In March of 2008, The History Channel shortened its name to History. It would have made more sense if it had shortened its name to The Channel. Over the past few years, the network has stopped pretending to give a damn about history and now traffics mainly in crappy reality television. Sure, it can be entertaining, but history it ain’t! Remember when The History Channel used to enlighten its viewers with quality historical documentaries and relevant original programming? Yeah, neither do we. The network has always been a sad mix of poor-quality World War II stock footage and shoddy battle reenactments. But for all its faults, at least it used to take its name somewhat seriously. Sure, “UFO Hunters: Nazi UFOs” wasn’t the most historically accurate documentary, but at least it had Hitler as opposed to some hillbilly running around in a swamp. With those simpler times in mind, here are eight History Channel shows that have nothing to do with history.
Charles Roven and Atlas Entertainment have just dropped anchor on their next project, a big-screen adaptation of Gilligan's Island. The producer of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight has picked up a script by Yogi Bear's Brad Copeland to bring the iconic castaways to theaters. There's no word yet whether the film will veer toward hacky, slapstick comedy or if it will take a gritty, more serious approach to Gilligan's first year as a bumbling, accident-prone crewman.Series producer Sherwood Schwartz is also onboard as executive producer and, though no cast or director are in place, feels that terminally typecast actor Michael Cera is a shoe-in for the role of Gilligan. Expect Avatar's Joel David Moore's aggressive campaigning for the role to begin in 5… 4… 3… 2…(Variety)
Pretty spot on, except I don't appreciate Jack and Sun's douchey duckfaces. Here are today's links.Oscar Nominees Before They Were Famous (Moviefone)Ever Wonder How Dinosaurs Had Sex? (Asylum)Awesome LOTR Gif (FilmDrunk)25 Hot Yoga Babes (HolyTaco)Eve Muirhead Taunts the Japanese (TotalProSports)Free Lightsaber Fights?! (Unreality)Jay Leno's Band Leader Tryout Flyer (Maxim)Marisa Miller in UK GQ (CelebJihad)Dan Hardy's Just Trying to Piss People Off (CagePotato)5 3D Remakes That Would Break Your Brain (Pajiba)OnSluts On Call (Atom)March Madness Bracketology (MadeMan)Gordon Tire Strategy Came Up Snake Eyes (AllLeftTurns)11 Hilarious 'Lost' Vertical Stripes (RegretfulMorning)
Joe Letteri has served as visual effects supervisor at both Industrial Light & Magic and Weta Digital. In doing so, he's had a hand in creating the most innovative and creative visual effects in film history. His career spans from The Abyss to the Oscar-nominated Avatar. Screen Junkies caught up with him at the VES Awards to discuss Steven Spielberg's first entry in the Tintin trilogy he's tackling with Peter Jackson.First up, he discusses what we can expect Tintin to look like:"We’re experimenting with a number of different looks. When you do 3D you have a range of options to go with, slightly sort of cartoony. You go more Pixar style where there’s realism but still exaggeration. The problem with going completely photoreal with human characters is you want to honor the comicness of it. So we’re still feeling our way around it."MORE FROM JOE AFTER THE JUMP.
Yesterday I told you about Roger Ebert's miracle voice computer that he is premiering on today's episode of Oprah. It's understandable that you may not be able to watch the episode due to your busy work schedule or presence of testicles. With that in mind we have this sneak peek. It's actually really amazing how accurate the voice sounds and it's completely heart-warming to see how happy Ebert is to have it back. Though if he were frowning, we would have no way of knowing. The science for that doesn't exist yet. (Videogum)
Screen Junkies has gone under the knife and come out looking FABulous. We've greatly appreciated all the support everyone has shown us over the past few months as we've shifted our focus to posting more news with a few original features thrown in for good measure.Our comments section underwent the biggest augmentation. We took it all the way up to a DD. No longer do you need to be a member of SJ to leave a personalized message. Simply type in the silliest name of your choice and comment on. We fully realize flame wars are inevitable.We've also added a related stories section at the bottom of every post. If you like what you're reading, scroll down and find similar stories. If you don't like what you're reading, pat us on the back for tricking you in to visiting the site. Tell your friends how crafty we are.These are just a few of many changes to come to better your experience on Screen Junkies. Don't expect any happy endings in the future though. We've put the kibosh on those perks.
