Something's Wrong with Esther. That's the tagline for the film Orphan opening wide this Friday. Either it's just me, or there's been something wrong with a lot of kids at the cinema as of lately. It used to be we'd occasionally get an outstanding f*cked up youngster:But now it seems there's a flock of mediocre mini sociopaths running amoke on the silver screen. Have the parents in these films never heard of a child psychologist? Or a good punch to the temple? Both are effective for different reasons, but I can guarantee you that either method will get your demented offspring, or unfortunate adoption, to quit lighting your pets, houses, and better behaved children on fire. That is unless head shrinking and corporal punishment really pisses them off. Then you might just have to put them down for good.
Passion of the Christ / Pay It Forward actor Jim Caviezel was injured over the weekend when a crazy person threw a bicycle into the path of his motorcycle. He suffered a few scrapes but is expected to recover. Mel Gibson is rumored to really miss his bike. BA-DOOP-CHOOM!! (via Reuters)More heavenly morning links…Futurama may recast original cast. Bender now played by a Japanese guy. (Variety)Get to know Astro Boy. (First Showing)Movie Monster Size-Chart. (io9)Leonardo DiCaprio wants to remake The Twilight Zone Movie. (Empire)Danny Devito head exploded. Perfectly good shirt ruined. (Cinema Blend)
Kathie Lee is a Creep – Watch more Funny VideosEverything Is Terrible unearthed this video of Kathie Lee Gifford giving a walkthrough of her homelife under the guise of a workout video. To say that the footage is scary and bizarre is an understatement. Her home and humor seem beyond weird and this really makes me worry about young Cody and Cassidy and what they're up to nowadays. Law enforcement would be wise to keep an eye on the Gifford kids. Leatherface had a more normal upbringing than them.
Network: Fine Living (FLN)Time: Weeknights @ 10pm ET/PTSynopsis: Host Zane Lamprey travels the world, drinking and… drinking. And occasionally eating some really awful stuff… then cleansing his palate with more booze.
Chances are strong that you'll be spending the weekend watching your favorite wizard. And if this guyis busy then you'll probably be watching Harry Potter. Or maybe you're too busy clicking away for your chance to win Watchmen: The Director's Cut. But if you're not, have a gander at these programs we've hand-selected for your viewing pleasure.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
I love a good unofficial poster. They're almost always a lot cooler than the the authorized versions. And the collector in me likes the whole limited edition-ness of them, too. I know that my signed "Dwight Yoakam live at the Wiltern Theater 2007" poster will one day be worth at least $7 to someone. And I only paid $15 for it. That's called smart investing.Speaking of smart investing and nerdery, Screen Junkies is headed to Comic-Con for the first time ever this year, and it brings me great pleasure to show you the above special edition Kick-Ass poster designed exclusively for Comic-Con 2009 by artist John Romita Jr. He's the artist behind the original Kick-Ass comic book series, on which Matthew Vaughn's film is based. I once met Mr. Romita Jr. and he signed my copy of Ghost Rider, Punisher, Wolverine: Hearts of Darkness AND Cable #1. I still have both issues. I still have a lot of issues from the early '90s. Like painful self-loathing.Here are your kickass weekend links:Amber Marie Mekush On The Beach (Gorillamask)Open Letters To Annoying People (Holytaco)Judd Apatow Interviews Adam Sandler (Filmdrunk)The 69 Sexiest Women Dressed As Wonder Woman (Manofest)Star Wars Themed Battleship! Yes! (Walyou)The 5 Best Whimsiquirkilicious Films Of The Decade (Pajiba)5 Unintentionally Hilarious Work Saftey Videos (Cracked)Michael Jackson In The Year 2000 (Sickpigs)The 10 Most Awesome Old School Nickelodeon Theme Songs (Coedmagazine)Pam Anderson And Mischa Barton Are Zombies (Celebjihad)Accessories For True Men (Mademan)10 Awesome Pixar Mashups (Unreality)15 Beautiful AND Intelligent Women (Asylum)Margo McAuley Is The Hottest NCAA Junior Athlete (Bustedcoverage)Things Hugh Hefner Probably Says Before Having Sex (Uncoached)6 People Who Will Ruin Your Summer Pool Experience (Regretfulmorning)Manliness Of Yesteryear: The Liquid Lunch (Bachelorguy)2009 SEC Coaches All-SEC Preseason Team (Moondogsports)Hammer Vs. Hand Or Face Vs. Fire Extinguisher (Nothingtoxic)Inappropriate Workplace: Big And Baby (Atomfilms)Inglourious Basterds TV Spots (Filmofilia)
