Techno-thriller. Shut up.Michael Bay is pulling out a different sword for a change. Paramount has optioned the upcoming novel "Gideon's Sword," for Bay to produce. The novel, gang-banged by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child, is the first techno-thriller in a series centering around the ridiculously-named character Gideon Crew. Sounds like a name Sylvester Stallone would use to check into hotel rooms. No word yet on what the plot entails beyond the "techno-thriller" description, which sadly means I didn't get to Photoshop Michael Bay pointing his glock at LARPers. We're all kinda sad about that here at Screen Junkies HQ. (Variety)
Real men shouldn’t cry during movies…or ever. And if they do, they’re not likely to air it out in the open. In the few instances that they do, the tears are induced by one of three things: sports, a best friend, or a love for their country. The following are movies dealing with a few such themes that have a tendency to make real men lose it: BRIAN'S SONG
Brendan Fraser's spelunking days may be behind him. Deadline reports that a Journey To The Center Of The Earth 3D sequel is moving forward without Fraser. Josh Hutcherson, his co-star from the original, will be taking over the lead.Fraser reportedly dropped out of the project when his top choice to direct, Eric Brevig, was passed over after he couldn't free up his Yogi Bear schedule. New Line and Walden Media got antsy, and brought in Brad Peyton, the director of Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. And with that Brendan Fraser was out. For years we've wondered if the man who appeared in Furry Vengeance, GI Joe, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Bedazzled, Dudley Do-Right, Monkeybone, and various Pauly Shore movies had a line. Apparently that line is Cats & Dogs. Reading between the lines, Fraser obviously doesn't believe a gay actor is capable of playing a talking cat. Cue the outrage!
Is Quentin Tarantino scouting Eastern European locations for a possible vampire film? If unsubstantiated stories running in two different Romanian tabloids are to be believed (which they almost certainly should be), then the answer is a resounding "yes."According to Dread Central, said tabloids are reporting that Tarantino will soon be in Vienna, a gateway to Eastern European travel, in order to inspect various castles for use in a Dracula project. Again, this is little more than a rumor, and Tarantino could be visiting as nothing more than a tourist, or perhaps even a sex tourist. Who's to say? But given that it's 3:00 AM, and I have one last article to publish before I can go to bed, I choose to believe that this story has legs.
What could be more fun than a movie about a mad doctor surgically attaching people, anus-to-mouth, in a sadistic human daisy chain? Absolutely nothing! But one thing comes close.Behold, The Human Centipede 80's style arcade game from I-Mockery! It's all the fun of the ATM masterpiece merged with the Atari classic, Centipede.Your goal is to shoot all the revolting human centipedes before they reach you, but watch out for cops! The law doesn't take kindly to improvised surgical experimentation. Fascists. (MovieLine)Play The Human Centipede 80's style arcade game after the jump.
Back in 2005, at a Paleyfest panel, J.J. Abrams answered a question about "LOST" and it's affiliation with purgatory. His answer might surprise you if you take issue with liars. (Vulture)These links don't break promises.Kimmel's 'LOST' Alternate Endings (TVSquad)Teen Wolf Packs Are Taking Over High Schools (Asylum)Say Goodbye to the Cougar Trend (PopEater)25 Hot Arizona Girls (HolyTaco)Captain America Has a Burrito In His Pants (FilmDrunk)Russian Mario Propaganda (Unreality)Emma the Nude Amish Model (BroBible)Ultimate College Movie Frat House (Maxim)ESPN's Michelle Beadle Enjoys Her Hot Dog (TotalProSports)A Day in the Life of Todd Duffee (CagePotato)Jennifer Aniston Shows Off Her Bikini Body (CelebJihad)17 Very Scary Signs (Smosh)The Science of Sex (Pajiba)The Invisible Man (Atom)Eat Healthy With Burgers & Beer (MadeMan)
Warner Bros. has touched gloves with Tim Kelleher, picking up his pitch Grudge Match. Hey THR, bring that beat in:"Grudge," which seeks to evoke the tone of the 2000 Warners movie "Space Cowboys," revolves around retired boxers Billy "The Kid" McGuigan and Henry "Razor" Sharp, lifelong bitter rivals who are coaxed out of retirement and into the ring for one final grudge match — 50 years after their last title fight. Buuuuuuh? In an economy where studio execs are spitting in the faces of writers who act out elaborate pitches for high concept, commercial movies, Warner Bros. has gone ahead and scooped up Space Cowboys with boxers? Someone's something is in someone elses mouth. The icing on the cake is Kelleher has written for "In Living Color," "The Arsenio Hall Show," and the 1996 Sinbad classic First Kid. He wrote a Sinbad movie 14 years ago and he just sold a pitch to a real studio about elderly man scuffles! Looks like I'm putting my sci-fi epic in a drawer and going back to my passion project Incontinence Lullaby.