"Gemma, it's just that I think we work better as friends. But, like, really really awesome friends. Y'know?" The second trailer for Jerry Bruckheimer's sand-in-the-crevasse epic Prince of Persia has dirt-tornadoed its way to them Internets to show off the film's story and awkward attempts at sexual tension. It's pretty much the same trailer as before but this time the events are shown in a slightly different order. I'm on to you, Jerry. The plot sounds very similar to Lord of the Rings. An appointed protector must transport a magical item to certain location without it falling into the clutches of evil. Though Frodo's flirtations with Samwise were a lot less wooden than Jake Gyllenhaal's with Gemma Arterton. Enjoy the sand karate after the jump…
We firmly believe that the Oscars would benefit from adding a few wild-card categories every year. You know, mix it up. Keep it fresh. Here are a few possibilities, including nominees. If you have more, post them in the comments section. And don't forget to follow our Oscar liveblog HERE starting 8pm Eastern, 5pm Pacific this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. Sunday. Best Alien Performance Neytiri – "Avatar" Gallaxhar – "Monsters vs. Aliens" Nero – "Star Trek" Chrisopher Johnson – "District 9" Lil Wayne – "The Carter" Best Abusive Parent
Yes, that's right. Martin Lawrence will don a suit of fat for a third time. The actor is set to star in Big Momma's House 3 and Tropic Thunder's Alpha Chino has somehow been convinced to co-star. Brandon T Jackson will play Trent, the nephew to Lawrence's character who witnesses a murder. In order to protect Trent and track down the killer, the two must logically dress up like sassy, overweight black women and hide out at an all-girls performing art school. This sounds a lot like Precious. Only with fewer laugh out loud moments.These films really get a lot of mileage out of the ol' guy dressed as a woman takes a shower with hot babe set-up. But when I do it, it's considered "gross" and "in violation of multiple restraining orders." (Variety)
She must have made so many fat girls eat their feelings. These links want you in their clique. Leaked Version of James Cameron's Oscar Speech (Moviefone) Intelligent Men Are More Sexually (Asylum) 25 Awesome Mustaches (HolyTaco) David Caruso On Canada's Hockey Gold Win (TotalProSports) When a Spartan Loves a Stormtrooper (Unreality) 2010 Hometown Hotties Has Begun! (Maxim) Some Weird Facts About the TUF 11 Fighters (CagePotato) Justin Bieber Defecates on American Flag (CelebJihad) 5 Directors Who Need A Career Reboot (Pajiba) Film Roles Close Calls (Atom) Documentary on Epic Beard Man (MadeMan) Time For NASCAR to Get It Together (AllLeftTurns)
Last week the news of a Zoolander sequel sent waves of excitement through the TBS watching community. Ben Stiller is currently working on the script with director Justin Theroux and now, he has revealed a few details about the plot. "We have a new story idea that we feel excited about and we're going to try to go forward. The beginning of the movie is [set]… 10 years later, and Derek & Hansel are literally forgotten. Nobody even knows who they are, so they have to re-invent themselves." He goes on to add: "My wife really needs the work." Okay. So I went on to add that. He did, however, weigh in on Will Ferrell's inclusion: "If Will says yes, he definitely has to be a part of it. [pause] My dad really needs the work." Lies again. Screen Junkies really needs to rethink their policy of paying me by the word. *Editor's Note: We pay him in Monopoly money* (MTV)
Opes helps Roger Ebert promote his new line of novelty "weird beards."After losing his jaw and subsequently his voice to cancer, it seemed that Roger Ebert would never be able to speak again. Thanks to CereProc, the famed critic has regained his voice, and is no longer forced to communicate using only 'thumbs up' or 'thumbs down' gestures.The Scottish company has been able to capture audio from Ebert's DVD commentaries to create a system where he can type and listeners hear a voice that sounds like him. From Yahoo:The new voice, which Ebert calls "Roger Jr.," will be heard predicting Oscar winners on a segment of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" airing Tuesday."Yes, 'Roger Jr.' needs to be smoother in tone and steadier in pacing, but the little rascal is good," Ebert wrote. "To hear him coming from my own computer made me ridiculously happy."I'm happy for Roger Ebert because it must be completely frustrating to lose the ability to communicate, but this isn't exactly new technology. In fact, the disembodied voice of Arnold Schwarzenegger has been asking Chinese take-out workers "Who is your daddy and what does he do," for the better part of the last fifteen years. (Yahoo)
Normally I don't put too much stock in books that lack tabs to pull and pop-ups to giggle at, but if Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is half as good as the trailer for it than I may have to give this "reading" thing a shot. The author of the historical horror novel, Seth Grahame-Smith (sounds like a Count), also wrote the New York Time's Bestselling Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I have a copy sitting under a pile of Highlights magazines.If only there was a way to condense the entire novel of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter into visual form… An "adaptation" if you will. Spielberg could direct and Liam Neeson could star. That one's for free, Hollywood. Send my fee directly to some organization that teaches kids to read. No one should have to grow up and blog for a living.Read the trailer with your eyes after the jump.
