Here's a newly released still from Kevin Smith's upcoming Untitled Cop Movie (formerly known as A Couple Of Dicks). It's not official yet but it looks like the film will be given the watered-down title A Couple Of Cops. Buzz on this movie is that it is hilarious and I don't doubt that. Barring The Whole Nine Yards, Willis has turned in some funny performances in his career. And to see him and Tracy Morgan square off against gangsters should be entertaining. I am frightened by the thought of Tracy Morgan wielding the power of a gun and badge though. Frightened for our women. "Excuse me, ma'am. You have the right to remain silent and I have the right to make you pregnant. My d*ck is going to frisk your uterus." (via First Showing)
I always knew Cookie Monster was meant for greater things, like a heavy metal German rock band that enjoys pyrotechnics.Don't. Don't hate. Don't hate these links.Flowchart to Determine If You Can Have a Mistress (HolyTaco) Hot Brazilian Bikini Roller Boxing (TotalProSports) Natalie Portman Photoshoot (TheChive) 10 Most Depressing 'My Life is Twilight' Entries (FilmDrunk) Five Best UK TV Shows of the Aughts (Pajiba) Rachel Uchitel Says She's Top Slut (CelebJihad) Gallery of Sweet Custom iPod Docks (Unreality) 7 Guys Who Lived Much Longer Than They Should Have (Asylum) All-Time Scariest Playboy Playmate (BustedCoverage) Nada Surf 'Popular' Cheerleader All Grown Up (RegretfulMorning) Maintain a Mistress Better Than Tiger (MadeMan) NASCAR Unveils New Video Site (AllLeftTurns)
"NOM. NOM. NOM."Paul Thomas Anderson has announced that his next project will be entitled, The Master. He's cast his portly muse Philip Seymour Hoffman in the lead role as a charismatic man who creates his own cult religion. Many assume that this film will damn Scientology but Variety is quick to report:“The drama does not so much scrutinize self-started churches like Scientology or the Mormons, as much as it explores the need to believe in a higher power … and the point at which a belief system graduates into a religion.”Sounds interesting though I'm not too sure about the casting. Philip Seymour Hoffman is a great actor but I don't buy him as a guy who founded a church. A Church's Fried Chicken perhaps*, but not a church. (Variety) *he's fat
MTV sets Italian-Americans back to pre-Colombus with tonight's 2-hour premiere of Jersey Shore.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Steve Carell either has to pass a fairly large bowel movement, or his character in Dinner For Schmucks must wear a perpetual scowl. Here are the first set photos from the comedy, which on top of starring Carell and Rudd, also touts Zach Galifianakis, cinemas new bearded "it" actor.Dinner for Schmucks, a remake of director Francis Veber’s César award-winning 1998 comedy Le dîner de cons (Literally translated as “The Dinner of Dumbasses”), concerns a renowned publisher who encourages his friends to find the most pathetic guests possible for their weekly dinner party.Sounds like Thanksgiving at your house last week. OH SNAP! I'm sure this comedy centered around a riotous dinner party will bust more than a few guts (man, they just keep coming) when it opens July 23, 2010.Check out Paul Rudd, most likely also wobbling toward the crapper, below. (via Collider)
Those lucky bastards in the UK have it all. Fantastic cuisine, excellent dental care, reasonably-sized ears, Australian layabouts, and now David Cross's hilarious Channel 4 sitcom The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret. We've posted a clip (featuring Cross, Will Arnett, and Spike Jonze) below that sets up the premise of the series. Arnett plays an arrogant boss who spits out the grandest cuss-strings since Rip Torn. He mistakes Cross's Todd Margaret as a man of action and immediately trusts him to be his ambassador. Check out the NSFW clip: Did you like it? Did you like the noodles line?? Yeah, thought you would. Want to see more? Well, if you live in the UK you can watch the entire episode at this link. Lucky limey bastards…
CAST: David Cross; Will Arnett; Russell ToveySYNOPSIS: Mistaken to be an alpha-male, lowly office drone Todd Margaret is employed to sell a sketchy energy drink in the UK by his psychotic boss.
