The Parents Television Council has their panties in a bunch again, and this time the issue is over a word that isn't even a word. The new CBS comedy "$#*! My Dad Says" uses symbols to spell out the word "shit" and when spoken the naughtiness will be bleeped, but the PTC doesn't even want brains to get all filthy with interpretations.“CBS intentionally chose to insert an expletive into the actual name of a show, and, despite its claim that the word will be bleeped, it is just CBS’ latest demonstration of its contempt for families and the public. There are an infinite number of alternatives that CBS could have chosen but its desire to shock and offend is crystal clear in this decision,” said PTC President Tim Winter. "The title of this show is the opposite of fleeting (profanity) – it is bold, shameless, and in-your-face. It really is quite unreal how contemptious CBS is of families and the public. In fact, just this afternoon they released a new logo that's offensive to both parents and children alike.Not cool, The Eye. Not cool. (Deadline)
MTV is building up their stable of scripted material with the news that a "Teen Wolf" series will join "Hard Times of RJ Berger," "Warren the Ape," and "Skins" on the channel. The network has picked up a series order for the pilot we reported about previously. But don't dust off your What Are You Looking At, Dicknose? t-shirts just yet. This is MTV we're talking about, so of course it will lean closer to Twilight than it will the classic film Teen Wolf. Expect gratuitous abdominal muscle shots as opposed to light-hearted Michael J. Fox masturbating obsessively jokes. Turns out those don't really go over too well at parties anymore. Either that or I've been going to the wrong type of party. (THR)
"Coyote Falls"? I don't get it? After years in hiding, Bugs Bunny and the gang are headed back to the big screen. In a throwback to the golden age of Warner Brothers cartoons, the studio is releasing three 3D shorts that will run in theaters before feature-length films. In addition, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck are getting their own 26 episode show on Cartoon Network.This is the first major announcement from the Looney Tunes since they were sexually assaulted by NBA great Michael Jordan on the set of Space Jam 14 years ago Brendan Fraser on the set of Looney Tunes: Back in Action 7 years ago. Since cartoon characters are not protected under the law, Brendan got off on a technicality. But the event was so traumatizing that Bugs and company quit showbiz and hadn't been heard from since. Luckily, time heals all wounds, even the really stretched out cartoon kind.The first of the shorts, "Coyote Falls", will appear before the film Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore, which sounds stupid and opens on July 30. The TV series will premiere this fall, and will probably be canceled next spring. That's all, folks! (Coming Soon)
It's been a year since JJ "Jeezy" Abrams purchased the rights to "The Untold Story of the World's Biggest Diamond Heist," and today they've found a writer. It's an inspired choice. Phil Alden Robinson, who wrote and directed Field of Dreams, and co-wrote the heist movie classic Sneakers, has joined the untitled project. It's not clear at this time who will helm the picture, though we're pretty much guaranteed an excellent movie given the pedigree already behind the scenes.The film will be based off this Wired article about the real-life "heist of the century." In 2003, a small crew of Italian jewel thieves got past ten layers of security and made off with $100 million worth of diamonds. $100 million! Whistle noise!! Think of how stealing that much money would change your life! You could afford to hire Andy Garcia to pretend to be a guy embarrassed by all the diamonds you just stole from him. And if he's busy, you can always get Mark Strong. (THR)
That sandwich doesn't stand a chance with Belushi hanging around. UPDATE: I've added clips of the new shows after the jump. CBS announced its new schedule of shows that you will avoid but still discuss awkwardly with someone's grandparents today. As previously announced, the Twitter phenom that stole our sweet Patrick away, "S#*! My Dad Says" will go up against "30 Rock" in the Thursday at 8:30 slot. "The Big Bang Theory" is its solid lead-in in a bid to grab every Trekkie for a solid hour. Tom Selleck and Jim Belushi return to TV with "Blue Bloods" and "The Defenders" respectively. And Grace Park in a bikini will change your granddad's opinion of Koreans with a rebooted "Hawaii Five-O." CHECK OUT THE FULL SCHEDULE WITH NEW SHOWS AND NEW TIMESLOTS AND NEW CLIPS AFTER THE JUMP…
George 'El Guapo' Roush of Latino Review says that "if you hate The Muppets, you hate life." I'll take it one step further. If you hate The Muppets, I hate you. By that logic, I don't hate Nick Stoller, the director of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Stoller is at the helm of the latest outing from Kermit and the gang, The Greatest Muppet Movie of All Time. I always call The Muppets, the 'gateway drug for comedy nerds.' It's the first comedy we're introduced to, at least people our age. That's what we're going for with that. It will be for the whole family I guess, and for anyone who likes Muppets." Unlike my other childhood favorites (Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Eraserhead), The Muppets are perfect for a remake/reboot since the characters don't age. Well, neither does that "baby" from Eraserhead, but that's pretty much a Muppet when you think about it. At any rate, until Shia Labeouf signs on as the villain who pretends to be interested in porking Miss Piggy so he can kidnap The Muppets and sell them off to "Furries," I'm going to remain optimistic. Waka, Waka, Waka!
