give them what they demand. (Hollywood)

Happy 40th Birthday, Big Bird. (I Still Think You’re Weird)
Wednesday, November 4 by

You may have noticed Big Bird's junk on Google today and thought to yourself, "What in blue blazes?!! I'm writing a letter!" Well, put down that pen, nerd. Big Bird's balls are all over Google because it's his 40th birthday and he has friends in high places. Hard to believe that Big Bird is now officially middle-aged. Then again I'm not really sure what the life expectancy is for a gigantic, ambiguously gay, yellow songbird. So…. Happy Birthday you big freak! (Associated Content) Have a piece of birdseed cake and check out these links… Hot Chicks Love the Top Gun Song (HolyTaco) Tim Tebow Makes For Quite the Halloween Costume (TotalProSports) The Amazing Mambo Dancing Dog (SuperTremendous) Avatar Crew Can't Stop Congratulating Itself (FilmDrunk) The Voices in Steve Guttenberg's Head (Pajiba) Michael Jackson Pees for Children (CelebJihad) How to Make a Convincing Chewbacca Noise (Unreality) Halloween at the White House (Asylum) Stacy Keibler Back to Selling "Used" Bikinis (BustedCoverage) Reunited with Dad (RegretfulMorning) iPhone Owners Make Bad Girlfriends (MadeMan) Danica NASCAR Deal Close (AllLeftTurns) Phillies and Yankees Fans Fight (NothingToxic) Hot Bawls Gets You Amped (Atom)

What’s On TV Tonight: Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
Wednesday, November 4 by

Tonight, Robert Downey Jr. in blackface, Man Vs. Food in over his head, and Elisha Cuthbert in very little clothing. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC

Tom Cruise Wears Angelina Jolie Mask in ‘Salt’ Teaser Trailer
Wednesday, November 4 by

Yesterday, we brought you the Salt teaser trailer in Russian, and now we bring it to you in glorious English. I think you'll find it's easier to understand, unless of course you call the Motherland home. Salt, or as it could be titled, Mission Impossible 4: The Search for Ethan Hunt's Identity (Again), stars Angelina Jolie as Evelyn Salt, a CIA officer who swore an oath to duty, honor, and country. When she is accused by a defector of being a Russian sleeper spy, Salt goes on the run to clear her name and ultimately prove she is a patriot. Seems like a great deal of work to prove you're a patriot, when all you need is one of these: Angelina Jolie and a conservative, right-wing wiener dog save the country. Talk about a box office smash hit. Check out the Salt teaser trailer after the jump!

KNUCKLEHEAD
Wednesday, November 4 by

Written by Tom Sullivan & Bear Aderhold and Adam Rifkin, “Knucklehead” follows the on-the-road adventures of a trio of misfits – a naïve giant and church orphan-turned-amateur fighter Walter Krunk (BIG SHOW); former mixed martial arts champion-turned-manager Eddie Sullivan (MARK FEUERSTEIN); and church aide-turned-chaperone, Mary O’Connor (MELORA HARDIN) – fighting their way across the south to the annual Pro-Am mixed martial arts tournament in New Orleans.

The Big Show Goes Full-Retard In ‘Knucklehead’
Wednesday, November 4 by

WWE Champion Big Show is close to wrapping production on the WWE film, Knucklehead. In the movie, Big Show stars as Walter Krunk – a slow-witted lifelong orphan who needs to drum up $50K to save the orphanage he accidentally set ablaze. Enter MMA manager Eddie Sullivan, who takes Walter on the road to the annual Pro-Am mixed martial arts tournament in New Orleans with the intent of winning the $100K grand prize.So it's essentially a roided up version of 1989's The Wizard only this time retard-strength takes center stage as opposed to sick Super Mario Bros 3 skills. This also marks the first time that an actor will go full-retard while applying the full nelson. Move over, Sean Penn and Rosie O'Donnell. [FilmDrunk]

New Moon: ‘Meet the Volturi’ Video
Wednesday, November 4 by

We here at Screen Junkies don't pretend to know a great deal about the Twilight Saga, but that doesn't mean we're not willing to learn. As outsiders, and men, sparkling vampires just don't seem like our cup of blood (see what I did there?), but we're willing to have a civil discussion in the comments section regarding the fervent passion some feel toward Bella and Edward.  Below is a featurette modeled after the reality show Meet the Kardashians except with nefarious vampires. You might have trouble discerning the difference at first, but you'll soon realize that Bruce Jenner deals with a breed of bloodsuckers far more depraved than the Volturi.