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have been strangely silent on the topic of Twilight. I'd have thought we'd see Kim Kardashian mumbling about how important her virginity is to her by now (between giggles of course), but oddly this has not happened. Wait a tick!It's just been announced that Untitled Vampire Spoof Movie has been given an August 18th release date. That's a pretty fast turnaround. Hopefully, the film will have the nuance we've come to expect from the makers of Disaster Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Meet the Spartans. Or at the very least, Judah Friedlander taking his shirt off and morphing into a wolf that pees on people and things. (JoBlo)
Frank needed a piece of everything.It looks like Martin Scorsese could finally tap into the lucrative Really Old Italian demographic. While doing press rounds in India for Shutter Island, he discussed his long in the works Sinatra biopic, and mentioned some casting choices that would surely give sections of Brooklyn the Italian version of a nerd boner. The legendary director had this to say in unintelligible, staccato bursts:“I've had it in mind for a long time. Even the initial script is ready. I'm yet to spot the actor who can bring back Frank Sinatra alive on screen. My choice is Al Pacino, and Robert De Niro as Dean Martin.”Why stop there? Scorsese should go full-Italian by casting Joe Pesci as Joey Bishop, and have pizza dough inexplicably land on characters heads at random. (The Hindu)
Showcasing Olga Kurlylenko's maybe-penis on its poster helped Hitman earn a $70 million profit, so it's no surprise that Sony wants to make another one. The studio is eyeballing Spanish director Daniel Benmayor to helm but there's no word if Timothy Olyphant will be returning. Though they do have an option on him should they decide to hold him down and shave his head again.Benmayor's claim to fame so far is the feature Paintball, a movie about weekend warriors who discover someone is using live ammo in their paintball game. Sounds like the second act of Child's Play 3 before they randomly end up at that carnival. Chucky should really try to avoid places where there's the possibility of falling into a giant fan. Yeah. But anyway, Hitman 2. (Deadline)
The prequel should be an adaptation of this image.A prequel of Jackie Brown has been written based off the novel The Switch by Elmore Leonard, which is a prequel to his novel Rum Punch, the book Quentin Tarantino read and then disregarded when making Jackie Brown. Tarantino has given his blessing on The Switch, but is not involved, so that means the source material probably won't get completely bitch-slapped. Dan Schechter wrote the screenplay and the search for a director and cast is about to begin. Jackie Brown characters Ordell Robbie (Samuel L. Jackson) and Louis Gara (Robert De Niro) originated from The Switch, but Tarantino decided to focus on sassy Jackie and Motown music when he made his film. The prequel will follow young Ordell and Louis who, after hitting it off in prison, decide to kidnap the wife of a wealthy land developer and hold her for ransom. The twist? He doesn't want his wife back! This mashup of Overboard and Ernest Goes to Camp through the adapted eyes of Elmore Leonard is sure to be a… Nope, that word doesn't exist. (JoBlo)
So "LOST" ended last night whether you wanted it to or not. I'm still turning the finale over in my head, and I know that some fans are downright pissed. I won't go so far as to say they feel betrayed, but I passed a business man on the street today pretending to stab a dagger with the word LOST on the handle into his heart.
The cast stopped by "Jimmy Kimmel Live" last night to say aloha to a show you might still be saying WTF to. The audience asked some questions and the cast gave some answers. Be warned, it's nothing mind blowing, or even satisfying. But if you like to giggle in a carefree manner, give the clips a whirl.
Check out Jimmy interviewing Matthew Fox and the audience "grilling" the cast below.
Cancel the close-ups. Let's stick to the wide-angle shots.Sex in the City 2 may have many faults, but thematically speaking, the film is on point. According to an early review by Variety, the film is barren in almost every sense of the word. Overstaying its welcome at nearly 2 1/2 hours…part of the action occurs in the desert, which inadvertently proves apt, since the oases of enjoyable moments — and they do exist — suffer from being spaced too widely in what's otherwise a long, arid trek. Let me get this straight: the film is a comedy devoid of "enjoyable moments" (i.e. laughs) involving four women who are too old to procreate as they look for sex in a barren desert. A film can't have that many ironic overtones by accident. Perhaps my court-appointed therapist was right, and my contempt for this franchise and its fan base stems from a deep-seated misogyny rather than any legitimate problems with the writing, acting, directing and marketing involved with these awful films. Eh, what the hell does she know? Am I right, fellas? (Variety) *Note: My original title for this piece was Sex and the City 2: The Adventures of Barren Von Muffhausen.