Tim Burton needs a better dry cleaner.Fearing retribution from Coolio, Paul Greengrass has dropped out of James Cameron's remake of Fantastic Voyage. Though Greengrass discloses that he was never actually on the project. He hadn't signed anything, nor did he intend to. Although he won't be sending Matt Damon on a trip through some dude's bloodstream, he may be eyeing another tentpole adventure film.Greengrass is reportedly interested in giving Treasure Island the Sherlock Holmes-treatment for producer Lionel Wigram. They're working with the studio now to decide on a screenwriter but I don't know why. A sexy version of Treasure Island has already been done. In fact I was watching it late last night on Cinemax with the volume off as to not wake Mother. (Deadline)
Sarah Silverman, host of the fake entertainment television program "Sizzle," sits down with "LOST" executive producers Carlton Cuse & Damon Lindelof to discuss the mysteries of the show's finale in only the way she can. So yes, there are farts. These links are a metaphor for purgatory. Happy 30th Birthday, 'Empire Strikes Back! (Moviefone)This Gun Shoots Beer (Asylum)Lindsay Lohan Lost Her Passport (PopEater)25 Porn Parodies (HolyTaco)Creating the 'Star Wars' Text Crawl Effect (FilmDrunk)Gallery of 15 Mutant Cars (Unreality)10 Reasons You Wouldn't Want to Date Megan Fox (BroBible)Most Bad Ass Way to Get Dressed (TotalProSports)Your Grandparent's Twitter Page (Maxim)MMA's 13 Most Shameful Moments of All Time (CagePotato)Pete Wentz's Son Involved in Suspected DUI (CelebJihad)30 Awesome Paintings of Monkeys (Smosh)Five Actors Who Should Quit Their Own TV Shows (Pajiba)The Last 10 Seconds of 'LOST' (Atom)Most Frrequent Bar Faux Pas (MadeMan)
BREAKING NEWS: Somebody stole Will Forte's ass celery.I caught up with Forte and director Jorma Taccone earlier this week after a viewing of MacGruber's hilariously over-the-top big-screen outing. One scene from the movie that has people talking is when MacGruber "improvises" his way out of a tight jam with a discarded celery stalk. I asked the filmmakers how dancing around nude with celery in one's butt effects the vibe with the teamsters on set (it earns you more respect, according to Taccone), and Forte told me about an overzealous fan eager to own a piece of film history."There was actually a celery thief! There was some guy who somehow liberated a piece of celery. Somebody told me that some guy who was affiliated with the railyard [where the scene was filmed] had come and taken one of the pieces of celery."Well, I don't really know what to say to that, except they're better off it's someone from the location than someone from Craft Services.
