This is basically the last night that you will sleep while George W. Bush is your president. For some of you this may be the sad parting of a hawkish visionary who's tough guy politics heralded in a new era of American dominance. Others may be puking joy as Commander Dickface heads back to Crawford or Dallas or wherever to hopefully wither into obscurity and never talk in a public forum again. Whatever side you may be on, we will all most likely wake up tomorrow and things will basically be the same. Celebrate this new epoch of sameness with Screenjunkies and some of our link friends. Everyone Likes Sexy Commercials (UNCOACHED) Someone is Stealing the Jonas Brothers Underwear (Webster Is My Bitch) Planet 51 Looks Like Space Shrek For Jerkwads (Unreality Mag) GRAN TORINO REVIEW: GET OFF MY LAWN, GOOK (Filmdrunk) The 5 Worst-Selling Inauguration T-Shirts (Holy Taco)
Here's a sobering MLK DAY factoid for you: 2000 was the first year all 50 states recognized it as a Federal holiday after it was passed as law in 1986. Ponder that a little bit, try to figure out why people wouldn't want a day off work, and then give yourself over to the TV. House is back in action tonight after a 4 week holiday break, and some terrorists are going to piss off Jack Bauer by flying planes into eachother. Your TV lineup after the jump.
Where the crap is Joaquin still getting all these Quaaludes from? I've been told by dealer after dealer that the world ran out in 1978. One positive benefit to being a mega star in Hollywood is that you can get access to such awesome drugs and then when you're high enough you can announce to the world that you're going to become a rapper. One really bad part about Hollywood is that you can get access to so many crazy drugs and when you're high enough you can make the terrible mistake of deciding to pursue a rap career. To honor that land of unlimited substances and possibilities, and to continue our ongoing coverage of Joaquin Rappergate, here is a video list of some of his craziest moments. Wonderboying
Hello all you Panther fans out there, this is Slammin’ Sammy Meade here welcoming you to another season of Dillon High School football. The first episode tied up a few loose ends left after the strike shortened last year’s team. Smash Williams hurt his knee in a devastating playoff loss, and lost his scholarship. His hopes are still high as we first encounter him doing calisthenics with the legendary Coach Taylor. Toward the end of the summer, Tyra and Landry also apparently called the whole thing off. They remain friends though, which may indicate a willingness to rekindle. Buddy’s ex-wife ran off with the kids to northern California to live with the environmentalist health food nut, leaving Lyla to live with her father. I must say I like this move, and that Buddy is better off without her.
It's business time once again from the Middle-Earthian duo Flight of the Conchords. Season two starts off with a meeting between Jemaine, Bret, and their manager Murray, who is more invested in hitmaking machine "The Crazy Dogs" (who have such hits as 'Doggy Bounce,' 'Doggy Dance,' and 'In the Pound') than the struggling Conchords. They fire Murray, who in anger double stuffs Jemaine ('stuff you Jemaine, stuff you Bret, and stuff you again Jemain'), and proceeds to burst into operatic ballad after they leave. The poor guy feels rejected, ejected, and unprotected like a baby in the snow.
The title of episode is "Sometimes a Great Notion," which is a direct reference to Ken Kesey's second novel, the one you probably haven't read, but it's really a reference for Kesey's source for that phrase, Lead Belly's version of Goodnight Irene: Sometimes I have a great notion / jumpin into the river and drown.What happens when the dream you've based your entire life upon turns out to be a cruel, cruel lie? Sometimes you give up. You jump into the river, let it take you where it will.
There's nothing more you could you ask for in a movie that has blood, boobs, and psychopathic killers–in 3D!!! My Bloody Valentine isn't going to be a critic favorite, it's just going to be freakin' fun as hell. Also this weekend– Paul Blart drives his segway around a mall, and Biggie Smalls comes back to cinematic life. But 3D Boobs always prevail. Always.
I've always wondered where all that stuff goes.
Pity poor Felix Gaeta. First, he followed his long-time unrequited (probably) crush on Gaius Baltar right into Baltar's decadent and ultimately disastrous reign as President on New Caprica. Then, despite the fact that he was a key figure in giving the Resistance crucial information, he is nearly airlocked by a Tigh-led outlaw tribunal for being a traitor. Finally, in the midst of an unsuccessful mutiny against a seemingly crazy Starbuck, who is leading a fat-chance recon mission to find a clue to Earth, he is shot in the leg by Samuel T. Anders, and eventually gets it amputated.
"Ah this Captain EO about which you speak has convinced me that the best possible weapon against the West is a paralyzing dance routine. We mush develop this capability now. Please find me this Magic Space Negro, and bring him to Tehran." JOAQUIN PHOENIX IS HIGH ON PCP (UPDATE) (Filmdrunk) Worst Wheel Of Fortune Player EVER (IAMBORED) Kate Hudson Looks Good In Leather (Hollywoodtuna) Philip Seymour Hoffman To Direct Movie About Stoned Cab Driver The Return Of 3D (Sound and Vision) And one more video after the jizz-ump.