National hero Amber Heard will be stretching her acting abilities to the brink of snapping by pretending to be attracted to Nicolas Cage in the upcoming Drive Angry. Cage plays a crazy, road-ragin' grandpa on the hunt for those who murdered his daughter and kidnapped his grandbaby. Heard will play a diner employee who joins Cage during the high octane rampage. The splatterfest is being directed by My Bloody Valentine 3D's Patrick Lussier and, yes, it will be in ass-puckering 3D.This 3D craze is really pushing itself too far. Nicolas Cage popping off-screen is terrifying enough to clear a theater. It would be like showing Encino Man a documentary about the railroads. (THR)
DIRECTOR: Patrick LussierCAST: Nicolas Cage; Amber Heard; William Fichtner; David Morse; Charlotte RossSYNOPSIS: A road-ragin' grandpa turns his daughter's killers and his grandbabby's kidnappers to road kill.
Lara Croft and Slave Leia Snowball Fight – Watch more Funny VideosApparently I need to go to Sundance next year. Forget the films and the free swag, Lara Croft and Princess Leia are throwing snow at each other! What two actresses of that caliber are doing in a completely random duel is beyond me, but Angelina totally pwns Carrie. I guess now we know where tomb raiders stand among members of royalty. Quick, to the presses! There are history books that need sexy revisions! (BuzzFeed)
Angelina Jolie can't decide which movie-I'll-never-see to do next. First there were reports that she dropped out of Wanted 2 in favor of Alfonso Cuaron's stranded on a spacestation drama Gravity. Word today is that she's not part of Gravity and is circling a project with Darren Aronofsky.The director and star are both looking to join an adaptation of Serena: A Novel. If the project does come to fruition, Serena: A Movie would star Jolie as the wife of a timber magnate in the woods of 1929 North Carolina. She would use the awesome powers of her vagina to convince him to commit increasingly ruthless acts. Later when she learns that she cannot conceive a child she decides that adoption is sooo 2002 and that murdering her husband's illegitimate son is the new hotness.Both Jolie and Aronofsky are waiting for a new script and budget before signing on to the evil vagina movie. I just wish that Angelina would learn to use that thing for good. Think of all the wars she could stop. (THR)
To ensure that this year's Oscars broadcast has a soundtrack just as bad as his movies do, giggly co-producer Adam Shankman has hired Good Charlotte's Joel Madden to serve as the ceremony's house DJ/head wanksta. Ah, I can see co-hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin awkwardly white guy rapping the nominees right now. Shankman says:"I wanted there to be a party atmosphere and I wanted to make sure everyone in the room was having a great time" Oh yes, I'm sure everyone in the room will have a good time. Especially these guys:(People)
Taylor Lautner has too many toys in his sandbox. After yanking both Mattel's Max Steel and Hasbro's Stretch Armstrong away from his peers while screaming, "Mine!", his Hollywood parents told him to make a decision. Lautner decided on Stretch, throwing Max back to the less fortunate, uglier, smellier kids to fight over. An insider who carries Lautner's bag of wet wipes and binkies told Vulture, "When you sign on to make a movie with Hasbro, you know it will be in theaters a year later." Well said, overbearing Hollywood stagemother. I would assume Lautner would want to play a sweet futuristic character like Max Steel over a man with skin issues, but maybe he has opposing thoughts about what is cool. Or daddy demanded he abide by his decision or get the belt again.