Adam Shankman has just been nominated for the "Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves Award for Achievements in the Field of Squeezing Blood From Stones Sequelizations." Shankman is producing an unofficial sequel to Mean Girls, this time dealing with the social order in the world of competitive parenting. Like Mean Girls, Mean Moms (aka C*nts) is also based on an advice book by Rosalind Wiseman. In this case, it's her 2006 book "Queen Bee Moms and King Pin Dads: Dealing with the Parents, Teachers, Coaches, and Counselors Who Can Make — or Break — Your Child's Future."One of the main reasons that Mean Girls is so good is Tina Fey's script. To say that Mean Moms scribes Dara and Chad Creasey have some big shoes to fill is an understatement. But if anyone is up to the job, it's the writing team behind Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip, Pushing Daisies, and Legally Blondes. Which is apparantly a thing that happened after Reese Witherspoon became president or something in Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde. (Variety)
Jon Favreau tweeted this little morsel from the set of Cowboys & Aliens to get your appetite so whet your superiors are wondering why the mop handle in your grip is covered in drool. Though can we really be sure this is official just because the director of the movie released it?My overbearing paronia insists that the pic could be a clever marketing campaign by Disney for Toy Story 3. If Woody was flesh and blood THIS is how he would look, always hauling a backlight around with him so we could never be certain of his identity. Oh no, you're not pulling the wool over my eyes, Lasseter. First the subliminal Nazi propaganda shorts before the main attraction and now this? If you weren't so damn awesome at what you do I'd have a good mind to shake an angry fist at your visage. That and my angry fist is buried deep in a tub of animal crackers at the moment. I know there's an elephant in here somewhere…
Things are just peachy keen for Vince and the gang. So much so that they decided to spend the afternoon on the edge of a cliff shootin' the shit, and you better believe HBO was rolling the cameras. Seriously, could they have not come up with a better promo than this for season 7 of "Entourage"? The whole "we're just bros hanging out and living life" schtick got stale in season 3. Newsflash guys: you don't live in the real world! The stakes on the show don't matter because they usually consist of Vince toiling over which hot girl to f*ck. But no matter how it shakes out, he still gets to f*ck a hot girl. Meanwhile on Main Street, some poor schmo is deciding which kid of his to sacrifice so he can feed the rest of his family. I realize it's not as dire as having zero bars on your iPhone, but it's in the same ballpark. Check out the preview for Season 7 of "Entourage" below.
Being a huge feminist and all (see above picture) I found it hard to enjoy The Hangover. The whole time I was all like, 'Where my sisters at??!" Well friends, my prayers have been answered. Household name Wayne McClammy ("The Sarah Silverman Program," Kimmel's "I'm F**king Matt Damon/Ben Affleck") is in talks to direct Desperados. The project is described as a lady-version of The Hangover, with Isla Fisher in talks to star. I'd think if you wanted a hungover redhead, you wouldn't need to look further than Lindsay Lohan **scribbles down joke, mails to Craig Kilborn**THR's got more info. You go, girlfriend:The story is about a woman who sends an indignant email to her new beau, who has gone silent after they have sex, only to discover he's comatose in a Mexican hospital. Panicking, she races south of the border with her friends in tow to intercept the email before he recovers.Dumb. You can't outrun an email. Just like you can't outrun sunlight or a flash freeze. I'm looking at you two, Blade and Jake Gyllenhaal.