Chances are strong that you'll be spending the weekend watching your favorite wizard. And if this guy is busy then you'll probably be watching Harry Potter. Or maybe you're too busy clicking away for your chance to win Watchmen: The Director's Cut. But if you're not, have a gander at these programs we've hand-selected for your viewing pleasure.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
ComingSoon has premiered a new photo from Wes Anderson's adaptation of the Roald Dahl classic children's tale The Fantastic Mr. Fox. The film centers on a fox who squares off in a battle of wits against three dimwitted farmers. Animation is a bit of a departure for Anderson but his meticulous attention to detail seems well-suited for this work. I'm not totally clear as to why the fox is masturbating in the above photo.Blow off some steam with these morning links…First (non-blurry) look at Scarlett Johansson in Iron Man 2. (/Film)Judd Apatow interviews Adam Sandler. (First Showing)Pitchmen will go on with Billy Mays III. (TV Squad)Machete adds DeNiro. (Bloody Disgusting)Left 4 (Shaun of the) Dead. (Joystiq)
Are you one of the five people who haven't seen Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen yet? Already seen it nineteen times but looking to make it an even twenty? Hate spending money on movie tickets, but your Catholic guilt is prohibiting you from illegal torrents? Well, fret not!For a limited time, Burger King & Break Media are giving away 1,000 free Fandango ticket codes to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in theaters. Click on the ad banner on the right side of this page and you'll head to the entry page. Hurry, before this promotion goes to Autobot heaven, where it will be taught a valuable life lesson by the Primes and then hurled back down to Earth where it will be too busy finishing off Megatron and The Fallen to deal with your ticket needs.
SHERLOCK HOLMES International Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers The new international trailer for Guy Ritchie's SHERLOCK HOLMES has hit the nets today. It's got a couple new glimpses of the film that the domestic trailer didn't have, including the end "button" in which Jude Law, as Watson, shows he's much more a man of action than words. Watson subscribes to the same tough guy philosophy as Mike Tyson, minus the rape part, which they really seemed to gloss over in THE HANGOVER. Don't know why. Oh, that's right. Because it was a comedy. Christy West Continues To Be Smoking Hot (Gorillamask) How To Pretend You're Listening To Your Girlfriend (Holytaco) Mickey Rourke Drinks With Cockatoo (Filmdrunk) 30 Babies Caught Drinking Beer (Manofest) An R2D2 Toilet Dispenser Sounds Pretty Sweet (Walyou) The 10 Most Bangably Cool Celebs In Hollywood (Pajiba) 5 Spies With Bigger Balls Than James Bond (Cracked) PSAs From The Future (Sickpigs) 5 Ways You're Treated Like A Criminal Everyday (Coedmagazine) Soulja Boy's Twitter Pics (Celebjihad) The Fashion Of Violence (Mademan) Jesse Ventura Defends MMA To Larry King, Does Well (Cagepotato) Iron Man 2 Trio On Entertainment Weekly Cover (Unreality) Personals From Video Game Characters (Asylum) Christian Teachers Shouldn't Use Facebook To Troll For Underage Kids (Bustedcoverage) 10 Real Pictures That Look Like Photoshops (Uncoached) 5 Movies That Ironically Failed To Make Their Point (Regretfulmorning) A Beer Called "Arrogant Bastard" Has To Be Worth Trying (Bachelorguy) Playboy's 10 Sexiest Sets Of Legs Ever (Moondogsports%3
A classic horror hit, a neo-classical horror flick, a horrific look into the making of fast food, and a couple reruns of our favorite episodes of "The Office." One of these things is not like the others, but all are equally worth your time. Unlike communicating with your friends and family. They don't love you like your TV does. Make sure you give back to it by watching these shows together.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
It's no secret that Funny People has taken the meta "movie-within-a-movie" concept and run with it for miles. They've made clips like "Yo Teach!" (Jason Schwartzman) and the comic stylings of "Raaaaaaandy!" (Aziz Ansari) part of their potent viral marketing attack. And today, Judd Apatow, writer-director of Funny People, wrote a guest post on MTV Movies Blog, in which he describes some of the fake movies within the movie… that didn't make it into the movie (not for lack of funny).
