Roller Fail! A Video Gallery
Monday, October 5 by

(I wonder if she wears that helmet while directing.)Drew Barrymore's directorial debut underwhelmed at the box office this weekend despite critical praise. The people who did head out to the theater only have positive things to say so this may be a movie that finds its audience through strong word of mouth.At any rate, in honor of the roller derby flick's face plant we thought this was the perfect opportunity to present to you these epic skate fails.

New Trailer for Scorsese’s “Shutter island”
Monday, October 5 by

 Shutter Island Trailer #2 (HD) – Watch more Funny Videos  Here we have a new trailer for Martin Scorsese's latest, Shutter Island. The film stars Leonardo DiCaprio in a role normally played by Stephen Dorff as an investigator searching for a missing patient within the walls of a haunted mental institution. The movie was originally slated for an October release but has been pushed back to February 2010, a move that shows little studio confidence. A release date within the first few months of the year normally signifies that the movie is a turd. Think about it. Do movies starring Donald Faison or Jamie Kennedy ever get released after April?   Here are some morning links to screw your sense of calm…   Saw VI trailer up in this mug (Dread Central) Tron 2 was a hard movie to make (io9) Arrested Development script allegedly in development (Cinema Blend) A newer, better Blair Witch sequel is on the way (IMDB) Liam Neeson makes a silly looking Zeus (First Showing) Get a load of this Asshole (/Film)

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
Sunday, October 4 by

 

Photobomb Fridays: ‘Say Anything’
Friday, October 2 by

As luck would have it, young Lloyd Dobler decided to get romantic on the day the park got rid of its port-o-potties.In your eyes… the light… the links: News You Won't Believe Is Real (HolyTaco)Hot Chicks With Plungers (TheChive)High School Footballer Lands A Crushing Hit (TotalProSports)Five Minutes of 2012 Footage Is Nuts (FilmDrunk)25 Coolest Phones From Around The World (SuperTremendous)The Best Villains In Film History (Pajiba)Andy Garcia Shows You How To Properly Manscape (CelebJihad)15 Incredibly Hot Real Life Video Game Babes (Unreality)University Warns Of Zombie Attacks (Asylum)LeGarrette Blount Bullsh*t Meter (BustedCoverage)If Boba Fett Kept A Journal (RegretfulMorning)Do's And Don'ts Of Couples' Costumes (MadeMan)Are NASCAR Drivers Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? (AllLeftTurns)Couple Busted Having Sex In Tatoo Parlor (NothingToxic)The Pranksters Of Secret Girlfriend (Atom)

‘Capitalism: A Love Story’ Caption Contest
Friday, October 2 by

STOP THE PRESSES! WE HAVE A WINNER!Whoever commented, "Five Dolla! Five Dolla Footloooooooong!" on September 24th @ 2:37 PDT, you won the Capitalism: A Love Story Caption Contest. Hit us up @ feedback_at_screenjunkies.com with your mailing address, or tweet us your info and we'll get you the prize pack. If you lie about it… you will be found out!Capitalism: A Love Story, the new film from Michael Moore, opens nationwide today, October 2nd.  

What’s On TV This Weekend: Friday, October 2nd – Sunday, October 4th, 2009
Friday, October 2 by

Down and out rockers, a washed-up martial artist, a Seinfeld reunion, and a Matt Damon freak out. This weekend's television is a range of emotions. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC

TEMP Drew Barrymore Kissing Shit TEMP
Friday, October 2 by

 http://celebrifi.com/gossip/Ellen-Page-And-Drew-Barrymore-Are-The-Hot-New-Lesbian-Couple-398901.html  Today's Marquee Links: The ChiveWalyouTotalProGorillaMaximBachelorGuy

Clinton Roasts Letterman on Blackmail
Friday, October 2 by

By now, you probably know that David Letterman was the victim of a blackmail scheme, in which a former employee threatened to release a screenplay that would reveal Dave had had sexual relations with women who were in his "Late Show" employ. And you may also be aware that Dave admitted to doing dirty deeds on his program. So what would happen if former President Bill Clinton came back to guest on Dave's show, after all the years of enduring the CBS funnyman's arsenal of Lewinski jokes? Probably this: Today's Marquee Links:Hot Crew Women of the NHL [Photos]Best. Hot Tub. Ever.