Andy still doesn’t know about Dwight and Angela’s wedding, so after the truth is revealed to him, he challenges Dwight to a duel in the parking lot outside the building. Michael also has a meeting with David Wallace in New York where his boss tells him something is not quite right with Scranton's numbers – so to speak. Check out the full recap after the jump, junkies.
This week's newest installment begins with Liz Lemon arriving at the NBC studio all jazzed up, and ready to get through work so she can take her beloved vacation to the island of St. Barnobies. Her happiness is quickly stifled when she runs into Kenneth, who is sick with the flu. Liz explains to Kenneth that he can't come near her. She fears that she will catch his flu, ruining her vacation. Liz turns away from Kenneth and runs into her ditsy assistant Cerie. Cerie tells Liz not to worry about the vacation, because the vacation spot was all booked up.
Dear Mr. President, My Name is Max Powers. I watch a lot of TV. Tonight you are going to be on TV. This is the last time that you are going to be on the TV (like all official as the president) and you will be giving your farewell goodbye-bye talk. I hope nobody throws shoes. They probably will not because you are giving the talk in America and not Durka-Durakastan. Do you ever watch The Office? Now that is a funny show. So is 30 Rock. They will also be on TV with you. Not with you, but like also on tonight. Sincerely, Max Powers. PS, Don't let the door hit you in your ass on the way out.
Dear Mr. President,
FROM CAGE POTATO: We open with the hair-raising voice of punk-legend/TV host Henry Rollins: "They are bitter rivals from different worlds. A stone-cold champion from the frigid streets of Montreal, and a hot-blooded challenger from the black sands of Hilo Bay…" So begins the first episode of UFC Primetime, the "St Pierre vs. Penn 2" promotional mini-series that reportedly cost $1.7 million to produce, with each episode being completed just hours before it airs. Check out the full recap at Cage Potato.
In 1996 RDJ was arrested in LA for possession of 97 different types of drugs and a handgun. The cops nailed him driving down Sunset, totally hammered, and totally naked. The man has done 16 months in jail and plenty of time in rehab. In 1999 he told a judge “It’s like I have a loaded gun in my mouth and my finger’s on the trigger, and I like the taste of the gunmetal.” It is because of quotes like that and his incredible ability as an actor that we think he's the shit. In celebration of his recent comeback here is a look at some of the craziest Robert Downey Jr. moments.
Jesus I want that bike and those shorts and that shirt and that TV.
Take a breather, there's nothin' new tonight (except Knight Rider, where a bomb placed inside KITT will explode if he goes under a certain speed–Dennis Hopper's prob behind it). On the other hand, there's a rerun of the 2hr season 4 finale of Lost to get you super psyched for the return of the show, a top 10 countdown of the dangers associated with volcanic eruptions (#1 is skinny girls burn faster than fat ones), and a showing of Napoleon Dynamite. Dont worry, there's an eruption of TV premieres coming up (The Office, Battlestar Galactica, Friday Night Lights, House, Lost).
Elliot and J.D. are hanging out again, Janitor has returned to get his job back, and Kelso is still sitting in the cafeteria eating free muffins. Dr. Cox reveals his distrust of all surgeons, and constantly belittles Turk… even in front of his patients.