Here we have the trailer for Blood and Bone. The film tells the story of Isiah Bone, a man fresh out of prison who enters the Los Angeles underground street fighting scene in order to bring down a local mob boss because God told him too. That seems all well and good and totally batsh*t but what I want to know is, why do characters in movies like this always have the sloppiest parole officers? The guy's out there kicking people to death left and right. And how did he even get out of prison in the first place? Is kicking Kimbo Slice considered good behavior? (via IGN) Knuckle up and throw down with these morning links… First (blurry) look at Scarlett Johansson in Iron Man 2. (/Film) Harry Potter conjures up box office magic. (Empire) Darren Aronofsky chooses ballet over RoboCop. (The Playlist) Hack/Slash nabs a director. (Cinematical) The Arquettes sign on for Scream 4. (Cinema Blend)
WHIP IT Trailer #1 – Watch more Movie Trailers The new trailer for the Drew Barrymore-directed Whip It movie has hit the 'nets. It stars lil' Ellen Page as a girl who's looking for meaning in her life and finds it when she joins a team of badass rollergirl chicks, including Kristen Wiig, Eve, Juliette Lewis and Barrymore herself. Sort of a Footloose meets Dodgeball meets Xanadu, if that makes any sense at all (and it barely does to us). But if you've ever seen the Austin, Texas-based Rollergirls, who have their own show on A&E, you know this roller derby stuff is pretty serious. It's like a pack of Shawne Merrimans on wheels and on their periods. Okay I think I just threw up. Here Are Today's Top Links: Carin Ashley's Swimsuit Is Not Useful At All (Gorillamask) A Flowchart For What Career Path You Should Choose (Holytaco) A Wings Movie, But Not Like You Would Think Or Hope (Filmdrunk) Don't Talk To Robots (Manofest) Scare Your Friends With A Resident Evil Promo Shirt (Walyou) 5 "I Hope You Feel Bad About Yourself" Hollywood Crushes (Pajiba) 5 Ways People Are Taking Harry Potter Way Too Seriously (Cracked) Sexism And Math, Together At Last (Sickpigs) The 13 Most Disastrous Runway Model Fails (Coedmagazine) Jon Gosselin's New Girlfriend's Facebook Pictures (Celebjihad) 7 Second Dates To Get You Laid (Mademan) Carano Vs. Cyborg Fight Press Conference Highlights (Cagepotato) 15 Examples Of Replacing Actors In Movies With… Themselves (Unreality) The Top 10 Candies To Get You Drunk (Asylum) This Guy Freaks Out A Little Too Much Over Obama's All Star Appearance (Bustedcoverage) A Collection Of Harmless Computer Pranks To Piss Off Your Friends (Uncoached) Demolition City Seems Like One Of The Better Time Wasters (Regretfulmorning) The Man Wall Is Entertainment Center Perfection (Bachelorguy) Mountain West And Wac Sign BCS Contracts (Moondogsports) I Wonder How Many Brain Cells This Guy Has Left After Smashing So Many Windshields (Nothingtoxic) Star Wars Fanfilms Out The Wazoo (Atomfilms) Brand New The Last Airbender Pictures (Filmofilia)
Michael & Michael & Screenjunkies – Watch more Funny VideosMost of what's on tonight is either a repeat or a real poop romp but we managed to find some suitable options for your viewing pleasure. Tonight's listings offer up an adolescent Kirsten Dunst, boobies, and amateur video. NOTE: This intro was designed to draw in search engine traffic from perverts. Harry Potter.FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
The teaser trailer for next summer's Despicable Me has arrived online and has accomplished what Michael Bay could not… it destroys the Pyramid of Giza. Well, an inflatible facsimile but still. Not much is revealed about the actual plot but it looks like it could be a fun ride. The film stars Steve Carrell, Danny McBride, Kristin Wiig and four of the other fifteen people that are in every comedy. I guess Jason Bateman and Bill Hader weren't invited to this party. Check the teaser out down below. DESPICABLE ME Trailer #1 – Watch more Funny VideosHave a look at these morning links…Harry vs. Voldemort: The Rap Battle. (/Film)Contestant on The Bachelorette is "camera shy." (NY Mag) THE STATE ON DVD!!!! (TV Squad)Emily Blunt joins Matt Damon in the Investment Bureau. (THR)Producer sues LOST for intellectual property theft. If he wins, Gilligan's Island is owed a mint. (TMZ)
This week, Disney's latest action film G-Force opens. It's the story of an elite team of Guinea Pigs – voiced by the likes of Nic Cage, Penelope Cruz, Sam Rockwell & Tracy Morgan – dispatched to stop a billionaire (Bill Nighy) from taking over the world with diabolical household appliances. And it's no government secret that cute Guinea Pigs plus tiny weaponry is a formula for Disney to sell the crap out of toys to boys and girls alike. Toys like these "Darwin" and "Hurley" action figures are only the beginning.
