The Machete red band trailer is awesome, but not one that you can share with your grandmother. Unless your grandmother is awesome. Thankfully, we have the new trailer for RED to appease Nans.
This second trailer gives us a much better idea of what's going on, and the film seems legitimately fun. C'mon. It's got Helen Mirren and bazookas. You'll never see that again until we successfully engineer that Stephen Frears-Michael Bay hybrid moster. And the funding drives for that have been an abject failure so far.
Watch a batsh*t Malkovich after the jump…
Steven Seagal goes through more phases than Barbie. So far, we've seen Mafioso Seagal, Reggae Musician Seagal, Environmental Activist Seagal, Gangsta Seagal, Asian Seagal, Jimmy Buffet Seagal, and Southern Lawman Seagal. It looks like his Southern phase is going to extend just a bit longer, with the news that Seagal will topline the TV crime procedural "Southern Justice."
The inexplicable decision to have Seagal bring his Southern swagger (born in Michigan, raised in California) to the mean streets of Seattle may sound like groan-worthy television to you. To me, it sounds like the gilded voices of autotuned angels. Nobody sweats another culture like Seagal and the results are magnificient. I cannot wait for "CSI" Seagal. There's nothing bad that can come of this. Unless you're a female member of the crew. My advice is to pair up with a buddy on-set and never let them out of your sight. (Moviehole)
Alfonso Cuaron's Gravity may have lost Angelina Jolie, but it now looks like Scarlett Johansson will fill her ridiculously hot shoes. Bleeding Cool reports that Johansson has verbally agreed to star in the film with her Iron Man 2 co-star Robert Downey Jr..
Johansson's role in Iron Man 2 didn't amount to much beyond the trailer, so don't go thinking she and RDJ are the next Bogart and Bacall. This could all be talk, but that's no reason to poo-poo the idea. Please put any negativity aside for a moment or two and imagine Scarlett at zero G's. That's something we could all have if we wish together. We can do this!!
Last week we gave you a grainy look at the ass-kickers in Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch. At the time, we lamented that the picture didn't capture their hotness befittingly. Thankfully, Warner Bros has stepped in to give us a proper look at Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Vanessa Hudgens, Jamie Chung, Jena Malone, and Carla Gugino via character posters. These are much nicer than the corpse that Warners dragged through the townsquare yesterday.
This movie looks like a lot of fun. Not sure why Speilberg glossed over the fact that there were Nazi-zombies, mechanized armor, or dragons in World War II when he made Saving Private Ryan. Seems like exciting stuff to me. I guess he was just kind of asleep at the wheel.
MORE GIRLS, GUNS, AND GUGINO AFTER THE JUMP…
It's my first time at Comic-Con. I didn't know what to expect except madness, and madness is what I got. And David Hasselhoff singing on a bus surrounded by half-naked women, but we'll get to that later. Thursday proved to be a test of the mind, feet, and senses. I saw some terrific panels, cruised the main floor, and even attended a party where Sly Stallone was given an award that looked like a bomb. It was supposed to signify his contribution to the action movie genre, but made him look like an Italian who was at his wits end with the Hard Rock Hotel.
I started the day bright and early waiting in line for the Tron Legacy panel. Sally from A Nightmare Before Christmas was also there.
Movie poster master and Frank Darabont brosef, Drew Struzan whipped up this "The Walking Dead" poster for Comic-Con. Col. Hans had better come back with stacks of these, or not come back at all.
When you're done coveting, point your eyes at these links…
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The Tron Legacy panel at Comic-Con turned nerd boner-sacks inside out with its awesomeness. For those of us who didn't meet the maximum weight requirement to attend, Disney dropped this new trailer. I haven't seen anything this sexy since the last trailer. In this one, Garret Hedlund plays Cyber-Jesus as he battles his father's Doppelganger and creations while on a mission to find his real dad. Just like me and my stepdad. You're not the king of me, Roy!!
It all looks very cool and, yes, there is a light-jet. Didn't see that one coming. Then again, I don't work for a toy manufacturer.
TRON LEGACY OPENS IN 147 DAYS, BUT YOU CAN SEE THE TRAILER BELOW.
Darren Aronofsky will open the Venice International Film Festival with his pyschological thriller Black Swan. USA Today has a first look at the film and it looks like Aronofsky didn't hold back. The visual style he's achieved in these few snapshots are elegant, mysterious, and foreboding. Natalie Portman stars as a stressed-out ballerina whose life takes odd turns after she is cast as the lead in Swan Lake.