Photo taken right before the prisoners ran a train on "the funny guy." Here are your weekend links.First Look at 'Iron Man 2' Action Figures (Moviefone)Naked New Yorkers Paint The Town Red (Asylum)25 Amazing Snow Sculptures (HolyTaco)Vancouver in Need of a Condom Refill (TotalProSports)Chat Roulette: The Movie (Unreality)Jones vs. Vera Fight Hype (CagePotato)Kate French is Ooh La La (Maxim)Candice Swanepoel Lingerie Megapost (CelebJihad)Bruce Willis Career Assessment (Pajiba)ManBear Part 2 (Atom)The Five Women You Meet in Bars (MadeMan)Shelby American Odds (AllLeftTurns)
Whale parkour is the new kite-boarding.A trainer was killed this past Wednesday at Orlando, Florida's Sea World in the jaws of Tilikum, the oldest and largest killer whale in captivity. It should also be known that Tilikum has two priors. From the NY Daily News:Tilikum, whose name means "friend" in the Native American language Chinook, has killed before – always unwittingly.In 1991, a marine biology student and part-time trainer fell into his tank in Canada and was dragged under by Tilikum. The whale and two females blocked her from getting out of the pool and tossed her back and forth in the air between them like a toy.In 1999, there was a case so bizarre it made headlines around the world: A man sneaked into Tilikum's pool at SeaWorld and his naked corpse was found the next day splayed on the whale's back.Wow. Is the soul of a reincarnated killer trapped in that whale's body?Actor Matt Damon makes this article film-relevant by joining the campaign to close Sea World down in the light of this tragedy. He tells Entertainment Tonight:"I think they should just shut them all down. I've never been a fan of places like that." Meh, put all those hard working people on the street. Matt Damon's never been a fan.At any rate, it's unclear what the future holds for Tilikut but the Syfy Channel's Original Movies Department is said to be interested in the whale's talents. Very interested. (via NY Daily News and IMDB)
In an article about Robert Rodriguez's production slate, Empire mentions a small bit about Steven Seagal's difficulty on the set of Machete. Apparently Seagal insisted that he be cooled by a giant air conditioner at all times which now have to be digitally removed from the footage.Classic Seagal. Just look at these pre-treated stills from his past films. (The Playlist)
"Let me in!! I'm being MURDERED!!!"Jon Cryer must be a really good husband because it seems his ex-wife doesn't want to share him with the world. Earlier this year, an episode of Two and a Half Men was taped without a studio audience because Jon Cryer feared his ex-wife hired an assassin to kill him. Thus, depriving us of the most interesting thing that could possibly happen in that studio. I ask you this, does this look like the face of a woman who dreams of murder?Well, she doesn't think so. Here's her side of the story:Trigger’s lawyer claims on December 21, 2009, Trigger told her that her ex-boyfriend, Eddie Sanchez, had said he was going to kill Cryer and Trigger’s estranged husband, David Dickey.Trigger’s lawyer became so alarmed she contacted lawyers for both Cryer and Dickey. On January 10, Dickey confronted Sanchez. According to legal docs, “Mr. Sanchez not only flatly denied making such a statement, but he said that it was [Sarah Trigger] who had contacted him on numerous occasions, stating that she wanted to see the pair [Cryer and Dickey] dead, and even asking Mr. Sanchez if he would kill the pair, or if he would not, inquiring whether she could speak with Mr. Sanchez’s father about this issue.” Sounds scary and stressful for Cryer. If he had any smarts he would disguise himself as a teenager and hide out at his nephew's high school immediately. (TMZ)
Production start on this film slipped right past my radar. Kristen Bell and Christian Bale seem like perfect casting in this taut thriller. No release date yet, but it just moved to the top of my "must see" list.