The Lowdown: A spinoff off BBC sci-fi staple "Dr. Who." Captain Jack Harkness, a partner of the Doctor, travels to 21st century Cardiff, where he joins a special renegade agency, named Torchwood, that is intent on protecting Earth from supernatural and alien forces.Cast: John Barrowman, Eve Myles, Naoko Mori, Gareth David-LloydNetwork: BBC America Airs: Mondays, 9:00-10:15 PM
Yo, yo, yo Junkies! Welcome to Tuesday's edition of What To Watch Tonight. We've combed the listings once more to give you our best offerings. In addition to the All-Star Game (to which we paid solemn tribute) there's a lot of options tonight. Essentially Roadhouse or a furry orgy. You've got some tough calls to make. Are you really going to foresake Patrick Swayze?? FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
Gillian Leigh Is Uber Good Looking (Gorillamask)5 Terribly Awesome Examples Of Porn Acting (Holytaco)Bruno Terrorist Threatens To Sue (Filmdrunk)The 10 Funniest Workplace Training Videos Of All Time (Manofest)Finally: A Portable Microwave (Walyou)Pajiba's Final Thoughts On Michael Jackson (Pajiba)9 Toys That Prepare Children For A Life Of Menial Labor (Cracked)
/Film has been covering Gallery 1988's Crazy4Cult Art show for some time now. Now they have uncovered this completely awesome UHF poster created by artist Tom Whalen. In my mind, I've always likened maintaining a website such as this to the task laid out for Weird Al's George Newman character. Maybe someday we'll be immortalized in poster form. Perhaps one where we can has cheezburger?Turn your dial to these morning links…Natalie Portman is in Thor. (Film Drunk)Vanessa Hudgens will de-frock in Sucker Punch. (Metro UK) Curl up with Mary-Louise Parker. (Pajiba)Jason Statham takes on a serial killer. (Cinematical)The training has paid off. You can be in the Ninja Turtles movie! (Cinema Blend)Morgan Spurlock will expose The Simpsons. (MTV)
According to Twitch, who premiered the clip above, Treevenge is follow-up short film from the creative team that produced & directed Hobo with a Shotgun. While this sadly has no hobos or shotguns, it's nonetheless full of gore – the kind of gore that Al Gore probably had in mind every time he eked out a smile during his Inconvenient Truth presentation. More specifically, Treevenge is about trees getting their revenge on humans for chopping them down (hence the clever portmanteau in the film's title). Next time you wipe your ass with toilet paper, take a second to think about the tree that had to die so you don't get sh*t all over your pants, you savage! That's all they ask.Here are Today's Top Links! Sabrina Jane Is Hot (Gorillamask) 7 Possibilities For The Next Awesome "Wolf T-Shirt" (Holytaco) Natalie Portman Is In Thor (Filmdrunk) Star Wars: Attack Of The Electone (Manofest) How Come No One Thought Of A Pocket Urinal Before? (Walyou) First Look At Wes Anderson's Fantastic Mr. Fox (Pajiba) 6 'Facts' About Historical Figures (That Their Enemies Made Up) (Cracked) Black Metal Idol–Awkward In Any Language (Sickpigs) The Home Run Derby Drinking Game (Coedmagazine) Jon Gosselin's New Girlfriend (Celebjihad) Manly Ways To Be A Feminist (Mademan) Rampage Jackson And Rashad Evans Get Into It At UFC 100 (Cagepotato) 10 Funny Deleted Scenes From Classic Comedies (Unreality) Swedish People Invent Floating Sauna, But Does Anyone Care? (Asylum) Tony Romo Dumps Jessica Simpson; Cowboys Fans Breathe Sigh Of Relief (Bustedcoverage) Emmanuel Lewis Pictures That Need To Be Commented On (Uncoached) Marijuana In Your Life: A Time Line (Regretfulmorning) The 10 Most Sexually Active Cities In America (Bachelorguy) Mary Louise Parker Poses In Little To No Clothing (Moondogsports) Cops Make MLB Player Matt Bush Cry (Nothingtoxic) Inventions For The Insane (Atomfilms) Paramount Adapting Max Steel (Filmofilia)
Okay fight fans! Tonight's recommended viewings all linger around the theme of fighting for survival in one way or another. So why not watch with a friend? And then why not punch them upside when they're not looking. I think you'll both get a pretty good laugh out of it. FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
Throughout the ages, enchanting babes with supernatural powers have come and gone, but a few exceptional ones have stuck out in our memory. This list is a tribute to fifteen of Screen Junkies' favorite magical, sexy ladies and the spells they put on us. 15. Cheras Alexandra Medford in The Witches of Eastwick (1987)Cher may be a hell of a singer, if not always the best actress, but in this 80’s magical movie she got to show off her hots, received a significantly larger role than she normally did in her films, and showed what a sexy magical babe she could be. That's her on the left of the Eastwick poster if you didn't already know.