"Lost" director/executive producer Jack Bender has joined "Alphas," a new original series on Syfy. As with "Lost," he will serve as both director and executive producer. According to Variety, "Alphas" follows a group of ordinary people with extraordinary powers who fight crime as they come to terms with their abilities. Basically, it's "Heroes," but with an important twist: it's on Syfy instead of NBC. Shooting for "Alphas" begins this Summer in Toronto, the land where TV magic is made.
The final episode of "Lost" has come and gone, and there was no shortage of surprises. Even the most avid fans could not have predicted that Jack was actually Hurley's father, or that the "Dharma Initiative" was nothing more than a marketing ploy for ABC's new series, "Dharma and Greg: The Next Generation."What did you think of the the finale? Were you satisfied, or were you as pissed off as when you found out that Starbuck was an angel?Sound off below. The best comment will receive a black-and-white printout of the Screenjunkies.com logo personally autographed by me, Jame Gumb. It's sure to go up in value once the FBI raids my house and shoots me to death while looking for my cache of bootleg Human Centipede DVDs.
This is one of those "very special episodes."Rumors of a 21 Jump Street movie have been flying around the internet for over a year now, and we're all looking for some concrete answers. All we know at the moment is Jonah Hill is starring, Phil Lord and Christopher Miller (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) are directing, and it's going to be a blend of action and comedy. But where does Johnny Depp fit in, you ask? Well Screen Junkies caught up with Jonah today at the press junket for Get Him to the Greek where we forced him through uncomfortable staring to answer this burning question and more:How close is 21 Jump Street to going?We’re going to shoot that in early next year, January/February. Is the script done?We just got a new draft we finished but we’re going to work on it right up until we go.MORE ABOUT DEPP AFTER THE JUMP.
Bad news for MacGruber and Co. Despite a relentless Internet marketing campaign and surprisingly positive reviews (relatively speaking), the film has completely tanked at the box office. The Village Voice is reporting that the SNL spin off pulled in a paltry $4.1 million over the weekend, included a disastrous $1.5 million from its opening night. Even with a budget of only $10 million, the results are disappointing. And the worst part of it all is that MacGruber's failure has basically killed any chance of me selling my Goat Boy spec script. Screw you, Will Forte! You've crushed my dreams, yet again! (Box Office Mojo)
Stars that shine twice as bright shine half as long.Here are your weekend links.James Gandolfini Calls Glenn Beck 'Satan' (TVSquad)Tattoo Regrets (Asylum)Jesse James Cries Like a Baby (PopEater)The Lost Finale Drinking Game (HolyTaco)MacGruber Disses Shrek Big Time (FilmDrunk)Death Stars Are All Around Us (Unreality)25 Hottest Cougars in Hollywood (BroBible)Nike's World Cup Commercial Is Amazing (TotalProSports)7 Superheroes Playing Other Superheroes (Maxim)Alistair Overeem Passes His Drug Test (CagePotato)Hulk Hogan Bikini Thong Pic (CelebJihad)30 Things That Look Like Pacman (Smosh)Cameron Diaz Career Assessment (Pajiba)Workout Myths You Shouldn't Believe (MadeMan)
The trailer for new rom-com Going the Distance looks at the trials and tribulations of a long distance relationship as Justin Long and Drew Barrymore try to make it work from spaced-out area codes. It takes a concept with potential and weaves in thin threads of triteness between scenes with "Always Sunny's" Charlie Day. The original script was on the Black List awhile back, but of course Hollywood execs replaced the dark tones and realistic characters with botched spray tan and inappropriate kitchen table sex set pieces. Justin Long delivers, as he usually seems to do, but I find myself wondering why his character puts so much effort into a long distance relationship with Drew Barrymore when Charlie Day is (inexplicably) his father. Live with dad forever, dude. No girl's going to keep you as entertained as he will, even if she does let you feel her up over her shirt. Check out the trailer after the jump. Going the Distance phones it in to theaters August 27, 2010.