Timothy Olyphant and Radha Mitchell Attacked by Crazies
Thursday, October 1 by

Attacked By Crazies – Watch more Movie TrailersBreck Eisner's directorial track record is a little suspect. His 2005 feature debut, Sahara, made us McConaug-hate. And 'round these parts, we're not prone to negativity about Mr. J.K. Livin'. Needless to say, we were a little circumspect about this new project, The Crazies, a remake of George Romero's 1973 flick of the same name. But color us impressed by what we've seen so far. And it looks like Eisner is attached to helm both Creature from the Black Lagoon and Flash Gordon remakes in the next few years. So he must be doing something right. Judge for yourself in the trailer above.  But after viewing don't look back. Just click on these links: If Celebrities Were The Animals They Look Like (HolyTaco) Predictions For The 2009-10 NHL Season (TotalProSports) The Products Of Real Life Mad Man (TheChive) Hugh Jackman Trains Robot Boxer (FilmDrunk) 9 Most Annoying Commercial Jingles Of All Time (SuperTremendous) 25 Worst Movies Of The Decade (Pajiba) Leaked Naked Pictures Of Rihanna Real (CelebJihad) The World's Only Bill Paxton Pinball Machine (Unreality) Learn The Ways Of A Scotch Whisky Master (Asylum) Win Two Tickets To Brett Favre Mania (BustedCoverage) 25 Sexy Plumber's Cracks (RegretfulMorning) The Art Of The One Minute Shower (MadeMan) Get It Together, ESPN (AllLeftTurns)

What’s On TV Tonight: Thursday, October 1st, 2009
Thursday, October 1 by

Louis C.K., Robert Townsend, Brian Regen, and a dead Amish kid. Tonight's TV Preview is a laugh riot. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

DEXTER
Thursday, October 1 by

Network: ShowtimeCast: Michael C. Hall, Julie Benz, Jennifer Carpenter Synopsis: A like-able Miami police forensics expert moonlights as a serial killer of criminals who he believes have escaped justice.

Zombie Movie Survival Statistics
Thursday, October 1 by

Thanks to some early positive reviews and serendipitous schedule openings, Zombieland has been pushed up to an early release: this Friday, October 2nd. We couldn't be more excited for Zombies to deservedly reclaim the spotlight from those f**king vampires for at least a little while. Don't get us wrong. Zombies have never really left.  Books like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Max Brooks's Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z… movies like Shawn of the Dead… even Twitter accounts like shitmyzombiesez have all been carrying the torch. In preparation of a Zombie attack this weekend, we've decided to provide you with some handy graphs, charts and diagrams to aid you. Feel free to work them into your company meetings.   

LA Candy
Thursday, October 1 by

A young woman strikes gold in the Hollywood Hills.

“”"”The Hills”: The Book”: The Movie!”"
Thursday, October 1 by

Back in high school, Lauren Conrad was featured on the MTV reality show Laguna Beach, a docudrama that followed the lives of Southern California teens. After graduation, she moved to Los Angeles and starred in the reality spin-off The Hills. She's since left the show but along the way a ghost-writer tapped Conrad to create a fictionalized biography about her televised life. That book, the New York Times bestseller LA Candy, joins the esteemed ranks of Viewfinder, Asteroids, and Battleship in getting it's own movie adaptation. That's correct. A movie based on a book based on a television show based on another television show based on nothing. Hollywood, please be careful when sucking your own d*ck. You could break your neck. (Cinematical) Grab a napkin and check out these morning links… Lies from the prosecution may flatten Polanski's case (/Film)Roger Avary jailed. Will this slow down Return to Castle Wolfenstein? (AP)Seth Rogen's Green Hornet costume has a slimming effect (First Showing)Buzz Lightyear: Origins (Cinema Blend)Red Dawn set pics (Latino Review)Stallone over-explains Death Wish (Empire)

Japanese TV Show Night Vision Goggle Soccer Fail Explosion!!!
Wednesday, September 30 by

Japanese Night Vision Goggle Soccer – Watch more Funny Videos This is some Japanese blooper show from what looks to be the late 80's judging by the Cosby sweaters.  And I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that famed filmmaker "Beat" Takeshi Kitano is the co-host of this program. It's as if Dave Coulier left "America's Funniest People" only to then direct and star in a bloody, violent Yakuza film. Though, truth be told, if they remade Battle Royale in English and I had to pick someone to play the teacher, I'd go with Coulier. Just to see him kill a schoolkid with a throwing knife would make up for the shame he was put through entertaining America's youth as as Uncle Joey. Here are Today's Top Links. No Popeye, Bullwinkle or Jackelope Voice Needed:  If Tom Brady Had Another Comic (HolyTaco) High School Football Team Pulls A Buffalo Bills (TotalProSports) 20 Restaurants To Avoid At All Costs (TheChive) Olivia Munn Spoofs Twilight (FilmDrunk) The Human Jumbotron Is Insane (SuperTremendous) 5 Best Movies About Non-Traditional Sports (Pajiba) Timberlake Wants To Hit Rihanna (CelebJihad) Celebs Get Together To Examine Their Breasts (Unreality) 6 Reasons Men Have Sex (Asylum) 2009 Make 'Em Piss Blood Challenge (BustedCoverage) 7 Blasphemous Cartoons (RegretfulMorning) Be Your Own Action Figure (MadeMan) Hockey Player Wants To Try NASCAR (AllLeftTurns) Nightclub Suck Punch Attack (NothingToxic) Grand Theft Auto Precinct (Atom)