If you’ve got to be fired, there’s no better person to break the news than George Clooney. That’s the plot of his new film, Up in the Air. He travels the country firing people for companies who can’t do the dirty work themselves, but he helps people get a new start and has fun on the road too. It made me think of the other movies about downsizing, and I came up with quite a list of diverse titles. Honorary mention goes to the TV series The Office, which has been chronicling the economic crisis in real time.In Good Company
In Welcome to the Rileys, Kristen Stewart plays a young stripper who uses her stripper powers to help a couple grieving the loss of their daughter. But isn't a stripper really just a Band-Aid for your problems? Shame on you Melissa Leo and James Gandolfini. You can't just jump ahead to the Eighth Stage of Grief — Adopting Strippers. You need to take the bad with the pole-dancing and crab-walking.The Jake Scott film will premiere at Sundance in late January 2010. (First Showing)More pictures of Kristen Stewart in various modes of undress after the jump…
The comedy troupe The Landline posted a new video on their YouTube page that doesn't shed the best light on Avatar director, Mr. James Cameron. Apparently, Cameron is really jonesing for some new effects to see his blue mutant cat people fully realized in gorgeous CG, and he's willing to go to extreme lengths to secure funding. The Landline members include Tim Martin, Charlie Todd, Michael Dubin, Jonathan Fernandez, Jill Donnelly, Jared Neumark, Ben Rodgers and Mike Antonucci. You can check out their YouTube page, and a slew of other funny videos here. James Cameron is Jonesing for Effects – Watch more Funny Videos
2009 in Auto Tunes – Watch more Funny Videos The above video provides a hip, T-Pain-esque summary of this year we just all lived through together. On Tuesday December 8th, VH1 is bringing us 2009: That Really Happened?! In true VH1 fashion, the show will provide a look back at the year that subjected us to Jon & Kate Plus 8, Susan Boyle, Lady GaGa, Chris Brown (the fighter, not the lover), and many, many more things we wish we could erase from our memories. All topics will be delivered by a unique panel of journalists, comedians, and pop culture aficionados that always deliver a good skewing. Here are today's links. Oh Look! A Tiger Woods Flash Game! (HolyTaco) 20 Pics of Chicks That Will Kick Your Ass (TotalProSports) Celebrities and Their Most Famous Roles (TheChive) Wanna Hear Mickey Rourke Rap? (FilmDrunk) Time Lapse of Monster Worms and Sea Stars (SuperTremendous) Another 100 Great Quotes from The Wire (Pajiba) Tiger Woods' Mistress Releases Texts and Voicemail (CelebJihad) 20 Examples of Anime Gettin' Naughty (Unreality) 10 November Headlines That Should be TV Movies (AOL) Increase Your Chances of Getting Laid (Asylum) Jillian Beyor is Your New WWE Diva (BustedCoverage) Cute Russian Singer Falls Off Stage (RegretfulMorning) Older Women Vs. Younger Women (MadeMan) Real Diary of a NASCAR Driver (AllLeftTurns) Drunk Redneck Takes KO Plunge Off Swingset (NothingToxic) Teens, Booze, and a Hote Tub (Atom)
Network: VH1From Twitter to Twilight, Speidi to Susan Boyle. It's 2009: THAT REALLY HAPPENED!?!, VH1's look back at a wild 12 months — chock full of celebrities, pop culture trends, hook-ups, break-ups, scandals and of course, Lady Gaga.
When Sherlock Holmes premieres this Christmas, you'll be able to shake right along with your favorite sleuth. Ten theaters across the country will use seats outfitted with D-Box Motion Code, which are mechanical cues that sync with frames of the film causing the chair to shake and stutter. Normally, you'd have to go to a furniture store for those kinds of thrills. Seats in theaters not outfitted with the code will shake as well. This is to simulate the ass-kicking Madonna's divorce attornies are probably giving director Guy Ritchie this very moment. (Cinema Blend)
Tonight, Steven Seagal takes the law into his own hands. Literally, this time.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
They make the perfect stocking stuffers.
For his new film 'The Social Network,' David Fincher must have demanded that Justin Timberlake go back to his boy band roots…literally! The literally meaning that his hair is wavy again, just like it was back when he sang and danced as a glorified slave to a fat man with a record contract. In the film that chronicles the rise of Facebook (the site where you tell people who don't care that you're "so over" something insignificant), Timberlake plays founder Sean Parker.Eh, they kiiiiiinda look alike, but I'd say Sean's hair is more curly than wavy. Who's with me? Who's with me?! Anyway, I'm sure there's much more to come from the set of 'The Social Network,' but until we get additional news I'm just going to assume that the staunch and laborious Fincher is making Timberlake cry a river on a daily basis: "No, you're typing like a pussy, 'N-Suck!"(via DailyMail)
Meredith Baxter, the actress who played Elyse Keaton on TV's Family Ties, revealed on this morning's Today Show broadcast that she is a lesbian. "I am a lesbian, and it was a later-in-life recognition," Baxter told Matt Lauer. After three failed marriages Baxter realized her attraction to women and has been in a few same sex relationships since. Baxter is currently in four-year relationship with a woman she met through friends. She had this to say about her partner, "Oh, It's like I started breathing on the night we kissed. And I can't remember what I ever did before. What would we do baby, without us? What would we dooo baby, without us? And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through. What would we do baby, without us? Sha la la la." And Matt Lauer kinda just sat there. See for yourself in the video below.