That sandwich doesn't stand a chance with Knowles hanging around.Morgan Spurlock and Harry Knowles may not see eye to eye on the subject of McDonald's, but they're willing to put that difference aside. The Ain't It Cool News founder and comics legend Stan Lee will join Spurlock and Joss Whedon in producing their San Diego Comic-Con documentary. The doc, newly titled Comic-Con Episode Four: A Fan's Hope, will begin following seven fans in June as they prepare for this year's convention.I've only been to the crappy New York version of Comic-Con and am looking forward to see how the film captures the spirit in San Diego. And with the Four Horsemen of Geekdom (Acne, Asthma, Cheeto Fingers, and Dumb Laugh) behind the lens, it's sure to take us where no film ever cared to go before. (THR)
I've been lost in these eyes for hours.Everyone balked when news broke that MacGruber was heading to theaters, but today we have even more unbelievable news — MacGyver is heading to theaters. THR reports that Jason Richman (Bangkok Dangerous, other sucky things) has been brought on to write the film with Raffaella and Martha De Laurentiis producing, along with series creator/MacGruber c-blocker Lee Zlotoff.No casting has been announced yet but let me just say, PLEASE CAST NICOLAS CAGE. PLEASE. That forehead paired with a mullet is too beautiful not to film. He's proven himself as a solid adventurer and Bad Lieutenant taught us that he works well with Xzibit. Oh yeah. Also please cast Xzibit. Basically, the movie should be a 90 minute version of this.
Just your average cab ride in NYC. Maybe you didn't watch the last Inception trailer we posted because you want to save your entire load for when the movie comes out, but if you're up for a little butthole tickle (cinematically speaking) the U.K. has a 60 second spot. It entices without giving away the farm. I personally love how I've seen several one-sheets, trailers, and clips for the film and I still honestly have no idea what the movie is about. Sure, I realize it deals with dream interior designing and anti-gravity parkour, but I haven't seen Leo's business card yet. That's really the only way to gain a true perspective on a man. Here, I'll leave mine behind so you can follow up. **Slaps avocado pit down on table ** Check out the spot after the jump.
Excitement is at a fever pitch for this Sunday's series finale of "Lost." Die-hard fans are planning viewing parties for the big send-off and we're here with some helpful tips and hints for the big event. Follow our instructions to a 'T' and your party will be talked about for years to come.#1. COSTUME IS KEYLike any party, you really should dress to the nines. Anybody can slip on one of Sayid's tanktops or Horace's jumpsuit. There's really only one way to stand out: scarification. This can be achieved with a regular household box-cutter and an ordinary wooden spoon clenched between your teeth. Yes, there will be lasting effects… the lasting effect of everyone talking about how awesome you are.#2. DECORATIONS
Photos courtesy of 'Twilight: New Moon' premiere and the day Hayden ate WebsterI wasn't sure if I should be looking forward to Scream 4 or not, but today comes news that at the very least, it will be fun to look at. Wes Craven has offered the lead to Ashley Greene as well as supporting roles to some other familiar faces.Greene has been approached to play Jill, the cousin to Neve Campbell's Sidney. Hayden Panettiere has also been approached to play a film geek and best friend to Jill. The newest Culkin clone, Rory, may sign on as a love interest, and Lake Bell is in negotiations to play a police officer who knows Sidney from high school. Due to the secrecy of the project, the actors aren't being told much about the film beyond their character descriptions. This is making it difficult for them to decide if they want the shoot this July, but I would think they'd be eager for the chance to work with David Arquette.I really feel for poor Hayden, always being type-cast. But in all fairness, look at this nerdlinger:God, I would kick so much sand in her face. (THR)
Cartoon Network has announced the addition of Rob Corddry's medical spoof, "Children's Hospital," to its Adult Swim lineup.The Webby Award-winning series, which began airing on TheWB.com in 2008, regularly skewers medical melodramas such as "Grey's Anatomy" and "House." For those of you who don't know, "The Webby" is a trophy made of my old toilet paper rolls and empty Kleenex boxes that is presented annually to the best original series on the Internet.Cartoon Network will begin airing the five-minute webisodes back to back until August 22, at which time they will be replaced with 12 made-for-TV episodes, each with a 10-minute run time. This web-to-television transition gives hope to all of us "Internet writers" who aren't lucky enough to have a funny dad or a friend with a funny dad. Screw you, Patrick. (Variety)Check out a clip of the Webby Award-winning "Children's Hospital" after the jump.