What’s On TV Tonight: Wednesday, September 30th, 2009
Wednesday, September 30 by

The Real World / Road Rules Challenge (aka The Douchebag Olympics) returns for an 18th season tonight. Tune in as the ceremonial torch is used to ignite a round of B-52 shots. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

Leaked Footage from Nolan’s ‘Inception’
Wednesday, September 30 by

This morning, three new user-generated videos from the set of Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan's new movie, Inception, popped up online and we have them for you. They're all from the film's downtown Los Angeles shoot.  It's hard to figure out exactly what's going on. The first clip is definitely the most interesting. Not since Amtrak sponsored Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade have I seen a train running along asphalt-paved city streets. But that was a long time ago… Guess this little transportation anomaly is all part of Inception's hook that it takes place "in the architecture of the mind." I wonder who the best coffee in this guy's head…

Mel Gibson Plays With “The Beaver”
Wednesday, September 30 by

 Pictures of Mel Gibson on the set of his new movie The Beaver have arrived online. The film, directed by Gibson's Maverick co-star Jodie Foster, tells the story of a depressed man who communicates via a beaver puppet much like Dave Coulier is probably doing these days. (Pajiba) Slide your frigid hand up the warm backside of these morning links… Second trailer for Fantastic Mr. Fox (Latino Review)Entertainment Tonight clip spotlights Mickey Rourke as Whiplash (Superhero Hype)(500) Days' Marc Webb to direct Just Another Love Story (First Showing)Randy Quaid is having girl problems and I feel bad for him, son (Daily Beast)Jessica Alba set to home wreck in Little Fockers (Empire)Terminator for sale (/Film)

Can You Show Me How To Get Far Away From ‘Banana Street’?
Tuesday, September 29 by

Bizarre Japanese Sesame Street – Watch more Funny VideosJapan has long creeped us out with their advanced robotics and panty sharking but today BoingBoing posted a video that proved they have no intention of stopping their insanity. The above clip from Banana Street stars human versions of Bert and Ernie. I want to stress that human versions of Muppets win the Freaky Olympics hands down. It's as if the Grudge ghost and Pennywise the Clown boned and birthed these fraternal twin monsters. Knee-knocking fear has caused me to draw the string on my hoodie so tight that my field of vision is the size of a cat butt. Mourn the death of your inner child with these consolatory links… Honest Letters To One Night Stands (HolyTaco) USC Running Back in 'Critical But Stable' Condition (TotalProSports) Beware The Creepy Photobomber (TheChive) Mel Gibson Plays With His Beaver (FilmDrunk) 25 Awesome Futuristic Motorcycles (SuperTremendous) Five Once Great 80's Movies That Have Aged (Pajiba) Sophie Monk Needs To Adjust Her Bathing Suit (CelebJihad) Drink Sweet Candy Blood From A Blood Bag (Unreality) Should Wearing A Hitler Mustache Still Be Taboo? (Asylum) Dallas Stars Ice Girls Screen Caps (BustedCoverage) Turkeys Attack Mother And Her Little Boy (RegretfulMorning) 3 Key Ingredients For Bachelor Pads (MadeMan) Championship Probability Table (AllLeftTurns) 

EASTWICK
Tuesday, September 29 by

Network: ABCCast: Rebecca Romijn, Lindsay Price, Jamie Ray Newman, Paul GrossSynopsis: Three very different women find themselves drawn together by a mysterious man who unleashes unique powers in each of them, and this small New England town will never be the same.

What’s On TV Tonight: Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
Tuesday, September 29 by

Magic mushrooms, new episodes of The Hills and The City. Tonight's TV Preview is all about heightened reality. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

‘The Biggest Loser’ Host Jillian Michaels
Tuesday, September 29 by

I could have chosen a sexier picture of Jillian Michaels, the host of NBC's The Biggest Loser, but I went with a humorous selection instead.  The image above exemplifies how much of a bad ass Jillian is.  If you don't lose weight, she'll literally climb on you and push you down into the ground until you reach the seventh circle of hell.  It's a painful process, but nothing good comes easy.  How else are you supposed to develop abnormal stomach muscles without the threat of damnation?A word from Jillian: "When I want to workout but am in that lazy mood, I just have sex."Insert slack-jawed picture of me here.  Jillian is one of those women that you'd like to bang because there's a good chance she'd kill you in the process.  It's the fear that's exciting.  Make sure to have a contractor lined up though because you're definitely going to knock some holes in the walls.Stare slack-jawed at more pics of Jillian after the jump!