There's a few more pictures after the jump. Though the one of Mila and Natalie seems tame. I'd much rather see other pictures of them. If you know what I'm sayin'. **suggestively bumps two doughnuts together, gets ejected from Tim Horton's**
HOT BALLERINAS AFTER THE JUMP…
Copper Cab, you have been warned.
Zachary Adam Chesser, a Virginia man, has been arrested for threats he made against "South Park" creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Incensed over the show's depiction of the Prophet Mohammad in a bear costume, Chesser posted graphic images of slain Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh with the warning that Parker and Stone would end up dead as well. Muslims love themselves some Prophet Mohammad and many regard any depiction of the Prophet as offensive. For the extremists, that offense is punishable by death. You should see what they do when you break the rules of Fight Club.
Chesser was prevented from boarding a flight earlier this month from New York to Uganda. It was his intention to then travel on to Somalia where he would join the terrorist organization al Shabaab. Chesser became interested in Islam in 2008, but claims to not believe in or condone acts of terrorism or violence. Unless you consider posting death threats accompanied by mutilated corpses on the Internet as a show of support. That's a gray area. (Reuters)
Working Title has optioned the superhero send-up Astro City. Kurt Busiek's comic follows the superheros, villians, and ordinary citizens of Astro City as they react to one another and the world in which they live. The characters are all archetypes of popular comic book icons like Batman, Superman, The Flash, and the Joker.
The real-world plotlines have involved a reformed supervillian trying to walk the straight and narrow, as well as a sidekick initiation. Yikes, hope it wasn't getting paddled with a stop sign. Actually, that does sound fun. Let's get that on film. (Deadline)
Star Trek's Karl Urban is expected to be offered the role of Judge Dredd in Pete Travis's gritty 3D take on the hanging judge. But I think the bigger story is that an actor would want to play Judge Dredd. I'm just playing. If early buzz is correct, Travis's take will wash the taste of Stallone's Dredd out of our mouths for good. And I, for one, am all for getting that zesty comingling of poop and piña colada off my tastebuds.
Of course, anything can happen at this point but I think Urban would be a solid choice for the role. I would normally suggest Ron Perlman but science hasn't been able to craft a helmet large enough yet. Maybe someday when technology catches up to imagination. (Bleeding Cool)
Good news for people who like things that are unbelievably awesome. Jason Segel and the team involved with the next Muppet movie recently met with the bigwigs at Pixar to discuss ways to make your head explode.
Some of the members of the so-called "Pixar Brain Trust" — filmmakers John Lasseter, Brad Bird, Pete Docter, Andrew Stanton, Michael Arndt, Bob Peterson and president Ed Catmull — were there for the consultations. Docter is a particularly avid Muppets fan, so he almost certainly was one of the attendees. On the Disney side, Muppets director James Bobin and producers David Hoberman and Todd Lieberman were likely in the room along with Segel.
While plot details are hard to come by, as long as they don't have Kermit and Fozzie experimenting with homosexuality and adopting African children, I'll pay to see it twice. And even if they did go that route, with this kind of talent behind the film, it's hard to imagine how it could end up sucking. In fact, I haven't been this excited about a film's prospects since I first heard that an unfettered George Lucas was working on a little film called Phantom Menace. (THR)
Brad Pitt is about to launch World War Z, according to the book's author, Max Brooks.
After five years in limbo, Pitt's production company is finally moving forward with the project. Using Michael Straczynski's adapted screenplay, World War Z will chronicle life in a post-apocalyptic zombie-infested universe. Pitt himself will star in the film, which Paramount has slated for release in 2012.
Having read the book a few years back, I'm excited to see it headed to the big screen. I'm not excited enough to risk leaving my heavily fortified zombie-proof apartment/command center, but I'm excited none the less. That reminds me, does anyone know how to fix a chemical toilet? Mother is complaining about the smell. (Cinema Blend)
Mel Gibson phone call rant to Old Spice guy [animated] – Watch more Funny Videos
Go easy on the man, man.
Here are your links. But first you must bl*w Mel.