Here's your morning news links from our trusted, if not somewhat perverted friends.CASTING HUNTER S. THOMPSON’S RUM DIARY (Filmdrunk)R.I.P. Prison Break (Pajiba)McG responds to Bay’s bitchin’(Filmonic)Crank 2 and Outlander Movie Posters (/Film)Fresh Prince Of Bell Air To Venture 20,000 Leagues Under Sea (Joblo)Karate Kid Remake Just Got A Dose Of Retarded Awesome (Playlist)
J.D., Elliot, and Dr. Cox are fed up with Sacred Heart's new chief of medicine, Dr. Maddox, whose tyrannical nature makes it impossible for them to provide genuine care for their patients. Dr. Cox leads the others against Maddox and an unlikely alliance is made to oust this common enemy. The Good Doctor This episode begins with a bearded J.D. complaining about how the new chief of medicine, Dr. Maddox, goes around policing everyone. Clips reveal that it is impossible for J.D. to perform any procedure on his patients without Maddox barking orders over his shoulder. J.D.'s complaints are interrupted by Dr. Cox, who never misses an opportunity, such as this one, to tell J.D. that he is better than him. Dr. Cox, according to himself, still manages to bend the rules without Maddox' knowledge, and can therefore provide better care for his patients. "I am a much, much better doctor than you," he tells J.D. Speak of the Devil
Scrubs focuses on the lives of several people working at Sacred Heart, a teaching hospital. It features fast-paced dialogue, slapstick, and surreal vignettes presented mostly as the daydreams of the central character, Dr. John Michael "J.D." Dorian. The name is a play on surgical scrubs and “scrubs” as slang for the new and inexperienced.Airs: Tuesday, 9/8cStation: ABC
A series detailing events surrounding the Dillon Panthers, a high school football team based in fictional Dillon, Texas, with particular focus given to the team's coach, Eric Taylor and his family. The show uses this small-town backdrop to address many issues facing contemporary Middle America.Airs: Friday, 9/8cStation: NBCBabes: Connie Britton, Minka Kelly, Adrianne Palicki, Aimee Teegarden
Welcome to Earth. Please ignore the radiation. Please ignore the fact that you are standing amongst the ruins of a great civilization. Please ignore the fact that getting to Earth was your goal since the fleet was cobbled together in the wake of the Cylon sneak attack. Please ignore the fact that Earth was a made-up lie by one William Adama just to give you some kind of hope until, suddenly, it wasn't a lie any more. Welcome to Earth, the legendary Thirteenth Colony. How was your journey?
Tonight we have another full hour of new Scrubs on its new network, the most enjoyable aspect of Amerian Idol (the tryouts) and some Will Smith in I, Robot. Here's your daily digest of what's worth watching.
Will Smith, Mark Wahlberg and Queen Latifah are just a few of the rappers who have spun gold records into box office gold. But what about those emcees that haven’t had the same opportunities? Here are a few hip-hop stars that never made the leap to the silver screen and the roles that they were born to play.
Agent Walker is pissed that she got played Bauer, and promises Larry Moss that she'll find him and bring him in. Tanner, the sniper, is about to wake, and will be interrogated for more answers. President Taylor gets on the phone with Larry Moss, and she's not happy that they let Bauer and Almeida out. But theres still a decision to be made about whether or not to pull out of Sangala.Bill leas Tony and Bauer into the CTU batcave. There's some explaining to do. Tony was injected by Emerson with a compound that kills you, but makes you able to recusitate. He was employed Emerson because of grievance aginst the U.S. gov't. And now he has to be put back undercover to investigate the 'pervasive' corruption thats exists. The team is back together, and Bauer insists they are his only trusted friends. Tony calls up Emerson, and they agree to meet up with him and Bauer.Back to the white house. Henry convinces his unwilling Secret Service agent to secretly drive him to the meeting with Samantha.Sean gets a phone call from his wife who's on the airplane. She's worried as hell and it makes Sean even more on edge.
The 3rd hour begins with Ike Dubaku sending a personal threat to the President Taylor. He threatens Madame President with thousands of innocent lives, while he wants the President to hold back on invading his country.Meanwhile, an angry Larry Moss, Renee Walker and an aviator clad Bauer take Almeida into custody, and agree there's a traitor amongst them. "From now on, keep me in the loop!" a jealous Moss proclaims. Janeane G. awkwardly asks to lift up Almeida's shirt while she affixes nodes to his chest to prepare for the interrogation. A stone-faced Almeida looks ready for anything Bauer brings at him.Back with Dubaku and Emerson in their high-tech hideout. Ike is getting antsy to stretch his terroist muscles against the Americans, for the invasion is still on.
The 24 premier-a-thon continues with 2 more hours of Jack Bauer tonight. The people over at FOX have also started a Terminator:TSCC blog that will be releasing weekly video podcasts about production of the show (and tons of other nerdy crap for us to chew on before the show premieres Feb 13th). Man vs. Wild premieres tonight, or poop your pants to a screening of the The Shining. 24 2 Hours starting 8/7c on FOX Jack Bauer (24) kills a terrorist vampire style on – Watch more Movie Trailer
After Schechter was blown awa, Bauer gets his gun taken away by Renee before he can organize a team to take down the sniper in the Columbia Building. Meanwhile, Tony gets on the phone with the head of Air Traffic Control. Almeida asks him to watch the runways at JFK as he coordinates two planes to land on a collision course with eachother. As they are about to ram into eachother, Tony tells the pilot in GSA 117 to pull up. "This was only a warning shot," he says. Close call.A sleek man in sunglasses named Emerson exits his car with an entourage to enter Tony's hideout, a boat! Tony shows him the module for controlling airplanes, and lets him take away Latham. He asks Emerson what the hell is going on, but Emerson leaves him the dark, saying that he doesn't need any more information than necessary, yet he assures him that after it's done, they won't ever need to worry about money again. Oh yeah, and they both agree that having Bauer on their ass isn't good.