If Hollywood started telling the truth, utter chaos would ensue. Our already failing economy would be reduced to nothing. It would be the end of everything as we know it.
Good morning. How'd you sleep? The entire staff of Screenjunkies stayed up last night and broke into a zoo. We have brand new mascots for the site. Here's the morning news roundup while we figure out what to feed a sloth.
Some day in the not too distant future we will live in a world where our most important historical figures will be the cast of movies like Ghostbusters and Back To The Future. You will be able to visit the highway rest stop in your car (your Jet Car) on the Mass Pike (the Mass Jet Pike) where Dan Aykroyd dropped a duce. That day is drawing nearer as the house featured in Groundhogs Day is now a functioning locale of movie history.
Lots of things happen. Things are always happening. They happen all over the world, to people, to animals, to plants even. Here are some things that happened in movies and tv that I didn't write about today.
The hardest thing about filmmaking is accurately communicating the strange things in your head that seem important. This is the reason that Spike Jonez is basically my hero. He comes up with abstract, high-concept ideas and manages to turn them into amazing finished products. Here's some videos of a few of his previous works.
The crazy thing is that in Pimp Years, Rudy Ray Moore was actually 473 years old. I won’t break down the math, but just understand that all the beating women with coat hangers, trying to get your money, running the finest stable of hos this side of the Mississippi, and just gangsta-leaning that hard can age a brother. He died today, and we have lost a true hero.
David Wain is best known for his work on the shows Stella and The State. He directed Wet Hot American Summer and The Ten. He has just finished his first big studio movie picture, Role Models. I spoke with him over the phone about fatherhood, the logistics of cursing around child actors, and Asberger’s Syndrome.
Season 5, episode 7 "Gotta Look Up to Get Down." Vince is still screwing himself (and Turtle over) by being Mr. Nice Guy while Ari gets the chance of a lifetime for killing a guy. That sounds about right. Vince:
Max Payne shot his way to the top of the box office numbers this weekend and if I'm not mistaken, it had everything to do with Mark Walburg talking to animals.
Since time immemorial, the Male Species has gone to heroic lengths in order to secure something as vital as air, food, water, and a good piece of tail. For some, the quest has been of the mind and spirit. For others, it has taken them on a journey of immense distance and hardship. Whatever the scenario, we salute such a valiant quest. Here are 13 of the best that show just how far some go to seal the deal.
First W. gets his own Oliver Stone movie and now we find out that Will Ferrell will be playing him on Broadway. The show, You're Welcome America. A Final Night with George Bush will debut on inauguration day, January 20th and will be helmed by Ferrell's brother from another mother, Adam McKay. I wonder if W.
Season 4, Episode 8 "Paddy’s Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia” Kidnappings, Two man dick handling, and a diabetic cat. These are what you’re in for in this episode.
Season 5, Episode 3 "Baby Shower" We expect Jan and Angela to be total bitches, but we expect more from you, Pam. Michael, Jan and Holly:
IMDB sorts movies with plot-based keywords. Some of them are a little strange, like ‘Vomit Scene’ or ‘Stabbed in Throat’ or ‘Run Our of Gas.’ But this one has to be the best. Here’s a list of the movies that have the subheading 'The Black Guy Dies.'
Season 12, Episode 9 "Breast Cancer Show Ever" Cartman's disrespectful display during Wendy's presentation about breast cancer leads to them having a good old fashioned fight on the playground. Plot:
It's easy to appreciate the Tricia Helfers and Hayden Panettieres currently strolling across our TV screens, making us disappointed with the caliber of girls that are actually willing to spend time with us.
Looks like the intended controversy about Zack and Miri is starting to wind up. Ads have been pulled from Fox Sports during broadcasts of the Dodgers. Apparently there have been complaints from concerned parents about how to explain what a Porno is to their children.
The Onion, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert are funny because they have come from comedy. The writers and producers have a comedic background, and have made careers out of intelligent humor. When you try to do funny news in the other direction—by starting with news and letting news people run the show—it’s always a disaster. Now we have a new one, from D.L. Hughley and CNN.
The modern sensitive young male: an enigmatic creature. Conflicted by the need to treat women with respect while simultaneously taught to objectify them at every cost. Biological drive aside, dudes are instructed by society from a young age to care for and protect the female species. We are also told to be Men, hammer on their va-jay-jays, treat them like shit, and move to the next one. The mixed messages only lead to frustration, and the frustration does not help you get laid. THAT is what Sex Drive is about.
Season 1, Episode 5 "Power Hungry" This time our rag-tag group of investigators goes after a guy who generates incredible amounts of electricity when he gets flustered. Wait, is this Heroes? No, Fringe, that's right. Plot:
From Paris With Love is the title of legendary director Luc Besson’s film staring John Travolta about troubled youth living in French slums. The film has reached some catastrophic problems having to do with shooting near troubled youth living in French Slums.
Cooking shows are boring. But cooking show screw-ups are totally AWESOME. There’s something about the interruption of such a sincere pursuit as teaching people how to make a meal that just gets me. It’s hard to beat Dan Aykroyd's spoof of Julia Child. But here are some of my favorite moments from cooking shows that demonstrate how weird it can get. Bon Apetit.
We don't usually do these little casting notes, but this is a pretty big one. Tony Stark's pal, Jim Rodes (who also happens to be War Machine) will be played by Don Cheadle instead of Terrence Howard in Iron Man 2. It's a trade-up in my opinion, as long as Don doesn't bring his awful accent from Ocean's 11.
Season 3, Episode 5 "Angles and Monsters" We're back from last week's trip to the future and everything is going to hell, fast. Plus, we finally get to meet Arthur Petrelli and his super eyebrows. Suresh:
I was going to include this in the link dump, but I just spent a half hour counting all of the movies I have seen from this list and I thought you might want to do the same. My tally came in at 251. There are quite a few older movies in there I just haven't gotten around to seeing as well as a whole shitload of Disney animated movies I don't care about.
Different movies are different things. There’s not some goal that every film has to have. You don’t compare Superbad to There Will Be Blood. Although some films are great, and some films are just terrible, the majority are just movies. They are something you watch because you want to be entertained. Body of Lies falls into this category.
You know when you’re really into a girl when even the little post coital ditties she pens don’t turn you off. So Roger must have it pretty bad for Jane, because her musings on the sticky sheets of the Waldorf Astoria enchant him like a snake charmer stiffening a Cobra, and dear Jane gets struck with a marriage proposal.
Recap: Season 5, episode 6 "ReDOMption" After last week's trip (get it?) to the desert, the guys are back in civilization. Vince's career rests on Ari's golf game and Dom is back and, shockingly, in trouble with the law. Ari:
I know, this isn't a great time for new movies, but is it so bad that we had to make an awful talking-dog movie take the number one spot two weeks in a row? Have you even considered the repurcussions? Think of how many headlines this morning have a stupid "top dog" pun in them. And with that kind of showing, there's no question that there's going to be a sequel.
If it’s one thing that I continually get busted on it’s faking orgasms.