Charlie Sheen has problems. You have problems. Charlie Sheen drinks too much. You drink too much. Charlie Sheen has a shitty job. You have a shitty job. Charlie Sheen could make as much as $100 million dollars over the next two years for filming "Two and a Half Men." You'll be lucky if they make you an example in a "Faces of Meth" poster. Sheen's upfront salary is pegged at right around $1.25 million per seg, not the $1.8 million-$1.9 million previously reported ( Daily Variety , May 18). But Sheen's sizable profit participation stake in "Men" has sources close to the deal pegging the value of the additional 48 episodes at as much as $100 million to the thesp. With this new contract, Sheen's net worth is probably higher than the GDP of some third-world countries. Of course, that's assuming he hasn't blown most of it on hookers and blow, which he most certainly has. But this cash might be just what Sheen needs to find out the truth about September 11th. In fact, if you're reading, Charlie, I happen to have some information about the real culprit. His name starts with an "O" and ends with an "ama." For a million dollars, I'll clue you in on the missing letters. (Variety)
Jemaine Clement of "Flight of the Concords" fame is slated to play the villain in Men in Black III. Clement joins Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin and director Barry Sonnenfeld, who have all signed on to the project.While details are scarce, Collider is reporting that Clement will play an evil character named Yaz. Based on Clement's sideburns, one can only assume that "Yaz" is none other than Boston Red Sox's great Carl Yastrzemski, aka Mutton-chop Yaz.On the plus side, it would be hard to make a film any worse than MIB II. Unfortunately, Clement was already involved in the sci-fi related catastrophe, Gentleman Broncos, so anything is possible.
Finally, something tangible to report about Ghostbusters that doesn't involve Bill Murray's menstrual cycle. Rather than waiting around for Ghostbusters 3 like the rest of us saps, the fine folks at Improv Everywhere decided to take matters into their own hands by producing a version of Ghostbusters Live. The funnymen who had originally made a splash with their Best Buy sales prank which featured over eighty participants, pulled off quite the stunt with only seven able bodied comedians recently at the main branch of the New York Public Library and every spook filled second has been caught on camera for your enjoyment! I never thought that performance art could be so relevant. It's really inspired me to get my own flash mob version of Downfall off the ground. And if those people at the ADL don't like it they can go to hell. They never understood my art. (DreadCentral) See Ghostbusters Live after the jump.
Our friends at EgoTV put together this mashup of famous archery scenes from movies set to Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I personally would have chosen Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," but then again I'm a hack. These links are a bullz-eye! **rimshot. fart.** 'Pirates 4' to Be Shot in 3D (Moviefone) Meet the Beer Experts (Asylum) Conan O'Brien Lists His Five Favorite YouTube Videos (PopEater) How Delonte West Hooked Up With Lebron's Mom (HolyTaco) First Script Scene of Facebook movie 'The Social Network' (BroBible) Getting Old Sucks (FilmDrunk) 10 Best SNL Digital Shorts (Unreality) Miss Massachusetts Pics (TotalProSports) Pretty Girls and Their Playthings (Maxim) Meet Jan Finney, Cris Cyborg's Next Victim (CagePotato) Joe Jonas Lied About Serving In Vietnam (CelebJihad) 10 Best Kids' Drawings Ever (Smosh) 5 Most Popular Celebs You've Never Heard Of (Pajiba) M'larky Trailer (Atom) 13 Facts about Weed (MadeMan) Tony Stewart Jumps from a Plane (AllLeftTurns)
ABC has announced its fall line-up and it's brimming with hotties. Tuesday night's we have Julie Benz and Autumn Reeser on superhero family drama "No Ordinary Family," Wednesday's give us Joanna Garcia in "Better Together," and Kelli Garner on Thursdays with "My Generation." In addition to all the fresh faces, there's Michael Imperioli on "Detroit 1-8-7." It's important to have this balance. I don't know why. CHECK OUT THE FULL SCHEDULE AND CLIPS OF NEW AND RETURNING SHOWS AFTER THE JUMP…
Oprah?Looks like Eddie Murphy may take a break from the moody, little character pieces he's so well known for to don the fat suit and drink from the drawn butter well once again. While at the premiere of Shrek 4, Murphy told Access Hollywood:“You know what, there might be another Nutty Professor. We kind of wrote something that might be kind of funny. If the studios want to do it, we’ll do it. If you don’t see it, the studio was like, ‘This isn’t funny.’”I don't know Eddie. Precious wasn't all that funny and they let you do that. It even earned you an Oscar nomination. Don't be so hard on yourself, champ. Good things happen to good people. **gets killed anally by exploding office chair**
A new full-length trailer for "True Blood" has glamoured the Internet, and I'm sharing it with you so you can forward it along to your girlfriends. They're going to love this season considering the vampire-centric show is now dabbling in the world of werewolves, officially making it one pained expression away from becoming full-blown Twilight for television. But don't you dare move off that couch. You sit their with your baby cakes and subject yourself to every single minute of it. At least it's HBO, so breasts and people erupting into flames are guaranteed. Buncha filthy pyros over at that network… Sink your eyes into the trailer after the jump. Tell your g.f. season 3 of "True Blood" premieres June 13th, if she doesn't already have a sticker on her bejeweled day planner for it.