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Butch Cupcakes In NYC (MadeMan)
Zack Snyder has finally agreed to make a sequel to 300. He was always hesitant to commit until he saw how Frank Miller's Xerxes comic turned out. If it wasn't awesome and didn't loan itself to unnecessary slow-motion, then it wasn't going to happen. Luckily for ab-crunching actors everywhere, Miller's comic made the grade. Snyder tells the LA Times what we can expect from the sequel:
"This movie follows Themistocles and the Battle of Artemisium, which coincidentally happens on the exact same three days as the Battle of Thermopylae [which was the basis of '300']," Snyder said. "This one starts off with a quick retelling of the why of the Persian wars. It starts off at the Battle of Marathon and then it goes back to Themistocles finding out that Persians are invading again. and off we go over to learn a little bit about why Xerxes is the way he is."
I'd always assumed he was that way because of a handsy uncle.
Seth MacFarlane has stolen the Friars Club crown and sceptre from insult king Jeffrey Ross, as Comedy Central has chosen the "Family Guy" creator to head the Roast of David Hasselhoff. The evening, which is sure to not lack in fast food-centric material, will also feature Pamela Anderson, Whitney Cummings, Greg Giraldo, Lisa Lampanelli, (a scorned) Jeffrey Ross, Jerry Springer, and Hulk Hogan. Ah yes, the wild card. There's always one of them, like Bea Arthur at the Pam Anderson Roast or George Takai at the Shatner one. I just hope Hogan is writing his own material instead of using Lampenelli's toss-outs. The jokes about black guys wanting to f*ck him won't pack the same punch. (Movieline)
The rumor that Joseph Gordon-Levitt has beat out Eddie Murphy for the role of Riddler in Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight sequel has been floating around the Internet and abstinence meet-ups for a little while. Today First Showing got there hands on a casting grid that confirms the thesp may sign on to tease Batman's brain.
The grid lists the Riddler as a character appearing in the film, with Gordon-Levitt listed as "interested." Whether this will come together or not is anyone's guess. Maybe they'll need him for a G.I. Joe sequel instead. What we do learn from this is that the Riddler will show up to piss Batman off with confusing labyrinthian puzzles and traps. Think of it like Nolan's reimagining of Saw.
Director: Woody Allen
Cast: Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin, Anthony Hopkins, Antonio Banderas, Freida Pinto, Lucy Punch, Gemma Jones
Synopsis: Unhappy people fall in and out of love in a Woody Allen fashion.
Release Date: September 22, 2010
David Fincher has got the ladies lining up. His English-version of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is gearing up for a December 21st, 2011 release date without any of its casting in place yet. Daniel Craig is up for the lead, but scheduling conflicts may have him running around dressed like a cowboy for Jon Favreau longer than anticipated. The story everyone is wondering about, however, is who will snag the role of Lisbeth Salander?
Emily Browning, Rooney Mara, Sophie Lowe, and Sara Snook have been added to the expanding list of actresses up for the part. Speculation is heavy, however, that Fincher will cast an unknown for the role. Die Antwoord singer Yo-Landi Vi$$er has also been buzzed about for the role. For reference, here is a picture of what Vi$$er looks like… on purpose.
I don't know. I like the idea of using an unknown, but Yo-Landi looks like she was designed by Guillermo del Toro. They should go with an actress who won't give the audience nightmares. (Variety)
Hey Thor fans! Have we got a treat for you! In anticipation of this weekend's Comic-Con panel, Marvel released a photo from its upcoming Thor film. In the photo, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is using his fabled hammer (Mjolnir) to smash an evil pile of elephant sh*t.
Careful, Thor. That tank in the background looks flammable! (EmpireOnline)
You know that pug that yells Batman that I showed you yesterday? Someone put him into the actual "Batman" theme. You should love it as much as I do. Thank you, Internet!
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So basically the Comic-Con teaser posters for Captain America and Thor are awesome. If the films are half as awesome as these gritty, realistic conceptual depictions by artist Ryan Meinerding we're in for an awesome treat.
Look at Captain America up there, deflecting those bullets with his massive patriotic shield. He looks furious and hungry enough to eat a Nazi's face for lunch. Please Joe Johnston, dangle this poster in front of your face for inspiration as you direct the film. If Joel Schumacher would have done such a thing, the bat suit never would have been altered with nipples.
Check out larger versions of the posters after the jump…
"YOU'D BETTER RUN!!!!"
Mel Gibson is packing up and leaving the States now that his BJ rage tapes have been released. He's selling off his mansions for well below asking, and is heading back to Australia and his ex-wife. The same wife he left for the Russian model who exposed him as an abusive fellatio-crazed racist.