Collider is reporting that James Franco has signed on for Rise of the Apes, the upcoming prequel in the Planet of the Apes franchise. Franco is slated to play a scientist who, while working on a cure for Alzheimer's, befriends one of the test chimps known as Caesar. Caesar begins to learn at an astounding rate after being injected with a new anti-Alzheimer's drug. Franco's character takes pity on the intelligent creature, and informally adopts the animal in order to keep it safe. Big mistake.While it's far too early to judge the film, it has been reported that all of the apes will be the product of CGI rather than the traditional makeup and costumes worn in previous Ape films. And while I can't be certain, it would seem that this reboot pisses all over the grave of Ricardo Montalban by eliminating his character and altering the ape origin story. If Montalban was still alive, I'm pretty sure he'd protest by flinging his poo at James Franco. But he can't because he's dead, so I guess it really doesn't matter.Rise of the Apes hits theaters on June 24, 2011, baring some sort of monkey Apocalypse.
In Justin's defense, glass is transparent, much like his aw-gee-shucks-I-wouldn't-bang-your-daughter-and-leave-her-for-dead-on-the-side-of-the-road-if-I-had-the-opportunity shtick.These links are streak-free.50 Most Shocking TV Moments (TVSquad)Shy People Are Bad at Marriage (Asylum)Handcuffs Await Lindsay Lohan (PopEater)25 Sexy Robots (HolyTaco)Oh Boy, Another Whiny Emo Pussy (FilmDrunk)Sexy Disney Princesses (Unreality)15 Sexy Adriana Lima Pics (BroBible)Armed Thug Gets His Ass Kicked By Skaters (TotalProSports)21 Animals Riding Other Animals (Maxim)10 Most Notorious Lawsuits in MMA History (CagePotato)Miss USA Rima Fakih Is a Mossad Agent In a Bikini (CelebJihad)25 Delicious Om Nom Noms (Smosh)5 Most Anticipated New TV Shows (Pajiba)Atom TV with Paul F. Tompkins (Atom)Video Game-Inspired Lingerie (MadeMan)25 Examples of Chicks and Beer (RegretfulMorning)
Hustler is at it again with their newest porn parody. The trailer for This Ain't Glee: XXX has me kind of confused. It's obviously porn. And it's obviously gay. But then why isn't it considered gay porn? Sadly the trailer doesn't answer this question or feature Dianna Agron Naked or Dianna Agron Shaved or even Dianna Agron Hot. But it does feature terrible singing. That's what guys like in pornos, right? Lots of talking and singing?? Oh heck, I'd better stop. Probably getting the world all turned on right now. CHECK OUT THE PIPES ON THESE LADIES AFTER THE JUMP…
Akiva Goldsman (Left) and Ron Howard (Right) on the set of Inspector Gadget 2.Screenwriter Akiva Goldsman is putting down his pen and picking up his wand, or whatever instrument directors use while directing. The Oscar-winning writer is slated to make his directorial debut with the 20th Century Fox drama, Man and Wife. The film follows an assassin who falls in love with the woman he is supposed to kill. In most relationships, a man falls in love with a woman and then ends up wanting to kill her, but this film turns that convention on its head. Brilliant!You have to hand it to Goldsman, especially considering he wrote Lost in Space and Batman and Robin. A lesser man (like myself) or a traditional Japanese samurai would have committed ritual suicide after penning such awful scripts. But Goldsman kept at it and went on to do great things. Aside from trying his hand at directing, he is also producing the upcoming Jonah Hex film and is slated to adapt Stephen King's The Dark Tower for director Ron Howard. (Deadline)
The Parents Television Council has their panties in a bunch again, and this time the issue is over a word that isn't even a word. The new CBS comedy "$#*! My Dad Says" uses symbols to spell out the word "shit" and when spoken the naughtiness will be bleeped, but the PTC doesn't even want brains to get all filthy with interpretations.“CBS intentionally chose to insert an expletive into the actual name of a show, and, despite its claim that the word will be bleeped, it is just CBS’ latest demonstration of its contempt for families and the public. There are an infinite number of alternatives that CBS could have chosen but its desire to shock and offend is crystal clear in this decision,” said PTC President Tim Winter. "The title of this show is the opposite of fleeting (profanity) – it is bold, shameless, and in-your-face. It really is quite unreal how contemptious CBS is of families and the public. In fact, just this afternoon they released a new logo that's offensive to both parents and children alike.Not cool, The Eye. Not cool. (Deadline)