30 Celebrity Fan Tattoos: A Gallery
Tuesday, September 29 by

You have to be quite fond of a celebrity to get their image and likeness burned into your flesh, or you just have to be really drunk.  Either way, the result is permanent and at least semi-disturbing.  Enjoy the pictorial ramifications of someone's poorer judgement…

Roman Polanski Reviews ‘Hannah Montana’
Tuesday, September 29 by

In May of 2009 Screen Junkies received an unsolicited review of Hannah Montana: The Movie from famed director and noted statutory rapist Roman Polanski. Due to current events we have decided to run the review in its entirety. Hannah Montana: The Movie is like an erotic daydream dealing with lust, taboo, and human nature. On the surface the film is a simple morality tale, but its depths surpass understanding. Over the past month I have watched the film more than 30 times, and I have analyzed it shot by shot. But the more clearly I see its physical manifestation, the more I am stirred by its erotic mystery. The film opens with our middle-aged hero, Robby Ray Stewart (Billy Ray Cyrus), sitting in a changing room, staring longingly at a blonde female wig. Like Citizen Kane’s “Rosebud,” or the green light at the end of Gatsby’s pier, the object represents the protagonist’s deepest wants and desires. But what exactly is it that our hero desires?

THE BIGGEST LOSER
Tuesday, September 29 by

Network: NBCHost: Jillian MichaelsSynopsis: Fat people are taunted into becoming thin by doing what they're supposed to: eating right and exercising.

New Ridiculous Photo from “The Expendables”
Tuesday, September 29 by

The latest image from Sylvester Stallone's sausage party, The Expendables, shows that even at the age of 63, the Hollywood legend can still kill a militia without breaking a sweat below his nipples. Impressive. In an article over at Empire, Stallone talks a bit about the over-the-top actioner. "It's also a story that isn't super-gigantic; it's almost a believable story." It's almost believable. Which is to say, it is believable up to the point where we see a man of retirement age clinging to the side of an aircraft. Wait. What if The Expendables is actually a live-action version of Up? These morning links will give you damp nipples for sure…. If what they say is true, Rodriguez's Predators will be epic (Latino Review)Karen O.'s Where The Wild Things Are soundtrack is streaming online (Cinema Blend)Columbia picks up supernatural jailbreak film, Supermax (First Showing)Leo gives The Deep Blue Goodbye (/Film)Joe Dante dives into 3D horror (Reuters)

‘Book of Eli’ Trailer #2 with Denzel Washington, Mila Kunis & Gary Oldman
Monday, September 28 by

Book of Eli Trailer #2 – Watch more Funny Videos"This little town… it's just the beginning. All we need is that book!" says Gary Oldman, as the villainous Carnegie, in the trailer above. It's a line that tells you everything you need to know about The Book of Eli. It's also a quote overheard at every single publishing company meeting after S**t My Dad Says Twitter account surpassed 300,000 followers.This little town… it's just the beginning. All you need… are these links!The 7 Deadly Sins Of Sharing A Bathroom (HolyTaco) When Hunting And Fishing Collide (TotalProSports) Guns Put To Good Use (TheChive) 7 Funniest Moments In People's Court History (SuperTremendous) The Tim Burton Fashion Show (FilmDrunk) Ten Terrifying Movie Creatures From Your Childhood (Pajiba) Polankski Requests Miley Cyrus Posters For His Cell (CelebJihad) Five Pretty Funny West Side Story Spoofs (Unreality) Ben Schwartz Has Priority Management Issues (Asylum) Miss. Fans Caught Red Handed With Cow Bells (BustedCoverage) If Digg Categories Were Honest (RegretfulMorning) Perfectly-Timed Costumes For 2009 (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: The Hendrick Boys (AllLeftTurns) Teenager Beaten To Death In Melee (NothingToxic) Examing Chick Drinks (Atom)

What’s On TV Tonight: Monday, September 28th 2009
Monday, September 28 by

 High-octane thrills, nerds, and Tim Burton fan fiction. Tonight's TV Preview is like a trip to Six Flags. CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC

Matt Damon Blows Up At Adrian Grenier
Monday, September 28 by

A fake viral in support of an upcoming episode of 'Entourage?' Yeah, probably. But Matt Damon, who's been open about his desire to direct one day, is a good sport for taking the piss out of himself in that role. Adrian Grenier and Jeremy Piven play along nicely, too. Real or fake, it's no small task to beat the original director-on-actor tongue lashing, courtesy of David O. Russell and Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabee's.  Play us out, herr direktor!

TRAUMA
Monday, September 28 by

Network: NBCCast: Cliff Curtis, Anastasia Griffith, Derek LukeSynopsis: An intense, action-packed look at one of the most dangerous medical professions in the world: first responder paramedics.