Kevin James stars in a gritty crime drama full of action, romance and important social commentary. Nah, just kidding. It's a slapstick comedy! Paul Blart is shy, chubby mall security guard who has to take on the element of organized crime that has taken over his precious shopping center.

As a rule, mall cops are never not funny. You could take the coolest cool person from planet cool and the second that you employ them as private security for a Hot Topic and Pretzel Time, they are basically begging for wedgies.  And now we have a movie about it.  Awesome.

I will express my distaste for the Harry Potter franchise to anyone willing to listen (and often to those who don't want to listen at all), so I take a little joy in knowing that all those cape-clad fanboys and girls are going to have to wait until July 17th 2009 for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It was supposed to drop this November.

First the economy commits suicide and now my sense of humor is attacked by this Pink Panther 2 poster. Sure, it's just Steve Martin wearing a hat, poking his head out of a hole. But I just keep imaginging that down there in that hole are the 12 kids from Cheaper By the Dozen waiting to spring out and steal my 10 dollar movie admission.

When in doubt of who would be perfect to remake a classic, get the guy who directed Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Steve Carr already directed Are We Done Yet, the…

The term Zeitgeist is a German word that means "when two people have the same idea to make a movie about a mall cop at the same time." Seriously, look it up. Blart did really well. In a money making sense. I never saw it. I skipped my screening because I had the intuition that another, far superior mall cop movie would come out. Germans have a word for that type of intuition. And that word is Blart.Director: Jody HillCast: Anna Faris, Seth Rogen, Ray Liotta, Patton Oswalt, Michael PeñaSynopsis: Bi-polar mall security guard Ronnie Barnhardt is called into action to stop a flasher from turning shopper's paradise into his personal peep show.Genre: ComedyRelease Date: April 10, 2009

Lightsaber Flashmob – Watch more Funny VideosA lightsaber fight consisting of over 100 Star Wars fans who wish they were Jedis instead of salesmen/students/humans erupted at a shopping mall in Bristol, England this past weekend. No one was injured, but the potent smell of virginity will be thick in the air for weeks. (/Film)

Director: Jody Hill Cast: Anna Faris, Seth Rogen, Ray Liotta, Patton Oswalt, Michael Peña Synopsis: Bi-polar mall security guard Ronnie Barnhardt is called into action to stop a flasher from turning shopper's paradise into his personal peep show. Release Date: April 10, 2009

There's nothing more you could you ask for in a movie that has blood, boobs, and psychopathic killers–in 3D!!! My Bloody Valentine isn't going to be a critic favorite, it's just going to be freakin' fun as hell. Also this weekend– Paul Blart drives his segway around a mall, and Biggie Smalls comes back to cinematic life. But 3D Boobs always prevail. Always.

Neil Patrick Harris (the actor and the character) is returning for the third installment of the Harold and Kumar trilogy. Harris joins the original stars, John Cho and Kal Penn, as well as newcomers Patton Oswalt and Thomas Lennon.The film, currently titled A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas, has already begun shooting at a mall in Michigan. Unfortunately, it's not slated for release until Christmas of 2011. If that bums you out, just get stoned, click here, and forget I said anything. (Empire Online)

"That dog musta been sick."
Here's the first look from Peter Berg's perplexing Battleship adaptation of Rihanna dressed like one of those guys that hang out at the mall trying to recruit poor people into combat. I still find it really odd that she joined the cast, which includes Taylor Kitsch, Brooklyn Decker, and Alexander Skarsgard. Then again, I find it really odd this movie is being made. But what strikes me as most odd is this thing standing next to Rihanna. Didn't E.T. dress up as that once?

(via Movieline)

Period drama director Joe Wright is tucking away his Jane Austen boner for his next project. Focus Features is in talks with Wright to have him helm Hanna: an action-adventure-thriller that centers around a teenage assassin.Hanna is a 14 year-old Eastern European girl who was bred by the CIA to be a cold-blooded killer. After befriending a French family, she must fight to escape her grim destiny. Pffft. Teenagers. They have zero work ethic. "You are not going to the mall until you garrote the Prime Minister of Chechnya, young lady."  (First Showing)  

There is nothing like some good clean family comedy to watch with the kids, and these 10 best family comedy movies will deliver. They will make you laugh without cringing…

What a sicko.Between "True Blood," "Six Feet Under," and that time he suffocated a hobo, it's obvious that Alan Ball has a fascination with death. But don't take my word for it:“Obviously death is a theme I’m fascinated by.”Thanks Alan. His attraction to blood on the outside of bodies is ruling his work once more with the news that HBO has greenlighted his pilot "All Signs Of Death." Based on the novel The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death by Ball's homie Charlie Huston, "Death" tells the story of a slacker crime scene cleaner who becomes embroiled in the underbelly of L.A.. You know what that means: murder, dangerous women, and strip malls that don't house five-star restaurants. I know, so sleazy.

This Friday, Jody Hill's Observe & Report opens.  It's the second mall cop movie of the year, but is to Paul Blart what Taxi Driver is to DC Cab.  Co-starring in OaR with the hairy Seth Rogen is the very clean shaven Anna Faris (above). Where You've Seen Her: Anna is a comedienne who's career took off with the Scary Movie franchise.  She's done all four of the films, as well as Waiting, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, "Entourage," and played Shelley in The House Bunny.  Listen for her voice in the upcoming Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.     Pointless Quote: "I never imagined being able to make money from acting – and now I can."

Vince Vaughn and David O. Russell have been gabbing for weeks about their Old St. Louis project, and now it looks like Universal will let them play in their sandbox. O. Russell wrote the script and would make the film his followup to The Fighter. Deadline reports:
Old St. Louis is the story of a traveling salesman who has been an absentee father, and how his life changes when his daughter becomes part of his life. Vaughn would play the salesman, and actresses including Kick-Ass star Chloe Moretz have been mentioned as possibles to play the daughter.
Being a native of St. Louis, I'm a little put off that the fine city and Gateway to the West isn't mentioned in the logline. Hopefully during the character's travels he gets stranded in STL, forcing production to shoot mostly there for authenticity's sake. Lord knows they could use the money for another strip mall built around an Olive Garden.

 The latest trailer for "The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus" is up over at Yahoo and it's more mind-bending than you would expect from Gilliam. The movie looks incredible and could be the one that allows Terry Gilliam to reclaim his place on the A-list. Tom Waits as the Devil and Jude Law as Heath Ledger? Insane. The trippy visuals look like what you would see if you played Candyland while smoking Salvia. Which, incidentally, I have a ton of if you're interested in buying. Just come find me in my van. I'll be parked near the food court at the mall. Trip the link fantastic…   Is Gary Ross being strongarmed into directing Venom? (The Playlist) Don't take the freeway. New 2012 trailer (Cinema Blend) Big Show wrestles to save the orphanage (Empire) Peewee angers an army of nerds (Vulture) Vince Vaughn and Malin Akerman talk Couple's Retreat (Latino Review)