Like many Watchmen fans, I have mixed feelings about its big screen adaptation. I appreciate it for what it is. The attention to aesthetic detail is certainly amazing and the sheer spectacle of it all is on a larger scale than any of its comic book film predecessors. But it just seems to lack the heart and fear that were so present in the book partly because the supporting characters are essentially non-characters. I held out the hope that the Director's Cut would capture more of the magic from the illustrated page. And it looks like I was right! Here is a deleted scene where the original Nite Owl attempts to fend off paranoid attackers in his home. Things don't pan out very well for the old timer but it is a beautifully put-together scene nonetheless and one that definitely should have been included in the theatrical run. You can pick up the Director's Cut on DVD and Blu Ray on July 21st. Or you can wait a few months for the 5-disc Ultimate Edition. (via Latino Review) Please avail yourselves to our morning links… Ryan Reynolds will eventually be in every comic book movie. (The Playlist) With Moneyball out, Soderbergh wants to make The Limey Too. (Cinema Blend) Matt Damon is charitable. (TV Guide) Is Stephen Chow off Green Hornet? (/Film) Wolf Man reshoots to include a far better fight scene. (First Showing)
Network: Comedy CentralCast: David Wain, Michael Ian Black, Michael ShowalterSynopsis: The official synopsis reads: A sketch comedy show that follows the absurd adventures of Michael, Michael and David. But that doesn't do this show justice. It only lasted a season, but is available on DVD and we strongly recommend you pick it up, especially Disc 1, which includes, "Office Party," possibly my favorite 22 minutes of Prime Time TV EVER.Status: Cancelled
Boy oh boy! We've seen Hitler get mad before, but Michael Jackson passing on the eve of the massive concert he was to play for the Hitler's birthday reeeally pisses the Führer off to no end.Here are some links that Hitler wouldn't feel anything about because he's dead. Erica Underwood Is Very Attractive (Gorillamask) Friday's Random Graph Extravaganza (Holytaco) Aaron Sorkin Rewrites Brad Pitt's Moneyball (Filmdrunk) Naughty News Bloopers Montage (Manofest) A Remote-Controlled Water Cannon Sounds Pretty Awesome (Walyou) The 10 Most Spectacularly Mediocre Films Of The Past Decade (Pajiba) The 6 Most Baffling Superheroes From Around The World (Cracked) Funniest Movie Death Scenes (Sickpigs) 105 Counts Of Statue-tory Rape (Coedmagazine) 15 Little-Known Facts About Gary Busey (Celebjihad) The Art Of The Quickie (Mademan) Brock Lesnar Hates Cheap Chairs (Cagepotato) 5 Awesome Deleted Scenes From Dramatic Movies (Unreality) New Words Added To Miriam-Webster, Also Some Suggestions (Asylum) Heather Nichols, AKA "Girl Humped By Rampage Jackson" (Bustedcoverage) Some Of The Nastiest Canned Foods From Around The World (Uncoached) Awesome Swimming Pool Dunks? … Alright, They're Pretty Cool (Regretfulmorning) Delicious Barbeque Recipies, Minus The Coronaries (Bachelorguy) Poor Economy Making High Schoolers Pay To Play Sports (Moondogsports) Kid Gets Knocked Out After A Backyard Boxing Match (Nothingtoxic) Inappropriate Workplace: Bored And Room (Atomfilms) New Clip From Harry Potter 6 (Filmofilia)
This weekend we're certain you'll be catching Brüno at least once. (If you're not convinced of its worthiness, read Andy Rooney's review here.) There's also I Love You, Beth Cooper, which looks good and grating, other than Hayden Panettiere's involvement. But if you just feel like staying in, or you physically can't get outside because of obesity issues or allergies, we've got a cornucopia of televised delicacies for your discerning palate. And none of them are cooking shows. FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…