In an effort to promote their new film Mystery Team, Derrick Comedy has put together another fine video of bizarre and esoteric proportions. Don't Jerk Off To This poses the eternal question, if you and your friends found a picture of a bowl of fruit in a vacation home with a note that warned you not to jerk off to it, could you resist jerking off to it? Watch the video to find out what happens to the disturbed trio of comics. That is, if you can even make it all the way through. Mmmm, just like at that lucious, curvy pear… Click here to demand that Mystery Team opens in a theater near you.
Peter Berg invited a few reporters to spend the day on the USS Sterett so that he could discuss his upcoming board game adaptation, Battleship. Eyes have been rolling since the film was announced, but matters were made worse when it was reported that aliens would play the film's heavies. Berg defended this decision and elaborated on what to expect from the sea-faring visitors.The aliens are known as The Regents. They will be brought to the screen with a mixture of CG and live action.They aren't looking to take over Earth. They are looking to build a power source in the ocean so that they can return to their home world.The alien weaponry will not be futuristic lasers. It will be exploding ballistics-based, just like ours.Someone at some point in the film will exclaim, "You sank my Battleship!"So there you have it. No word on casting yet but Berg seems very clear about the movie he wants to make. It's a movie based on a board game. Looks like it's time to dust off my adaptation of Ants In The Pants. It's a mystery/thriller about these ants that get into some guy's pants. (Latino Review)
Nine Trailer 3 – Watch more Movie TrailersYeah, yeah, yeah, you don't want to see a movie about prancing and harmonizing, I get it. But let's not forget about all the hot chicks that are starring in Nine. Also, Daniel Day-Lewis is the lead, and I think we can all admit that Mr. Day-Lewis doesn't F around with subpar material. Take a look at the new trailer, which actually explains the plot instead of just shooting sequins and gams at the screen, and see if it doesn't change your mind. Do a little soft shoe routine while you click on these links. If Warning Labels Were Honest (HolyTaco) Degenerate Gamble Posts Ad on Craigslist (TotalProSports) London Club with School Girl Outfit Dress Code (TheChive) How Many More Twilights Will There Be? (FilmDrunk) 20 Mind Blowing Celebrity Houses (SuperTremendous) Ten Best TV Shows of the Aughts (Pajiba) New Tiger Woods' Mistress Comes Forward (CelebJihad) Ten Favorite 'Family Guy' Fights (Unreality) White House Party Crashers (Asylum) World's Coldent Undie Run (BustedCoverage) BMX Biker Meets Quaint Pond (RegretfulMorning) Secret CIA Magic Tricks (MadeMan) Drivers with Momentum Entering 2010 (AllLeftTurns)
Jane Austen's regency classic Pride and Prejudice got an undead facelift last year with the remixed novelization Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The book's Twitter feed announced today that the tale is being adapted for the small screen as a six-part miniseries. No word yet on which network it will air, or on casting for that matter. Though I'd like to nominate Kiera Knightley. She's got the experience of playing Elizabeth Bennet and the physique of a zombie. Basically any role in this thing is hers for the taking. (via io9)
Tonight, scantily-clad supermodels prance about the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Also, the President gives a speech or something.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
Somehow Dre-son doesn't have the same ring to it as Daniel-son. And as you can tell from the above photo of The Karate Kid remake/re"imagining," it doesn't have the same look either. They must have photoshopped out the Hollywood producers giving each other congratulatory spanks on the ass.Apparently, Jaden Smith trained every day for four months with the film’s fight coordinator Master Wu, and they filmed a scene atop the Great Wall of China. Most likely his dad Will Smith, the guy from the Bad Boys movies, was with him every step of the way shouting, "Wax on, wax off, Jaden-son!" then giggling uncontrolably into the palm of his hand.Check out more pics of what's sure to be another slaughter of my fond childhood memories after the jump.