The Farrelly Brothers have been busy rounding out the cast of Hall Pass, the comedy where Owen Wilson is allowed to rub his genitals against any woman he wants with zero wifely consequences for one week. The cast currently consists of Wilson, Jenna Fischer, Jason Sudeikis, Amanda Bynes, J.B. Smoove, and Stephen Merchant.This morning comes news of the alluring actresses who will play the pontential recipients of the genital-rubbing. Christina Applegate, Alyssa Milano, Vanessa Angel, and Nicky Whelan have all inked deals to swell Wilson and Sudeikis's pants. If the Farrellys are hoping to attract the lucrative demographic of dumpy girls with low self-esteem, they're going about it the wrong way. (THR)
Wow, what a connection. They must have gone through so many penises and stuffed animals to finally find each other. I hope Walt immediately clicked "next" when he saw there weren't boobs on screen. Make a connection with these links.'Hurt Locker' Producer Apologizes for "Mean" Email (Moviefone)Teachers Suspended for Gym Lap Dance (Asylum)What Your Car Really Says About You (HolyTaco)Tim Burton's Weekend at Bernie's (FilmDrunk)Soccer + Women + Painted Jersies (TotalProSports)Most Terrifying 12 Seconds in Video Game History (Unreality)12 Hottest Women in MMA (CagePotato)Hollywood Hairpieces Timeline (Maxim)The Gary Busey Guide to Newborn Babies (CelebJihad)5 Best Horror Movie Remakes (Pajiba)Eat Your Soup From a Boot! (Atom)Find Out How to Get a Tank (MadeMan)McMurray Crew Member Leaps Car (AllLeftTurns)25 Female Douchebag Kissy Faces (RegretfulMorning)
It's about to get projectile vomit-y in here!! In an apparent bid to recruit more kids to the priesthood, there are two new movies centering around exorcisms in the Hollywood pipeline. Priests are so hot right now. They're the new vampires.First up, Anthony Hopkins has signed on for the supernatural thriller The Rite. He'll play a Vatican-sanctioned exorcist whose methods are untraditional. In other words, he's a priest who doesn't follow the rules. Good luck finding a volunteer to stay after Sunday School to bang out erasers with you. (THR)The Hangover's Zach Galifianakis will portray an exorcist/slacker in Miracle Workers. The comedy tells the story of two friends who pose as exorcists until they encounter a truly malevolent evil. Shouldn't be a problem for Zach. He worked with Mike Tyson and survived. A demon would only rape him half as much. (Dread Central)
Superman rescues mini Goyer. It doesn't matter why.David Goyer will write the new Superman movie to be titled The Man of Steel. This doesn't come as much of a surprise considering Dark Knight partner Christopher Nolan is shepherding the project for Warner Brothers, but a welcome one, nonetheless. Goyer intends to look to the original John Byrne creation for inspiration. Brandon Routh will not star and Bryan Singer is not expected to direct. So in other other words, less gay, more fun. Don't pretend like that's not an accurate description.Goyer's story involves Luthor and Brainiac, and won't be an origin story, so if you don't know anything about Superman you'll be like TOTALLY WTF? Don't worry, we'll watch all the prior films at my house before The Man of Steel hits theaters. I'll bring the popcorn, you bring the Bryan Singer (LatinoReview)
Finally, the douchebags on MTV's Next will have some fresh quotes from a popular movie that they try to pass off as their own. It's been announced that Tropic Thunder and Iron Man 2 scribe Justin Theroux will write and direct a follow-up to Zoolander. In fact, Theroux is heading to Fashion Week in Paris to "immerse himself on what is current in fashion." He's absolutely NOT going for the wild parties, hot women, and mini-croissants stuffed with brie. Just in case you heard that was the real reason.Jonah Hill is in talks to play the villian and Owen Wilson will hopefully reprise his role as Hansel, though he has yet to commit. But Luke Wilson wanted me to mention that he's available, and will work for mini-croissants stuffed with anything. (Deadline Hollywood)
Conan O'Brien is so hard up for social interaction that he's joined Twitter like the rest of us losers. Welcome to the club, Coco! As of right now, Conan has 272,791 followers, but by the time you realize Screen Junkies exists and actually read this post he could be inactive (dead). In the bio section of the Twitter verified account it states, "I had a show. Then I had a different show. Now I have a Twitter account." Oh how the mighty have fallen. But no worries, NBC will allow Conan to talk directly to humans again in September, and it seems Fox has an interest in providing him with a stage and broadcasting these interactions. Until then, follow Conan's Twitter here, and read more of his interviews with tiny woodland creatures. On Monday, you can watch Jay Leno on the show he stole back from Conan, that is if you're a sadomasocist. (HitFix)