Here's some news that will surely move the peen of Manhattan's improv players. Susie Essman has lit it slip that the next season of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" will be filmed predominantly in New York City. There aren't any details available beyond the news that production will begin in July, so we're not really sure what plot specifics will bring Larry David to town. But we're certainly happy to have him, though I fear he'll stick out like a sore thumb. If there's one thing in short supply in New York City, it's fussy old coots prone to shouting. (NYPost)
With the Will Forte vehicle MacGruber due out in theaters this Friday, I decided to look into the funny little history of "Saturday Night Live's" adventures on the silver screen. Generally the movies were spun off from their more popular sketches (how the Roxbury guys were popular, I'll never know).I wanted to grade SNL spinoffs that were regular sketches with regular cast members. I also wanted to compare the merits of each using the two only barometers for success that Hollywood has: critical reception and, of course, money. Further, I studied a particular SNL cast member, and their career success as compared to their SNL movie vehicle.Here are the results.
"We're not done until you retrieve my stash."Charlie Sheen fans can stop sending dead hookers and porn stars to CBS offices, because Poppa Bear is coming home!! The highest paid man on television announced that he will return to his shit show "Two and a Half Men," and has signed a contract that forces him to have to watch this thing awkwardly morph into a lesbian over the next two years:"To put a fitting end on the two and one-half months of whirlwind speculation, I'm looking forward to returning to my CBS home on Monday nights," said Sheen in a statement released last night. You see what he did there? The show is called "Two and a Half Men" and he said "two and one-half months." Someone please jam a great big adrenaline needle into my heart before my lungs collapse from over-LOLing. (People)
'The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.' And it looks awesome in Blu Ray!David Fincher's Se7en is getting the Blu Ray treatment, meaning you'll soon see the bloated corpse of the fatass who ate himself to death in high definition, as God the father intended.The disk will be loaded with extras, including audio commentaries, alternate endings and full motion video details of "John Doe´s" creepy notebook writings. No word yet on the case, but hopefully it will resemble the box with the severed head. I think that'd be neat!Se7en on Blu Ray hits stores September 14th. (DreadCentral)
In this exclusive, behind the scenes look at Toy Story 3, Ned Beatty and Michael Keaton join an ensemble cast for the most powerful chapter to date in the beloved franchise. When Andy heads off to college, adventure fanatic Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen) takes his toy friends on a river-rafting trip into the dangerous American back-country. During a chance encounter with a group of locals, an offhand comment about moonshine by Lots-o'-Huggin' Bear (Beatty) leads to a violent sexual assault. The trip soon descends into a nightmare in which both nature and mankind conspire against the toys, putting their lives and perhaps even their souls at risk. (LatinoReview) Watch Ned Beatty's powerful performance in Toy Story 3 after the jump.