Let me get this on the table right now: I am not an economist. In addition, I don't read The Economist. If pressed, I probably couldn't give you a good definition of the word economist.But, I like movies. I know movies, and I know movies where there are guys looking for a big score (usually, they're not economists either). And, outside some of the more ridiculous amounts of money sought (cough, Swordfish) – there has been a slight upward trend of hauls of monies in heist films.You know what else has a general upward trend (or a drastic one, that real economists warn against)? The GDP – aka the Gross Domestic Product. Please refer again to the opening sentence before you read this: the GDP is a handy little way to say, "Look how valuable this country is."
Yesterday I showed you what Don Cheadle would look like as Iron Man 2's War Machine in toy form. And today, I offer you the film's teaser poster. Here we see Iron Man and War Machine in a Bad Boys-esque pose against a stormy sky. The War Machine armor looks pretty similar to Iron Man's save for additional weaponry and hydraulics. The suit may also be assless. It's very hard to tell from this angle.Jon Favreau has announced the first trailer will premiere in front of Sherlock Holmes, so be on the lookout for that later this month. And Ozzy Osbourne, please be advised to keep an eye out for royalty checks, as we are quickly approaching an Iron Man media blitz. (Yahoo)Click on the poster below to marvel at the larger version.
A&E launches the single greatest reality series about an aikido champion/actor turned cop this Wednesday with Steven Seagal: Lawman (aka Fat Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans). For those not in the know, Steven Seagal has volunteered with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Department for the past 20 years. This show chronicles his main duties giving martial arts training to the officers as well as assisting with arrests. It's almost just like COPS, the only difference being the perps are arrested by the man on the poster they have framed in their living rooms. Have a look at an earlier preview or check out the brand new, extended preview below. I'm looking forward to the cliffhanger season finale when Seagal's rogue tactics require that he hand over his badge, never ending donut bowl, and gun.
Babies Trailer – Watch more Funny VideosStudioCanal's documentary Babies takes a look at one year in the life of five babies living in Mongolia, Namibia, San Francisco, and Tokyo. This film is bound to get biological clocks a-ringing. So fellas, keep your ladies away from this one or you'll soon be up to your elbows in doody (not your own) and be forced to watch Yo Gabba Gabba (not ironically).Soothe your teething gums with these links… 25 Babes James Bond Has Boned (Holy Taco) Sacre Bleu! French Goalie Breaks Leg In Half (TotallyProSports) World's Greatest Sleeping Bags (TheChive) Leo, Tobey, and David Blaine are broin' out (FilmDrunk) 15 Fake Magazines That Should Exist (SuperTremendous) Spanish LOST Promo Looks Like Perfume Ad (Pajiba) The 2009 NFL All-Criminal Team (CelebJihad) Dragon Backpack: Badass or Super Badass? (Unreality) Get To Know Rachel Uchitel (Asylum) Jay Cutler Beaten By Small Children (BustedCoverage) Nine Ridiculous Lawsuits Filed By Inmates (RegretfulMorning) World's Strongest Beer – Penguin Suit Not Included (MadeMan) NASCAR Collection Funds College Tuition (AllLeftTurns) In Russia, Cat Fights You (NothingToxic) Drunken Teens In A Hot Tub (Atom)
"And is it true they will honk when I squeeze them?"Director Paul Greengrass has decided he won't aim his shakey, blurry camera at Jason Bourne for a third time. The Bourne Supremacy and Bourne Ultimatum director has had a falling out with cash-strapped Universal, causing him to walk away from the fourth film. Apparently he is upset that the studio brought in a new screenwriter for the project without his consent and the studio is upset by Greengrass's going way over budget on his current project, Green Zone.Given Matt Damon's loyalty to Greengrass, this could be bad news for Universal. Could we have another Matt Damon freakout on our hands? According to the Playlist, some are citing Greengrass's ghosting as a "typical Paul move" and that he'll return to the project in short order. Another noted, "That's so Paul!", but it was difficult to determine if he was being serious or merely refering to Greengrass's failed Disney sitcom. (The Playlist)
Tonight's television has got beers, bellies, stop-motion, and a pregnant woman impaled on a microphone stand.CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMPNOTE ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!
If things didn't pan out so well for you at the local technical college, you may still be in luck. The upcoming Blu-Ray release of LOST: Season Five will include the LOST University feature. Go Polar Bears!For those not well-versed in fictional colleges, LOST University is a Blu-Ray extra that allows you to study subjects pertinent to the LOSTverse such as Physics of Time Travel, History of Hieroglyphics, New Physics with Daniel Faraday, and of course, Jungle Survival (better pay attention Sayid). You can enroll now on LOST University's official site. On the off-chance that you are not accepted, there's always University of Subway.