"Oksana’s allegations have united Mel and Robyn and this move is her idea. She is shocked and furious at this woman’s lies and their seven children are shocked. Robyn has never seen a violent side to him. She has persuaded him that he needs to get away from Hollywood and find peace on his ranch and she will go with him along with some of the children."
But what if he loses it again and thinks he's actually the Road Warrior? It would take ten Danny Glovers to talk him down if it comes to that. And just where are we going to find another nine Danny Glovers? (DailyMail)
From the creators of the touching drama, George, comes a new thriller featuring the "Seinfeld" gang. In this superbly edited trailer for Serenity Now, a group of close friends deal with the aftermath of a murder most foul. It's astounding how a bombastic score makes the madness in Newman's eyes glint even brighter.
Check out the Serenity Now trailer after the jump…
Today we have set photos from two completely unrelated films; Wes Craven's Scream 4 and David Koepp's Premium Rush. They're just boring enough to not warrant their own posts, while simultaneously movie-related enough to warrant me having to form an opinion about them.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
Artists Felix Meyer and Pascal Monaco took 35 movies and put them together in a minimalist fashion to create a cool "2 minute journey through the history of film." Can you figure out all the movies, 'cause I sure as hell can't. I recognized Terminator, Psycho, and a few others, but the film about eggs stumped me.
Check out the montage after the jump and leave your answers in the comments section…
When God saw fit to take White Chicks 2 away from us, Keenan Ivory Wayans's schedule was freed up to work on other projects (and Brittany Daniel). When not busy rehydrating, Wayans found the time to develop the comedy It Takes A Village. If greenlit, the comedy will tell the tale of a young, professional woman who decides to adopt from a third world country but must earn the blessing of the village's chief, so he and seven elders move in with her temporarily in her snooty, gated community. And I think you know what ensues from there. It's hijinx, you guys. From Wayans:
“A woman who works for a company that mines natural resources like diamonds and copper heads to a South Pacific island to meet with the tribe in control and when she gets there, she comes across a child with no parents, who won’t leave her side," Wayans told me. "When she asks who will be the baby’s mother, she’s told the village will take care of the baby until it chooses one. When the baby climbs into her lap and puts its head on her chest, she has an epiphany moment and decides she wants to be its mother… The dance of this movie is, you think these people are simple, but there’s wisdom in their simplicity and the way they deconstruct things to their simplest form. The child they’ve come to raise isn’t the baby, but rather the woman, as she prepares for the journey of being a parent.”
There's no word yet on which Wayans will play the baby.
Crazy white boys…
Larry Charles has signed on to direct the Jim Carrey comedy Pierre Pierre. If it sounds like it's about a Frenchman, that's because it is. The story follows a “self-indulgent, lazy, French nihilist who is transporting a stolen Mona Lisa from Paris to London.” Through the journey, “he comes to love his home country again.” I'm glad they went with the snooty, clichéd version of a Frenchman. I'm sure there will be an abundance of chain smoking and making fun of American tourists under the breath.
The screenplay has been around for awhile. It even ranked the 11th hottest screenplay in the 2008 Black List, an annual poll of people working in Hollywood who apparently know good writing. At least that's what their titles suggest. Larry Charles you know as a producer on "Seinfeld," "Curb Your Enthusiam," "Entourage," and the director of Borat, Bruno, and Religulous. At least three out of three of those movies are offensive to someone with morals. Let's hope Pierre Pierre continues the streak. (Deadline)
In the upcoming movie Salt, Angelina Jolie returns to what made her a star – kicking ass. We took a look at her filmography to come up with her ass-kickingest best to share with you.
Trespassers will be shot on sight at Bay's candy mansion.
We've been patiently waiting to see what Adam McKay, Will Ferrell, and Tommy Wirkola have in store with Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. It looks like Michael Bay doesn't have the kind of patience we do. He's decided to make his own effects-driven Hansel & Gretel movie in lederhosen-crapping 3D!!
Not much is known about the project besides filming is slated to begin in the Spring of 2011, and that Avatar designer Joseph C. Pepe has been hired to bring the monsters of German mythology to life. Bay is not expected to direct, which is a shame. I'd love to watch set videos of him screaming at chubby German children. Oh well. Maybe there's hope that he'll guest-direct an episode of "Two and a Half Men." (Press Release)