You "Arrested Development" fans are like delusional ex-girlfriends. Sure, the three years you spent with the show were wonderful, and I know it left you with some very special memories. I'm not asking you to forget that. But the fact of the matter is that it's been gone for four years, but you still talk about it like it was yesterday. The way you bring it up to anyone who will listen is creepy. Just last week, at that party, you asked a total stranger if they had seen it. Doesn't that come across as pathetic and desperate to you? Face the facts: "Arrested Development" is gone, and it's not coming back. It's moved on, and it's time you did the same. The best way to get over an old relationship is to start a new one, which is why I'd like you to meet "Running Wilde." It has Mitch Hurwitz and Will Arnett, which is pretty cool. I know it's not the same, but you can't go around comparing every show you watch to "Arrested Development." It's not healthy, and it's just setting yourself up for disappointment. Why don't you go in with an open mind and give it a chance? Also, maybe you should up your dosage of Wellbutrin. You're not looking so good. (Movieline) See Will Arnett in the "Running Wilde" trailer after the jump.
The final SNL Digital short of the season is a valiant effort, especially since it aired early in the show. Hey kiddies, in case you think that's powdered sugar on Andy's nose, it's not. It's sweet, sweet cocaine. Stick around until the very end for the best part.Do a line of these potent links. Roman Polanski Was Always a Creep (Moviefone)Teen Idols Dish Out Dating Advice (Asylum)Is Will Ferrell Running the Fake Paramount Twitter? (PopEater)25 Awesome Shoes (HolyTaco)Pete Hammond Likes Shrek 4 (FilmDrunk)Tracy Jordan's Life in the Ghetto (Unreality)Wrestling Is Still Real to Me Darn It! (TotalProSports)Amber Lancaster Pics (Maxim)Rachelle Leah Covered in Grease (CagePotato)Miss US 2010 Stripper Pics (CelebJihad)33 Worst Band Names in History (Smosh)5 Celebrity Lesbians We'd Like to Get With (Pajiba)Bill Plympton's 'Horn Dog' (Atom)10 Sexiest Sidekicks (MadeMan)Busch, Gibbs Win the Weekend (AllLeftTurns)
With Simon Cowell leaving "American Idol," FOX is in need of a big hit. Instead they got these new shows. Nothing jumps out as a hit on paper, but they are bringing some star power to the network that will hopefully carry the new properties. Jon Voight took our advice and jumped into "Lonestar" while Will Arnett and Kerri Russell star in "Running Wilde." I'm assuming that Wilde is the last name of the show's protagonist, who surprisingly is not played by Just Wright's Queen Latifiah. GET A LOOK AT FOX'S NEW LINE-UP AFTER THE JUMP, BEFORE THEY'RE ALL CANCELED AND REPLACED BY "HOUSE" ENCORES…
The big news out of the NBC Upfronts is the cancellation of "Heroes" and "Law & Order: Original Recipe." No huge loss there, but the network also pushed fan favorite "Parks & Recreation" to midseason, in order to make room for the new comedy "Outsourced" on their schedule. Hopefully this move will help build anticipation for the series and solve the problem of having to shoot around the bun that Will Arnett lovingly rammed into Amy Poehler's oven. In addition to "Outsourced," the Peacock picked up twelve other new programs. None of them really grab me, but I don't watch a lot of television anyway. Because of my good looks and all. CHECK OUT THE SCHEDULE AND TRAILERS AFTER THE JUMP.
The Shia LaBeouf blame train is once again leaving the station. But this time, instead of badmouthing the work of a universally reviled Michael Bay film, he's going after the work of of one of the greatest living directors, Steven Spielberg. In a recent interview with the Los Angeles Times, LeBeouf said he was disappointed with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, admitting his own performance was sub par, but also calling out the work of the famed director. I would never disrespect the man. I think he's a genius, and he's given me my whole life. He's done so much great work that there's no need for him to feel vulnerable about one film. But when you drop the ball you drop the ball." I fully agree that Spielberg dropped the ball, mainly by casting LaBeouf in the film. But I do like LaBeouf's habit of waiting until well after the fact to badmouth his own work. Along those lines, I'd like to apologize for my poorly written feature on the history of G.I. Joe war atrocities. While I do take some responsibility, I'd also like to say that Patrick Schumacker, the former editor of Screen Junkies, dropped the ball. (CinemaBlend)